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Need a Reason to Lose Weight?

DearSugar — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 06:00:00 -0800

If you need another reason to keep your weight down, especially this holiday season, use better sex as your motivator! As stated in the December issue of Glamour magazine, research shows that sustaining a healthy weight can actually boost sex drive and fertility in both men and women. Mary Jane Minkin, MD, explains that extra body fat makes extra estrogen which has the ability to hinder ovulation in women, and new research reveals that those excess pounds on men could damage their precious sperm.

Since exercising gives you those "feel-good endorphins," hit the gym and keep your BMI between 20 and 24.9 — your body and boyfriend will thank you!

Source

This or That: Weight Loss or Increased Sex Drive?

DearSugar — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

After working with your gynecologist to find a birth control method that’s better at preventing your terrible PMS and cramps, you’ve finally decided on one that sounds promising. And after taking it for only a few months, you notice some big changes, both good and bad. Would it be worse if . . .This: Your PMS has totally disappeared along with 10 pounds, but so has your sex drive? You’ve never felt better about your body, but less in the mood.Or . . .That: You’ve got control of your cramps, and find yourself consistently in the mood to get frisky, but you’ve also packed on more weight than you're comfortable with? You've tried amping up the exercise, but it's not going away. Source

This or That: Weight Loss or Increased Sex Drive?

This: You’re losing weight and your sex drive.

That: You’ve gained a new attitude in the bedroom and more than a few pounds.

You Asked: Are We Compatible?

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. We now live together and both work full-time jobs, do well financially, love to travel together, plan the future (marriage, home, kids) and according to our friends, we are a great couple. I'm 24 and he is 26 and we are happy, however I've been feeling more frustrated lately about certain things. We disagree about spending money. While we do have a joint account that we use for rent, bills, and groceries, we have separate accounts for our own needs. He doesn't spend much and does not see the value of anything material — he thinks shopping for expensive things is ridiculous and feels we can do more with our money than purchasing beautiful handbags, shoes and accessories. I love fashion and shopping. I have no debt and I pay my credit cards in full. There are times I need to rein in my self-control when I see something out of budget, but I never shop beyond my means.

Another area is health. I am definitely careful about what I eat and have maintained a healthy weight since high school. I love chocolate, the occasional fries, and indulging when going out. He's the opposite. He wants to eat the healthiest foods at all times and never eats fried or fatty foods when we go out. If I cook something too high in butter or too salty, he asks if I will cook with less next time. He also pushes me to exercise so I can stay healthy. I take two to three workout classes a week, and I feel that is enough for me.

Overall, he just wants me to be the best I can be. He's a very smart person with three degrees from Stanford and a great job. He loves his family, he's a good friend, and he truly does care about me; it's just that he is critical without realizing that what he says makes me feel pressure to be perfect. He really sees it as helping me, and always asks me to help him be better in any way.

I want this relationship to work. I've thought about breaking up, but I break down just thinking about it — I love him a lot and I know he loves me too. Is there any way to make this work? What should I do? — Feeling the Pressure Pamela

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Dear Poll: Did You Lie About the Weight on Your Driver's License?

DearSugar — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Whether we like it or not, body image plays a role in our life. In fact, weight problems can bring out cattiness among friends and reveal our deepest insecurities, which is why it’s not uncommon to learn that so many women lie about their weight on their driver’s license. I guess we feel better when the real number isn’t staring us in the face. So is the weight on your driver’s license what the scale says it is?Source

Dear Poll: Did You Lie About the Weight on Your Driver's License?

I admit it, I made the number less than what I actually weigh.

I didn’t lie about it at the time, but my body has since changed, so it’s no longer correct.

No, I just don’t care enough to lie!

Other — I'll explain.

You Asked: How Do I Approach My Boyfriend About His Weight Gain?

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend has gained about 15 pounds over the last year. He's mentioned it offhandedly on occasion, but doesn't seem to be doing anything about it. I haven't made a big deal out of it so far because I thought he'd lose it eventually, but now I'm not so sure and I'm worried. Today was the last straw when one of his guy friends told me he was looking a little tubby and I might want to suggest he hit the gym. If it were me, I wouldn't want anyone to tell me that I've gained weight, but at the same time, if I was aware that I had put on weight, I'd start doing something about it before it became noticeable. So should I mention my concerns to him as his girlfriend, to give him more motivation to lose, or should I keep my mouth shut?

— Unsure Sharon

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Where Do You Stand: Sharing Clothes With Someone Bigger Than You

DearSugar — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Even if you're all for swapping clothes with friends, I bet you have a friend or two that thinks she wears the same size as you when she clearly doesn't! If you're like me, you take good care of your things, so lending your favorite top or dress to a friend with a bigger chest or wider hips just isn't an option. But how do you say yes to some people and no to others? Is there a polite way, or am I being too finicky about my clothing? Where do you stand on lending clothes to friends that are bigger than you?

Source

You Asked: What If I Can't Fit Into My Bridesmaid Dress?

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I was asked to be a bridesmaid for a friend a year ago and since then I've started graduate school and, sadly, piled on some weight. Unfortunately we bought our bridesmaid dresses a year ago, preweight gain, when they were on sale at Ann Taylor. The wedding is coming up in two months and I'm worried I won't be able to lose enough weight to fit into the dress. What do I do if I can't? — Gained Weight Wednesday

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Relationship Protocol: Weight Gain

DearSugar — Fri, 30 May 2008 13:00:00 -0700

One of the dating “facts” I hear dispensed time and time again is that people gain weight when they’re in relationships. Whether that’s true or not, weight gain can happen to any of us, and often does over time. But while our devotion to our partner may be unconditional, that doesn’t always mean our attraction is. Of course having demanding expectations for our partner's appearance is never healthy, physical attraction is an important part of any relationship.

Although I certainly don't think extra weight is breakup worthy, I can understand the frustration it might cause in a relationship. When it comes to communicating these frustrations, it's always better to approach your partner with a positive attitude rather than a hurtful attack, but still, is there any way of asking your partner to lose weight without being insensitive? Or is it wrong to even do so?

Source

4-Way: The Weighting Game

DearSugar — Tue, 27 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

I'm thrilled to announce a new partnership with the folks at Divine Caroline! Once a week I will be the fifth voice of their 4-Way feature, which offers four different perspectives (a gay man, a gay woman, a straight man, and a straight woman) on the same question. I hope you all enjoy this new angle on getting advice as much as I'm enjoying bring it to you!
Dear 4-Way,

I’ve been dating a great guy for about 10 months. Right about the time we started dating, I got a new, even more demanding job, which has prevented me from working out as much as I’d like. On top of that, my job also requires me to take clients to lunches and dinners, so I’ve gained about 18 pounds. My boyfriend used to joke around about what a hot girlfriend he had—he doesn’t do that anymore. In fact, recently he told me he was worried about my health because I’d gained so much weight. He said he’d also noticed that my self-esteem had taken a bit of a nosedive. (He’s right.) Then he told me that he wasn’t as physically attracted to me anymore. I can understand where he’s coming from, but my heart is broken. I thought the rest of his “intervention” was caring, but that part killed me. I know I need to lose weight, but now I’m wondering if I should stay with a guy that puts physical beauty so high on his list. Realistically, I know can’t maintain a hot body forever. What do you guys think? — EM, Atlanta, GA

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Sunday Confessional: I Called My Girlfriend Fat

DearSugar — Sun, 20 Apr 2008 06:53:56 -0700

My girlfriend and I have been together for a while, and since the beginning, she has struggled with her weight and feeling good about herself. Though I've always thought she was beautiful and told her so, it greatly affects her moods and our sex life. Recently things had been better. Her sex drive had picked up, and she hadn't really mentioned her body in over a month. During this time I noticed that she had put on a few pounds, but she still looked great to me, and I was just glad that she seemed to be feeling good about herself. A few days ago we got into a silly argument, and before I knew it she was attacking me about the negative demeanor that I've had lately. I was so angry that she had the audacity to comment on my bad moods that, without thinking, I sarcastically responded that I was probably feeling negative because she had gotten fat. I regretted it immediately; I only said it to hurt her. The look on her face told me she was devastated, and she promptly stormed out. I've tried to call her since, but she won't pick up. I know what I did was wrong, but I want to make it right. Can I be forgiven for these harsh words? Source

Sunday Confessional: I Called My Girlfriend Fat

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided — Please share

Dear Poll: Stacked or Slender?

DearSugar — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 08:00:00 -0800

Are you attracted to a specific body type? I like tall guys with a medium build, but I have friends that are really into the skinny, artsy type. I like bigger guys because they make me feel small, but I can appreciate why lanky men like Hayden Christensen are considered sex symbols. So ladies, since we all have such different taste in men, tell me this: Do you like guys that are stacked like Nick Lachey or slender like Adrien Brody?Source

Dear Poll: Stacked or Slender?

Stacked

Slender

Other — Please explain

You Asked: How Can I Lose Weight Before My Wedding?

DearSugar — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I recently was given the opportunity to explore other career options and have had lots of free time to focus on my fitness and nutrition. I've gotten really into it and set a goal of losing 15 pounds before my wedding date in November. I am 5'4" and when I started my routine/eating change I was 136. I'm down to 131, I work out six days a week...hiking, spinning, running, weight lifting, Pilates and yoga. Plus I'm keeping track of what I am eating. I eat six times a day small meals, lots of fruit, protein and veggies.

I use the website www.sparkpeople.com to track my eating and my workouts. The site gives me a caloric breakdown. According to the BMR I burn 1380 calories without doing any physical activity, so I've been burning an additional 500-800 calories a day plus only eating between 800-1200 calories. Why am I not losing weight??? I'm starting to get frustrated especially since I feel like I'm working really hard. Any
suggestions?

--Frustrated Bride-To-Be

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Dear Poll: Whose Chef Would You Want to Hire?

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 09:00:00 -0700

Celebrities have a lot of perks and staffing a personal chef and trainer makes it a whole lot easier to stay in camera ready shape. Even though you still need to practice self control, being surrounded by healthy foods makes cheating on your diet and late night binges not as bad for you. So ladies, if you could share a personal chef with anyone in Hollywood, which star's svelte figure would you look to as evidence that her chef is doing a job well done?Source

You Asked: How Can I Move Past my Abusive Past?

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--
I was in a relationship for 4 years with an abusive man. He abused me mentally, verbally, physically, and cheated on me. We've been broken up for 11 months now but I'm still having trouble dealing with the aftermath. When I was with him I became a very anxious and nervous person, gained 15 pounds, and started drinking a lot. I was always on edge and could never relax.

Now, I'm doing better but not as good as I'd like. I'm still very anxious and I suspect this is where most of the weight gain came in (I'm a nervous and emotional eater). I don't drink as much, which is good, but I have trouble sleeping and can't relax a lot of the time. I do see a therapist, but when I told her about the physical abuse she said that it wasn't as bad as some stories she's heard (stories of sexual abuse, women being set on fire, etc, very horrific things), so I kind of felt like I shouldn't be upset about it since it's not as bad as what some women go through. However, I was choked, hit, pushed, bruised, shaken, and constantly emotionally and verbally abused. I guess I'm having much more trouble dealing with this than I thought I would. I'm so happy to be away from him, and I have great relationships with my family and friends now, but I still can't quite get over it all. -- Trying to Move on Molly

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You Asked: Am I Just Young or Dumb?

DearSugar — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I've been seeing a new man now for just over a year and a half, and he is starting to be different. He is 14 years my senior (I'm 20), and we have lived VERY different lives. He is used to dating strippers, and models-not my physique at all. (I’m 5’5” 140lbs -very athletic/muscular build) When we first started getting to know each other, I was dating someone else and we went out as friends. My ex was very mean to me and cut me down every chance he got. One night I had enough (after he publicly humiliated me in front of all our friends) and I broke it off. Soon after I started dating this guy.

He told me everything hook line and sinker that I wanted to hear-telling me that I was beautiful, my body is fine/hot, that I didn't need a guy like my ex in my life and that I could do so much better. Now, this far into our relationship, he’s telling me that he's not all that attracted to me anymore, but that he loves me and wants to work on it. It's gotten to the point that he is giving me ultimatums (lose 20 lbs or it's over between us). He only tells me this after being to a strip club, or running into an ex. On the flip side, if he isn’t telling me that I'm unattractive or fat, he is telling me how much he wants me to be his wife, and have a family with me. I have had only one seriously relationship before him, so I don't know if I'm just young and dumb and wanting so badly to be in “love”, or is this normal behavior? --Confused Caroline

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You Asked: Is it Healthy to Workout Everday?

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

Do you think it is healthy to just jump right into an intense exercise routine, working out five days or the whole week, especially if your recent workout consisted of a simple mile run once a week? Please help.

--Getting in Shape Susan

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