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You Asked: I Refuse to Accept That We're Over

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

A few years ago I met a guy who quickly became my best friend; in fact, he was really the best thing that ever happened to me. In the beginning we were just inseparable, great friends. But months later, I realized I was in love with him. Soon after, he admitted that he loved me, too, and we started dating. It was amazing at first, but within a few months we started fighting a lot. We eventually broke up, but stayed really good friends. We tried getting back together but it didn't work, and we ended up down the same road.

Finally, we stopped talking for about six months, until one night he called me and said that he just wanted us to be friends again. So we started talking, and within a month he was talking about a girl he'd met. I tried to be casual about it, but every time he mentioned her I felt extremely jealous. It wasn't before long that I figured out that there was something really special between them. After talking about how strong his feelings for her are I finally snapped, and threatened to never speak to him again. He was upset by my outburst, and we haven't talked since.

I only lashed out at him for attention, and now I can't stop thinking about him. I wish I had just dealt with it because now I can't let go of him. I love him, and I have to do everything in my power to get him back. I need him in my life. But he wants nothing to do with me, and is crazy about this other girl. What should I do now?

— Needy Naila

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Sunday Confessional: I've Been Faking Orgasms Our Entire Relationship!

DearSugar — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for over five months. I'm very happy with where we are as couple except for one area: our sex life. My boyfriend just doesn't do it for me! I'm completely attracted to him, but his moves just don't get me to where I need to go. It's partially my fault; I've never communicated my likes and dislikes, instead, I've been faking orgasms (I know, I know) since day one. At first it was just a matter of not ruining the night, but after a while it would have just been too weird if I didn't (pretend) orgasm anymore. I guess I just figured it would work itself out, but it hasn't. So now, in all these months, I haven't had one real orgasm and I can't take it anymore! I am satisfied in every other way, and I want to make it work, but I can't even comprehend what his reaction might be if I tell him the truth. He's a kind man, but he's still very prideful. Do you think he could ever forgive me for this? Source

Sunday Confessional: I've Been Faking Orgasms Our Entire Relationship!

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided — Please explain!

You Asked: How Do I Get My Husband to Express His Emotions?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been married for about a year and a half. When we first started dating, my now husband got a kidney transplant as a result of an accident he had some five years before. He has told me the overall story — he fell from a tree and not only suffered kidney complications but also had trauma to his back for which he's had numerous surgeries, but yesterday after I asked more details about it, he got defensive and said he doesn't like talking about it.

I just don't know how to react to that. In general, he has a really hard time talking about things that I consider important, and I guess this is only the tip of the iceberg. I have opened up to him about my own issues and feel that if he is avoiding that subject, it will just keep hurting his confidence and self-esteem (he had to drop out of college temporarily afterwards). I want to support him and love him for who he is. Am I overreacting? How do I approach this again?

— Communicator Caila

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You Asked: I'm Fantasizing About My Ex

DearSugar — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating the most amazing guy for almost a year now. We are compatible on every level and our sex life is wonderful. Things are going so well that we plan to move in together at the end of the Summer and are considering marriage in the future. The only problem is I can't stop fantasizing about a guy I used to see off and on. He was out of the picture for a while but now he's back. He's not at all stable boyfriend material, but we have the most intense conversations.

I know intellectually that my boyfriend is "Mr. Right" and that this guy is "Mr. Wrong," but why do I feel so incredibly attracted to him when I see him? I am not a cheater — so that's not the issue. I just want to know why I feel this way and whether it's a sign that something isn't quite right between me and my current guy. Or am I just afraid of commitment?

— Hooked on Mr. Wrong Mandy

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Dear Poll: Have You Ever Been Cheated On?

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

I'm nearly positive that the majority of us would consider cheating one of the most damaging acts that can be done to a relationship. Certainly people have varying opinions on what counts as cheating and whether or not it should be forgiven, but I wonder how many of us have actually experienced it firsthand. If a survey among my friends is any indicator, I'd guess that many of you have felt the pain of cheating. Ladies, I'm sure it’s difficult to say, but have you ever been cheated on? Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Been Cheated On?

Yes, unfortunately, I have.

No, I’ve been very lucky to have never experienced that firsthand.

I’ve never been cheated on, but I have dealt with other serious trust issues in a relationship.

Other — Please share below.

You Asked: Is He Just Settling For Me?

DearSugar — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now. We dated on and off and were friends for a year before we actually became a couple. We are about to move in together and I'm really starting to have reservations about our relationship. First of all, he was engaged previously and proposed to his then girlfriend after just three months — they were both only 20 years old. Things ended badly between them. While I didn't have a desire to get engaged that early, I can't help but feel that maybe his feelings for me are not as strong as they were for his ex. We have talked about marriage, but he really wants to wait a few years.

He has also said that as long as I don't cheat on him or treat him badly, he will never break up with me. Those words seem to lack passion, and it makes me feel as though he's just settling for me. I was the first to say "I love you" and sometimes I feel like he said it back because it was the polite thing to do. I believe that he means it now, but I can't shake the feeling that he isn't nuts about me like he was with his ex.

He was really affectionate when we first started dating and now if I ask him to cuddle or kiss me, he acts put out. He has no problem taking me out or buying me things, but this is not what matters to me. I don't know what to do. We are a month away from moving in together and I'm afraid that things are only going to get worse after that. Is he just settling for me? Or am I just being crazy?

— Not So Crazy in Love Casey

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Relationship Protocol: Couple's Counseling

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

I’m always quick to mention therapy as an option for people in relationships who are working through what can seem like insurmountable issues. The effects of communication in a safe environment with a third party professional vary from person to person but have the potential to be quite powerful. That said, I’m not convinced that therapy is the answer for every relationship, especially those that have yet to commit to a lifetime partnership, marriage or otherwise. If you’re two years in and having problems, maybe that means you’re just not meant to be.

I’m being tough, I know, but do you agree that couple’s counseling is best left to the long-term and lifelong committed relationships? Or do you think therapy is viable for any couple that wants to make it work?

Source

Relationship Protocol: Nagging

DearSugar — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 13:00:00 -0700

I’ve always disliked the term nagging, I guess because it seems to imply something that only women do to men — just think of any sitcom that revolves around a family. It wasn't until the other day at a friend's house that I realized that's not always the case. I witnessed a simple request from my friend to her husband turn into a repeated demand. It was extremely frustrating to listen to as her plea became more and more urgent each time she asked it.

But clearly, her behavior was brought on by his refusal to meet her request, and thus, he was just as at fault as she was in regards to the nagging. It seems to me that it has nothing to do with women and everything to do with the dynamic in a relationship. But ladies, do you agree? Is nagging a relationship issue or a woman’s problem?

Source

Relationship Protocol: Teasing

DearSugar — Wed, 28 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

It’s funny how maybe your boyfriend will tease you for being clumsy, you'll tease him for forgetting where he left his keys — whatever it is, it's those kinds of jokes that make being in a relationship fun. flirting often takes the guise of playful teasing.

But sometimes the more established a relationship becomes, the more likely those gentle pokes become a way to release aggression rather than affection. I’ve seen teasing ruin many relationships, so now I happen to think that teasing is best avoided. Maybe I'm just being too paranoid, so ladies, what do you think? Has playful teasing ever turned into a conflict for you or is it just harmless fun?

Source

You Asked: I'm Dating My Professor

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I started seeing an awesome guy a few months ago. We have great conversations and our sexual relationship is amazing. Unfortunately, there are a few issues. For one, he is twice my age (I’m 24), and he also happens to be one of my college professors. The problem now is that somebody has told the college that he and I have a very "close" relationship and he's received a warning about getting involved with a student even though I'm more than consenting of our relationship.

He’s worried about his job, but I don’t want to lose him. He wants to end things with me but I want be selfish and ask him if we can stay together even if it means that we only spend time together on weekends, and avoid going out in public, and never interact on campus. What should I do?

— Dangerous Liaisons Lucy

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You Asked: Raped at a Party

DearSugar — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

When I was 19-years-old, I was raped at a party. Ever since then it's been hard for me to be in relationship or to have sex in general. I don't trust any guys even though most of my friends are male. I recently kissed my best friend and I'm freaking out. I know he likes me, but I don't want to make him go through the horrible relationship pattern I always go through. I tend to break up with a guy I'm seeing many times and then get back together. I'm afraid after that I'll eventually lose him as a friend not to mention the fact that I'm moving 7,000 miles away in two months. I'm very confused, please help.

—Can't Get Close Clara

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