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You Asked: My Friend With Benefits Doesn't Make an Effort

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I had a horrible breakup not too long ago, and so I'm not currently dating right now. I'm OK with being single, but the one thing that I am not a fan of is the lack of sex. I started up a sex-buddy relationship with an ex of mine that I'm still really good friends with because we're both unattached, but I never see him! Our schedules are hard to coordinate and I don't feel that he makes the effort. I read your rules on casual sex, but I don't know how to talk to him about our lack of sex or even if I should since we're not in an actual relationship. I would think that he would be jumping at the chance for hot sex with no strings attached! Should I confront him about this or am I better off just leaving it alone?

— Sexless Stacey

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Handle This: Your Friend With Benefits Is Seeing Someone on the Same Night

DearSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Although your friends warned you about a friends-with-benefits situation, you did so anyways, and so far things have been going well. The sex is satisfying and you are both very respectful of the other, or so it seems.

One night when you have plans to meet up with your special friend for a lustful night, you decide to go grab dinner and drinks with girlfriends first. You’re totally shocked when you see your guy leading another woman out of the very same restaurant. You don’t care about dating other people, but to think of him seeing her on the same night that he plans on seeing you is just too strange. How do you handle this?

Source

The Rules of Casual Sex

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

We've discussed how a friends-with-benefits situation can lead to problems. But if you're single, sometimes you want to be able to enjoy a little nooky with a partner who you actually know, so there are some perks to having a trusted booty call. Of course it's all about finding a balance between physical intimacy and emotional detachment. In the hopes of helping achieve this perfect and elusive equilibrium of the casual hook-up, Daily Bedpost has formulated a list of 25 rules. I picked my favorites below, and threw in a few of my own, too.

Both parties must be either single or in open relationships.
Exes you are currently friends with make ideal booty call partners. However, if one party broke the other's heart, pursuing a booty-call arrangement is a no-no (at least for 24 months).
If you're not having fun, then by definition, it isn't a proper booty call.
Just because the sex is casual doesn't make it an appropriate topic for casual conversation. Be discreet.
Don't assume that duration implies relationship progression.

Click here to see the rest of Daily Bedpost's rules, and to check out my additions, just

You Asked: I Want More From My One Night Stand

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I was in a serious relationship for six years and I am now single. Up until last week, I hadn't had sex in eight months! On Saturday night, I met up with a guy I used to have feelings for. I invited him over and we had sex. There wasn't much flirting, kissing, or any kind of lustful passion. We did it and then hung out for an hour afterwards. I thought that would be the end of that, but he called me the next day and came over. We just hung out that time, but the following day he texted me and we started flirting. It's clear to me that he's looking for a hookup and that he's used to this lifestyle. He's incredibly sexy and I could see him getting girls easily. I know I was wrong for sleeping with him so quickly, but I like him now. Is there anyway to change the direction of our relationship at this point? He obviously sees me as a sex buddy, but I want more. We've been hooking up almost every day now.

— Hooked Up Hilary

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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Becoming More Than Friends With Benefits

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

We’ve had many discussions about friends with benefits here. Though many of us think they’re a recipe for disaster, I’m sure an equal number of people find themselves in the midst of one right now. Understandably, the opportunity for emotions to grow is certainly a point against such relationships. But what if you want emotions to get in the way? Some might say that as soon as you find yourself wanting more, you should hightail it out of your “friendly” situation. But maybe it's the perfect opportunity for something to develop, especially if both people feel it. What do you think?Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Becoming More Than Friends With Benefits

Good Idea — You already know the chemistry is there, so why not give it a shot?

Bad Idea — Trying to change the rules of a relationship mid-game can end up being a disaster in the long run.

Other — Please explain.

You Asked: Will Something Come of This?

DearSugar — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have a guy friend who asked me to be his guest on an all-expenses paid trip next weekend. We have been friends for about a year, but I'm curious to see if it will develop into something more while we're away. I've always been very attracted to him, so how can I tell if he's into me too? I don't want to put myself out there first and get hurt. — Interested Izzie

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True Confession — Why Did I Complicate Things?

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession."We met and became friends with benefits. I loved it and wanted to keep it that way. He, however, had feelings from the beginning and constantly told me that he wanted more. I ended up falling for him and we dated for 10 months. We broke up last week, and now we're friends with benefits again. He loves it, and now I want more. I feel like I'm being punished for being the complicated one from the get-go. I really want this to work out, so can I please be forgiven for brushing him off at first?"Source

True Confession — Why Did I Complicate Things?

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided — Please share

You Asked: I'm Cheating With My Best Friend

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm in a sexual relationship with my best friend, who happens to be in a relationship that is on the rocks. This has been going on for five months now. At first I thought it was just a physical thing, but then I began growing feelings for him beyond friendship. Now I think I'm falling in love. I'm sure he and his girlfriend will break up eventually, but it's yet to happen, so should I wait to tell him how I feel or let him know now?

— More Than Friends Melissa

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You Asked: Is There Potential Here?

DearSugar — Fri, 09 May 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

About two months ago, I met a guy at a bar who is in the same graduate program as me, but he's a few years older. He found my email address, and we've been in constant contact for the past eight weeks. Sounds great right? Well here's my problem: We hang out about once a week, and we're usually drunk and end up sleeping together. I would say that we're just sleeping together and end it at that, but we talk every single day and he calls me "hun" and "babe" as if I were his girlfriend. Whenever we hang out, I'm always the one making the effort to go to his apartment, or meet him at a bar near his place, or go meet him and his friends. I feel like I'm chasing around this guy who isn't really making any effort other than calling me "babe" every night via text-message.

I'm nervous to bring up how I feel because I don't want to make a big deal out of it if he just considers this a casual sex thing. But at the same time, I don't want to waste my time with someone who won't potentially become a boyfriend. What should I do? — Wanting More Maura

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Sunday Confessional: I Crossed the Line

DearSugar — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 09:00:00 -0800

For some time now, my friend has been talking about a guy she referred to as her "friend with benefits." She has stated again and again that she doesn't like him as more than that, but she also feels very territorial over him — basically she doesn't like it if he flirts with other women. I finally met him at party, and it turned out we had gone to college together and actually knew a few of the same people. We ended up exchanging numbers so he could contact me the next time he went out with our mutual friends. He texted me the next weekend when I was out, and we met up. After way too many drinks, we both ended up back at my place, and though we didn’t have sex, it was not an innocent sleepover. Afterwards, I felt awful since I knew that I didn’t like him like that. To make matters worse, the next time I spoke with my friend she told me that she had started having more serious feelings for him. Meanwhile, he was still texting me. I told him that he needed to stop, and I decided to confess to my friend, if for no other reason than to warn her that this guy wasn’t someone she should pursue. She was furious, and now she won’t talk to me. I feel terrible, but I’m just not sure this warrants being cut out of her life. Do I deserve to be forgiven for crossing the line with her "friend"? Source

Sunday Confessional: I Crossed the Line

Forgive

Not Forgive

Undecided — Please share

You Asked: Friends With Benefits

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a "friends with benefits" relationship with this guy for a year now, but lately he's been acting differently and I think he may be sleeping with other women. I asked him about it and he said he has slept with other women but it hasn't been recent.

I don't believe him, because recently I've found evidence of other women being at his place (another woman's hair on the bathroom floor, another woman's business card on his living room floor, and a condom wrapper in the trashcan, which he claims was used by his cousin who came to visit him).

I can't help but feel angry and betrayed. I feel it was a very selfish thing for him to do and also that he put not only his but also my health at risk. He says he doesn't want things to end, but I'm not sure if I can ever be with him again. I do want to be with him, but I don't want him to think it's OK to sleep with other women while he's sleeping with me. It's just too risky. I desperately need some advice. What should I do?

—Feeling Betrayed and Angry Amanda

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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having Friends with Benefits

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 09:00:00 -0700

The debate continues: can guys and girls just be friends? So far, the votes are split evenly down the middle. With 50% of you saying no, men and women can't be friends, it got me thinking about friends with benefits. I have a pretty strong point of view on this topic but I wanted to throw it out there to all of you. Do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea to mess around with someone you only consider a "friend?"Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having Friends with Benefits

Good Idea: As long as you both are on the same page, I don't see the harm

Bad Idea: Someone always ends up getting hurt

Other: Please share!