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Relationship Protocol: Do You Compare Your Current Relationship to Your Past?

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

As far as sharing relationship histories with each other, I tend to believe that some things are better left unsaid. But just because you're not saying it, doesn't mean you're not thinking it. Considering your past relationships in contrast to your current situation can actually help to illuminate the good things you have now or the ways you've changed. On the other hand, there seems little reason to dwell on the past when you're building your new relationship in the present. So ladies, once you're in a new relationship, do you put your past out of your mind? Or do you find yourself naturally making comparisons between your current relationship and your previous ones?

Source

You Asked: I Want Marriage, He Doesn't

DearSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a relationship for about seven years, and we've lived together for nearly four. I have been trying to talk to my partner about getting married, but he just doesn't want to go that route. We each have our own children from previous relationships, as well as two that are ours together. I finally feel ready to settle down and get married, but he doesn't even see that as an option. We have both been married before; he is 39, and I am 31. This is the longest relationship I have ever been in, and I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone.

I just don't know if I am selling myself short. Don't I deserve a wedding to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? Or should I just accept the fact that he doesn't think we need to get married and keep everything the way it is? I have been losing a lot of sleep on this one and feel as if I'm not as good as his exes. What do I do?

— Ready to Settle Down Sasha

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You Asked: I'm Not a Fan of His Career Choice

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend is about to own a bar, but we have different views about what that entails. He thinks it's just a place to hang out and de-stress, and he is spending a lot of time trying to plan events. I think owning a bar is providing people with alcohol and taking their money without giving them something good in return. We almost broke up over it and he said that he can't be with someone who doesn't support his career. Everything else with us is great except his job situation so we decided to wait and see how things go. Do you have any advice as to where to go from here?

— Bar Blues Betsey

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Where Do You Stand? Comparisons With a Friend's Love Life

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

I value my friends' opinions very much, and I often turn to them when I’m feeling down. But no matter how much I respect them as individuals, I have always tried to avoid the habit of comparing my love life to theirs. Not only do I not want admiration to lead to jealousy, but I also don’t want to find myself feeling smug about an issue they're dealing with. However, I’m sure some people use a comparison with their friends to get them motivated or avoid making a similar mistake. What about you? Where do you stand when it comes to making comparisons between your and your friends’ romantic lives?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Believe That Opposites Attract?

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:00:00 -0700

I’m sure we’ve all heard that opposites attract adage. It's true that I’ve seen my share of people come together who seem like polar opposites, but for the most part, people seem to be attracted to people they can talk to about similar interests and experiences. I may not find this particular dating rule of thumb true, but do you?Source

Dear Poll: Do You Believe That Opposites Attract?

Yes, I’ve found this to be true.

Sure, but it’s only a superficial attraction; it rarely works out.

No. I think that people are more likely to fall for someone who's similar.

Other — I'll explain.

You Asked: He Gets Mean When He's Drunk

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am currently dating a guy who lives a couple of states away from me. I've known him about nine months, and I really like him. He is sweet and very mature, but for the past two months he's been calling me completely drunk, and acting very hurtful on the phone. We've spent a lot of time in person together, and I've seen him drink before, but he's never been mean like this. In fact, usually he's exceptionally sweet.

But now I feel like I'm seeing a totally different side of him. One minute he's cursing at me, and the next minute he's telling me how strong his feelings are for me. The last time it happened he started crying — which is very out of character — and told me that even though he loves me, he can't be with me. We come from two different religions, and in his drunken stupor he mentioned that he didn't think his parents would accept me.

I don't want to break up with him; I really care about him. Honestly, he rarely drinks, so it's very strange that he's been calling me like this. What is wrong with him? What can I do to make this better?

— Befuddled Bella

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The How-To Lounge: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 14:00:00 -0700

There’s nothing like comparing yourself to someone else to completely illuminate your insecurities. Whether you’re knocking their choice of boots or feeling particularly envious of them — most of us admit to the up-down glance — by sizing them up against yourself, you’re only serving to further your own worries and self-doubt. So check out my tips on how to free yourself from this possibly detrimental habit and

What Would You Change About Your Relationship With Dad?

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Through the course of our lives, it’s amazing how many times our relationships with our dads will change. And somewhere along the way they can become anywhere from the person we trust most to the person we get along with least. It’s a rough road — what relationship doesn't come with its challenges? — and even in the best father-daughter relationship, nothing is perfect. With Father's Day just a few days away, I want to know what you would change about your relationship with your dad if you could, or would you want to change nothing at all?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Find It Harder to Make Friends With Men or Women?

DearSugar — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Ever since I abandoned the tomboy ways of my youth, I’ve always been the type of woman to be surrounded by more female friends than male. However, in recent years I’ve noticed that making new girlfriends seems close to impossible, while my circle of guy friends has continued to expand. Though my closest friends will always be women, I find it considerably easier to make male acquaintances. What about you?Source

Dear Poll: Do You Find It Harder to Make Friends With Men or Women?

I’m with you Dear! Men seem less judgmental and more open to new friends.

Women are easier for me. I just connect with them better.

They’re both equally difficult for me.

I have no trouble making friends with either gender.

Other — please share!

This or That: You're in Love With Her Man or Can't Stand Him?

DearSugar — Fri, 23 May 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Your roommate has been gushing about the new guy she’s been dating for a couple of weeks. She hasn’t said much about him except that she’s smitten so you’re really excited to meet him when she brings him to a group get-together. The moment they get there, and you see him for the first time, you’re absolutely shocked since it turns out that you already know him. Would it be worse if…This: You’ve had a secret crush on him for years? He’s your ideal guy in every way but he’s always had a girlfriend, which has always broken your heart. Apparently the new heartbreaker is your roommate. Or . . .That: You absolutely cannot stand him? He was one of those guys that you vowed never to spend another moment talking to if you could help it. He’s pompous, mean, and now, dating your roommate. Source

This or That: You're in Love With Her Man or Can't Stand Him?

This — Your roommate’s dating your long-term crush.

That — She’s in love with your worst nightmare.

Relationship Protocol: What Are You Most Likely to Be Arguing About?

DearSugar — Wed, 14 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

I don’t care how much you love someone, you’ll eventually get into some arguments. However, what you fight about really depends on your specific personality traits, pet peeves, opinions, and personal histories. Not to mention that each particular type of relationship brings along its own set of complications and circumstances. So ladies, do tell, when you argue with your significant other, what's it usually about?

Source

Dear Poll: Who’s the Bigger Game Player?

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

My male friends point the finger at women, and my gal pals blame men. Apparently the only thing we can all agree on is that someone’s definitely playing games! The guys’ defense is that women are more manipulative, and thus use games as a tool. While I do know many women who consciously work a particular angle, I think it’s naïve to say that men don't do that too! So in your experience, who plays more games? Men or women?Source

Dear Poll: Who’s the Bigger Game Player?

Men — Many of them just want to have their cake and eat it too.

Women — Females are the notoriously bad game players.

We’re equally at fault for this frustrating behavior.

Undecided

Dear Poll: Are You More Similar or Different From Your Crush?

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 13:00:00 -0800

We've heard it before, opposites attract. But most relationships begin because both people had a lot in common. So which is it? I wish I knew! I don't think there is any right way; it all depends on your style so which way do you lean? Source

Dear Poll: Are You More Similar or Different From Your Crush?

Similar — Mutual beliefs and interests are really important.

Different — Our opposing personalities keep things fun.

Other — Please explain below

You Asked: My Girlfriend Is Too Extreme

DearSugar — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

The woman I've been dating for the past eight months is great, and I have strong feelings for her, but she says she is frustrated and tired of trying to figure out what we can do together. You see, I was a good athlete when I was younger but I have a bad knee and can only hike for about an hour. I also have a bad back now so can't lift a lot. She loves to mountain bike and hike mountains, kayak and cross country ski and I can do only short durations of those things. She refuses to try less strenuous activities as she says the extreme sports is what "makes" her.

I've told her that I would love to do all those things as I used to, but I just can't anymore. In response, she wants to know why we should stay together, since she figures it just won't work. I care for her deeply and don't want to let her go. Any suggestions as to whether I should give up or is there hope for us?

-Can't Keep Up Kurt

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You Asked: Are We Just Too Different?

DearSugar — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend and I appear to be from two different planets. Our faiths are as different as can be - I'm a Christian, he is agnostic. We differ on just about everything, yet I truly love him. When I'm with him and we don't discuss the taboos - religion and politics, everything is good. But the second these come up, or things that are sensitive to one of us, things go south. Take for example our most recent fight - he mentioned that if he were to be a quadriplegic, he would rather die. Both of my grandparents were paraplegics and I take serious offense to this. While I realize that this is a personal decision, this is something that I cannot support, given the way that I was raised. I sometimes wonder if this relationship is workable. Do you have any words of wisdom for me? -- Worried About it Amanda

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