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You Asked: How Can I Move On?

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of four years and I broke up seven months ago. Three days after we broke up, he started hooking up with a new girl. For the past seven months, he has been dating her semiseriously, and I have been trying to see other people. I had no idea it would take so long to find someone new, let alone get over my ex, and I have been miserable. I know people have this happen to them all the time, so what should I do to ease the pain of missing him and watching him move on when I haven't been able to do the same? I still love him so much. — Stagnant Stacy

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You Asked: Is Meeting Up With My Ex Worth the Risk?

DearSugar — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend and I have been happily together for two years. Sure, things aren't always perfect, but he's considerate, playful, and gives me hope that we can have a wonderful future together. Here's the problem: My ex came home for the holidays, said that he's moving back and wants to get together for dinner and drinks. We broke up for the simple fact that he had to move away for a job and long distance became too difficult. There was no cheating or lying, and we didn't fall out of love for each other. We always had had amazing chemistry and said that if it was meant to be, we'd find one another again.

I really don't want to jeopardize the relationship I am in now, but I'm still young and feel like I'll always wonder "what if?" I am scared that if I do see him, I'll instantly fall back in love and then I'll be in an even bigger mess than I am now. I'm at such a loss and could really use some advice! — At a Loss Liza

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You Asked: He Hasn't Called — What Gives?

DearSugar — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I met a cute boy at a law school function on Saturday night and after a few cocktails and dances, we ended up at a bar, just the two of us, and kissing ensued. It was lovely and he offered to walk me back to my apartment. (I insisted it wasn't necessary seeing as how we live on opposite sides of Manhattan, but the boy could not be dissuaded!) Though he never made it beyond my apartment doorway, we exchanged the cutesy "let's do this again soon" texts after he left. So now, it's Monday, and he has yet to contact me again. What gives? — Surprised Sascha

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You Asked: Does He Just Want a Friendship?

DearSugar — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I met this guy in college and developed a major crush on him, but nothing ever happened. After graduating we kept in contact via email, then after a couple months, we met for coffee. We got to talking and he told me that he's been attracted to me for some time now, but informed me that he was in a relationship with someone else. He said he needed to figure things out on his end before getting me involved. I let him know that I too am attracted to him, and that I still wanted to maintain our friendship.

He emailed me about a week later and suggested we meet up again — I agreed. This time we went to a cafe in the evening and talked for several hours. I know he is with another girl so I wanted to be respectful, but the whole time we were together I was thinking about how much I like him. When we left the cafe, he told me he wanted to do it again sometime, but what does all this mean? Does he just want to be friends? Is he keeping me around just in case he and his girlfriend break up? Am I setting myself up? Please help! — Unclear Claire

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You Asked: Where Did This Hatred Come From?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I dated this guy for about six months and we mutually decided to break things off. Before dating, we were amazing friends; we hung out all the time and have always been in the same circle of friends. We agreed to remain good friends after ending it because neither of us wanted to lose the friendship. However, my continuing to hang out in our circle upset him to the point where he deleted/blocked me from MSN, removed pictures of me from his Facebook page, and wrote me an extremely rude email telling me that he no longer wanted to see me. Since receiving his harsh note, I have respected his wishes and we haven't talked or seen each other in two months.

Just today he removed me from his friend status on Facebook without any provocation. Naturally I'm upset by all of this and confused as to what his motives were. Does he hate me? — Aggravated Ashley

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You Asked: Is It Normal That He Kept Pictures of His Ex?

DearSugar — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

When I broke up with my boyfriend, I was devastated. We were head over heels for each other but things just weren't working out so we ended it. At one point when I was trying to get over him, I threw away all the pictures I had of him and us, all the CDs he made me, and anything that reminded me of him. I've completely moved on and I'm actually married to someone else, but I recently found pictures of my husband's ex-girlfriend in a desk drawer. I know that everyone moves on from past relationships differently, but is it normal that he still has photos of this girl years later? I understand that she was an important person in his life, but why does he need reminders of her now that he's happily married to me? — A Little Annoyed Amber

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You Asked: How Can I Stop Being Used?

DearSugar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My last relationship was pretty hot and heavy, and when it ended over six months ago, it was because of his personal reasons — he said he needed more time to concentrate on his career — not because our feelings for each other had changed in any way. We remain friends but every time we have hung out, we have hooked up. All my friends tell me he is a jerk and that he's just using me, but when I'm with him it's like all the bad things he's ever done just disappear. I really want to stop hooking up with him so I can finally move on, but I'm not sure how to do that. Do you have any advice? — Being Used Brenda

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You Asked: Should I Take My Ex Back As My Best Friend?

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me. It was completely out of the blue and I still can't understand why he did it. He gave me 20 different contradicting reasons, but the main point is that he doesn't want to be with me anymore; and it hurts a lot. He had planned out the rest of our lives right down to when we'd get married, what church, when we'd have kids and what town we'd live in.

We had been best friends for over two years before we got together but we always had this awesome connection. I was very excited when he asked me out, although I was concerned that I could lose his friendship if we ever broke up. I took the chance but now that we're done, he wants to go back to being just friends. I'm not sure if I'm able to do that. My friendship feelings for him are all wrapped up in the romantic ones. We are in the exact same circle of friends and they all think I should give it a try. Half the time I miss my best friend, but the other half hates him for breaking my heart. What should I do? — Crushed Cathy

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Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Am I an Online Dating Dud?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 06:00:00 -0800

E. Jean is still enjoying her time off, but don't fret, she'll be back December 4th! In the meantime, here's an oldie but goodie. Enjoy!

Dear E. Jean,

I know I’m old-fashioned, but I’ve never tried any of the dating sites. It is now time. Past time! (I’m 30 years old and haven’t had a date in seven months. Awk.)

Ok. So. I put my profile on Match.com. I worked hard trying to sound smart and funny and cool. Believe it or not, I was frightened I was going to get inundated with guys I didn’t want to talk to . . . and guess what? No guys — not one guy — wrote to me. Nothing! I’m just sitting there. What am I doing wrong? I feel like I should take my profile down! This is not for me! My friends get tons of notice and meet lots of guys, and one of my friends even married a guy she met on The Onion personals. I don’t get it. Help! — Dead on Match

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You Asked: I Have an Irrational Fear of Getting Pregnant

DearSugar — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have a rather strange irrational fear. Even though I am on hormonal birth control, use condoms, and never miss a period, I continually fear that I'll somehow magically get pregnant. This fear is quite literally taking over my life, not to mention ruining my otherwise wonderful sex life with my fiancé. I desire sex with him daily, but my fear of getting pregnant is so salient that I either make an excuse to avoid it, or just fall asleep while he is making a pass at me — we end up only have sex twice a week. I have been this way ever since he and I began having sex seven years ago.

My fear comes and goes with varying degrees, but it seems that it is worse during times of high stress. Every twitch, every headache, and every gurgle in my stomach is interpreted to me as a pregnancy sign. I feel like I am so alone. I know that I'm being ridiculous, but I cannot get it out of my mind. I am almost willing to go as far as sterilization to ease this anxiety. Do you have any advice? — Freaking Out Fionna

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You Asked: Is His Distance Normal?

DearSugar — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months now. From the start, I was aware that he suffered from mild depression but he happily and routinely takes medication for it. In the beginning, he was perfectly affectionate. The sex was incredible and I truly felt an emotional connection with him. He told me he did, too.

We met at work; I am a nurse and he worked on site in the maintenance department. About a month in, he was laid off and has since been collecting unemployment. He has been jobless for just about three months. He actively looked for a job for about a month, but he quickly gave up. He is being choosy — in my mind far too picky — and I feel like at this point, he doesn't have the right to do so. This is weighing heavily on our relationship. He is no longer affectionate. He is cold and distant to me. He makes no effort to hold a conversation with me, or think of things to do together. I can't explain it, but his tone has changed. He never initiates sex, and sometimes he even turns it down.

I can't take this pain much longer. I cook for him, clean his apartment, am at his doorstep within a half hour of him telling me he's lonely or misses me; I've even applied for jobs for him! I feel unappreciated, lonely, hurt, and simply unloved. What should I do? — Unloved Lauren

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You Asked: Should I Pass on Praise to My Ex?

DearSugar — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of five years and I broke up (rather awkwardly) last October and it completely shattered my heart. While we were civil and polite immediately after, we haven't spoken much or seen each other for about a year. I've since moved on, and I am confident he has too. Although I'm curious to know how he is, I hadn't really considered any contact until I heard a really nice compliment to him. I was at the local dog park a few days ago and some of the other women there were discussing the math programs at their kids' schools. One woman mentioned what a difference a certain teacher made for her son, and the particular school as well as the way she described him makes me 100 percent confident that she was talking about my ex-beau.

I know how much he loves teaching and acting as a role model to his students so should I write him an email to relay the praise? I want to respect his space and privacy, and my heart, so is this a can of worms I should avoid opening or should I just do it? — Do Good Greta

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You Asked: Should I Butt Into Their Relationship?

DearSugar — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 10:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

There’s a woman that I really like and can't stop thinking about. We’ve been friends for five years; we worked together but I was married at the time. I think she felt the same way. We were always very flirty with each other and she used to say things like “too bad you're married.” We would go out for drinks, lunches, and work parties together because my wife never wanted to come. We kissed once at the Christmas party but as soon as we realized what we did, we promised to never let it happen again.

I moved to another state for my wife’s job but soon after she decided she didn’t love me anymore and we divorced at the beginning of this year. I moved back home and I feel ready to date again. This woman I like is with someone else now and it's pretty serious. We are still very flirty when we're together and I think she knows I want to be more than friends with her. Should I risk wrecking our friendship by telling her, or do I wait to see if the relationship she’s in works out? — Unsure Sean

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You Asked: Was Moving In a Bad Idea?

DearSugar — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm 25 years old and currently living with my boyfriend of four months. He recently moved to Ohio from California, which is why we co-habitated so quickly. Things are great, we are very happy and I believe he is the one. This is my first time living with a boyfriend, so I have a lot of questions. First off, is it normal for us to not have sex as often as we did before I moved in? I also seem to be getting uptight about the smallest things. I often find myself doubting our relationship if he forgets to kiss me before he leaves the house or if he doesn't seem excited to see me when he gets home.
My friends have been telling me it's because we now live together and that drastically changes a relationship but I just need some help and advice on how to ease into this change. How do I stay sane and in love all while living together and adjusting? — Acclimating Annie

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You Asked: Do You Have Any Orgasm Tips?

DearSugar — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm a 47-year-old woman and I've only had sex with my first love — my husband of 31 years. The reason I'm writing is to ask if it's normal to only be able to climax in one position. I can only orgasm when I'm on top which makes me think I'm missing out on so many other fun positions. Do you have any suggestions to help bring excitement back to our sex life? — On Top Tatiana

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You Asked: Why Hasn't He Said I Love You?

DearSugar — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

Is meeting the parents a big deal? My boyfriend of almost a year recently had his mom visit for two days while she was passing through town. I ended up having dinner with her both nights but he hasn't said I love you yet. He's very close to his mom so should I take that as a good sign? He wouldn't introduce me to his family if he didn't see long-term potential with me, right? If so, why can't he say I love you yet? — Becoming Impatient Brenda

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You Asked: Should I Befriend My Frenemy?

DearSugar — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I created a Facebook account sometime ago and came across an old friend. We had a tumultuous relationship and she often times didn't see anything wrong with calling me a friend without treating me like one. She was selfish and rude to me. She hurt me too many times so I ended the "friendship." I was devastated, but I realized neither she, nor her friends accepted me in the first place. She seemed hurt as well, but had other people she could rely on.

It's been three years since our breakup and since my social life is currently in despair, I've been considering trying to rekindle a friendship with her. I'm nervous that I'm making a big mistake and I really need some advise on this. What do you think I should do? — Friendless Francis

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You Asked: His Mother Is Trying to Control Him!

DearSugar — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 13:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been going out for four years; since I was 20. Despite working full time, he still lives at home with his mother who is very controlling, and in turn, he lets her treat him that way. The problem is he can't say no to her. She frequently makes plans for him and guilts him into staying home. It's gotten to the point where he doesn't have any friends he sees regularly besides me.

The other night we arranged to go out for dinner. When he got home from work, his mom had made him dinner because he forgot to tell her we had a date. Rather than saving the dinner she made for another day, he called and told me he changed his mind about going out and then he got mad at me for being inflexible when I got upset.

Clearly his mother is causing a rift in our relationship. It feels like she is trying to fight me for his attention all the time. This has been going on a long time now so I guess it is my own fault for putting up with it, but I don't think he will ever change. Do you think I should wait until he moves out or see if things change on their own? — Competing Courtney

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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Should I Let My Sister Move in With a Republican?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 15:30:00 -0800

E. Jean is still enjoying her vacation, but not to worry, she'll be back in two weeks! In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this oldie but goodie!
Dear E. Jean,
This is about an awful man, thankfully not mine. My beloved sister is stylish, cute, well-educated, and recently managed to lose 60 pounds. Naturally once she got a rockin’ bod, she became a dude magnet. And he’s horrible! Eeee Jean! We are a family of food lovers, and his favorite restaurant is Chili's! He has an elite education, but he’s grossly overweight, knows a lot of lame trivia, and is a very conservative Republican with hideous taste. Her friends don’t like him, her family does not like him, but she is moving to a red state with him. No not red — crimson. Ew. No one has the guts to tell her he sucks, but nobody wants her trapped in a marriage with Mr. Ickington. What should I/my family do? — Nosy But Lovin Lil’ Sis

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You Asked: I'm Having Major Cold Feet

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have a serious dilemma. My fiancé and I have been together for four and a half years, living together for three, and engaged for five months. We set a date and everything was great, except I started to get very nervous — I have major cold feet! I love him dearly and our relationship is awesome except for a few things: I wish we had a better sex life and I struggle with having more of a social need than him. I want a little spontaneity in my life, I am only 23!

Though I'm having cold feet, I don't want to lose such a great person by letting my fear get the best of me. I decided that I needed to be alone and live by myself for a while so I could figure this all this out. He moved out a week ago, and I am not missing him that much. I see him everyday and we are still together, we're just living separately.

I am completely confused and need advice as to what to do. Does age really matter when it comes to marriage? Does hot sex really matter? Please help! I'd rather not get married then get married and get divorced. — Cold Feet Courtney

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You Asked: Can I Still Have a Relationship With Them?

DearSugar — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

When I was younger, around 14 or so, I got along great with my sister, who is 18 years my senior. She was my role model and we always had so much fun together. After I graduated from college and moved back home, my sister employed me as her babysitter. She became increasingly lazy and had me do things for her simply because she had a zit on her face or was just too lazy to do it herself. More and more I began to resent her because she rarely showed true appreciation for the things I did for her. With the help of my boyfriend and friends, I started to see that she was simply using me and not even treating me like a sister anymore, but almost like a slave. She paid me horrible wages and became a person I didn't want to be around.

I finally stood up to her — a huge shock to me and a very proud day. She was disrespecting our mother and I told her I had finally had enough of her trash-talking our family, not appreciating me, and taking me for granted. That was two months ago. She has a 16-year-old daughter and a 4-year-old autistic son. I love them very much and it pains me to not be able to see them. However, I recently contacted my niece and snuck over to her house while my sister was gone so I could spend time with them. I miss her family terribly and the sister I once knew, so my question is, do I contact her and further explain why I finally stood up for myself? Or do I wait for her to come to me? I just can't decide what to do since I feel as though I'm owed an apology. Also, how can I go about having a relationship with my niece and nephew who I love very much? I am past the point of truly forgiving my sister, but this tension is having an incredibly negative impact on my life. Please help! — Taken Advantage of Tina

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You Asked: Did Having Sex Ruin Our Relationship?

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I need help making sense out of this situation. I had three great dates with this guy — three dates within the timespan of five days! We were really hitting it off and he was signaling that he was interested in something more. We didn't kiss on our first date, or our second date, (he only kissed my cheek) but on our third date, we were hanging out at his place and the next thing I knew, we were having sex. It was completely casual, nothing weird happened, and it was overall a nice experience. He was really sweet with me after — he helped me put my coat on and kissed me goodnight. That date was last Tuesday. I haven't received a single phone call, text message, or instant message from him since. I'm really confused and now I'm thinking that somehow us having sex on our third date has suddenly freaked him out. I need help sorting this all out! What should I do? — Puzzled Paulina

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You Asked: I Hate My Father

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

For years I've had a deep ingrained hatred towards my so-called father. I went to therapy for two years for it, but I still have a lot of resentment built up. I've never had a real conversation with him, and I don't plan on ever having one with him in the future. I don't want to work it out because I do not want a relationship with him. Unfortunately, I have to live with him. I am currently in school and living with my family. I applied to a couple of new schools for the Spring semester, so if all goes well, I will be living on campus, but until then, I have to deal with my dad. But I can't even stand looking at him, let alone speaking to him.

My sister and my mom have told me I've been too hard on him, but I couldn't care less. He has put my family through extremely difficult circumstances, and has not once apologized for his actions. I am otherwise pretty happy with my life, except for the fact that I have to deal with him on a daily basis. I wish he would just go away, but that's not an option. Is there anything at all I can do to ease this tension?

— Bitter Brianna

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You Asked: Do I Have a Right to Be Upset?

DearSugar — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have birthdays two weeks apart; his is first. I treated him to dinner and got him a gift that he had mentioned wanting. When my birthday rolled around, he got me a card and we went to a festival together. It's been almost two weeks since then, and he's taken zero initiative to take me out or get me a birthday gift. I can't help feeling slighted. Neither of us is made of money, but it wasn't that hard for me to spend $75 to $100 on him, and I know he could do the same for me.

I understand that guys can be oblivious about the weirdest things sometimes, so I don't want to jump to conclusions that he's just being a jerk, but my feelings are hurt. What's a good way to ask him why he didn't really acknowledge my birthday without sounding selfish or spoiled? — Disappointed Dana

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You Asked: I'm Stuck in the Middle

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My mother got divorced from her husband of 16 years, a year and a half ago. He claimed he didn't love her anymore, and my mother was left wounded and angry. Together they have a wonderful 12-year-old son, my half-brother, who now takes turns staying with each of them. Things are very bitter, and they mostly communicate through text messaging or through me and my brother — my mother feels too angry to have a more civilized relationship with him. I will admit that my step-dad was cold to her during the divorce, and I understand that she feels hurt, but at this point, I wish she would give in and work at making their relationship better.

I'm away from home in grad school, in a foreign country, extremely busy with my studies, so I mostly communicate with them via email. Yesterday my step-dad told me he has begun dating another woman. It sounds pretty serious. He told me my brother has met her and that they got along. I'm happy for him, but I don't think my mom knows about this. She has been dating herself, but I just know this will make her angry and she might start some kind of power war with her ex through me, or worse, my brother.

If I wait to tell her, my brother might end up blurting it out (what a heavy secret for a twelve year old to have to carry around). So I think it's best if I tell her. How do I go about this in a manner that is gentle? How can I persuade her not to involve me or my brother in the anger she will most likely feel?

— Family Drama Dannika

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You Asked: Am I Too Clingy?

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little less than nine months. During the first few months, he was crazy about me and I could really tell how much he loved me. Now I can never get him to say he loves me on his own, I have to say it first. He used to not be able to keep his hands off me, and now I'm the one that's always wanting to touch him. I want things to go back to being the way they were; I want to feel like he loves me again. What can I do? Am I being too needy? Too clingy? — Needing Attention Natalie

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You Asked: My Boyfriend's Friend Won't Leave Me Alone

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend has a good friend who is a very nice guy, but when he drinks, he gets very touchy feely and kind of creepy. Lately he seems to be directing more of his bad behavior towards me, which is making me very uncomfortable. One night my boyfriend, his friend, and I were at a club and I was standing off to the side. My boyfriend was still on the dance floor when his friend came up to me and put his hand just under my breasts and made a gross comment about how lucky my boyfriend is to have me. I told my boyfriend, but he brushed it off, blaming the alcohol.

But the next time we were around his friend, he started acting inappropriate towards me again. This time my boyfriend took note. He asked his friend about what happened at the club, and he claimed he didn't remember it. But the final straw came the next time we were out and he had been drinking. This time he came up to apologize for how he acted, but all he did was try to grope me again. I got away from him as quickly as possible, but now my boyfriend and I are trying to figure out how to deal with this.

We know that he is completely harmless and would never do anything, but at the same time his behavior freaks me out. Normally I would tell him off, but he's my boyfriend's very good friend, and is also friends with the rest of the group. It's just a very awkward situation that I don't want to make worse. We don't want to completely offend or embarrass him, so we're looking for some advice on how to handle this situation delicately.

— Violated Viv

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You Asked: Am I Not Making Myself Available?

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,
I have never been a real commitment person. I have had a couple flings in the past year but nothing serious. I'm ready to open up to a more serious relationship and am actively looking, but I haven't found anything worthwhile so far. I have been told, repeatedly, that I am constantly putting up "single signals," which apparently keep others from approaching me. What are these and how can I stop them? — Playing the Field Phoebe

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You Asked: Do I Deserve His Lies?

DearSugar — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been married for over four years. Right before we were engaged he was living in another state. When he returned back home, he was very secretive. I snooped through his emails one day, and there were messages from another woman. There was nothing overtly sexual in them, though she did say something about how she's a better woman than me.

It didn't take me long to get over it, but whenever he was out of town for a long period of time, I always felt suspicious. One Summer we were apart for a month and he came home with inappropriate text messages. Things quickly blew up, and I found an email form my husband to another girl complaining about me. This was very hurtful, and again, my trust was broken.

We worked it out, and now three years later, I've been hurt again. My husband said he was going out to dinner with a male business partner, but it turns out it was with two women. He lied directly to my face! I realize I'm a jealous person, and I have definitely snooped, but if I didn't have this feeling in the back of my mind I wouldn't have. But did my jealousy and my snooping drive him to hide things? I don't know that he has ever physically cheated on me, but I feel that he has emotionally. I know he can be a great person, but do I really deserve this?

— Lied To Lacey

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You Asked: My Friends Are Being Mean Girls

DearSugar — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am 21 years old and have had the same "best friends" for eight years. Since we started university, things have changed, though. I've made new friends and my old friends have not. I feel like I'm living my life at a different pace than them because they're hesitant to break away and meet new people.

I've recently noticed that my old friends have been making plans on nights that they know I can't go out due to family obligations. I've also learned that on those nights out without me, they make other plans, again without telling me. To make things worse, one of the girls accidentally forwarded an email chain to me in which they were all talking about how much fun they had the night before, and I felt horrible that I wasn't even invited.

Just last week one of my uncles passed away. I know for a fact that they heard the news, yet I did not receive a single phone call, text message, or email from any of them. This has been a really hard time for me and my family and it would have been nice to have my friends' support, yet no one was there for me. What should I do? Have our friendships simply run their course? Were they ignoring me out of spite? — Left Out Laurie

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You Asked: I Can't Trust Him

DearSugar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for about six years now, five of which have been spent living together. For the past year, we have been staying in different cities due to work, although we'll be getting married in a couple of months. He really loves me, and we have never had any problems regarding another woman previously; however, when I went to visit him recently, I found out he was lying to me about a girl. I found two ticket stubs for two movies that he said he'd gone to by himself. When I pressed he confessed that he'd taken a girl from his office. He lied because he didn't want to hurt me or have me overreact, since they're just friends.

As it turns out she no longer works with him. But I asked him to introduce me to her, since they were friends. He wouldn't so I asked him to cut ties with her because it was causing me anxiety. Now he says he's not in touch with her anymore, and still loves me very much. However, since I'm in a different city, I can't be sure. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but concerns like this coming up right before our wedding really worry me. What do I do? Should I be worried?

— Mistrustful Melissa

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Is Too Affectionate With My Friends

DearSugar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating just shy of two years. He is a hugger, he hugs friends and family, and I have no problem with it, it's actually something I love about him, however what I do not like is that once he gets acquainted with my girlfriends, he kisses them on the lips! It makes me incredibly uncomfortable and I'm not sure what to do. Some of my friends don't allow this and will turn their heads so he kisses their check, which makes me feel even more awkward. I did at one time tell him this was not something I felt comfortable with and I hoped that would be that, but that was six months ago! What should I do? — He's Too Affectionate Amanda

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You Asked: My Friend With Benefits Doesn't Make an Effort

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 14:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I had a horrible breakup not too long ago, and so I'm not currently dating right now. I'm OK with being single, but the one thing that I am not a fan of is the lack of sex. I started up a sex-buddy relationship with an ex of mine that I'm still really good friends with because we're both unattached, but I never see him! Our schedules are hard to coordinate and I don't feel that he makes the effort. I read your rules on casual sex, but I don't know how to talk to him about our lack of sex or even if I should since we're not in an actual relationship. I would think that he would be jumping at the chance for hot sex with no strings attached! Should I confront him about this or am I better off just leaving it alone?

— Sexless Stacey

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You Asked: Who Should I Date?

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I met a guy recently who I see every week as part of a social running group. We ended up doing a recruitment project together and we hooked up twice. After the second hook-up session, he told me he "kind of" has a girlfriend in an on-again off-again relationship who lives far away. He told me he wasn't sure what was going on with them, but he said he really enjoys spending time with me. I really like him, but I don't want to put myself out there since I know he is attached. At the same time, I'm worried that if I start dating other guys, and he decides he wants to date me, I could end up hurting someone else.

There is also another guy who I have known for a few years, who I think is interested in me. He unfortunately lives four hours away from me so I don't know what to do. Should I keep seeing guy number one but not hook up with him anymore in the hopes that he realizes how good we are together, or date guy number two and see what happens with him? — Options Olive

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You Asked: I Want Marriage, He Doesn't

DearSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a relationship for about seven years, and we've lived together for nearly four. I have been trying to talk to my partner about getting married, but he just doesn't want to go that route. We each have our own children from previous relationships, as well as two that are ours together. I finally feel ready to settle down and get married, but he doesn't even see that as an option. We have both been married before; he is 39, and I am 31. This is the longest relationship I have ever been in, and I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone.

I just don't know if I am selling myself short. Don't I deserve a wedding to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? Or should I just accept the fact that he doesn't think we need to get married and keep everything the way it is? I have been losing a lot of sleep on this one and feel as if I'm not as good as his exes. What do I do?

— Ready to Settle Down Sasha

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You Asked: Do Guys Like the Chase Just as Much?

DearSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Lately, I've noticed that when I am out with a group of girls, the men I meet are always attracted to the girls in the group who are both pretty and rude to them. This really bothers me because I am pretty (I think), friendly, and I treat people well, but it seems like guys would much rather be treated badly and try to win over the girl who is not interested in them. It's such a double standard because I always hear guys say that it's the girls who look for the jerky guy! I feel like this will lead me to being single forever and I don't know what to do. I'm debating whether to start being a jerk in order to get a few more dates. — Bothered by This Behavior Beth

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You Asked: How Do I Get Over Our Breakup?

DearSugar — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Recently I read the post about telling your ex what he did wrong. My ex and I broke up a year ago. I have dated other people, but I am finding it very difficult to get over this relationship. This was the first time I really opened up my heart; I had seen a future with this person. We broke up with little closure on my end. He just shut me out of his life and ended our relationship. I feel like it's unfair that I did not have a say in our breakup. I never got the chance to voice my feelings and understand why things had to end. I thought that with time I would feel better and things would naturally resolve, but now that a significant amount of time has passed, I am losing hope. For obvious reasons, I cannot contact this person and get things off my chest. How can I find closure for myself?

— Holding on Holly

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You Asked: Do I Have Daddy Issues?

DearSugar — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been in relationship after relationship. I have put myself on dating sites, met guys in bars, through friends, blind dates — you name it, I have done it. I've met some really nice guys out there but for some reason, I cannot commit. So many articles, TV shows, and therapists say that if a woman has issues with her father, she is doomed when it comes to relationships. In my case, I never met my father. He left my mother when she was pregnant with me. Since then, my mother has remarried and as a child, her husband adopted me and is now who I consider my "real" dad.

Over the years, my relationship with my father has been rocky but in the end he has always been the one that is there for me. I do have a male figure in my life, so are the unresolved issues of not knowing who my biological father is responsible for my fear of commitment? Is it possible to find security in a relationship with a man without meeting my biological father? — Single Sally

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Is Inexperienced

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. He had never been with a girl before me, and as a result of his lack of experience, he's never given me an orgasm. Since he's inexperienced, I don't think he realizes just how much effort it takes to help a woman climax. After a year of never saying anything, I think he assumes it's OK with me. Unfortunately, it really does matter to me.

Lately I'm feeling resentful that he orgasms every time we're together and I never have. He only spends a few minutes on me and doesn't realize how unsatisfied that leaves me. I don't want to bring it up because I feel like it's too much to ask from him to spend twice as long making me feel good (even though I do it for him all the time). I guess I want him to want me to orgasm, not just because I asked for it. Otherwise I feel like I'm making an unreasonable demand.

At the same time, I know that I'm being childish and immature by remaining silent about what's really bothering me and then blaming him for not doing anything about it. So how do I talk to him about this without hurting him, and how do I get over my own issues with asking?

— Sexual Dissatisfied Diana

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Thinks I'm Fat

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I entered a relationship with my current boyfriend while I was recovering from a long-term eating disorder. I never really went into detail with him, but I did tell him I was gaining weight to be healthier. I went from 80 pounds at five feet, one inch at the very beginning of our relationship to 92 pounds now. He never said anything negative about the gain — he actually said I was looking better. But earlier this week, we were in the shower together and he told me I would look better if I lost a couple of pounds.

I was incredibly hurt and could hardly speak to him for a while. I eventually explained my situation and told him that losing weight would be dangerous to my health (I gave myself a heart condition). He took what he said back and told me not to lose any weight and told me that he loves me the way I am, but I can't help but realize he's just putting aside his initial reaction to make sure I don't hurt myself. How do I handle this? — Healthy Weight Heidi

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Doesn't Believe in Himself

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend just graduated from college last Spring and is taking some time off. Right now he's taking community college classes and deciding what direction he wants to go with his life (grad school, career, etc). His parents are more than fine with supporting him — he's worked really hard, and deserves a break — so he can avoid jumping into something he hates. Unfortunately, he doesn't see it that way. He feels lazy and wants to get a job to occupy his time, but all of the jobs that seem interesting don't respond to him (it's a tough job market right now).

I try to tell him that he should take this time to pursue stuff he loves and that something amazing will come eventually, but there's only so much I can say without sounding like a broken record. I've also tried to help him find jobs (he does freelance website design, so I've gotten him a few clients) but once again, there's only so much that I can do. He's down a lot and I feel down when I can't cheer him up. What can I do?

— Cheering Him Up Chelsea

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You Asked: He Constantly Tells Me I Can Do Better

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. It's a long distance relationship and it's not always easy, but he makes me happy. There have been times, though, when he tells me that I could "do better" than him. I'll admit, he's not the greatest boyfriend sometimes, but who's perfect? The distance (2,200 miles) and the time difference (three hours) doesn't help either, and with such factors, it's sometimes hard to make time for each other. Even if he thinks I deserve better, shouldn't I get to choose to be with him for as long as he wants to be with me? I hate it when he tells me that and I hate it even more when he does things to push me away. I'm really happy, but I don't know if this relationship can work if he keeps thinking like this. How do I get him to stop? Can I get him to stop? What should I do? — Settling Sally

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You Asked: Can My Ex Forgive Me?

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 12:20:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I dated for three years, and were fairly serious. We had a future mapped out and were practically planning our engagement. However, during those three years there were some major personality clashes I just couldn't ignore. For instance, anytime he pointed out one of my flaws, I'd apologize or try to work on it. Anytime I tried to point out something I didn't like or something that I thought he should work on, he'd say, "If you don't like it, you can leave."

I did finally break up with him, though we're still good friends. But there's one issue that lingered with me after ending things. About three or four times a year he'd get a random message from a girl on MySpace. He has the kind of job that allowed him to just sit there and email her all day. He even met one of the girls once; she came into his work unsolicited. (I explained to him that that's because she saw their frequent conversations as intimate.) And that's what he'd do at least six times an hour, for three or four months, until he got bored with them. He never understood why I was upset about that; it wasn't because he was talking to other girls or that he had "friends," it was the frequency. Every few minutes, every day, for two or three months at a time!

The other day I went with him to celebrate his birthday. One the way home he was texting a girl, as usual. But this time I lost it. I told him that that's exactly why we could never work — he never cared about how I felt or even acknowledged my feelings. I know I broke up with him, and I'm happy with where things are. But even as friends, to see him pulling the same kind of stuff is just so frustrating, and I guess I hit my limit. My question is, do you think I can be forgiven for my behavior? I don't want to be his psycho ex.

— Angry Ex Andrea

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You Asked: Am I Going to Get Hurt?

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I recently met a pretty amazing guy, and we hit it off right away. About two weeks in, we had a state-of-the-union conversation, and he told me that he just got out of a year-long relationship and doesn't want to get into anything serious right now. We agreed to try just being friends, but that only lasted two weeks because we have this crazy chemistry and we love being together. Since friendship didn't work, we decided to date and keep things casual. We're seeing a lot of each other still, and I can feel myself really starting to fall for him, but I'm scared that I'm going to get hurt at the end because he's been so adamant about not starting up a serious relationship again. He makes time for me and he treats me like a girlfriend; we even met each other's parents. So am I just being paranoid? Am I heading for big trouble/heartbreak by letting myself fall for him? Should I get out now before it's too late? — Setting Myself Up Sadie

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You Asked: I'm Not a Fan of His Career Choice

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend is about to own a bar, but we have different views about what that entails. He thinks it's just a place to hang out and de-stress, and he is spending a lot of time trying to plan events. I think owning a bar is providing people with alcohol and taking their money without giving them something good in return. We almost broke up over it and he said that he can't be with someone who doesn't support his career. Everything else with us is great except his job situation so we decided to wait and see how things go. Do you have any advice as to where to go from here?

— Bar Blues Betsey

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You Asked: How Can I Get Over My Guilt?

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and we've been friends for three years before that. We're very much in love and plan on getting married and having kids. About four years ago I found out that I have HPV which developed into genital warts — I've since had treatment and the warts are gone. I never told my boyfriend for fear that he wouldn't have wanted to be with me, but the guilt was killing me so I told him the truth this week. He reacted very well and we are still together, but I'm a wreck about all this. How can I let go of my guilt so it doesn't affect my relationship any more than it already has? — Remorseful Renata

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You Asked: Is He Sincere?

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I met this really amazing guy about two months ago, and we hit it off extremely well. Soon after I met him we both exchanged pieces of rather fragile information. I have an STI, and he is a virgin. It was kind of awkward after he told me, because it felt like totally opposite situations. I'm a very affectionate girl and he wasn't used to that either.

He told me the other night that he was ready to sleep with me but I don't know how to react. I don't know if I'm ready, not because I don't care about him but because I don't believe that he's ready. I think he just wants to get it over with, and it doesn't matter if it's with me or any other girl. I really want it to be special for him. How do I tell if he's sincere?

— Uncertain About Sex Sasha

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You Asked: Should I Leave My Boyfriend?

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

At what point do I end a relationship with someone I truly love who has a temper, who treats me badly, but always say he's going to change? And how do I end this relationship when I am always wanting and willing to accept his apologies and take him back? He is my everything and I don't know what to do. Please help! — Reliant Rachel

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You Asked: There's No Affection in Our Relationship

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My wife and I have been married for 13 years and we have four kids. I don't feel as if she loves me anymore. She does not show me any affection and only goes along with what I initiate. I will occasionally stop her throughout the day to give her a hug or a kiss, but she never initiates it. She never tells me that she loves me unless she is responding to my "I love you." For our anniversary, I put love notes around the house and in her car so that she would see them through every event of her day and I bought her a dozen roses. She said thank you, but that was it. I didn't even receive a hug or a kiss!

The only time we ever have sex is if I make the move. This has been going on for the last five years. Before that she would at least show some interest in me. When I try to talk to her about the way I feel she turns it all around on me and it inevitably leads to a huge argument. I tried for years not to let it bother me, but it really is starting to affect me as I am always thinking about it and hoping she will initiate just a simple kiss or hug.

— Missing Kisses Kevin

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You Asked: Did I Destroy Our Friendship?

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been broken up with my ex girlfriend for three months — we had been together for more than four years. After the breakup we talked occasionally and our friendship was pretty solid. She recently flew to another city for a job interview and we got into a fight. I had finally expressed my feelings to her for the first time so I had a lot of built up frustration. I did say things out of anger, but they were not insults, I simply told her that I felt she no longer took my needs into consideration. She became infuriated and told me she doesn't want to be friends anymore. I have called her multiple times asking her to listen to my explanation — that I was scared of losing her to a job faraway, but my attempts have been unsuccessful. I don't know how to keep the friendship together and although I am still in love with her, I am willing to just be friends so I don't lose her from my life altogether. I have told her that I will give her space, but I am scared that the space will make her forget about my great qualities and the good times we've had. Do you have any advice for how to keep the friendship together? — Holding on Henry

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