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Has a Friend Ever Falsely Accused You of Something?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Last night's episode of The Hills was one of the most dramatic yet. We saw Lauren and Audrina's spat over Justin Bobby unfold before the show aired, but watching how it really went down made me realize just how ridiculous Audrina's accusations were. While I understand her reasons behind confronting both Justin and Lauren, their first denial should have been good enough for Audrina to simply drop the issue. I've never been falsely accused of something by a friend before, so I can only guess how frustrating it must be to defend your word against someone else's. Have any of you ever been accused by a friend of doing something you had absolutely nothing to do with?

To get all the fashion from last night's episode, check out our new site, CelebStyle.

Photo courtesy of MTV

Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad

DearSugar — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

A good friend of mine recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend of three years. Though it was her decision to end things, it was still a difficult choice to make; she still really cares about him. All her friends have been there for her and she's done a great job moving on. In an effort to put the past behind her, she wanted to make a change, so she committed the cardinal breakup sin of changing her look. She'd always had long, dark, beautiful chestnut hair and without consulting any of us, she went to the salon, cut it short, and dyed it blond!She invited me over to come see her new locks and I was speechless — she looked like a completely different person! I could tell that she loved it and I could see a new sense of confidence in her face, but I absolutely hated it. In my opinion, she looked 10 times better before. When she asked my "honest opinion," I gave it to her. I told her it wasn't my favorite look on her. She got incredibly upset, told me I was an unsupportive friend, and asked me to leave her house. Now I'm feeling horrible for hurting my friend's feelings, but I didn't know what to do; she asked me to be honest! I've called her, written her emails, and sent text messages apologizing, but she won't return any of my efforts. I know I should have just lied under the circumstances, but can I be forgiven for speaking the truth?Source

Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided

Would You Tell a Friend If You Thought She Was Making a Bad Decision?

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Audrina moved out of the house she shared with Lauren and Lo last night on The Hills, and while her move should have been an exciting moment for her, it seemed a bit tainted with the looming decision of whether or not Justin Bobby was moving in with her. She seemed to have jumped the gun a bit and while her friends were obviously worried about her intentions and expectations with the move, only one of them spoke up! Sure, it's her life and the decision was already made, but ladies, tell me, if you thought your friend was making a bad decision, would you tell her?

Photo courtesy of MTV

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Mistakenly Accused Someone?

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Around here we talk a lot about how important it is to trust your instincts, which I’m a huge supporter of. We have those instincts for a reason! But every once and a while wires get crossed somewhere along the way and we misconstrue what are gut is telling us. I know this has happened to me before, and my incorrect instincts have led me to make a false accusation for which later, I felt rather foolish. I’m sure it’s more of an exception than a rule, but have you ever accused someone of something they didn’t do? Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Mistakenly Accused Someone?

Nope, my gut instincts have always been right on.

I don’t make an accusation unless I have tangible proof.

Yes, I have done this before.

Other — Please share.

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Have Been More Honest?

DearSugar — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Holding Back Betsy need your help. She cheated on her boyfriend, but when she came clean, she wasn't 100 percent truthful in her story. She's still guilt-ridden, so should she broach the subject one more time and get everything off her chest, or should she just let it go?

Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend and I have been together for about two and a half years. We graduated college around the one-year mark and returned back to our hometowns (about 45 minutes from one another). We both started working and got consumed by our daily schedules. My boyfriend decided to go to med school, and at that point spent many days and nights as a resident in his local hospital. Needless to say, there was very little time for one another. I was training for my new job as well, and I met a guy. We became friends quickly. We went out a few times with other employees and there was definitely a lot of flirting going on between us. It never amounted to anything until one night, he invited me over after a few drinks. We laid in his bed, cuddled, and eventually we kissed. I freaked out and went home before it could lead to anything else. This guy was incredibly persistent and it actually came to a point where I quit my job.

After that night, I felt disgusted with myself. I felt consumed with guilt and thought it was necessary to come clean to my boyfriend, but I wasn't 100 percent honest with my story. I told him that we were out one night and he kissed me. I explained that I felt something was missing in our relationship which led to this event and that we needed to make our relationship more of a priority if we wanted to make it work. To make a long story short, we moved on from this and are still together. The problem is that every now and then, the images from that night will reappear in my head. I am always afraid that my boyfriend and I will run into him somewhere and I won't know what to do. I know that honesty is the best policy, but in an effort to avoid hurt feelings, I thought sparing the details of that night was important. Did I do the right thing, or should I open up this chapter once again and be even more honest? Should I have handled this differently? — Holding Back Betsy

Source

The How-To Lounge: Rejecting Someone

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

No matter which end you’re on, rejection is an unpleasant experience. Though in some ways rejecting someone might be easier than being rejected, it can still be difficult to negotiate, especially if you want to do it nicely. So if you’ve got to let someone down easy, I have some tips to share. To see them, please

True Confession — I Lied to My Roommate

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.
"My roommate brought her Internet date to our place. I totally knew this guy and I finally remembered why — I met him online a year ago and we fooled around a bit after our one and only date. We acted like we didn't even know each other. Since I don't know if their date is going anywhere yet, is it OK that I lied to my friend?" Source

True Confession — I Lied to My Roommate

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided — Please explain!

You Asked: I Think I Have an STI

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

A friend of mine called me tonight to tell me I needed to get checked for an STI. She and I both had unprotected sex with the same guy, and her recent pap came back irregular. She hasn't been told what it is yet, but I'm worried that I have whatever it is. I've also had sex with two other people since him, so should I tell them about this or should I wait to see what happens? I have the worst pit in my stomach and I can't get in to see my doctor until the end of next week. I'm petrified that whatever it is will be something that will make it impossible for me to have a normal life with a husband and kids in the future. Am I overreacting? Please tell me anything you can! — Panicking Penelope

To see DearSugar's answer,

Dear Poll: Do You Lie About Your Age?

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Age is a funny thing. Although it's just a number, many people in this world have a hard time admitting what year they were born. And with all the medical advances we have, it's harder than ever to even guess! I understand the concept behind lying about your age on a resume, but lying to friends or potential mates just doesn't make sense to me. Sure, admitting that I'm 30 is a harsh reality, but what good is it going to do if I tell people that I'm still 27? Even though it's silly, tell me ladies, do you lie about your age anyway? Don't worry, your secret is safe with me! Source

Dear Poll: Do You Lie About Your Age?

Yes, I've been lying about my age for years! I feel so much younger than I look so why not?

No, I don't see the point. Age is just a number anyway.

Other — Please explain.

You Asked: Can I Tell My Friend How I Really Feel?

DearSugar — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Is it wrong to tell my twice-divorced friend that she doesn't always need to have a guy lined up? She keeps dating these losers, and I end up having to deal with the mess. I want her to learn how to live her own life and wait for the right man. — Looking Out Laura

To see DearSugar's answer,

Relationship Protocol: Weight Gain

DearSugar — Fri, 30 May 2008 13:00:00 -0700

One of the dating “facts” I hear dispensed time and time again is that people gain weight when they’re in relationships. Whether that’s true or not, weight gain can happen to any of us, and often does over time. But while our devotion to our partner may be unconditional, that doesn’t always mean our attraction is. Of course having demanding expectations for our partner's appearance is never healthy, physical attraction is an important part of any relationship.

Although I certainly don't think extra weight is breakup worthy, I can understand the frustration it might cause in a relationship. When it comes to communicating these frustrations, it's always better to approach your partner with a positive attitude rather than a hurtful attack, but still, is there any way of asking your partner to lose weight without being insensitive? Or is it wrong to even do so?

Source

True Confession — I'm Toying With His Emotions

DearSugar — Wed, 07 May 2008 07:00:00 -0700

I know how much you all love our Sunday Confessional, so my friend at True Confessions is joining forces with me to bring you a midweek confessional! Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or don't forgive the confessional below."My ex is trying to get back together with me. I have no plans on going through with it but I sure am enjoying the sense of power I feel right now! Is toying with his emotions forgivable?"Source

True Confession — I'm Toying With His Emotions

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided

You Asked: I Googled Him And Didn't Like What I Saw!

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,
I just read E. Jean's advice about online dating and it reminded me of an issue that I'm having right now. I recently met a guy online. We've been emailing back and forth and he seems nice, charming, career oriented and he's quite cute, too. So far it's nothing serious, I'm just having a good time getting to know him. We recently exchanged phone numbers and had our very first conversation last night — it was easy and not at all forced. After we hung up I felt hopeful about a guy for the first time in a while. Just for fun, I decided to Google him. I ended up finding information about his legal past and to my shock and horror, he spent 45 days in jail for verbally intimidating a woman who had pressed charges against his brother for domestic violence. It was originally a felony offense for "witness tampering" that was reduced to a misdemeanor. I wouldn't have expected him to volunteer this info so early in our getting-to-know-you phase, but at the same time it makes me feel very uncomfortable that he has a secret past. He didn't actually commit violence, but the idea that he threatened a woman who was victimized by a member of his family makes me concerned that he might have been socialized to believe that violence against women is OK. I want to believe that he learned his lesson because he seems to be a productive member of society, but this new information has put up a bunch of red flags. So my question is this: Do I give him the benefit of the doubt, ignore his past and judge him based on the way he's treated me thus far or do I move on to the next guy? – Freaked Out Phoebe

To see DearSugar's answer

Are You Honest When Your Friends Ask About Their Weight?

DearSugar — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I don't like to lie, but sometimes I won't tell the whole truth in order to protect someone's feelings. Like when a friend asks if I think they look amazing in an outfit that I wouldn't be caught dead in, I might just point out the elements of it I do like.

It gets trickier when a friend asks you if you think they've gained weight or if you like their new boyfriend. If the honest answer is the negative one, it can be a very hard terrain to negotiate. I aways wonder how other people handle these sorts of predicaments so ladies, how do you deal with these kind of questions? Do you tell your friends the truth when they ask even if it might hurt their feelings?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Have a Secret You've Never Told?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 16:00:00 -0700

When it comes to other people’s secrets, some of us are better at keeping our lips sealed than others, but what about our own secrets? Whether they’re deep dark, life-changing secrets, embarrassing skeletons lurking in our closets, or just something special we want to keep just for us, we tend to be pretty unforthcoming about revealing them. While I don’t think hiding something out of shame is a good idea, I do think it’s healthy to keep some things to yourself. So ladies, what I want to know is do you have any secrets of your own that you’ve never told a soul? Source

Dear Poll: Do You Have a Secret You've Never Told?

Yes, of course I do, we all do, and I have no intention of telling anytime soon.

No, I'm pretty much an open book.

Other — I'll explain below

Handle This: Make Up or Break Up?

DearSugar — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 09:00:00 -0800

Welcome to DearSugar's new feature: Handle This. I'm going to give you a hypothetical scenario and ask you to tell me how you would handle it in the comments below. Let's give it a whirl.

You and your boyfriend planned a romantic getaway for your one-year anniversary. The tickets are booked, the hotel is booked, even the tours around the island are booked. Unfortunately, a week before your trip, you find out that your boyfriend cheated on you back when you first started dating. Of course, you're devastated and you break up with him. He's devastated, too, and is relentlessly begging you to take him back. He claims this was just a misunderstanding since it happened before you two were an official couple.

You're torn — you don't know if you should forgive him since it was so long ago or if you should stand your ground since he technically lied to you for almost a year. To add more confusion to the mix, your entire trip is already paid for and you're supposed to leave in less than a week. This romantic getaway could be the perfect way/place to work everything out, or it could turn into a huge mistake and a total nightmare. You don't want the trip to go to waste, but you just don't know what to do. I know this is a toughie, but ladies tell me, how you would handle this?

Source

Do Tell: Do You Want the Truth?

DearSugar — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 07:00:00 -0800

I have always been one who dishes out and likes to receive tough love. I want the truth and expect my friends to give it to me even when I don't necessarily ask for it. We all know that the truth can hurt sometimes, so ladies, do tell: Would you want your friends and family to be honest with you even if it meant hurting your feelings?

Source

You Asked: Why Is He Using My Past Against Me?

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 06:30:00 -0700

Dear Sugar --

I've been with my boyfriend now for 3 months. I haven't been completely forthcoming with my past because I didn't think it mattered, but everyday he finds out more and more and asks me why I didn't tell him everything there is to know from day one. My past is not something I am proud of so I felt that if I told him everything, he would think less of me. I have since let my guard down and opened up, but he is now holding it against me and making me feel guilty for things I did before I even knew him. Was I not supposed to be honest after all? Did I say too much? Should I just keep my mouth shut from now on? -- Honest Heidi

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Poll: Would you Want the Higher Number?

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Jealousy, especially when it comes to ex boyfriends or girlfriends can wreak havoc on your relationship. A common yet incredibly touchy question new couples often ask each other is, "How many people have you had sex with?" While it is important to know each other's sexual history (for safety purposes) it's a pretty loaded question that can easily create unnecessary trust issues or cause personal insecurities. While I happen to feel the question should be avoided altogether, ladies, tell me, would you rather have a higher number of sexual partners than your boyfriend, or would you want him to have more notches on the bed post?

Dear Poll: Would you Want the Higher Number?

I would want to have more than him - I can't even swallow the thought of him being with anyone but me

I want him to have more partners - I want him to be the experienced one; It wouldn't seem right for me to have more partners

I don't care either way to be honest

Other: Please share!

You Asked: How Can I Help Her?

DearSugar — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--
My workmate/friend is severely bulimic. She has dropped 3 dress sizes in less than six months by throwing up every single meal. She will eat a cup of instant soup, calmly put it down and then openly go to the ladies room to vomit. Most of the workplace has heard her vomiting. She carries a stick in in the pocket of her overcoat as a 'tool'. She has also stated that she carries weights in her pockets when she is weighed by the doctor. She stopped talking to her sister 2 years ago when her sister mentioned that she felt Lara was too thin, and stopped talking to her mom, who she lives with, for 6 months for the same reason. She is losing her looks and has started staggering when she walks. She is the kind of person who will cut off anyone completely out of her life if they say anything - she would leave her job, never speak to her best friend or relative in an instant.

We are going on holiday together soon, and the trip was organized BEFORE I realized how ill she is. How do I help her without becoming one more person she can just stop talking to? -- Looking out Laurie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

How can I Help?

DearSugar — Thu, 31 May 2007 07:41:06 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My sister, who is 36, and her 9 year old daughter, have been living with my parents for the last three years. She has a drug problem, no job and no transportation. She got a divorce from her husband three years ago and asked my parents if she could stay with them while she got her life back together. Since moving in with them, she has stolen over $10,000 from my father and totaled one of their cars, luckily no one was hurt. You may ask why they don't kick her out? Well, because they are afraid of what may come of their child, that she will turn back to drugs and worry for the safety and well being of their grandchild.

My sister has been to counseling and drug centers, but we all know you have to want help and want to get better before you will. To make mattes worse, my sister doesn't even like my mom and dad, only uses them for a place to stay. She has no goals or ambition to do anything. She sometimes leaves for days on end, leaving no information for my parents, with the assumption that her daughter will be cared for. I can see this causing an enormous strain between my parents marriage and our family as a whole and I can't stand to sit back and watch this anymore. I need some advice as to what I can do or how I can help my mom and dad. --Looking Out Laurie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Wise Guide: on masks

DearSugar — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 10:31:00 -0800

Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within. --James A. Baldwin

How have you become more yourself or more revealed through love?

Source

Wise Guide: On speaking the truth

DearSugar — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 10:00:00 -0800

The truth is always exciting. Speak it, then. Life is dull without it. – Pearl S. Buck

Practice here, if you're comfortable, by telling us one thing you believe to be true but haven't really and fully said outloud.

Source