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3 Common Worries in 2008

DearSugar — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 15:00:00 -0800

2008 was a loaded year. We made presidential history and are still suffering through some grim economic times, but when you add that to our everyday stress, it's no wonder so many of us had some serious worries in 2008.

I'm sure the top three stressors of the year won't surprise you, but check them out below — it might be comforting to know you're not alone:

Job security
Health of family and friends
Relationships

If you want to vent any more of your worries from this year, have at it in the comments section below!

Source

5 Ways to Avoid Holiday Blues

DearSugar — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 06:00:00 -0800

The holidays can be a stressful time of year, so if you're prone to feeling down and out, check out my five tips on how to avoid the holiday blues. If I've left something out, tell us what works for you — the more tips the merrier! Source

5 Ways to Get the Romance Back After the Holidays

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Avoiding a sex slump during the holidays takes some work, but it can also be difficult to reconnect with your special someone after the holiday stress is behind you. In case you missed any of Patty Brisben's advice on how to do just that, I'm here to recap her five helpful tips on how to get the romance back after the holiday stress is behind you. Enjoy! Source

De-Stress With More Sex!

DearSugar — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 10:30:00 -0800

If you're human, I'm sure you're dealing with a little holiday stress right about now. If that's the case, it's time to release the tension. Light some candles, sip some chamomile tea and slip into a warm cozy bed with your special someone. Yes, when it comes to shaking your stress, baths are out and sex is in! Research shows that sharing some togetherness can help ease tension and anxiety.

The only obstacle is the ability to let yourself go since stress can be a real mood killer; making you feel tired, annoyed, nauseous, and cranky. I'm sure having sex is the furthest thing from your mind when you feel this way, but it can become a vicious cycle and not having sex can make a couple feel distant, which in turn causes even less sex. So the solution to a rough day at work or a dry spell in the bedroom is actually an outstanding night of hot sex. If you don't have time for a full-on nookie session, studies show that holding hands, cuddling, and kissing are also wonderful stress relievers.

So the next time you feel the pressure rising, especially during this stressful time of year, reach for your partner. Sex may not be the most important part of a relationship, but healthy and satisfying intimacy will not only strengthen your connection, but also help you deal with whatever life throws your way.

Source

What Was Your Biggest Worry in 2008?

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 07:30:00 -0800

Was it just me or did 2008 feel like a very stressful, yet exciting year? Not only did we make presidential history, but our economy unfortunately made history too. Whether it's your bank account, your career, your relationship, your family, or your future, tell me, what was your biggest worry in 2008?

Source

You Asked: Should I Forgive Her Insincere Apology?

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
My old college roommate asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding six months ago, and I agreed. Unfortunately, three weeks ago, her mother has passed away unexpectedly. It has been hard on everyone, but especially difficult for the maid of honor; the bride's best friend and a college friend of mine. She's acted as the liaison between the grieving bride-to-be and all her friends. In the time since, the maid of honor expressed in an email to me that she was unhappy with the back seat I took during the grieving period. When I called her and told her I wasn't that close to the bride and I didn't think it was appropriate to get more involved than I already was, she got very upset, started to cry, and told me that perhaps I don't deserve to be in the wedding at all.

She has since emailed to apologize for that comment, but deep down, I know she isn't sorry. While I know this isn't her wedding or her decision, her words were still very hurtful. I know I have to at least keep up appearances through the wedding, but I don't know I can or should forgive her beyond that. Do you have any advice? — Scolded Bridesmaid Bianca

To see DearSugar's answer

What's Up With Sexsomnia?

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:00:00 -0800

I've heard of sleepwalking, but sleep sex? Now that's a new one! It's also referred to as sexomnia and it's classified as a sleep disorder. People that suffer from sexsomnia wake up in the morning and have absolutely no recollection of what happened while they snoozed.

At this time scientists aren't sure what causes sexsomnia, but they think it may have to do with genetics, certain medications, or stress. They do know that sexsomnia rages in severity: some victims just moan and grope while others engage in sexual activity with themselves or with the person in bed with them. Some become violent and dangerous, and may even sexually assault people against their will.

Sexsomnia is a rare disorder, but it's definitely real. It's a type of parasomnia — any behavior typically disrupts sleep. Some examples are talking, walking, eating, or driving in your sleep. Parasomnia is common in kids, but as low as three to six percent of adults continue the behavior. Since sexsomnia is chronic, treatment is essential. Medication, therapy, and lifestyle changes where stress and alcohol are avoided can help prevent episodes.

Pretty interesting, huh? Do you know anyone that's suffered from sexsomnia?

Source

Tough Question No. 5: Have You Lost/Gained Some Weight?

DearSugar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 07:30:00 -0800

Weight is one of those topics that makes almost everyone feel uncomfortable. Calling out a person's weight gain or loss not only puts them on the spot, but it can easily do a number on their self-esteem. If Thanksgiving is the holiday that brings your family together, chances are you'll be seeing some relatives you haven't seen for a while, so if they comment on your weight, here are some ways to hold your own.

To see my responses for tough question number five,

Do Tell: What Makes Thanksgiving Stressful For Your Family?

DearSugar — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 07:30:00 -0800

Most of you are excited for Thanksgiving, but 29 percent of you admitted to already feeling anxious about it. Getting family together can no doubt be stressful, especially when factoring in those sweet spots of contention that can easily become exacerbated during overwhelming times. In an effort to help you get through this holiday, do tell, what exactly is it that makes things so trying for your family?

Dear Poll: Are You Excited or Anxious For Thanksgiving?

DearSugar — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Thanksgiving is often looked at as the most stressful holiday of the year. It's typically the first event where family comes together, and as I'm sure we can all attest to, family can be overwhelming and difficult. On the flip side, it's a time where you can see loved ones that you haven't seen for a while, a time to get festive, and a time to break all those diet rules! Since the big day is just a few weeks away, tell me, does this holiday lend itself to anxiety or excitement for you? Source

Dear Poll: Are You Excited or Anxious For Thanksgiving?

Excitement: I can't wait for Thanksgiving — I'm already planning!

Anxiety: Thanksgiving is my least favorite holiday. Too much family, too much stress, and too much pressure.

Dear Poll: Is Election Day Making You Anxious?

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 13:00:00 -0800

If you're feeling a little anxious right about now, you're not alone. The months leading up to this election day have been nerve-wracking, to say the least, and since we still have hours to go until we find out who our next president will be, relaxing and taking your mind off the polls will definitely benefit your stress level. Of course, that's easier said than done, and since misery loves company, so tell me, are you experiencing anxiety today, too? Source

Dear Poll: Is Election Day Making You Anxious?

Yes, I have no fingernails left!

No, I'm trying not to think about it just yet.

Other — Please explain below.

Relationship Protocol: Are You Having More Sex These Days?

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:00:00 -0700

The word on the street is that couples are having more sex these days because of all the stress and overwhelming fear that's lingering in the air. And if you think about it, it makes perfect sense. Sex is a great stress reliever and it's the one thing that can make you feel utterly connected to someone — a comforting feeling during these uncertain times. Since I'm of the curious nature, tell me, are you and your significant other having more sex these days as a destress mechanism?

Source

Sunday Confessional: I Got Too Comfortable With My Boyfriend's Dad

DearSugar — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

My boyfriend and I have been living together the past two years. Recently his parents visited from out of town to see my boyfriend and his two sisters. They were here for a few weeks, so the siblings decided to take turns hosting and showing them around. Since I've known them for some time now, we've grown quite close and I was looking forward to our time together. As it turned out, we hosted them at our house for the final leg of the trip, and even though we'd had a great time so far, I was stressed out and exhausted. One night, when trying to get dinner on the table for the entire group, my boyfriend's father came in to help me. The gesture was nice, but I just wanted to have the kitchen to myself. He wouldn't take no for an answer so I put him in charge of the salad. When I handed him the cucumber, he said he was sure my boyfriend was allergic to it. I assured him he wasn't and instead of believing me, he went in the other room and asked him. When he came back he said, "You're right. He's not allergic", I completely snapped, and replied, "I know. I already told you that, remember?!" My tone was very harsh, and I immediately felt terrible. I apologized, and he was gracious, but afterward, things were strained. Obviously I showed him a side he hadn't seen before — one I usually only have when dealing with my own parents. They're back home now, but I still feel awful, and I can't stop beating myself up for being so rude to my potential father-in-law. Can I be forgiven for my snippy comment? Source

Sunday Confessional: I Got Too Comfortable With My Boyfriend's Dad

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided — Please share

Dear Poll: Do You Get Lost Easily?

DearSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

A sense of direction really comes in handy when you’re trying to navigate anywhere new. But unfortunately, not all of us have a natural knack for knowing where we are or getting where we’re going — some people have a propensity to always get lost, even with directions! There’s nothing like being stuck in the car for an hour circling the same streets to ruin a person’s mood. So ladies, does this sound like you? Are you easily lost?Source

Dear Poll: Do You Get Lost Easily?

Yes! I have a terrible sense of direction; it’s awful.

No. I’m actually really good at knowing my way around.

Eh, I’m somewhere in between.

Other — Please share below!

Stop That Thought, Part II: Managing Important Worries

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

If you worry too much, you're not alone. But it's important to consider what kinds of worries are plaguing you. Some worries are totally unproductive, meaning that thinking about them won't change anything, and I have some tips for banishing those from your brain. But what about things you actually need to worry about, like paying the bills, making travel plans, whatever?

For these concerns, you need to make sure you're worrying at the right time. Fretting about giving a presentation when you're stuck on the train or trying to plan a dinner party when you should be working just makes you more stressed out. You should manage those worries and compartmentalize them so they don't dominate your day. For some coping mechanisms,

Stop That Thought, Part I: Taming Unproductive Worries

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

We all worry from time to time, but worrying is often totally unproductive. We have to sweat a lot of details and dilemmas in life, but getting stressed about things when you can't actually do anything about them isn't very helpful.

For instance, worrying about your upcoming dentist appointment won't make your filling hurt any less. Similarly, when you're at work, thinking about all the things you need to do when you get home will just stress you out. If you need a little help taming your worries, why not try a technique called "thought stopping"? The method can help you dismiss unproductive worries all together and save the important ones for another time.

For a few tips on pushing unproductive thoughts out of your mind,

Do Tell: How Do You Manage Stress?

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

We are living in a crazy time right now so when you combine the stress of the economic crisis with the looming anxiety of the upcoming presidential election, feeling overwhelmed is not uncommon these days. As we all know, stress wreaks havoc on our body, mind and spirit so I'm curious to hear how you cope with anxiety. 24 percent of you like to get it on, but for everyone else, do tell, how do you center yourself during stressful times?

Source

Dear Poll: Does Stress Get You in the Mood or Out of It?

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Whether it’s manifested physically or emotionally, we all deal with stress in different ways. Some people shut down, while others use it as an opportunity to open up. It makes sense that something as pleasurable and satisfying as an orgasm would be a great stress reliever, but feeling randy doesn't always go hand in hand with tension headaches and pressure. So which side of the line are you on?Source

Dear Poll: Does Stress Get You in the Mood or Out of It?

When I’m stressed, I need to get it on! My body craves the physical movement.

If I’m stressed, my sex drive totally depletes. I just can’t concentrate.

It doesn’t change either way.

Other

10 Songs When You Need to Sing Out Loud

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Sometimes, if it's been a particularly rough day or you're just in a funk, blasting a great tune and singing at the top of your lungs can really relieve the tension. So roll up your windows, turn on your iPod, and just let it all out! Here are 10 of my favorite songs to sing at the top of my lungs:

"Since You Been Gone" — Kelly Clarkson
"Free Falling" — Tom Petty
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" — Cyndi Lauper
"Don't Stop Believing" — Journey
"Holiday" — Madonna
"Buddy Holly" — Weezer
"Semi-Charmed Life" — Third Eye Blind
"You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'" — Righteous Brothers
"1999" — Prince
"Strong Enough" — Sheryl Crow

I know you have your own, so add them below!

Source

The How-To Lounge: Compartmentalizing Emotions

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Compartmentalizing has been a buzz term in psychology for some time now, and refers to the habit of consciously separating specific aspects of one's life from others in order to not dwell on bad feelings. For example, if you’ve had a terrible day at work, to properly compartmentalize those negative emotions, you’d leave them at work and go home happy. But while this word is often slung around, actually achieving its purpose is much more difficult. If you're looking to learn more about how to do this, then check out my tips. To see them

Are You a Shopaholic?

DearSugar — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Since so many of you consider shopping a form of therapy I thought you could benefit from a new test that determines whether or not you're considered a shopaholic. Since compulsive buying is linked to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and stress, it's a good idea to determine if you should be leaving those credit cards at home!

As we all know, there's a difference between buying and over-the-top spending, which has the ability to wreak havoc on your life. Those who are considered compulsive buyers spend money on things regardless of the need for them or what's in their bank account, and according to Kent Monroe, a marketing professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, "Compulsive buying is an addiction that can be harmful to the individual, families, relationships. It is not just something that only afflicts low-income people."

To see what this test entails,

Do You Live in a Stressful City?

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Forbes is at it again, but this time they are looking at the 10 most stressful cities in America. They constructed their list after looking at the country's 40 largest metropolitan areas and examining quality of life indicators. They looked at the housing market, cost of living, price of gas, environmental factors such as weather and air quality, and lastly, population density.

According to Forbes:

Residents of the cities on our list acutely experience the shifts wrought by global and local economies in turmoil. In fact, it's "bedrock security issues" like housing affordability, job security and cost of living [that] drive anxiety, says Edward Hallowell, M.D., a former professor at Harvard Medical School and founder of the Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Sudbury, Mass.

Check out the first five cities on their list below:

Philadelphia, PA
Providence, RI
Salt Lake City, UT
Cleveland, OH
San Diego, CA

Want to see the top five? Just

You Asked: My Sister-in-Law Is Competitive With Me

DearSugar — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:40:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have a sister-in-law who I've been having a hard time dealing with lately. We used to be a lot closer, but over the past two years we have grown apart. My husband's family decided to buy two hair salons, one of which my sister-in-law was employed at. And it just so happens that I'm in the business as well, so we've been working together, too. Ever since then she has tried to compete with me. We are both managers and though we do have some differing views on managing the salons, our priorities for the most part are the same.

Recently I left a note for one of the employees to make sure she properly handled her clean-up and I got a nasty response back. Instead of defending me or helping me deal with it, my sister-in-law just laughed about it. It's obvious she doesn't value me as her partner, and I don't know how to deal with it. What can I do to make this situation better?

— Sister-in-Law Stress Sadie

To see DearSugar's answer,

Do Tell: Where Does the Pressure in Your Life Come From?

DearSugar — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

I’ve found that pressure either makes people work 10 times harder, or it stresses them out to the point where they can’t do anything at all. In either case, substantial pressure can be overwhelming and hard to avoid.

To make matters worse, pressure has no boundaries; it can enter your personal life just as easily as your professional one, and often comes from the people closest to you. So tell me, where does the pressure in your life come from?

Source

You Asked: I'm Scared Every Day

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My father is a firefighter, and I grew up with the mentality that I needed to tell my dad I loved him every single time he went to work. When my parents divorced things changed, and since I no longer live with him or my mom, I don't get nervous every time he goes to work anymore. However, my brother just graduated from the police academy in Cleveland. He's posted in an absolutely terrible neighborhood, where people get shot on a daily basis, there's not a window without bars to be seen, and 8-year-olds are selling drugs.

I'm terrified. I get these images that he's going to get shot, or worse. He has a really bad temper, and I'm afraid he's going to get himself in trouble. Now, with my brother starting his police work, I'm starting to freak out about my dad again too. Both of their jobs are dangerous, and I think I am actually more scared for them than they are! How can I learn to deal with this fear and cope with their life-threatening jobs?

— Terrified Teresa

To see DearSugar's answer,

The How-To Lounge: Coping With a Panic Attack

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Earlier this week I brought up anxiety disorders and noted their major symptoms. One of the most life-altering one on the list is panic attacks, which many of you deal with or have in the past. A panic attack can be a terrible ordeal and is not just limited to people with anxiety disorders. Once you've had one, it's likely you'll forever dread another, but it’s better to learn how to cope with them than fear another attack. To see my tips, just

All About Anxiety

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Everyone deals with stress; it’s just part of life. But when stress overwhelms your ability to function normally, it becomes something more. Anxiety disorder affects approximately 15 million people in the US, and like depression, it comes in varying degrees and with its own set of social stigmas. Anxiety disorder can begin early or late in life, but in most cases, it's closely linked to family history as well as severe stress.

To learn about the symptoms and treatments of this challenging and common disorder,

The How-To Lounge: Catching up on Sleep

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

It seems like every week I’m playing catch-up on sleep from the previous weekend. In fact, until I actually make a mental note to chill out, relax, and get in some extra Zs, I just keep getting more and more run-down. And I know I’m not alone, so I want to share some of my tricks with those of you who are in desperate need of more sleep. To see them, just

You Asked: I've Never Had an Orgasm

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've never had an orgasm. Not with another person or on my own. All the advice I find just tells me to relax and spend some time alone getting to know myself. And I've been trying that all these years with no luck. I am frustrated beyond belief! I get so stressed out about it that I often end up in tears. I know stress can be a factor, but knowing that doesn't help. I've discussed it with my various boyfriends over the years, and they have felt bad about it, but have no better ideas than me. I've read that some women go their entire lives without ever experiencing one. I don't want to be one of those women. Please help!

— Feeling Awful About Orgasms Alice

To see DearSugar's answer,

Do Tell: Who Would You Call If You Got Arrested?

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Though I’ve never had a particularly negative run-in with the law, I’ve often wondered who I would call were I ever thrown in the slammer. When I was younger, I was sure that I’d never call my parents, but as an adult, they do seem like the best people to phone if I were in a jam. Now, I know we’re all law-abiding citizens here, but hypothetically speaking, do tell: Who would you call if you were arrested?

Source

This or That: Under Pressure or Totally Bored?

DearSugar — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

After some major changes in both your personal and professional life, things have begun to move in a new direction. Now your brain, body, nerves, and emotions are adjusting to an entirely new routine, and it’s kind of tricky on the day to day. Would it be worse if…This: You have more responsibilities and activities going on than ever before? You’re getting a lot done but feel completely underwater, and the stress is really starting to get to you.Or…That: Your life has slowed down considerably compared to the whirlwind it used to be? Things are incredibly slow at work, and you have so much free time you literally don’t know what to do with it all. Source

This or That: Under Pressure or Totally Bored?

This — You’re productive but seriously stressed.

That — You’re getting to relax, but it’s more boring than tension-relieving.

This or That: Broke or Brokenhearted?

DearSugar — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:00:00 -0700

You’ve had a few miserable months at work — you’ve been forced to work late nights and nearly every weekend. It’s taken a huge toll on your energy level and your relationship, too. You haven’t been getting along with your boyfriend, and just last week while walking home late at night your wallet was stolen. You’re at your wits end when you get a terrible phone call. Would it be worse if it's . . .This: The bank calling to let you know that someone has removed the majority of the already minimal funds in your account. You canceled the card, but apparently it was too late. Now, you have just $200, which won’t make a dent in your bills this month. Or . . .That: Your boyfriend letting you know that he wants to see other people? You knew things were bad, but you didn’t know just how terrible they were in his mind. When you plead with him, he stands his ground. Source

This or That: Broke or Brokenhearted?

This — You’re broke and violated.

That — Your boyfriend’s had enough.

Handle This: Your Job Is Ruining Your Relationship

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Though you may not be working your dream job, you enjoy the role at your company and certainly love your paychecks, which are more than satisfactory. But for the past six months, your job has been requiring more hours and energy than ever before.

When you get home at night, you’re recovering from the stress of the day, and during the weekends you’re too tired to do much. All this work has taken a major toll on your relationship. You rarely get to see your boyfriend anymore, and when you do, you’re usually grumpy. You’ve tried everything to leave your work at work, but it’s nearly impossible. With no end in sight, your boyfriend wants you to just quit, so how do you handle this?

Source

The How-To Lounge: Emergency Situations

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

It's scary to think about, but emergency situations do present themselves in our lives from time to time. And knowing how to handle them calmly and efficiently is extremely important and can even mean the difference between life and death. Though no one can guarantee how they’ll respond to a situation until they find themselves there, I’ve come up with a few tips should something arise. To see them just

This or That: Claustrophobia or Car Accident?

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

On an unusually busy Friday evening, you’re desperately trying to get out of work to make it to a concert with your girlfriends that you’re already running late to. By the time you leave the office, it’s pretty well cleared out and you’re practically running out the door. Would it be worse if . . .This: As your office elevator starts to make its way down it suddenly comes to a halt, and the doors don’t open? You press the emergency button to no avail. You’re stuck inside for more than two hours while they get it fixed. Or…That: You’re racing to the concert venue when a car suddenly pulls right into you? You’re fine, but your car’s left side is completely totaled, and the other driver is arguing that it was your fault for speeding. Source

This or That: Claustrophobia or Car Accident?

This — You’re trapped in an elevator for hours.

That — Your car insurance premium just doubled.

Dear Poll: Are You a Moody Person?

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Most people I'm close to are good at keeping an even temperament even in the midst of something negative. However, there are certainly a few people in my life who have very intense emotional reactions and tend to fluctuate moods depending on that emotion. Even though it can be hard to handle at times, I know that everyone is entitled to her own feelings and reactions to things. Sure, many women get a touch of this around the time of their periods, but in general, do you think that you're a moody person? Source

Dear Poll: Are You a Moody Person?

Yes. I tend to be moody; it's just the way I am.

Not at all. I’m generally pretty even-keeled.

Only when I’m on my period or dealing with a particularly stressful time in my life.

Other — I'll explain

Dear Poll: Does Your Work Life Interfere With Your Personal Life?

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Although I’m sure Savvy would advise against it, sometimes it seems nearly impossible to separate professional life from personal life. I know in the past when I’ve had a terrible day at work, I’ve ended up having an equally terrible night at home. Somehow my bad mood leaves me irritable and short with my loved ones no matter how hard I try to leave my work baggage at the office. Does this happen to you too? Does your personal life suffer if you've had a terrible work week? Source

Dear Poll: Does Your Work Life Interfere With Your Personal Life?

Yes, what’s going on at work greatly affects my personal time.

No, it’s just a job, and I treat it like that.

I don’t do it often, but if it’s a particularly rough day I might.

Other — I'll explain below.

The How-To Lounge: Ending Those Obsessive Worries

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0800

If you’re anything like me then you probably have the tendency to obsess over little things all day long. I keep wondering things like what did that conversation mean? Was I wrong? The problem with these obsessive thoughts is they don’t get you anywhere, instead you just end up turning around in circles, rehashing the same thing over and over again in your head. To learn some tips for banishing these obsessive thoughts,

You Asked: I Am Overwhelmed

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have more than I ever imagined at this point in my life — I'm a student at a prestigious university, where I'm captain of a varsity sport, I volunteer with children on the weekends, I have the best boyfriend, and my relationships with my parents are better than ever, but I'm terribly unhappy.

When I was younger, my family didn't have a lot of money, which put stress on my parents and me. The need for a comfortable, stable income has always been my motivation to work hard. Currently, I am headed that way, but this competitive school has turned me off. I no longer see myself working a nine-to-five job; instead I think I would be much happier in a less stressful environment.

In the beginning, it was just fantasies about leaving school, but in the past year I've become so depressed about this situation that it's beginning to affect every area of my life. I want to sleep all day, I can feel myself being curt with my parents and boyfriend, and my grades plummeted last semester. I want to leave school, but I feel like so many people would be disappointed in me. Please help me!

—Under Pressure Paige

To see Dear Sugar's answer

The Bridesmaid's Contract

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0800

According to a recent poll done by You & Your Wedding magazine, one in five ladies are so concerned about their bridesmaids letting them down on their wedding day that they would consider asking them to sign a "prenuptial agreement." In response to the magazine's survey, the Telegraph writes:

It found that respondents' biggest gripes were with bridesmaids who put on weight, became pregnant, or changed their hairstyles before the big day. A series of suggested clauses included that bridesmaids should not consume more than 10 units of alcohol, or make any advances towards "inappropriate male guests" — or the groom.

I don't know what I find more ridiculous about this, the fact that a bride would have the gall to present this to her bridesmaids or the idea that her bridesmaids might actually sign it. If I'm being unrealistic and such a contract is necessary, please tell me. Does this seem reasonable to you?

Source

Dear Poll: Are You on the Stress Diet?

DearSugar — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 15:00:00 -0800

Many women want to do it all, but when there aren't enough hours in the day, we end up running on empty — literally. According to a recent article in the Daily Mail, a new type of eating disorder, "stressorexia," may be emerging amongst modern women. According to Dr Adrian Lord, consultant psychiatrist at the Cygnet Hospital in Harrow, England:

Stressorexia is not a scientific diagnosis that a doctor would make but anecdotally its symptoms are very prevalent among women.

The more women juggle, the more anxious and stressed out they become. Some say stressorexia starts with a missed lunch and spirals out of control from there, resulting in massive weight loss. When people are too preoccupied to eat, it makes perfect sense. I'm the kind of person who never skips a meal — I become shaky and irritable — but I know many people who oftentimes look down at their watch and say, "oops, I forgot to eat lunch!" So ladies, even if you're having a stressful day at work or at home with the kids, do you ever fall victim to the "stress diet"?Source

Dear Poll: Are You on the Stress Diet?

Yes — Eating is the last thing on my priority list, and whenever I'm stressed out, I always lose weight.

No — I can't function without fueling my brain. I never forget a meal, or a snack for that matter.

Other — Please explain

Add This to Your Bath

DearSugar — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 11:00:00 -0800

So the holidays might be officially over, but that doesn't mean your stress has magically diminished. It takes me a while to get over all the running around, and I find that I'm still tense and have a million things on my mind. An easy way to relieve some of that extra baggage is to soak in a nice hot bath. Here are some things you can add to your tub to make your bathroom seem more like a spa:

Dealing With Stress from Traveling

DearSugar — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 07:00:00 -0800

Many of you will be getting ready to travel this Thanksgiving. While it's great to spend time with your friends and family for a home-cooked meal, getting there can really stress you out. Here are some tips to help you stay calm.

Try to be as prepared as possible. Wash, dry clean, and pack your clothes a couple days before, so you won't be running around trying to find your favorite pair of black pants before you have to make a flight.
Make a list of everything you need and check it off once it's packed so you're not worrying if you forgot something.
Call the airline before you're about to leave to make sure that your flight is on time. You'll be really frustrated if you show up, and your plane isn't leaving for another six hours.
Get to the airport early so you don't have to rush to your gate.
Pack yourself some wholesome snacks so you'll have something healthy to munch on in the car or plane. Skipping meals or eating nutritionally-desolate food while traveling won't doing anything to uplift your mood.

Want to see the rest? Then

Four-Handed Massage = Body Bliss

DearSugar — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 11:00:00 -0700

What's better than getting a massage from a professional masseuse? Not much, but how about two people massaging you at the same time? I honestly don't think it gets any better than that.

It's the ultimate treat for your mind, body, and spirit. Massage therapy enhances the function of your joints and muscles, improves circulation, relieves physical and mental fatigue and stress, and increases flexibility.

With a Four-Handed massage, two pairs of hands will glide over you with rhythmic well-choreographed motions. One therapist leads the movements while the other therapist mirrors those moves on the opposite side. It sure does sound like the perfect way to de-stress after a long week!

Source

The How-To Lounge: Avoiding Weight Gain at Work

DearSugar — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 10:00:00 -0700

Do you ever ask yourself if your job is making you fat? Well if so, you're not alone. For some easy tips on how to keep your waistline from expanding, click here to

Relax and Unwind With an Eye Pillow

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 11:00:00 -0700

Sometimes when your body and mind need to relax, you need to help coax it along a little. If you don't have the time for a salt soak or massage, and you aren't in the mood for a cup of tea, you've got to try using an eye pillow!

They're filled with flaxseeds, and often contain dried calming herbs like lavender and chamomile. Just place one over your eyes, and breathe in the peaceful aromas. The gentle pressure of the flaxseeds and soothing darkness can relieve tension headaches, eye strain, or stress.

Here are some of my favorites:

De-Stress With The Massage Deck

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 11:00:00 -0700

When I get stressed out, my body responds in a physical way. I can't sit still, my muscles get tense and I get a major headache. It's times like these when my mind and body screams, "I Need a Massage!"

Most of the time, I can't get an appointment with my favorite massage therapist and that's where the The Massage Deck ($14.95) comes in handy.

It features 50 easy-to-follow, artfully illustrated methods for giving and receiving the perfect massage. Each card gives detailed instructions on massage techniques (so it's okay if you don't know what you're doing), and tips for when to use essential oils and lotions. They suggest specific sequences for 10 and 20 minute massages so you and your partner can take turns massaging the other into a state of calmness and learning the important language of touch. Then who knows ... the massages may lead to other much more fun stress-relieving activities!!

The How-To Lounge: Getting Rid of Body Acne

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 10:00:00 -0700

If you have suffered from face acne, I am sure you understand how frustrating it can be, especially if it moves down to your body, so here are some helpful tips to remedy body acne.

Click here to

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Supressing your Memory

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 16:00:00 -0700

New research came out last week suggesting new ways to suppress your memory, offering hope for people suffering from post traumatic stress disorders. This issue is sure to spark debate on whether it's a good idea or a bad idea to be able to train your brain to forget certain events or memories from your past. As someone who has thankfully not suffered from post traumatic stress disorder, I believe in the old saying "what won't kill you will make you stronger'. But what about you? What I want to know is, do you think it's a...Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Supressing your Memory

Good Idea: Why would anyone want to remember traumatic events in their lives if they didn't have to

Bad Idea: Your past makes you who you are, the good and the bad

Other: Please share!

How to Deal With Road Rage

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 11:00:00 -0700

I'm sure you've all been one of those pissed off people, angrily clenching the steering wheel, cursing at the traffic that's making you late for work. Stress from driving can cause your blood pressure to rise and your emotions to get the best of you behind the wheel. People with such road rage honk their horn incessantly, yell at other drivers, tailgate cars in front of them, and weave in and out of different lanes, which can cause accidents.

If any of this rings true for you, here are some ways to prevent road rage:

Carpool. Take a bus. Hop on the subway. You can get to work anyway you want, but who said you have to be the one behind the wheel? Now instead of getting annoyed during your commute, you can read a book, catch up on the news, write a letter, talk to other people, do a little work, or even snooze. Doesn't that sound relaxing? Plus, it's better for the environment!
If you have to drive, try to avoid certain times of day or places that get congested. I used to leave for work a little earlier, which almost cut my commute in half.
Make yourself a mix of calming songs to listen to in the car. You'd be surprised what relaxing music can do for your mood. Or listen to a book on tape. Getting lost in a good story can distract you from getting bothered by what's happening outside the car.
Be the bigger person. If someone cuts you off, doesn't use their turn signal, runs a red light, or rides up your behind, just let it go. You can't change what they did (even if you give them "the finger" with both hands), so just forget about it. Be proud that you are being a good and safe driver.
If you come across an aggressive driver, keep your distance, don't make eye contact, don't honk, and don't do anything to instigate them.

Most importantly, buckle up!

Source