DearSugar -- Just ask.

You Asked: Is His Distance Normal?

DearSugar — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost six months now. From the start, I was aware that he suffered from mild depression but he happily and routinely takes medication for it. In the beginning, he was perfectly affectionate. The sex was incredible and I truly felt an emotional connection with him. He told me he did, too.

We met at work; I am a nurse and he worked on site in the maintenance department. About a month in, he was laid off and has since been collecting unemployment. He has been jobless for just about three months. He actively looked for a job for about a month, but he quickly gave up. He is being choosy — in my mind far too picky — and I feel like at this point, he doesn't have the right to do so. This is weighing heavily on our relationship. He is no longer affectionate. He is cold and distant to me. He makes no effort to hold a conversation with me, or think of things to do together. I can't explain it, but his tone has changed. He never initiates sex, and sometimes he even turns it down.

I can't take this pain much longer. I cook for him, clean his apartment, am at his doorstep within a half hour of him telling me he's lonely or misses me; I've even applied for jobs for him! I feel unappreciated, lonely, hurt, and simply unloved. What should I do? — Unloved Lauren

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: My Best Friend Is a Train Wreck!

DearSugar — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar and Worried Wendy need your help. Her best friend has spiraled out of control and Wendy's concerned for her future. She wants her to be happy and healthy, but doesn't know what to do in order to help her get there. Do you have any advice to offer?

Dear Sugar,

One of my absolute best friends is a major train wreck. We are the typical yin and yang: I am the nice, have-it-all-together type with a stable family, and she is the tell-it-like-itis, free spirit from a broken home. Luckily this was an amazing recipe for our friendship, and I feel extremely lucky to have such an open-minded go-to girl in my life. Unfortunately, she makes awful decisions. I have always known this but recently it's worrying me to no end. She met a guy, and within two months she was moved in and pregnant. Sometime in the following two months, she had a miscarriage, moved out, and dumped the guy — she hasn't looked back since. This was mind-blowing to me, but I was supportive the entire way through.

Due to our conflicting schedules, it's difficult for us to hang out as much as I'd like, but we never miss our daily calls to discuss life and everything going on with us. Last week, she called to tell me that she contracted an STI. To me this should be a wake-up call, but since the cure was just a quick shot and a week of no sex, she is right back in the game again. She's already slept with two guys and is seeing multiple others. This behavior is incredibly destructive. She has no structure and not a care in the world. I absolutely love her as a friend and want her to succeed in life and flourish in relationships, but she clearly doesn't want the same things. Do you think this is a typical case of her being in her mid-20s? I don't know what I can do as a friend and what my boundaries are. Is there anything I can do?

Source

Relationship Protocol: How Often Do You Pay?

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Gone are the days when the man automatically pays for everything. Since many women out there bring home more money than their significant others, the paying field seems to be evening itself out more and more. When I'm in a relationship, I treat as much as I can budget — if I can't swing paying for nice dinners, I'll be sure to buy breakfast or coffee in the mornings. So ladies, perhaps you make more money than your significant other, or maybe you don't make anywhere near as much as he does — whatever the case, how often do you treat? Are you pretty much 50/50, does he usually pick up the tab, or are you the one that tends to foot most of the bills?

Source

Do Tell: Do You Still Date For Fun After a Certain Age?

DearSugar — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

When you reach a certain age, it's only human to think more seriously about your future in relation to the dating game. If getting married and having kids is of interest to you, many women are of the mindset that time is of the essence. Sure, dating is fun, but if there's no real connection, is there a point of going through the motions with someone you don't inevitably see yourself with? Though I believe you learn from each experience, I completely understand that mentality — you don't want to miss out on meeting Mr. Right when you're wasting time dating Mr. Right Now! I curious to know what you all think on this issue, so do tell, when you reach a certain age, is dating for fun no longer of interest to you?

Source

Great News: Sex Gets Better With Age

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

If you were worried that your sex life would start to wither away once you got older, new research should get you excited for old age. It turns out that in a Swedish study, both male and female 70 year olds said they have more sex now than they did in their 40s. If that wasn't promising enough, those same women said their sex lives were more satisfying. How awesome is that? Just as with wine, I guess sex gets better with age! It may have to do with the fact that attitudes about sex and sexuality are more open and positive now, but whatever the case, I'm just glad to know that the elderly are still enjoying intimacy, and that sex in your later years can be better than ever. Doesn't this give you hope?

Source

You Asked: How Can I Cope With My Ridiculous Brother?

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar -

My parents and I are growing extremely exasperated by my little brother's love life as it is constantly something he asks us to support and be involved with. For five years he had a steady girlfriend and we all really adored her, but they were young and went their separate ways. Before that relationship was cold, he was already onto a new girl, whom he brought to family dinners and events. Of course that relationship also fizzled. Soon after that, he met another girl and they got engaged after barely knowing each other. For months he was talking about a wedding, but it just didn't seem right. Needless to say she made the right call and ended the "engagement" before things got too far.

Now my brother is already talking about another girl all the while telling me about how he and his ex-fiancé still talk. I've tried to hear him out and give him the benefit of the doubt but this broken engagement has just been too much for all of us. He wants us to take his relationships seriously, open our hearts and homes to these girls, but he can't seem to be serious about any of them! I'm about ready to cut him off from discussing his girl dramas with me altogether and I honestly don't want to meet anyone unless they've been dating for at least two years! Am I being too harsh? — Over My Brother Betsy

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Do Tell: How Long Do You Wait to Change Your Online Profile After a Breakup?

DearSugar — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

After a breakup, there's a grieving period; it can take weeks, months, even years to get over it. But for some, it only takes a few days before they're ready to be back on the market again.
In the wonderful world of social networking, a simple change of your relationship status on your profile page can put you back in the dating pool instantly — genius if you ask me — but when is the right time to let the masses know you're single again? Since anyone, including your ex, has access to your MySpace, Facebook, LinkedIn, or TeamSugar home page, do tell: Should there be a grace period after a breakup? Or are you of the mindset of why waste time!?

Source

New Rules of Marriage?

DearSugar — Thu, 22 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Whether you're dating, planning a wedding, or already married, I'm sure you've gotten a lot of relationship advice from other married folks. If they've listed off any of the soft rules of marriage, you might want to do some new research. On a recent segment on The Today Show, Rosemary Ellis, the editor-in-chief of Good Housekeeping, shared some new and improved rules of marriage that you should check out below.

Old Myth	New Rule	Explanation
Never go to bed angry.	Sleep on it, but before you roll over in a huff, give your partner a six-second kiss.	If you're blood is boiling and you're frustrated with your honey, duking it out all night won't help. Though kissing before you go to bed won't necessarily solve your problems, it will remind you of your special connection so you can talk about it the next day with a clear and level head.

Want to see the other myths? Then

Dear Quiz: Who Is More Distracted During Sex?

DearSugar — Mon, 12 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Sometimes we have so much on our minds that we can't stop thinking about our to-do lists, but there's a time and a place for daydreaming, and in the middle of sex isn't one of those times! Now I understand that men and women alike get distracted, but who do you think is more likely to have a wandering mind while getting busy — men or women?

Source

You Asked: How Do I Shake This Fantasy?

DearSugar — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Ever since I was little girl, I've really been caught up in the idea of meeting a Prince Charming, having a great love story, and getting that storybook happy ending. Growing up I always had crushes, but I never had a real relationship. I figured that I just needed to mature in order to find my perfect love. I recently turned 20, and my best friend mentioned how I had never been in a relationship. Now all of sudden I'm completely terrified that I'm never going to meet anyone really special. I'm terrified of ending up alone, but at the same time I don't want to rush into a relationship that won't be perfect.

I know that I'm pretty picky. I have a certain idea of how my boyfriend should look, and when I meet a guy and he doesn't look like that, I immediately decide that he's not the right one. I also get turned off if a guy is interested in me. I don't know what it is, but I guess I just feel like I should fall for him first. I realize I'm relying too much on this childhood fantasy, but I don't know how to fix that. What can I do?

— Head in the Clouds Cameron

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Where Do You Stand? Masturbation While in a Relationship

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 08:00:00 -0800

I'm a huge supporter of masturbation, and just like sex, I don't consider it dirty or wrong. Not only is it great to be able to pleasure yourself, but when you know what you like, you can better communicate that to your partner.

When you're single, masturbating is a healthy way to release sexual tension (and can even relieve headaches and help you sleep), but what do you think about it when you're in a relationship? I mean it's not like you spend every waking minute together, so is it wrong to pleasure yourself when you're apart? Would you be upset if you found out your significant other was having that same kind of fun without you? Do you think your partner would be upset if he knew you were masturbating without him? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

Source

The How-To Lounge: Writing a Love Note

DearSugar — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 10:00:00 -0800

I know that writing is somewhat out of style, but there was a time when passing a note to someone was exhilarating. There's absolutely nothing like giving a hand-written love note to the person you're smitten with. I think it's one of the most loving and romantic small gestures a person can make — and it can be sexy, too! For some tips on how to pen a passionate love letter,

You Asked: Is This Relationship Going to Work?

DearSugar — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I live over 3,000 miles from my boyfriend (he goes to school in New York, I go to school in Colorado), and well, it's difficult to say the least. We have a really good relationship for being so far away and I love him with all my heart, but I just don't know if it's wise to stay in this relationship and wait for him for four years to see if things will work.

We talk constantly about getting married, but he wants to save money and propose with the ring of my dreams. I could actually care less if we get married with rings or without, i just want to marry him. Should I be worried that he won't propose until after landing a decent paying job or is he putting off our engagement because he really doesn't want to ask me? — At a Loss Annie

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You Asked: I'm Ready to Be More Than Friends

DearSugar — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have a guy best friend that I've known for six years. We hooked up a couple weeks ago and he confessed that he's always been attracted to me. Since we were friends for so long, I told him that we couldn't be more. I only said that because I was scared that it would ruin our friendship, but now I'm ready to take things to the next level and he says he doesn't want to. What should I do?

—Ready For Love Lindsay

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You Asked: Is He Worth It?

DearSugar — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating a guy for about eight months now. We have been friends for several years and always liked each other but it wasn't until a year ago that we were both single and decided to get together. We have a lot in common and we always have fun with each other. He gets my personality better than any of the guys I have dated before him and actually knows how to handle my "Monica" tendencies.

However, he is going through a huge transition in his life right now. He has finally decided to finish school which will add to his $70,000 student loans. His parents are completely unsupported with anything he does and he is basically broke.

I really love him and can picture us with a future together but the stress of his situation has already gotten to me. I am always his outlet for frustration and stress which wears on me because I have my own stresses. By the time he is done getting his college degree and teaching certificate he will owe $100,000, not including all the interest. This amount of money is daunting to me. It's currently not my debt but if we stay together and get married, it will becomes mine. Fortunately I am not in any debt and I know I'll have a decent paying job once I am done with school but I don't know if I want to foot all the bills while he is paying off his school loans.

With all this said, my question for you is this: should I stick it out with him and accept that this amount of money will burden us for years down the road (will we be able to afford a decent house and kids?) or do I run now and try to find someone more financially stable? — In the Red Rebbecca

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Dear Poll: Do You Have Sex in the Middle of the Night?

DearSugar — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 13:00:00 -0800

I'm sure you all have times of the day when you prefer to make love. Some people love morning sex and enjoy being naked with someone after they've woken up and everything is still a little dreamy. Or maybe you like doing it at night before you go to bed. The darkness can feel sexy, and afterwards you can cuddle up and fall asleep. But what do you think about sex in the middle of the night? Do you like getting busy without even thinking about it, when you're literally half asleep? What I want to know is, what do you think about making love in the middle of the night? Source

Dear Poll: Do You Have Sex in the Middle of the Night?

Yes — I love it and I can't think of a better reason to get up in the middle of the night.

No way, my sleep is way to important to me. Sex can wait until the morning.

I've never done it, but I think I'm going to surprise my boyfriend tonight, thanks Dear!

You Asked: Why Is He So Judgmental?

DearSugar — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm 25 years old and have recently been dating a 27-year-old guy. On our first date he revealed a couple of mistakes he had made in his past. For many years he was addicted to prescription pain pills but has been clean now for two years. He was also engaged twice, and in both circumstances he asked for the rings back after they broke up.

I barely flinched when he told me about his past, because I'm more concerned about the present and the future. The real clincher here is that last weekend he asked me how many guys I had slept with. We had both been drinking, and after some pressure I told him 20. The next day he acted distant from me and told me that he was really shocked with my number. He's asked for some time to think things over because his opinion about me has changed. How can he be so quick to judge me when his past hasn't been exactly perfect? Should I give him time to think or cut my losses and move on? This problem has touched me deep inside so any advice would be greatly appreciated. — Being Judged Judy

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You Asked: He Never Makes Eye Contact

DearSugar — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 11:00:13 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for about four months, and we had been good friends for about three years before we started going out. He is a pretty classic male — uncomfortable with heavy or emotional issues, withdraws when he's upset, etc. One thing I can't stop thinking about is that he rarely, if ever, makes eye contact. The other day, when we were talking about something important and were laying in bed, he actually had his entire body turned away from me. I couldn't even see his face!

I'm a psychology major, so I pay attention to body language. I know that lack of eye contact can mean the person is lying or nervous. The other night I flat out asked him why he never makes eye contact. He got defensive and said, "There isn't always a psychological reason for everything. It's just the way I am. I'm not an eye-contact sort of person." I don't buy it. Why do you think he does this? It makes me uneasy.

—Needs More of a Connection Connie

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When Do You, Um, Let Out Your Unladylike Behavior?

DearSugar — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 17:00:51 -0700

When you first start dating someone, you try to be on your best behavior. You do and say things that make you seem perfectly lovable, so you can win his or her affection.

After that, the relationship starts to change, and you become more relaxed and easygoing with one another. But just how comfortable do you let it get? More specifically, how do you feel about passing gas in front of your new love?

Do you show every aspect of yourself right away, both the good and not-so-good parts? Do you wait until you get to know each other before letting out your true personality (pun intended)? Or do you think that farting in front of your significant other is completely unacceptable and unladylike?

Source

You Asked: How Do I Deal With a Breakup?

DearSugar — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 08:00:48 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I met a guy who was coming out of a five-year relationship with a girl who was his first love. He even asked her to marry him, but she said no. He was a mess, and I was the friend, then the friend-with-benefits, then the more-than-friends, and then his new girlfriend.

In the beginning of our relationship, I found out he lied to me (a lot). He would still call the ex, see her, and frankly I know he was still in love with her. I didn't learn even after fighting, making up, breaking up, jealousy, then resentment, and hurting each other purposely. We fought a lot, but we really loved each other, so we remained together.

Recently, he moved back home, which is in another country, and he told his family he wanted to marry me. We had major trust issues, and things were hard due to the major time change. Plus I felt like he was changing into someone else, and basically everything “bad” from our relationship hit me at once and I broke up with him.

Those around me who have seen me cry about him and see that we weren't compatible keep telling me it'll get easier and that it was the right decision. I know they're right. It wasn’t fair for the both of us to continue in such an unhealthy relationship, but I'm having the hardest time getting over this. I've literally blocked him out of my life, and I don't pick up his phone calls or reply to his emails, but I can't stop thinking I made the wrong decision, and I miss him so much. How do I stop hurting and feeling so bitter? How do I snap out of it?

—Depressed and Lonely Lenore

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You Asked: My Relationship Has Hit a Lull

DearSugar — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. Recently I have been feeling like our relationship is boring and there's no excitement left. I was talking to a co-worker about this and she said that after you hit the two-year mark in a relationship things just start going downhill. She also said something about it being a result of chemicals or hormones in the brain. Is this true? And if so, what can I do to get my relationship back to being fun again? I don't want to break-up.

—Bored Betty

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What's Your Favorite Sex Position?

DearSugar — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 08:00:00 -0700

The older I get the more comfortable I am with experimenting in the bedroom. New positions always add some excitement to the relationship, and unless they require an absurd amount of strength or pretzel-like flexibility, I'll give it a-go.

Interesting positions are fun to try as far as foreplay goes, but when it comes down to having an orgasm, I'm a fan of the more traditional ones. How about you? What's your favorite sex position?

Source

You Asked: Is Watching Porn Everyday Excessive?

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I just recently moved in together and the adjustment has been, well, difficult for both of us. I have noticed his computer habits which to me seem excessive. He is on the computer all the time. He used to take it in the bathroom with him and I asked him to stop , which he did. I caught him having secret intimate conversations over e-mail with a girl he works with and demanded that he end the relationship. I think he has been on the straight and narrow ever since except for his porn habit. Now, I am far from a prude. I enjoy porn, I just don't understand why he looks at it everyday. The main thing that bothers me is that my sex drive is higher than his and he is happy with sex twice a week where I would like it more often than that (4 would be nice).

I am upset because he will watch web cams and search porn everyday when he gets home from work and then isn't interested in sex with me. Sometimes when I initiate it he just seems uninterested or as if it is his duty. I have done things to spice things up; lingerie, new positions, lots of oral, I even act slutty and he still feels the need to watch porn. I feel like it is disrespectful, and quite frankly I don't understand why he would need to search so often. I'm having a really hard time dealing with this. Please help.

—Horny and Not into Porn Paula

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Do You Believe in Monogamy?

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 11:00:00 -0700

As a little girl, I always dreamed that there was one special guy out there for me. We'd meet, kiss, get married, and live happily ever after. I have to say that part of me still believes in that fairytale.

Although divorce is sometimes necessary, when I get married, I hope to be 100% sure about the man I want to spend my life.

I have friends though, who aren't into this whole monogamy thing. They don't believe that it's possible to stay in love with one person for your entire life. They don't think there's anything wrong with jumping from one relationship to another.

So what do you think about monogamy? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with one person, or do you want to live your life with many loves?

Source

You Asked: Why Is Me Saying No Not Enough?

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together over a year and we have a wonderful relationship. He's intelligent, faithful, attractive and kind. I know that I want to marry him and have a family with him sometime in the near future. However, I am completely (and outspokenly) opposed to drugs and smoking cigarettes. Before we met, he was a major stoner, but by the time we started seeing each other, he had quit. He told my roommate that one of the reasons he stopped was because he knew I wouldn't date him if he was a drug user. In the past year, everything has been great and his past rarely comes up.

Recently, he has expressed to me that it wouldn't be a big deal if he smoked every now and then, and he doesn't want to hide it from me because he wants us to be honest with each other. I have made it perfectly clear for our entire relationship that I am not OK with it, that I don't want a boyfriend who does drugs, even if it's only on occasion. I know that smoking weed once and a while isn't the worst thing he could be out doing, but I just don't want to be in a relationship with someone who uses. He said that the most important thing is that we love each other, and while I believe that, I am still not willing to budge.

Late into this argument, he dropped the bomb that he had already done it without telling me in the past year. I stopped talking to him and spent the rest of the night crying. Since then, we've both let the issue drop because we are at a standstill. I'm not sure what to do from here. On one hand, I can't imagine loving someone more than I love him, but on the other, I'm seriously against drugs. Please advise? — I Say No Nancy

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Do You Believe in Playing Hard to Get?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 08:00:00 -0700

When it comes to dating, there is some truth to the statement "We want what we can't have, " but I've never been much into playing games. I don't appreciate it when guys take a week to call me back after a great first date, so I wouldn't avoid calling a guy if I really wanted.

I'm not saying I act like an eager beaver and call the hour after we say goodbye - but I don't see anything wrong with letting someone know you are interested. I guess I don't see the point in wasting a bunch of time playing a guessing game. If a guy's into me, I want him to tell me, and vice versa. Regardless if you wear your heart on your sleeve, there is still room for a lot of excitement in getting to know each other and finding out the ins and outs of each other.

What do you think. Are you into the dating game? Does it add to the excitement? Do you think it makes you more desirable to guys if you act a little bit aloof, or do you think it's a major turn-off? If you like a guy, do you tell him, or do you wait for him to tell you? Do you believe in playing hard to get or are you more into being straightforward?

Source

You Asked: Is It Me?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I'm single, and I'm somewhat happy with it at the moment, (between obtaining my second degree, having a business, and trying not to lose my mind (I live in L.A)), however, I do want to have someone to share it with. I'm not looking to get married, or jump into a serious relationship, but I'm not really into dating a bunch of different guys and simply "going with the flow".

Dating takes so much energy and nothing has been coming of it. What the heck is wrong with me? Should I be all willy-nilly about this, or should I be progressive and determined to find a man? In L.A. it's so easy to look desperate, and hoochie-coo, and most men just want to have random sex. I've dated men in their 20s, and men in their 30s, and it seems like they are all the same. So is it that I'm some overachieving woman who will end up 45 and unmarried? Help! -- Single in the City Sasha

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You Asked: Should I Give this Guy a Second Chance?

DearSugar — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar --

I have a very confounding problem. My boyfriend's best friend just moved to our city, which is very thrilling for my boyfriend, who has been pals with this guy since childhood, however, he not only has a severe drinking problem (a functioning alcoholic, if you will) but spent his last visit saying offensive things to complete strangers and (here it comes) touching me inappropriately.

We were in a large crowd at a concert and I guess he thought he could sneak in a few hip grabs, "accidental" ass brushes and hand holds (all of which I thwarted). It made me incredibly uncomfortable and was amplified by the fact that he was wasted. By the end of the concert, he was picking fights, attracting unwanted attention from security guards, shouting and throwing stuff. Finally, THIS was the most disturbing and worrisome thing: at one point when I was talking to my boyfriend, he leaned over and very purposefully put the flame of a lit lighter right underneath my calf, giving me a tremendous scare and almost burning me. My boyfriend only witnessed this particular incident and verbally chastised him but later seemed to chalk it up to a "haha, he's just crazy like that" moment.

I am obviously in shock and total awe that this person will now be a permanent fixture in our lives. The friend is also very demanding of my boyfriend's time and seems to be borderline obsessed with him. To make matters worse, he will be staying in my boyfriend's apartment until he can find his own place.

My boyfriend is not oblivious of his friend's problems and has expressed concern for the amount of time and energy he will require, but he insists that he just wants to help give the guy a chance to straighten out his life and succeed. I respect his rationale and have not raised a single complaint about this impending event, but how on earth do I cope with this person? I would never try to come between them but I will certainly not sit around and let him drunkenly grope me. I haven't mentioned this stuff to my boyfriend yet and don't know if I should sit on these feelings until I see they're justified or go ahead and tell the boyfriend about my worry over his friend's shenanigans, which could potentially wound their friendship. I mean, should I be giving this guy a second chance? Opinions please! --Stuck in Between a Rock Rachel

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Dear Poll: What SatC Man Would You Want To Be Your Man?

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Everyone loves the women of Sex and the City, but what makes their characters so relatable and realistic is their trials and tribulations with each other and their lovers. I think it's safe to say that every woman out there has had similar experiences - whether it's having someone to call Mr. Big or disagreeing with your best friend's promiscuous behavior - it's just part of being a woman! At the end of the series, each character ended up with the man she loved, so if you could pick between Big, Harry, Steve or Smith to be your main squeeze, which character would you want as your partner?Source

Dear Poll: What SatC Man Would You Want To Be Your Man?

Harry Goldenblatt

Smith Jerrod

Steve Brady

Mr. Big, aka JOHN!

Do Tell: To Whom Are You Most Loyal?

DearSugar — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 07:00:00 -0700

My friends are like my family, and my family is my friends. If you're anything like me, you're pretty lucky to be surrounded by such loyal and trustworthy people. While I don't know how to answer this question myself, ladies, do tell, to whom are you most loyal?

Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having Friends with Benefits

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 09:00:00 -0700

The debate continues: can guys and girls just be friends? So far, the votes are split evenly down the middle. With 50% of you saying no, men and women can't be friends, it got me thinking about friends with benefits. I have a pretty strong point of view on this topic but I wanted to throw it out there to all of you. Do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea to mess around with someone you only consider a "friend?"Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having Friends with Benefits

Good Idea: As long as you both are on the same page, I don't see the harm

Bad Idea: Someone always ends up getting hurt

Other: Please share!

In your current relationship, who was the first to say "I love you?"

DearSugar — Fri, 31 Aug 2007 06:00:00 -0700

WhiplashGirlchild posed a great question to TeamSugar that I wanted to ask all of you, so ladies, tell me...

In your current relationship, who was the first to say "I love you?"

I was

He (or she) was

We haven't said it yet

I'm not currently in a relationship

You Asked: Did I Fall Out of Love?

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I've been in a relationship for about 4 months with what is seemingly the perfect guy. He treats me well. He makes sure that I am always happy. He calls when he says he will... etc. At first, I wasn't sure I wanted to be with him, but he grew on me and I thought I fell in love with him.

We started to spend all of our extra time together, merging our friends and our activities. To make matters worse, I recently moved to a new place and he sort of moved with me, aka staying over every night. At first everything was great and I thought he could be "the one".

I went away for a week, and I didn't really miss him, and all of a sudden I have a completely different feeling about him. I don't know why. I completely avoid him and I don't feel the same when I'm with him. It was just this all of the sudden thing. I know he really loves me and I know at some point I loved him too, but is this a sign that it's over or rather that I'm over him? What should I do?

--Falling Out of Love Laura

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Do Tell: What Accent Do You Find Sexy?

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 07:00:00 -0700

I have always been a sucker for a man with an accent - no matter what they say, they sound sexy! Since I don't live abroad, it's not all that common to chat with a foreigner, but I have a funny feeling I am not alone when I say an accent really brings up the "it" factor. So ladies, do tell, if you could pick any accent or second language for your boyfriend or husband to speak, what accent would you want to hear everyday?

Source

You Asked: Why Can't He Just Call?

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I just started dating my brother's best friend who I have known for 12 years. We are great together when we hangout and when we are intimate it feels like it couldn't be better. The thing is, he never calls when he says he will call!! I honestly feel this relationship could be amazing but, he just isn't putting as much effort into communicating as I am. If you say you are going to call someone... CALL - it doesn't seem that difficult of a concept! -- Waiting by the Phone Phoebe

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What Dating Advice Have You Gotten From Your Parents?

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 10:45:00 -0700

After my first real boyfriend (Bobby) broke up with me in 8th grade, I'll never forget what my mother told me to make me feel better -- "You've got to kiss a few frogs before you meet your prince."

It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear since Bobby was the only "frog" I wanted to be with, but I guess a mother's experience is worth much more than I could give her credit for at my young age. Over 15 years later, I finally see her point.

I'm sure your mother and father gave you plenty of advice on dating and relationships. - some I'm sure you probably didn't agree with (and still don't), and some that was invaluable.

So tell me, what dating advice have you gotten from your parents?

Source

Do Tell: What Is the Most Hilarious Thing That Has Happened to You in Bed?

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 07:30:00 -0700

We all know sex isn't really like how it's portrayed on soap operas — it can be sweaty, messy, loud, and not all that glamorous. But the great thing is, it doesn't really matter if you're totally in the moment. Sometimes it's the things that aren't so "perfect" that make the best memories and funniest inside jokes with your partner. So ladies, do tell, what is the most humorous/embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you in bed?

Source

You Asked: Am I Being Too Pushy?

DearSugar — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 year and 3 months, and although we love each other very much, recently it seems we have a blowout fight once a week where I nearly break up with him, and then he barely wants to speak to me for days while he’s getting over it. Ultimately, I think the problem is that he is very independent and enjoys his freedom, and I want to spend more time with him than he feels necessary. Therefore, he feels smothered and I feel abandoned.

This weekend he went away to the mountains with his guy friend, but planned to come home Sunday afternoon. He met me at the beach in the afternoon and we had a great time playing in the water for a few hours. After the beach, he went home to quickly unpack while I went to the store to buy groceries for our dinner and rent us a movie – he planned to meet back up with me at my place within an hour.

While I was at the store, I called to ask what he wanted for dinner, and he told me he just wanted to stay home and crash. I was obviously upset because we had made plans and he was gone all weekend. I offered to go to his place and cook dinner there and bring the movie, but that was even too much for him. We ended up arguing back and forth about it for 20 minutes when ultimately he hung up on me. And he didn’t call back. Yesterday he emailed me telling me that I make him feel like a bad boyfriend and that he doesn't like feeling like a jerk and that I should be more understanding.

My problem is that, although I want to be understanding, we did have plans. I hadn’t seen him in nearly a week, and dinner and a movie wasn’t exactly an “energetic night” – so even though he was tired, all he had to do was relax on the couch with me while I took care of everything.

Am I being too pushy about seeing him, or is he pushing me away? How much space is too much space? I’m worried that if we don’t figure this out soon, then this relationship is doomed. We love each other very much, but I am just starting to think that we want and need two different things out of a relationship – I need security and time together, and he needs his freedom and independence respected. What should I do?

--I Want More Mandy

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Dear Poll: Do You Think It's a Good Idea to Date Your Co-Star?

DearSugar — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 09:00:00 -0700

History repeats itself over and over again when it comes to actors dating their co-stars. The life-span of these relationships isn't very long, but it doesn't seem to stop the cycle. It's no wonder relationships blossom on set - most of the time actors are on location, away from the loved ones, leaving nothing but time to develop connections with their co-stars -- not to mention most of Hollywood is pretty easy on the eyes, but once the movie is wrapped, these relationships rarely make it for the long haul. After reading about so many onset romances, do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea for actors to date their co-stars? Source

Dear Poll: Do You Think It's a Good Idea to Date Your Co-Star?

Good Idea- who cares where you meet your significant other, as long as there is a connection, I'm all for it

Bad Idea - on set relationships just never work, I wouldn't do it

Other: Please share!

You Asked: This is Abuse, Right?

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

You would think I would know these things by now but I'm very confused. Maybe this is the way relationships are supposed to be. But I don't think so. I think I'm in a very abusive relationship and I don't know how to get out.

I've been engaged for 3 years, and I've never met my fiance's family, and I'm not allowed to speak to his friends, or be at the house when someone is there. He has everything in my name such as his cars, houses, utilities, cable, phone, gas, groceries, etc. He has never paid for one thing since we've been together. He works all the time but he never has any money. He forced me to buy a home that I can't afford and now I have all these credit card bills because he keeps charging to them. I'll call and cancel them and he calls and re-instates them.

He calls me names like you b*tch, c*nt, whore, and combinations of other vile disgusting things. He tells me I'm a black hole and that NO man would ever want me. I used to let it all slide and then I started arguing back, but it just makes it worse. He makes me feel like I bring this on myself.

He always accuses me of inquiring about his bank accounts which I never have, in fact this happened today. He called out "God make her stop," and "don't let her say another word, she is a liar," and "I can't hear anymore." I said again, "you are wrong I haven't lied to you. I did not inquire or look at your account." We were sitting in the middle of an intersection and he started throwing this tantrum, banging on the door and the dashboard, throwing his food at me, calling me names. He broke my console and then jumped out of the car while telling me he hated me and that I was a disgusting b*tch!

I grew up with an abusive father and I've been putting up with his for years. Why can't I see that he is using me and why can't I leave? I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I'm not crazy, this is abuse right?

--Can't Take it Anymore Carla

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You Asked: Why Does he Still Have her Things?

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I am 27 years old and have been dating my boyfriend for about a year. Before me, he went out with a girl for a year and a half. He recently moved into a new apartment, but before he moved, I would constantly find her clothes hidden around the house. I know he didn't know that they were there but it still really hurt. To make matters worse, I found that he has kept a birthday gift from her and keeps it hidden in a drawer. Also, I know they talk sporadically and he keeps whatever correspondence he has with her a total secret. Basically, I feel like he is protecting their relationship from me.

He knows I get very jealous but I think he feeds off feeling wanted. Am I overreacting by feeling that he should throw out the birthday gift and not talk to her anymore? Or at least not keep everything about her a secret? -- Jealous Jessie

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Dear Poll: Is she Overstepping her Boundaries?

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 11:00:00 -0700

I'll admit it...I am a huge Hills fan! While I think all the characters are a wee bit ridiculous, I can't get enough of their high school drama and cat fighting ways. It's pretty clear that LC has some issues with her friends' boyfriends. I understand the nature of being a little over-protective of the ones you love, but there's a thin line that's sometimes hard to see when it comes to getting too involved in your friends' personal lives. So if you're keeping up with the drama of The Hills like me, I want to know if you think LC is overstepping her boundaries in her friendships.

Dear Poll: Is she Overstepping her Boundaries?

Yes - She needs to but out of her friends' personal lives. She's obviously just jealous and is acting like a b*tch if you ask me

No - I think she is just looking out for her friends. I would do the same thing, these guys are toxic

I think it's OK to say something once, but if they choose not to take your advice, keep your mouth shut

Other: Please share!

You Asked: He Wants Sex Late at Night

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I went to a bar with some friends about a month ago and met this great guy, the bartender actually. He asked for my number that night and we’ve been dating ever since. Our relationship is amazing. We have a lot in common, he makes me laugh, helps fix things around my apartment, is so sweet with my baby niece, and we have the MOST amazing mind-blowing sex – hands down, the best I’ve ever had!

The only problem is that he works really late at night, and after his shift he’ll come over, wake me up at like 3 AM, all turned on, trying to take my PJs off (and I just can’t say “no”). We don’t get to bed until at least an hour later. It's awesome that we have this physical connection --and I’m not complaining about the sex-- but I have to get up really early in the morning for work and I'm just exhausted! He does this at least 3 times a week. Since our relationship is so new, I’m worried that if I talk to him about it, we may lose our spontaneous passion. Any suggestions?

--Satisfied but Tired Tana

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You Asked: Should I Pack My Bags?

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--
My boyfriend of two years wants me to leave Germany and emigrate to the U.S. with him. He has been offered a great job there, but what about me? Without a visa I won't be able to work. I am undecided - should I stay here and lose him or should I go with him and give up my career? -- Between a Rock Rory

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Tells Me What to Do

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My boyfriend and I have been dating for nearly 2 years. He is the breadwinner in our relationship and I am a full time college student. We live together and my "job" is to clean, do laundry, fix things around the house, cook...etc. Sometimes, though, I feel as though my boyfriend walks all over me. For instance, if I get distracted and don't do the laundry RIGHT when he wants it done, or clean the dishes RIGHT when he wants them clean, he puts me on a guilt trip and tells me I am making too many excuses. He tells me that I am wrong and that since it's "my job" to be doing these things, he feels like I am not living up to his expectations.

He has a problem with control and feels like he has to OWN me and CONTROL me. I constantly feel bad about myself with him because he's always correcting what I'm doing and making me feel like I am never good enough. He isn't abusive and he is very loving but he has a bad temper when I try to stand up for myself. He tells me that I am "being too defensive" or "putting up a wall between us." I don't feel equal to him and feel like a slave. He says he's right and since he's older than I am, he knows more about this stuff that I do (we're 9 years apart). His ways are very traditional and he believes in the typical "gender-roles."

We have a great relationship other than this but I don't know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I'm being brainwashed. He sometimes says that I have it "too good" because I don't have a job but when I try to stick up for myself by saying, "well actually, i have college and family stuff to deal with everyday, as well as keep this house spotless to your liking and take care of you and myself to a T," he gets angry and tells me that those are "minor" and that he deals with things that are far more important everyday. Is there is something wrong with me for not seeing more of his side of the story?

--Cinderella Cynthia

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You Asked: Is it the Same as "Cheating?"

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I found out recently that my husband was spending his lunch hour with a female co-worker. They don't actually eat together, rather they walked "for exercise." He told me that he supplies her with advice as she always was complaining about her boss and some guy that she liked. On days when I would call him to see if he could have lunch with me, he lied and said he could not take a lunch break. This obviously was a low blow when I later found out that for MONTHS he had been with her during their lunch hours "walking." He said he did not tell me of her as he knew I would not agree to it. So, isn't this the same as cheating? Even if they did not do anything physical, I am still just as hurt. --Betrayed Brianna

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Dear Poll: Which Celebrity Couple has the Steamiest Sex Life?

DearSugar — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 09:00:00 -0700

I have said it before and I'll say it again: one hot celebrity, coupled up with another hot celebrity must equate to some serious passion behind closed doors! While us little people can only imagine what it must be like to sleep next to our favorite leading man, ladies, tell me, which hot Hollywood couple do you think has the steamiest sex life?

Dear Poll: Which Celebrity Couple has the Steamiest Sex Life?

Beyonce and Jay-Z

Angelia Jolie and Brad Pitt

Jennifer Garner and Ben Afleck

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony

Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake

Other: Please share!

Money and Relationships

DearSugar — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 11:18:46 -0700

Meeting someone and becoming a couple is a wonderful feeling. You begin sharing your time together and your love for each other, and as your relationship grows closer, you may move in together, which means sharing expenses.

Sure, it's nice when a guy asks you out on a date and offers to pay for dinner, but when it comes to being in a committed relationship, I'm a firm believer in sharing all the costs. While every couple is different, I don't think one person should be in charge of bringing home the bacon while the other one slacks at home.

So how can you make dealing with money as fair and painless as possible? Here are some tips:

No one said you had to merge all your money. And I hate to say it, but in this day and age, with so much divorce, that's just not a smart idea. But you could open a joint checking or savings accounts to pay for joint expenses such as rent, mortgage, groceries, electricity, etc. If one of you makes more money than the other, you may want to split the bills accordingly. So instead of spitting the bills 50/50, you may split them 60/40. As long as you are in agreement about your plan, that's all that matters
If you decide to go this route, you should use your personal bank account to pay for things that are solely for you like clothes, gym memberships, hair and nail appointments, gifts, etc.

Want to hear the rest? Then

Gender Roles - How Do You Feel?

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 11:00:00 -0700

I have a friend who is a vegetarian and when she recently got engaged, she told me that her grandmother asked, "Are you going to cook your fiance meat now?" We both agreed that that was totally absurd. Just because you are getting married or in a relationship, doesn't mean you would give up your values, right?

Her grandmother was just seeing her as a "wife," and back then, wives took care of their husbands, had children, and took care of them too. That was their sole job in life, and they were "happy" doing it. Even my mother's generation still has beliefs like these, although my mom and dad live the typical gender roles that irk some people to no end, I've realized that they are sharing the responsibility of taking care of their family, their home, and each other, which is so important in marriage and relationships.

So what do you think about gender roles in a relationship? Do you agree with them? Have you had experience with people (or darling relatives) trying to force them on you? How do you deal and cope with the pressures of wearing the female/caregiver hat all the time?

Source

You Asked: Do I Love Him or Not?

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I dated a guy all throughout college, we were definitely in love and things were great. When we graduated, it became increasingly harder to make things work -- mostly on my end. I wanted to do things that I had planned for years, like travel. He needed to work so he couldn't join me (he tried), but regardless I wanted to travel without him. I am not sure how to explain it, I still loved him (love) but I began to want more...other people, different scenery, adventure. I told him I wanted a break while I traveled and he sadly agreed. It sort of worked out. I briefly dated other guys but I still had contact with him. We didn't exchange info about who or if we dated. For some reason, even though I was still totally in love with him I started to pull away, ending in our breakup a few months ago.

I got back to the U.S. coincidentally close to his birthday. We had not talked in about a month, and he had no idea I was back, so I texted him saying happy birthday. Ever since then (about 5 weeks) he text messages me 1-2 times a week saying things like, "Missing you today" or "Your favorite show is on channel 7." Then 2 weeks ago he texted that he still loved me and hopes somehow "things work out." I don't get it.

What does he want? Where is this going? I know I should ask him but I honestly don't want to deal with that huge "talk". I am trying to eliminate stress from my life and "just be" for a while. I still love him and miss him everyday too, however, I just want to be alone. I want to be with him for so many reasons yet not with him for others. How can I reconcile those two feelings?

--Spirited Sarah

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