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Handle This: He's More Interested in Porn

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

In the past few months your sex life has all but dried up. You’re always trying to initiate things, and you’ve even gone so far as to buy sexy new lingerie, but nothing seems to get your boyfriend interested. When you ask him about it, he says he’s sleep deprived and stressed out.

One night you wake up and realize he’s no longer in bed. Following sounds coming from the living room, you peek in to find him masturbating to porn on his computer, when you haven't had sex in a month! How would you handle this?

Source

You Asked: I'm Not a Fan of His Career Choice

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend is about to own a bar, but we have different views about what that entails. He thinks it's just a place to hang out and de-stress, and he is spending a lot of time trying to plan events. I think owning a bar is providing people with alcohol and taking their money without giving them something good in return. We almost broke up over it and he said that he can't be with someone who doesn't support his career. Everything else with us is great except his job situation so we decided to wait and see how things go. Do you have any advice as to where to go from here?

— Bar Blues Betsey

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Relationship Protocol: Do You Effectively Communicate Together?

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

One of the hardest, but most important parts of a relationship is learning how to communicate effectively when the going gets tough. It’s easy to talk when it’s all sunshine and rainbows, but communicating your feelings to someone else when you’re not even sure what you’re feeling can seem impossible. Ideally, once you're settled into a relationship, you’ve figured out the best way to talk to one another, but the truth is, even people who’ve been happily married for decades can be terrible at effective communication. So how does your own relationship fair the rough and volatile communication seas? What are you working on as an individual and as a couple to make your communication stronger?

Source

Women's Common Complaint: My Man Is Letting Himself Go

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Many women take great pride in making themselves look good. They eat right, exercise, spend money on makeup, manicures, and highlights, and they're always up to date on the latest fashion. We want to look good for our own self-confidence, but we also do it for the men in our lives. But once we're in a relationship, I'm sure we can all admit to getting comfortable and perhaps not trying as hard. Guys are the same way, but what happens if your man takes comfort to a whole other level and completely lets himself go? Maybe he grows a beard, wear sweats all the time, doesn't shower as much, spends an insane amount of time on the couch, drinks excessively, or gains weight. He may think, "she loves me no matter what" so what's a girl to do? To hear my suggestions

You Asked: He's Completely Cutting Me Off

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am currently dating my daughter's father. We had a lot of new-couple issues at first, but just as soon as I was sure we had worked through the kinks, I found out that he is going to move overseas for a year. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him before he left, but it seems like he doesn't have the same desire. He says that he is trying to mentally prepare himself to leave so he is breaking away now to avoid being homesick later. I don't know how to take it. He leaves in a couple of days and we haven't talked or seen each other in about a week. Help!

— Left Behind Leslie

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You Asked: We Broke Up, Now Things Are Better Than Ever

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My old boyfriend from five years ago and I began speaking again a year ago, after both of us got out of really unhealthy relationships. At the time he was living across the country, but we developed a relationship and he decided to move back. At first our relationship was a dream. He was considerate, caring, sensitive, and treated me very well. Soon after he moved back, he also started working long hours while attending school, and our relationship became strained. He's always had a bad temper, but I began seeing more of it. We would rarely have sex, and he would often seem distant. Although he was apologetic when it was brought up, he would never really change his behavior.

Last week, after one particularly bad weekend, I felt I had no other choice but to end the relationship. The next day we talked and both agreed that it just wasn't working. He apologized sincerely for the way he had been treating me and described just how tired and stressed he's been. The night we had this talk was honestly one of the most special nights we have ever had, even though we were ending things. We made love and it was better then it had ever been before. He's called me every day since and it seems like he's turned back into the guy I used to know.

I only broke up because I felt I had no choice due to the way I was being treated, but now that things are so good, I want to get back together. Are we building our relationship again? And if so, should I demand to know where he stands? Or is that jumping the gun?

— Together or Not Taylor

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You Asked: How Long Should I Wait for Him?

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I wasn't looking for love, but it found me, and I've now been dating my boyfriend for five months. We've been so happy and spend every moment together, but out of the blue, he asked me for some time to think — he doesn't even want us to see each other. I asked him if he wanted to break up or see other people, and he said no. He thinks that because of how much we talk and how far we've come in just five months that I am somehow too dependent on him. What does this mean? How much time should I give him before I move on?

— When to Pull the Plug Pauline

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You Asked: He's Obsessed With Sex

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I moved really fast in our relationship, which is great! Everything has worked out really well. The first few months that we dated we made out a lot, but we didn't have sex. We wanted to get to know one another without sex being involved. As passionate as we both felt about one another, we knew sex would not be an issue, which turned out to be true. But now he is obsessed with sex; he wants it all the time! And a lot of his pleasure is derived from me getting pleasure. That's fine, except sometimes I don't feel up to it.

I have discussed this with him, and he's told me that sex is a very important aspect of his life, but of course I didn't know just how important it was until after we moved in together. Obviously, I don't want him to totally stop initiating sex, but I can't do it every time he wants it and it makes him upset. Is his behavior normal? Am I just being unrealistic? What do I do now?

— All the Time Alicia

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Dear Poll: If You Got Pregnant, Would Marriage Come Next?

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Unless you’re ready to have children, thinking about a possible pregnancy can be pretty terrifying. But if you’re having sex, there’s always a chance, no matter how slim. And there's no doubt that for better or worse, a pregnancy can drastically alter a relationship. Since I’m sure most of you have considered the possibility, especially if you're in a long-term relationship, tell me, would you expect to marry your significant other if you learned you were pregnant? Source

Dear Poll: If You Got Pregnant, Would Marriage Come Next?

No way. Marriage might come eventually, but not because of a pregnancy.

Definitely. If I were pregnant I would expect to get married no matter what.

Yeah, but only because we’re already planning on it anyway.

Other — Please share.

What's With Men Shooting Way Out of Their League?

DearSugar — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Do you ever notice that gorgeous women are always getting hit on by not-so-gorgeous guys? In the movie Knocked Up, this point is illustrated to a T when Ben says, "You're prettier than I am," right before pouncing on Alison.

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Although these characters are fictional, this happens all the time, and now there's a study to prove it. No matter how unattractive a guy thinks he is, nothing will stop him from hitting on a woman who looks like she should be on the cover of Elle magazine. In this study, 16,550 people were asked to rate their attractiveness and the looks of the people they date. The researchers discovered that men think appearance is way up there on the scale of importance, more so than women, and their own less-attractive appearance wouldn't stand in their way when it comes to going for a "hottie."

To hear more about this interesting topic,

You Asked: Should I Choose My Boyfriend?

DearSugar — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been with my boyfriend for three and half years, and he's cheated on me more than once in that time. Obviously we have a lot of trust issues, and in this past year our relationship has become even crazier. I've finally decided I need a change. I found someone else who just makes me feel happy; I just wish my boyfriend would do this. The other man I've met is married and has asked me to be serious with him — he wants to leave his wife to be with me. But I don't know what to do. Should I stay with my current boyfriend who treats me like I'm not important, or do I dump him to pursue the other guy who happens to be married? Help me!

— Cheaters Never Prosper Chelsea

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The How-To Lounge: Time Apart Without Taking a Break

DearSugar — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 14:00:00 -0700

The notion of taking a break in a relationship is one many people ascribe to and one I’ve even recommended before, but it does seem that more often than not, taking a break is simply a step away from breaking up. When it comes down to it, a break may offer clarity, but it doesn’t actually solve any problems — only communication and compromise can do that — which is why I wanted to share some ideas for taking a break that doesn’t require any official breaks at all. To see my ideas, just

You Asked: I Don't Want to Ruin My Parents' Friendship

DearSugar — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been really close with one of my friends since we were about six years old because our parents are childhood friends, too. About five years ago I hooked her up with my best male friend, and they really hit it off. I also started dating someone and we all became a group of friends; we used to double date and do everything together.

About a year and a half ago they broke up — he dumped her. It was a really nasty split, and she was left deeply hurt. Of course, me and my boyfriend were there for her and tried to make her feel better. At one point she got really mad at us because we were hanging out with him too. We tried to explain to her that we didn't want to take sides, but she didn't seem to care. She decided to stop talking to us. At the beginning of this year my significant other and I broke up, too, and a month later in a drunken stupor, I ended up having sex with my friend's ex (my closest male friend).

It's been six months since that night and it actually developed into a beautiful relationship. But sometimes it's hard because in public places or in front of common friends, we have to pretend that we`re just good buddies; we can't let my ex or friend find out. Honestly, I don't really care about what they think but I'm afraid that her parents would get mad at my parents for what I've done. I really don't want to ruin my parents' friendship if this gets out. What can I do? We're sick of hiding it.

— Hiding Hannah

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Handle This: You Don't See Eye-to-Eye on Abortion

DearSugar — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Now that you’ve started having sex with your new boyfriend, some serious issues have come up including getting tested for STIs and the potential risk of pregnancy. You have no idea what you would do in the event of an unplanned pregnancy; however, you’re adamant that you’ll have a choice when and if the time comes. Your boyfriend on the other hand is vehemently against abortion, and though he acknowledges that it’s not his body that’s affected, he says that it's still part of him. You’re at a standstill so how do you handle this?

Source

Handle This: She's Being Emotionally Abused

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 13:00:00 -0700

The new guy your best friend is seeing has rubbed you the wrong way from day one. You’ve always been nice to him, but you get a very sketchy and somewhat controlling vibe from him.

Most recently you witnessed some strange scenes between him and your friend where it seems he’s intentionally putting her down in a condescending manner. She’s taken to isolating herself, and you think there may be some emotional abuse going on. While it's technically none of your business, you don't want your friend to get hurt so how would you handle this?

Source

This or That: Misinterpretation or Mixed Signals?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 14:00:00 -0700

You and your best guy friend have known each other for over ten years and you’ve never been anything more than friends. You’ve both watched each other go through difficult times and failed relationships, but now things have become complicated. He’s finally settled down with a girlfriend, and you’ve found yourself pining away for his closest male friend. Would it be worse if . . .This: After a night out alone with your best friend, his girlfriend suddenly finds your friendship uncomfortable? Apparently she feels like there’s more to it than meets the eye, and she’s demanded that he put up some serious boundaries. Or . . .That: When you go to put the moves on your crush, he humiliates you by turning you down mid-kiss? Apparently he likes you, but doesn’t want to do anything that could damage his friendship with your mutual best friend, but now things will be awkward no matter what. Source

This or That: Misinterpretation or Mixed Signals?

This: Your friendship’s in danger all because of a misinterpretation.

That: Now you've really mixed things up in your group of friends.

You Asked: He Gets Mean When He's Drunk

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am currently dating a guy who lives a couple of states away from me. I've known him about nine months, and I really like him. He is sweet and very mature, but for the past two months he's been calling me completely drunk, and acting very hurtful on the phone. We've spent a lot of time in person together, and I've seen him drink before, but he's never been mean like this. In fact, usually he's exceptionally sweet.

But now I feel like I'm seeing a totally different side of him. One minute he's cursing at me, and the next minute he's telling me how strong his feelings are for me. The last time it happened he started crying — which is very out of character — and told me that even though he loves me, he can't be with me. We come from two different religions, and in his drunken stupor he mentioned that he didn't think his parents would accept me.

I don't want to break up with him; I really care about him. Honestly, he rarely drinks, so it's very strange that he's been calling me like this. What is wrong with him? What can I do to make this better?

— Befuddled Bella

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Handle This: Your Boyfriend Wants a Stay-at-Home Wife

DearSugar — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

After a few great years together, you and your boyfriend have finally started talking more seriously about your future. You both want marriage and children, but it comes as surprise when he informs you that he expects his wife to run the household while he's at work.

You’re not against the idea of being a stay-at-home mom, but you currently like your job, and most of all you like the option of deciding what’s best for you. But he won’t budge, so how do you handle this?

Source

You Asked: He's Too Sarcastic

DearSugar — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating a great guy for five years now, but often I am annoyed by his sarcastic, hostile, and almost snobbish attitude. Sometimes it just seems like he can't be nice or get along with anyone — he's even mean to his friends. I love him very much, and he says that he loves me, too, but I'm not sure I can handle this anymore. We've been through so much together, but lately things are getting too hard.

My family doesn't trust him, and ever since I got into a spat with his brother whom he lives with, conversations with his family have been very strained. I feel uncomfortable when I'm at his parents' house, and I can tell they now have some animosity towards me. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about all of these issues, but he doesn't like to discuss them so instead he ignores me, and they get worse. In fact, he can't have a real adult conversation without getting angry and being childish. Am I just completely stuck? What do I do?

— Sick of His Attitude Alice

To see DearSugar's answer,

This or That: He Puts on Weight or You Do?

DearSugar — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

You and your boyfriend have been dating for over a year now, and while you both prided yourself on working out prior to your relationship, after changes at work, and a decrease in free time, life has gotten in the way of your usual routines. After months it’s finally showing. Would it be worse if . . . This: Your boyfriend’s packed on the pounds big time? He’s eating healthier, but he’s not enthusiastic about putting in the effort to actually lose the weight. Or . . .That: You’ve put on some weight in your mid-section, and though your boyfriend hasn’t said anything, you know he’s noticed? The worst part is that it's definitely your problem area, and it's going to be a huge pain to lose. Source

This or That: He Puts on Weight or You Do?

This — He’s a bit heavier than before.

That — You’ve put on a few pounds.

You Asked: I'm Tired of Being Afraid

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

A while back my ex-boyfriend dumped me out of nowhere. I thought we were heading in a good direction and that we were finally getting to know each other. (In fact, less than a week before that happened we had spent our first romantic weekend together.) At the end of one date night on the way back to my place he told me that while he loved hanging out with me and that I was the best girlfriend he has ever had he just doesn't feel "it." While I respected that he told me that instead of leading me on, I was still very hurt.

Now I've started a new relationship after licking my wounds for a little while, but I've discovered that my ex has changed me. I now have this sudden fear of abandonment and I am afraid that my current boyfriend will do the same thing. I've never experienced these kind of fears before. My boyfriend is a great guy, and assures me that he isn't going anywhere; he knows what happened before. But I can't shake this feeling, and I'm afraid that it will ruin my relationship. Every time my boyfriend doesn't return my call immediately a small voice inside my head tells me that maybe it's happening again. I know it's irrational but what can I do? Please help!

— Nervous Natalie

To see DearSugar's answer,

Handle This: You're Pregnant, but He's Not Happy

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:00:00 -0700

You and your boyfriend have been together for over three years, and though not engaged yet, you've talked about settling down together eventually. So it came as a big surprise when you learned you were pregnant a couple months ago. The news has taken a lot of processing and much reevaluating of your life.

But while you’ve accepted your pregnancy, and want to make the best of it, your boyfriend has not. He’s completely withdrawn, angry, and accusatory. You need his support, but he doesn’t seem willing, so how would you handle this?

Source

You Asked: I Think Porn Is Disgusting, But He Likes it

DearSugar — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,
Four months ago when my live-in boyfriend was out of town, I discovered that he had downloaded multiple videos of porn and has received numerous pictures of naked women from his male friends via email. I confronted him about it, and he sees nothing wrong with it. He said that he'd stop looking at them, but I know for a fact he's lying.

I have serious issues with pornography as an industry, and on principle alone I find porn disgusting. A person looking at videos of people having sex is something that is not acceptable to me. I am so upset that I'm ready to walk away. Am I completely wrong?

— Disgusted Deb

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Sunday Confessional: I Want to Leave Her

DearSugar — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

My girlfriend and I are both 24 years old and have been together for nearly four years. Two years ago we were in a terrible car accident together. I was driving at the time, when an oncoming car swerved across our lane. I walked away with chronic back problems, but my girlfriend was critically injured. She spent two weeks in the hospital, where she had multiple surgeries to fix her broken arms and legs. She did eventually recover, but she has a very bad scar that runs the entire length of her face; she looks like a different person.At the time, I struggled with extensive amounts of guilt over what had happened to her. I did everything to be a good boyfriend while she recovered; I worked closely with her through her rehabilitation and was always there for her. Once she was doing better, we started focusing on our relationship again. We've been making it work, with ups and downs of course, but overall we've been happy. However, in the last couple months, I've found myself longing for something else. I care about my girlfriend deeply, and I think that we'll always have a connection, but I don't love her the same way I used to. Based on a few conversations, I know that my girlfriend and our families assume that we'll marry because of what's happened. I don't want to abandon her — she still copes daily with her appearance and physical pain — and I don't want to disappoint our families, but I'm just not sure that's what I want. Can I ever be forgiven if I walk away from this relationship? Source

Sunday Confessional: I Want to Leave Her

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided — Please explain!

You Asked: My Fiancé Is a Control Freak

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I have been together three years now and will be getting married in a month. I love him dearly — he is a generous and very strong man. I've been off work for almost five months because I've been struggling with depression. Before, I had been working as a graphic designer at the same company as my fiancé — he managed me on multiple projects. I was beginning to feel like I had my boss at work and at home so I quit. Since I've been home, I've started doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and housework and when my fiancé is home, he just plays video games.

When I first met him, he was a total slob and never picked up after himself; he's an only child who's used to having his mom do everything for him. I grew up in a big family where organization was mandatory. Needless to say, I like things clean. My fiancé makes almost triple what I did, plus he works long hours, so I don't expect him to come home and cook and clean — plus doing all the chores doesn't really bother me.

The problem is that even though he doesn't help out, he is constantly telling me how to do things down to the littlest detail, like how he likes his socks rolled and the order in which I wash the dishes! When I explain to him that I don't appreciate his nagging when I'm trying my best, he'll throw a tantrum and it ends up being my fault. I love him, but I'm feeling resentful. How can I fix this?

— In Need of Respect Rita

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Relationship Protocol: What's the Biggest Obstacle You've Had to Overcome?

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Though ultimately satisfying and fulfilling, a relationship is a lot of work. Even the most successful relationship takes compromise and patience, and is always a work-in-progress. But sometimes an issue comes up that’s more significant than everything else, and requires the daunting task of overcoming what can feel like an insurmountable obstacle. It might be a financial crisis or an incident involving trust, but whatever it is, it always puts a couple to the test. So let me ask, what’s the biggest obstacle you and your significant other have had to overcome?

Source

Where Do You Stand: Divorce

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0700

While I always believe a struggling couple should give therapy and time a try before calling it quits on their marriage, I also know that some relationships are truly irreparable, and life is too short to be unhappy in love. Thus, while I will never consider a divorce an easy out, I think in some cases it’s most assuredly the right choice.

But every individual is different on this sensitive topic — some people I know wouldn’t consider divorce under any circumstances, while others consider it an important option when the going gets tough. Of course, in the end, it depends on your own upbringing and beliefs, but where do you stand when it comes to divorce?

Source

Handle This: Your Job Is Ruining Your Relationship

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Though you may not be working your dream job, you enjoy the role at your company and certainly love your paychecks, which are more than satisfactory. But for the past six months, your job has been requiring more hours and energy than ever before.

When you get home at night, you’re recovering from the stress of the day, and during the weekends you’re too tired to do much. All this work has taken a major toll on your relationship. You rarely get to see your boyfriend anymore, and when you do, you’re usually grumpy. You’ve tried everything to leave your work at work, but it’s nearly impossible. With no end in sight, your boyfriend wants you to just quit, so how do you handle this?

Source

You Asked: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over four years. We've made it through a lot of obstacles together, and I love him dearly. We recently hit a plateau and have broken up several times in the last few months. It's been a rocky road lately, and I go back and forth daily about whether or not to stay. He is a great guy and treats me like a princess, but it seems lately like our entire relationship is an uphill battle that we aren't winning.

For a very long time, I mentioned to him that things needed to change and he ignored it. Then we took a break and suddenly he's changed, but at this point it almost feels like too little to late. I used to have a huge sex drive and always wanted him to touch me and kiss me but now, it's the exact opposite. Is this relationship salvageable? Is there anything I can do to fix this?

— On the Fence Olivia

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Sunday Confessional: He Walked Out of My Life, Now He Wants Back In

DearSugar — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I'm 29 years old and got out of a long-term relationship about eight months ago. My boyfriend and I had been together for three years and were planning on moving in together and getting engaged within the year. We had a very happy relationship, and I believed we were very much in love. Then out of the blue, he told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I was completely shocked, and told him that he was just feeling stressed out with the move and work, but that things would calm down soon. He insisted that he didn't think he loved me like I loved him, and then he just left. When I tried to call, he didn't answer, until finally I received an email from him saying he needed space and that I should stop contacting him. To say I was brokenhearted would be an understatement. Since then I have done the best I can to move on. Although I haven't started seriously seeing anyone, in the past couple of months I've actually flirted with guys and have started to feel like my old self. But a week ago my ex showed up. Desperate for closure, I agreed to meet with him. I expected a simple apology, but instead he begged for me to work things out with him. Apparently he had spent the last few months soul-searching and realized that he truly does want to be with me for the rest of his life. I still love him, and there's part of me that still wants to be with him, but I'm also unbelievably angry and I don't know what to do. Should I try to forgive him for breaking my heart and make this work? Source

Sunday Confessional: He Walked Out of My Life, Now He Wants Back In

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided — Please explain!

You Asked: My Boyfriend Has a Different Definition of Cheating

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of three years has cheated twice during the time we've been together. Both incidents happened within six months of our relationship starting. The first time, we had been dating for two months when he decided to start hooking up with another girl. I had to find out through a mutual friend, and when I confronted him, he said that he didn't think we were "officially together." Apparently at that point he wasn't sure whether I was worth missing out on something else. Obviously he ended up breaking it off with her and committing to me. The second time, just a few months later, he admitted that he might have feelings for another girl. We broke up and he ended up hooking up with her but again, he came back to me.

I don't consider myself a bad girlfriend, and I haven't done anything to deserve being cheated on. It's now years later but I still become upset when remembering the past. My boyfriend continues to say that neither of those incidences constituted cheating. Sometimes I ask him to do something to make it up to me, but he refuses because he doesn't think he did anything wrong. Am I wrong to be upset? How else can I reach out to him to make him understand how I feel?

— Stuck in the Past Pareene

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Sex Therapy: What to Expect

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

For whatever reason, your sex life isn't doing it for you. Maybe it started out amazing, but it's lost its pizazz. Maybe you're upset because you used to do it several times a day and now you're lucky to get to it once a month. Maybe you want to deepen your intimacy level, but you're not sure how. Whatever the reason, sex therapy can help.

If you've contemplated making an appointment, but are nervous about what may happen, here's a little bit of what you can expect.

When you and your partner begin to see a therapist, they'll probably want to see you for 50-60 minute sessions, once every week. This consistency will help to develop a closer relationship with your therapist.
The therapist wants to help you, but in order to do that she will have to ask you a lot of questions, many of which will be personal and/or embarrassing. Nonetheless, it's important that you and your partner are both open and honest so the therapist can get to know you and your situation.

What else can you expect? To find out

You Asked: Should I Try to Fall in Love With Him Again?

DearSugar — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my current boyfriend for about four years. We have lived together for three, and until recently things have been great. He works full time and goes to school full time. He has always had about a month-long period before Summer break where he is completely stressed out. In the past, he would tell me he needs his space during that time because he is grouchy and irritable. Over the last few months, he has been this way again, but he won't discuss it with me — he has basically shut me out. I have made multiple attempts to tell him I don't feel loved or "in love" anymore but nothing changes.

I have basically moved on and started to do my own thing. I am going out with friends and having a great time. Now that he is out of school for the Summer, he wants things to be back to normal. He realizes that he may be losing me, and he's scared. He has done a complete turnaround and it bothers me. I'm not holding a grudge, but I can't let his behavior go. I feel like something is missing from our relationship, and I have been meeting new people and seeing a lot of other possibilities out there. Should I stick it out and try to "fall in love" with him again or just move on? I want to remain his best friend as he's mine but I'm not happy.

— Sparkless Skylar

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You Asked: Is He Over His Ex?

DearSugar — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with the man that I plan to marry for a little over a year now. He is a great guy, but something recently happened that I just can't seem to get over. He was married previously, and things ended badly with his wife — she cheated on him. She has been unkind to me, and in the beginning I had to overcome insecurities that he might still be in love with her.

Six months into our relationship I came across some pictures of his ex in a photo album that now contains pictures of me and him. Obviously, I knew he had pictures of her, but something about sharing a photo album made me uncomfortable. I decided to tell him how I felt, and the next day he told me that he threw the pictures away. Yesterday as he was moving some of his things into my home I noticed a box of pictures. Out of curiosity, I began to look through them, and came across the pictures of his ex that he had supposedly thrown away.

I confronted him about it, and though initially defensive, he did eventually apologize. He claims that he doesn't know why he never threw them away. He has assured me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and that nothing could change that. I know he loves me, but I don't know how to get over the feeling that he isn't over his ex. Why would he hold onto those pictures? Why would he lie to me? Am I overreacting?

— Picture Phobic Pia

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You Asked: I'm So Paranoid

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been married for over a year. We have a sturdy relationship except that I'm very insecure about a particular ex of his. When we first got together, they were still friends and he flirted a little with her when he saw her. Since then, he's managed to practically tell me everything about her: how much she pays in rent, her car payment, and many other details that only someone very close to her would know. Every time we're out in public I can't help but notice that he constantly seems to be looking around as if he's waiting for her to walk in.

I used to not be so paranoid! What is wrong with me? This is driving me emotionally crazy. I can't talk to him about any of this because he tells me I'm acting totally irrationally. What can I do?

— Insecure Ingrid

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Where Do You Stand: Scheduled Sex Dates

DearSugar — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

We're all busy people. Many of us work or go to school full time. We take care of our dogs, our homes, or our children. We spend time at the gym, with our friends and family, and we run around doing errands on the weekends. The stress and busyness of everyday life can unfortunately take away time spent with our significant others, forcing couples to pencil each other in for special dates and intimacy.

Sometimes having a scheduled sex date is exciting, knowing all day that you have a hot date planned after work, then other times it can feel forced. So ladies, where do you stand on scheduled sex dates? Do you think it's important to set aside times for this kind of intimacy if you're too busy for it to come naturally? Or is sex better when it's spontaneous and unplanned?

Source

You Asked: Is It Time to Move On?

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am 22 years old and have been dating a 34 year old for nearly two years now. We dated for the first seven months then took a break when he wasn't sure if he wanted a serious commitment with me. We got back together a few months later and I told him that I didn't want anything serious because I was going through a rough patch in my life.

As my life got more and more settled, I started to find myself wanting more of a commitment from him. I let him know that my feelings had changed and he informed me that he still wasn't sure if he was ready. I guess his concerns stem from the fact that we're both at very different places in our lives. Despite that issue, we get along great so now I find myself wondering if it's time to move on even though I really do like him or if I should wait for him to catch up to me?

— Ready For Commitment Carla

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Is Cheap

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. I recently started trying to come up with a gift idea for him for our anniversary this year. I asked if he needed any sports equipment, since he plays on multiple intramural teams. He said he could really use new soccer cleats, and so I happily agreed to get them for him. Then he tells me that the ones he wants cost $200. I told him that I had intended on spending a good amount, and he replied that he wasn't. He did the same thing on Christmas, and every year on my birthday, he complains that he "has to buy me a gift."

I know money is tight right now, but his delivery really hurts my feelings. I don't have extra money laying around, but it makes me happy to spend what I do have on the ones I love. I don't want to seem like the girlfriend who needs her boyfriend to buy her things, but it would be nice if when he did, he didn't complain about it. What should I do? Is this just the way he is?

— Gift Trouble Gwynn

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Where Do You Stand: Withholding Sex to Get What You Want

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 13:00:38 -0700

Let's say your man smokes cigarettes and you want him to quit. You've tried talking to him about it, but nothing changes. So you throw him an ultimatum: No sex until he quits. Of course, that proves that you mean business, but is it right to withhold sex to get what you want?

How about you? Have you ever kept your pants on until your partner agreed to something or did something for you? Has anyone ever refused to give you sex because they wanted something? Is this an innocent little ploy or unacceptably immature?

Source

Handle This: You Have to Take a Step Backwards

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

You moved in with your boyfriend and for six months things were great, but the past three have been rough to say the least. Many people said it was too soon for you guys to take this step, and now you think they may have been right. Your boyfriend is rarely home nowadays and when he is, you’re usually frustrated with him.

You guys finally sit down to talk about what’s been going on. He admits that he’s been spending time outside of the house because he feels like you’re always upset with him. At the end of the conversation you both realize that you love each other, but you just aren’t ready to live together. You still want to make it work but if you stay together, it’s like you’re taking this huge step backwards. How would you handle this?

Source

You Asked: I Have a Violent Streak

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I spend wonderful times together, but always after a great weekend or outing he goes into work mode and gets completely busy and distracted. I on the other hand have an idle mind, and I end up thinking a lot about our relationship — how I think it should be. I want to be able to see him every single day. I am a very assertive person, so I have no problem telling him what I want, but he has his own pace. I am impulsive and love to be living in the moment, and he takes his time with everything.

Yesterday he came over but only after I had nagged at him. But instead of appreciating it, I ended up screaming at him about how he could be so much better to me. I got carried away and ended up tugging on his shirt collar in a violent way. I'm so angry at myself for what I did, and I know that I really hurt him and scared him. I have anger problems that need help and I would hate to lose the best relationship of my life because I have no self-control. I know I can be very emotionally abusive when I "want" to be, and I have done things like this before. How can I learn to cope and save my relationship before it's too late?

— Demanding Deb

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You Asked: Is My Boyfriend Just Over Me?

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years, and about a year ago, I let him move into my house. We have a good relationship at times, but I find myself feeling both confused and annoyed by his behavior often. Sometimes he seems completely in love with me and shows me affection both physically and verbally, but at other times, he couldn't seem less interested. In fact, sometimes I feel like he doesn't even notice when I'm in the house. When I get home he doesn't ask me where I've been or why I was gone so long. And when I am out, he never checks in with me. Is he just not invested in our relationship anymore? What should I do?

— Baffled Bea

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Top 10 Reasons Men Don't Want Sex: Part Two

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 08:00:00 -0700

I know it can be pretty frustrating and make you feel a little self-conscious when your man just isn't in the mood to get it on, but like I said yesterday, there are definitely some reasons why men don't want to have sex. Here are five more.

Disagreements with one's mate: Who wants to hug, kiss, and roll around under the covers with someone they're upset with? A man, just like a woman, may be so angry with his partner that he doesn't want to be anywhere near them. Or he may withhold sex from his partner as a form or punishment or tactic to get what he wants.
Stress: If your man is stressed about money, home, his sick grandfather, or your kids then you know what's on his mind, and unfortunately, it's not sex.
He masturbates on his own: I don't think there's anything wrong with masturbating while you're in a relationship, but when masturbation takes the place of sex with the person you're dating or married to, problems will no doubt arise.

To hear the last two reasons

10 Reasons Why Men Don't Want Sex: Part One

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 08:00:00 -0700

In the beginning of a new relationship, it's hard to keep your hands off each other. Sharing all that fiery passion is what makes it so exciting, but as you get to know each other and become more comfortable, the frequency of sex usually cools down, and sometimes, your sex life can hit a complete drought. So if your man is the one who's "not in the mood," here are the top five reasons why, according to WebMD:

Medications: If your man is taking prescriptions for depression or anxiety, they may be to blame for his nonexistent sex drive.
Lack of sleep: If your man hasn't gotten his fair share of zzz's, then sleep will be the only thing on his mind come bedtime.
Hormonal levels: Testosterone is what drives your man to want to get it on, so if he's lacking in that department, don't count on him wanting to tear your clothes off. Your man can easily figure out if this is the problem by seeing his doctor and getting his hormonal levels checked.

Want to see the other two reasons? Then

You Asked: I'm Being Left Out

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating this guy for four years now. I currently live in the city in which he was born and raised; I moved here just prior to meeting him. He has a number of friends of which I have never met. I have always wanted to get to know them, but he's been very weird about it. He is continuing to make new friends, but sees no reason to tell me about them or introduce them to me. As it turns out, most of them are other females. I feel shut out and betrayed!

I don't think he's cheating on me, but I just don't understand why he doesn't talk about them with me. I have tried to talk to him about this on occasion, but it always ends up as an argument. At this point, I don't even bother bringing it up anymore, but it still hurts me. Do you have any advice for helping me deal with this?

— Left Out Lily

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Handle This: Your Boyfriend Gets Arrested

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

You’ve been with your current boyfriend for just over a year, and although you do love him, times have been rough recently. He’s been going through a difficult period after an unexpected loss in his family that’s really taken a toll on your relationship. You’re actually relieved to have some time to yourself when he heads to Vegas for a guys' weekend.

You're completely shocked when you get a phone call in the middle of the night from your boyfriend — he’s calling collect from jail. It turns out that he and his friends decided it would be fun to sneak into one of the nicer hotel pools after hours and steal drinks from the bar. You’re completely shocked at his immaturity, but he’s begging you to help bail him out. He sounds really upset, but then again, so are you. How would you handle this?

Source

You Asked: My Boyfriend Won't Let Me Take His Picture

DearSugar — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I recently went on an all-expenses paid trip to New York with my boyfriend, and it was great. However, when we were on our carriage ride through Central Park, my boyfriend refused to take a picture with me. Not only did he refuse while on this excursion, but he refused throughout the entire trip. I know he has nothing to hide; he just doesn't like getting pictures taken. I was so upset over this, and he just didn't care. He kept saying "No pictures. No way." We ended up spending the rest of the day angry, and he even threatened to get me an early flight back home. Any advice on this? We have had arguments about pictures before. He just refuses to let anyone take our picture. I really only have one of him since we have been together. Whats going on?

—At My Wit's End Emma

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You Asked: I Don't Enjoy Sex With My Boyfriend

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

For the last eight months or so, I haven't enjoyed sex. My boyfriend tries hard to please me and helps me in every way possible, but I just DON'T want it. Well, actually I don't want it from him. I want sex all the time but when it comes down to it, I get turned off by the little things — him not being shaved down there, it being too late, I'm too tired, I have to work tomorrow — I give him every excuse in the book.

I have tried to figure out ways to make myself want to have sex with him, but I am tired of it because it's so boring. It's the same thing every time. I can predict his every move and what will happen next. I feel like I would have more fun masturbating alone (and usually do).

I have a common fantasy that I have wanted to share with him but don't
know how to bring it up without sounding weird. We're pretty open with our sex life and love to try new things, but I think this is one of those things that has to be handled delicately. I want him to be my "masseuse" and "trick" me into sleeping with him. I want him to use sly hand movements, no speaking, and just touching. I'm nervous about him messing it up though, with a lot of talking or rushing in to it. Should I bring it up to him?

—Wanting More Mandi

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You Asked: Should We Get Back Together?

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I recently started med school and within a month, I unexpectedly found myself falling for a new friend. After the first night we got together, he told me that he actually was still involved with an ex-girlfriend. They had broken up several months before due to the distance but had continued to visit one another and hook up. I told him we could date on the condition that he ended things with her for good, which he willingly did.

While we were dating, he still kept in touch with her and they continued to visit each other. We constantly argued about this and one night when I was drunk, I broke up with him. I called the next morning, hoping to get back together, but he said he decided to get back with his ex. I accepted his decision and was heartbroken, but we continued our friendship.

Last weekend, he wanted to hang out with me and he showed up with his girlfriend. I was shocked. When he called me later that night, in a drunken state, I told him how upset I was. He said he still had feelings for me despite the fact that three weeks had passed since our break up.

After that weekend, I said I needed some space from our friendship. He told me he had broken up with her and that we should get back together. I'm really confused about what I should do. I don't think it's a good idea to get back together with him, but I still care for him and I know he cares for me. Should I give him another chance, or should I just cut him out my life?

—Stuck Between a Rock and a Hard Place

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You Asked: I Can't Believe He Broke Up With Me

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating this guy for the past four years. In the beginning, we were having major problems, and two years into it, his dad was diagnosed with cancer. We decided we loved each other too much to break up. During the illness, my boyfriend's behavior became unbearable, and I broke up with him. Sadly, his dad died about six months after our break up, but we got back together after the funeral, and I thought things were going pretty well.

A few months later, for financial reasons, my sister moved in with me. I come from a strict family and my parents would not approve of me spending the night with my boyfriend. I don't agree, so I just don't tell them, but my sister said she refuses to lie. She said if they call and I'm at my boyfriend's place, she'll tell them. I told my boyfriend that we can still date but not spend nights together anymore. He couldn't deal, so he broke up with me and said to call him if my situation changes.

I am heartbroken and I don't know what to do. We've been through so much, and I feel like someone who wants to marry me should love me unconditionally. It seems so unfair. Am I missing something?

—In Disbelief Danielle

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