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You Asked: How Can I Deal With His Mother?

DearSugar — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've been seeing my boyfriend for a few months now; long enough that I've developed a relationship with his mother, but lately I'm starting to wish I could avoid her altogether. For a while she was calling me on a daily basis to "chat." Eventually I started ignoring her phone calls, which felt rude, but I didn't know what else to do. Topics of conversation ranged from her day-to-day business to problems she has with her son. She tried to talk to me about his money situation, his job and his previous relationship habits. For the most part I would simply respond with "Mmm" and "Right" but I felt uncomfortable with every "chat."

After I began neglecting her calls, they died down and I would talk with her whenever we saw each other, but the other night she called me to talk about some pretty personal stuff: her relationship with her ex husband, her opinion on my parents' relationship, and of course, her opinion on my relationship with her son. Although I did not contribute to the conversation, I felt extremely guilty after hanging up with her. If I found out that my mother was calling my boyfriend to discuss such personal matters I would feel incredibly betrayed. Although I haven't heard from her since, I'm still not sure how I should proceed. How do I deal with this without offending her and possibly straining my relationship with my boyfriend? And more importantly, do I tell him about this conversation? — Caught in the Middle Milly

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You Asked: I'm Stuck in the Middle

DearSugar — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My mother got divorced from her husband of 16 years, a year and a half ago. He claimed he didn't love her anymore, and my mother was left wounded and angry. Together they have a wonderful 12-year-old son, my half-brother, who now takes turns staying with each of them. Things are very bitter, and they mostly communicate through text messaging or through me and my brother — my mother feels too angry to have a more civilized relationship with him. I will admit that my step-dad was cold to her during the divorce, and I understand that she feels hurt, but at this point, I wish she would give in and work at making their relationship better.

I'm away from home in grad school, in a foreign country, extremely busy with my studies, so I mostly communicate with them via email. Yesterday my step-dad told me he has begun dating another woman. It sounds pretty serious. He told me my brother has met her and that they got along. I'm happy for him, but I don't think my mom knows about this. She has been dating herself, but I just know this will make her angry and she might start some kind of power war with her ex through me, or worse, my brother.

If I wait to tell her, my brother might end up blurting it out (what a heavy secret for a twelve year old to have to carry around). So I think it's best if I tell her. How do I go about this in a manner that is gentle? How can I persuade her not to involve me or my brother in the anger she will most likely feel?

— Family Drama Dannika

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Do Tell: Does Your Mother Ever Drive You Nuts?

DearSugar — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 15:00:00 -0700

How many times do you hear someone say that her mom drives her nuts? I hear it all the time, and truth be told, I've said it my fair share of times too. Now don't get me wrong, I love my mom; I'm very fortunate to have the relationship I do with her, but sometimes her over-protective nature and smothering affection can be a little too much. And even though she's always there for me — whether it's to give advice or offer a listening ear — do tell, does your mom ever just drive you nuts? And if so, what is it specifically that gets on your nerves?

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