http://dearsugar.com/ Just ask. en http://dearsugar.com/2537718 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/1/12981/48_2008/acc210db30576e25_US.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image xlarge" height="244" width="300"></span>Thanksgiving is a big travel time, and since many of you will be making the trek through states all across the US, I thought you'd like to learn some love statistics about those places. With help from <a href="http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200706_omag_love_states" target="_blank">Oprah.com</a>, you'll learn some useless trivia that could actually be a great conversation starter during dinner! Enjoy.</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2537718">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2537718#comment Dear Quiz Divorce Love Across the US Marriage Wed, 26 Nov 2008 07:30:00 -0800 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2537718 http://dearsugar.com/2534566 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-2534566"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/2534566',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-2534566');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/48_2008/366401c31e88fb92_sad.xlarger.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image xlarger" width="266" height="400"></span>Even if you didn't turn into a <a href="http://dearsugar.com/tags/bridezilla" >Bridezilla</a>, the letdown after your wedding day can feel overwhelmingly depressing, and the feelings around postnuptial depression are now being recognized by psychiatrists and therapists. According to <a href="http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1861028,00.html?xid=rss-health" target="_blank">a recent article</a> on Time.com, therapists say that most people experience some sort of letdown after the big day, but five to 10 percent of newlyweds experience strong enough feelings of remorse, sadness, or frustration to seek professional help. To avoid these feelings, the article offers some advice:</p> <blockquote><p>After the vows, to defeat the postnuptial blues, doctors say couples should get adequate rest and exercise; communicate constantly; focus on the benefits of marriage, such as having a built-in support system; and start thinking about the future in terms of family or finance. Women especially should also stop thinking of themselves as The Bride: throw out those wedding magazines, then plan some social events for after the honeymoon, so you have other parties to look forward to.</p></blockquote> <p>Since post-wedding blues aren't uncommon, I'm curious to know how many of you felt down and out after your big day, so tell us . . . </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> <p><br clear=all></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/2534566" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Dear Poll: Did You Experience Postnuptial Depression?</label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> Yes, I'm feeling pretty glum right now actually.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> I did feel a little down after my wedding, but those feelings have since passed. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> No, I never felt the blues after my wedding day. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="3" class="form-radio" /> Other — Please explain below.</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="2534566" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/2534566#comment Marriage News to Me the blues Wedding Tue, 25 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2534566 http://dearsugar.com/2516071 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-2516071"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/2516071',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-2516071');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p>The holiday season is all about family, and while it's also about welcoming others to the table, I think most people look forward to being home every November. Married couples are often forced to alternate holidays if both families can't be together. But what about when you're in a serious relationship, just not married? Is spending Thanksgiving with your significant other a do or a don't? <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/47_2008/5804f3f3df94ba8b_together.xlarger.jpg" alt="" title="" class="image center xlarger" width="400" height="400"></span></p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/2516071" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>A Do or a Don&#039;t: Thanksgiving Together Before Marriage </label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> A Do — I don't like to be away from my significant other during the holidays.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> A Don't — Thanksgiving is a family holiday. We can be apart for a few days. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> We just do a big Thanksgiving together so we don't have to choose.</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="2516071" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/2516071#comment commitment Family holiday Marriage Relationships Thanksgiving Fri, 21 Nov 2008 10:30:00 -0800 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2516071 http://dearsugar.com/2475034 <p>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>I'm a 47-year-old woman and I've only had sex with my first love — my husband of 31 years. The reason I'm writing is to ask if it's normal to only be able to climax in one position. I can only orgasm when I'm on top which makes me think I'm missing out on so many other fun positions. Do you have any suggestions to help bring excitement back to our sex life? — On Top Tatiana </p> <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/46_2008/56ea48f60b726369_orgasm.jpg" alt="" title="" class="image xxlarge" width="478" height="357"></span></p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2475034">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2475034#comment Marriage orgasm Relationships Sex sex toys spice things up You Asked Wed, 12 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2475034 http://dearsugar.com/2464938 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/45_2008/45f280ae9ffe762e_married.xlarger.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image xlarger" width="267" height="400"></span>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>I have a serious dilemma. My fiancé and I have been together for four and a half years, living together for three, and engaged for five months. We set a date and everything was great, except I started to get very nervous — I have major cold feet! I love him dearly and our relationship is awesome except for a few things: I wish we had a better sex life and I struggle with having more of a social need than him. I want a little spontaneity in my life, I am only 23!</p> <p>Though I'm having cold feet, I don't want to lose such a great person by letting my fear get the best of me. I decided that I needed to be alone and live by myself for a while so I could figure this all this out. He moved out a week ago, and I am not missing him that much. I see him everyday and we are still together, we're just living separately. </p> <p>I am completely confused and need advice as to what to do. Does age really matter when it comes to marriage? Does hot sex really matter? Please help! I'd rather not get married then get married and get divorced. — Cold Feet Courtney </p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2464938">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2464938#comment cold feet Love Marriage Relationships Sex You Asked Thu, 06 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2464938 http://dearsugar.com/2426325 <p>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>My husband and I have been married for over four years. Right before we were engaged he was living in another state. When he returned back home, he was very secretive. I snooped through his emails one day, and there were messages from another woman. There was nothing overtly sexual in them, though she did say something about how she's a better woman than me. <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/44_2008/e36afd99aa5c8695_Sad-Woman.xlarger.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image xlarger" height="400" width="299"></span></p> <p>It didn't take me long to get over it, but whenever he was out of town for a long period of time, I always felt suspicious. One Summer we were apart for a month and he came home with inappropriate text messages. Things quickly blew up, and I found an email form my husband to another girl complaining about me. This was very hurtful, and again, my trust was broken. </p> <p>We worked it out, and now three years later, I've been hurt again. My husband said he was going out to dinner with a male business partner, but it turns out it was with two women. He lied directly to my face! I realize I'm a jealous person, and I have definitely snooped, but if I didn't have this feeling in the back of my mind I wouldn't have. But did my jealousy and my snooping drive him to hide things? I don't know that he has ever physically cheated on me, but I feel that he has emotionally. I know he can be a great person, but do I really deserve this? </p> <p>— Lied To Lacey</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2426325">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2426325#comment Advice Jealousy Marriage Snooping Trust You Asked Tue, 28 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2426325 http://dearsugar.com/2426679 <p>If you're not a fan of hormonal birth control, your options are limited when it comes to staying pregnancy-free. <a href="http://dearsugar.com/2419530" >Condoms</a> are an easy choice to stay protected when you're <i>not</i> in a committed relationship, but I've been hearing more and more married couples say that condoms are their preferred method of birth control, too. Of course to each their own, but isn't one of the perks of being in a committed marriage (one that's clear of STIs) that you don't have to fuss with interrupting the moment to find a condom? Clearly I'd pick another method, but where do you stand on using condoms when you're married? Do you, or would you, use them too?</p> <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/44_2008/55a99b10c12ebad6_sex.jpg" alt="" title="" class="center image xlarger" width="400" height="292"></span></p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2426679#comment Birth Control Condoms Dating Marriage Relationships Sex STIs Tue, 28 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2426679 http://dearsugar.com/2420044 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/43_2008/02bca23a497b6fb0_Woman-Stressed-Out.xlarge.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image xlarge" height="213" width="320"></span>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>I have been with my boyfriend for about six years now, five of which have been spent living together. For the past year, we have been staying in different cities due to work, although we'll be getting married in a couple of months. He really loves me, and we have never had any problems regarding another woman previously; however, when I went to visit him recently, I found out he was lying to me about a girl. I found two ticket stubs for two movies that he said he'd gone to by himself. When I pressed he confessed that he'd taken a girl from his office. He lied because he didn't want to hurt me or have me overreact, since they're just friends. </p> <p>As it turns out she no longer works with him. But I asked him to introduce me to her, since they were friends. He wouldn't so I asked him to cut ties with her because it was causing me anxiety. Now he says he's not in touch with her anymore, and still loves me very much. However, since I'm in a different city, I can't be sure. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but concerns like this coming up right before our wedding really worry me. What do I do? Should I be worried?</p> <p>— Mistrustful Melissa</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2420044">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2420044#comment Advice forgiveness Marriage Trust You Asked Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2420044 http://dearsugar.com/2399308 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/43_2008/9d6bc52d1956ae5f_Couple-Conflict.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image xlarge" height="312" width="310"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>I have been in a relationship for about seven years, and we've lived together for nearly four. I have been trying to talk to my partner about getting married, but he just doesn't want to go that route. We each have our own children from previous relationships, as well as two that are ours together. I finally feel ready to settle down and get married, but he doesn't even see that as an option. We have both been married before; he is 39, and I am 31. This is the longest relationship I have ever been in, and I love this man more than I have ever loved anyone. </p> <p>I just don't know if I am selling myself short. Don't I deserve a wedding to the man I want to spend the rest of my life with? Or should I just accept the fact that he doesn't think we need to get married and keep everything the way it is? I have been losing a lot of sleep on this one and feel as if I'm not as good as his exes. What do I do?</p> <p>— Ready to Settle Down Sasha</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2399308">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2399308#comment Advice differences Long Term Relationship Marriage You Asked Thu, 23 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2399308 http://dearsugar.com/2370162 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/42_2008/forever.xlarger.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image xlarger" width="266" height="400"></span><br><br>When a couple heads down the aisle, they promise forever to each other. But committing to one person for a lifetime can be extremely nerve-wracking, regardless of how much you love each other. Having <a href="http://dearsugar.com/294164" >cold feet</a> on your wedding day is somewhat normal, but there are many people out there who fear commitment like the plague. So where do you stand on the notion of forever? Does it excite you or make you run for the hills? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> <p><br clear=all></p> http://dearsugar.com/2370162#comment live forever Love Marriage Relationships Wedding Where Do You Stand Tue, 21 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2370162 http://dearsugar.com/2353212 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/42_2008/Man-Concern.jpg" alt="" title="" class="outline left image xlarge" height="312" width="310"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>My wife and I have been married for 13 years and we have four kids. I don't feel as if she loves me anymore. She does not show me any affection and only goes along with what I initiate. I will occasionally stop her throughout the day to give her a hug or a kiss, but she never initiates it. She never tells me that she loves me unless she is responding to my "I love you." For our anniversary, I put love notes around the house and in her car so that she would see them through every event of her day and I bought her a dozen roses. She said thank you, but that was it. I didn't even receive a hug or a kiss! </p> <p>The only time we ever have sex is if I make the move. This has been going on for the last five years. Before that she would at least show <i>some</i> interest in me. When I try to talk to her about the way I feel she turns it all around on me and it inevitably leads to a huge argument. I tried for years not to let it bother me, but it really is starting to affect me as I am always thinking about it and hoping she will initiate just a simple kiss or hug.</p> <p>— Missing Kisses Kevin</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2353212">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2353212#comment Advice affection Love Marriage Needs Therapy You Asked Tue, 14 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2353212 http://dearsugar.com/2322154 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/41_2008/young-love.xlarge.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image xlarge" width="320" height="240"></span>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>My fiance asked me to marry him almost six months ago while on a trip to Disney World after five years of dating. He hadn't told anyone and we waited to share the good news until after we had returned from our trip. Since we are young (I am 21 and he is 23), both our parents expressed happiness for us but enforced the importance of me finishing school. As the months have gone by, his mother has begun to express her disapproval of us getting married at such a young age. We have mentioned to her that the wedding would not be for another year and a half, at which point he would be turning 25 and I would be turning 23. But whenever my fiance is not around, she decides to have little side talks with me, telling me not to be in such a rush and to consider waiting another <i>four years</i> before getting married! She says things to make me feel as though I'm holding him back from bigger and better things, and she's made it clear that she has little faith in me finishing school, even though I am highly motivated and love what I am studying. </p> <p>No matter how much we express our love and respect for each other, I can't seem to convince her that the wedding will not lead me to forget about school to start a family. How do I handle a controlling mother-in-law-to-be? — Ready to Wed Rach</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2322154">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2322154#comment Advice education Love Marriage Mother-in-Law Relationships School You Asked Thu, 09 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2322154 http://dearsugar.com/2301453 <p>Yesterday <a href="http://jezebel.com/5060010/writer-suggests-manipulating-your-man-into-marriage" target="_blank">Jezebel wrote about an article</a> from the <a href="http://www.nypost.com" target="_blank">New York Post</a> in which Lori Uscher-Pines, the author of <b>The Get-Your-Man-to-Marry-You Plan: Buying the Cow in the Age of Free Milk</b>, offers five dos and don'ts for getting your man to pop the question. Disappointingly, some of her advice seems to promote guilt-inducing <a href="http://dearsugar.com/2170871" >tricks</a>, <a href="http://www.nypost.com/seven/10072008/entertainment/make_your_moove_132458.htm?&amp;page=2" target="_blank">including the following</a>: <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/41_2008/Couple-Thinking.xlarge.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image xlarge" height="214" width="320"></span></p> <blockquote><p>Do create some dependency, you scheming bitch. Ha ha, kidding. But really, do this. "Get him to depend on you a little bit," [Uscher-Pines] says, "and then show him what life is like without this benefit." Cook him a gourmet meal every night and then stop. Pay bills and then stop. Get his car inspected and then stop. You're so bad, you're good!</p></blockquote> <p><b>Jezebel's</b> commenters concluded that if you really want to get married and your boyfriend doesn't, then it's best to just end the relationship instead of trying to trick him into it. I wholeheartedly agree, except that I do believe there's a difference between a man who never wants to marry his girlfriend and a man who's just not ready to get married yet. But even still, the question remains: Do you wait? </p> <p>What's your experience? If you loved someone who didn't want marriage, could you sacrifice your own desire in order to stay with him? Or would you try to get him to change?</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2301453#comment Advice Marriage News to Me Relationships Wed, 08 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2301453 http://dearsugar.com/2136055 <p>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>I've been with my boyfriend for two years and we live right next to each other — we've actually been neighbors for years. I am 24 and he is 29. The timing isn't certain, but he's been planning to move a half an hour to an hour away where it will be more convenient for work. Also, the areas he's looking at are much cheaper for buying a house. I really don't want to be away from him, so he suggested that I move with him, and we can get a house together. I really like the idea of living together, but the only problem is I believe that moving in together without the serious commitment of marriage has a lot of consequences. <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/40_2008/Woman-Commitment.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="232" width="350"></span></p> <p>We've never talked about marriage, but he does say that moving in together is the start of our life together. But why would he be willing to make a permanent commitment if all the privileges of marriage are there without any of the responsibilities? It makes me think he's not ready for the actual commitment of marriage, and I don't want to enter into some kind of pseudo-marriage situation. If I tell him this, I don't want it to sound like I’m suggesting or forcing marriage, but I also don't want him to think that I just don't want to live with him. Am I just being too paranoid and thinking too much into this? Should I go with the flow?</p> <p>— Marriage and Moving Malia</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2136055">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2136055#comment Advice commitment Living Together Marriage moving in You Asked Thu, 02 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2136055 http://dearsugar.com/2061073 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/1/12981/39_2008/preg_0.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="420" width="300"></span>I just read an article that talked about <a href="http://www.newsweek.com/id/160401" target="_blank">teen abortion rates decreasing</a>, though the rates haven't changed much for older women. I'm sure you all have opinions about abortion in general, but does your view point change in cases where the woman is older and married? Do you think a responsible, married couple should go through with having a baby even if it was unplanned, maybe even unwanted, just because they're in a committed relationship? Or are you pro-life or pro-choice in all circumstances? Tell me where you stand when it comes to abortions when you're married, and remember, even though this is a pretty heated subject, you still need to respect your fellow Sugar users' opinions.</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2061073#comment Abortion Marriage Relationships Where Do You Stand Wed, 24 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2061073 http://dearsugar.com/2033367 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/38_2008/200362237-001.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="452" width="300"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>A few years ago I fell for my very best friend. We began dating, and not a week later, a serious crisis occurred in my family and I told him I could not start a relationship under such circumstances. We went our separate ways, and he was very bitter towards me for a while. He immediately began dating a girl, wound up getting her pregnant, and now they are married. Although our friendship suffered serious blows, he will always be someone very dear to me. On occasion we've run into each other at parties, and it's like nothing changed, until a few months ago.</p> <p>One night we both had a number of cocktails in us and began discussing the unfortunate turn our relationship took. The conversation ended when he grabbed my face and kissed me. Since then, he has contacted me a few times online, asking to hang out. Generally I've ignored these messages, but now he is texting and calling more frequently, asking to just spend a little time with me and talk. I'm not sure how to handle this situation. Spending time alone with a married man with whom I have a past seems inappropriate. I've already caused him to cross the line once, and I refuse to be a part of such a thing again. </p> <p>All I can think about are his wife and her child, and how this would make me feel if I were in her shoes. Am I overthinking his request? If not, is there a way to handle this without causing any more damage to the memory of our friendship or his marriage?</p> <p>— Fraught Friendship Fima</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2033367">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2033367#comment Advice cheating Friendship Marriage You Asked Mon, 22 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2033367 http://dearsugar.com/2037438 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/38_2008/stk112141rke.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="320" width="320"></span>I have a friend who’s spent the past year working like a dog to finish her MBA while simultaneously climbing the corporate ladder. She loves dating, but she has no desire to have children or even get married. Meanwhile, I have other friends who have completely set aside their careers to work on building a family. I respect both choices very much, but I find it fascinating that there’s such a distinct difference in priorities. Are you leaning to one of these extremes? Do tell, where are your priorities as far as family versus career in your own future? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2037438#comment Career Children Do Tell future Marriage Success Mon, 22 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2037438 http://dearsugar.com/2037289 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/38_2008/YLF_036_0.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="438" width="350"></span>The overturning of the <a href="http://www.citizensugar.com/1631841" >ban on same-sex marriage</a> in California has <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1713965" >changed many lives</a> and simultaneously sparked a slew of arguments. In fact, as reported by the <a href="http://www.sacbee.com" target="_blank">Sacramento Bee</a>, a recently wed couple — Rachel Bird and Gideon Codding — are starting their own debate over the wording of the new gender-neutral marriage license, which has changed the traditional reference of Bride and Groom to Party A and Party B. </p> <p><a href="http://www.sacbee.com/101/story/1239279.html" target="_blank">Bird offered</a> her own explanation, saying: "We are traditionalists — we just want to be called bride and groom," and for this couple, anything else is unacceptable; they refuse to sign the license as-is. The article also mentions that this particular fight is a personal one, rather than religious. But whatever the motivation for standing their ground, I find the attachment to these two words interesting. They do represent tradition and their cultural significance is vast, but are they truly necessary? When it comes down to it, do these types of traditional titles matter to <i>you</i> and <i>your</i> relationship? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2037289#comment bride Groom Love Marriage News to Me tradition Wedding Fri, 19 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2037289 http://dearsugar.com/2028818 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-2028818"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/2028818',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-2028818');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/38_2008/medfr03799_0.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="450" width="300"></span><br><br></p> <p>Unless you’re ready to have children, thinking about a possible pregnancy can be pretty terrifying. But if you’re having sex, there’s always a chance, no matter how slim. And there's no doubt that for better or worse, a pregnancy can drastically alter a relationship. Since I’m sure most of you have considered the possibility, especially if you're in a long-term relationship, tell me, would you expect to marry your significant other if you learned you were pregnant? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a> <br clear=all></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/2028818" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Dear Poll: If You Got Pregnant, Would Marriage Come Next? </label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> No way. Marriage might come eventually, but not because of a pregnancy.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Definitely. If I were pregnant I would expect to get married no matter what.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> Yeah, but only because we’re already planning on it anyway. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="3" class="form-radio" /> Other — Please share. </label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="2028818" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/2028818#comment Dear Poll Marriage Pregnancy Relationship Issues Relationships Sex Wed, 17 Sep 2008 12:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2028818 http://dearsugar.com/1970534 <p>Yesterday, the Business section of <a href="http://nytimes.com" target="_blank">the New York Times</a> had an article addressing the significance of financial compatibility in marriage, likening its seriousness in making or breaking a marriage to that of sex and children. And, of course, it has me thinking about what it takes to make a successful long-term partnership beyond love. The <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/10/business/businessspecial3/10WED.html?pagewanted=1&amp;_r=1&amp;sq=marriage&amp;st=cse&amp;scp=6" target="_blank">article notes</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. For centuries, marriages were arranged affairs, aligning families for economic or political purposes or simply pooling the resources of those scraping by. Today, while most of us marry for romantic reasons, marriage at its core is still a financial union.</p></blockquote> <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/37_2008/dv267033a.jpg" alt="" title="" class="image preview" height="332" width="500"></span><br /> I know we're all grateful that we live in a time when love is valued, so it's somewhat disconcerting to think of a life-long partnership in business-related terms, like "financial union." If you're in love, it can be difficult to separate your intense emotions from the practicalities that go into making something work for the long haul, but sometimes you have to — financial strain can be a huge burden. </p> <p>What do you think? Are you good at considering your relationships from a more pragmatic point of view? And if so, which elements of compatibility matter most to you outside of a shared love? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1970534#comment Long Term Relationship Marriage Money News to Me Thu, 11 Sep 2008 14:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1970534 http://dearsugar.com/1952881 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/37_2008/rbmb_04.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="454" width="300"></span>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>My boyfriend and I are discussing marriage. I was brought up in an Italian Catholic family, and although I am not very active in my faith, the traditions and values that have been passed down are still very important to me. My boyfriend, on the other hand, was raised Catholic but is now Agnostic. I knew this when we started dating, and it's never bothered me. I admire that he has searched for his own truth and is happy with his own beliefs. I have fallen in love with a kind and generous person, and his beliefs, or lack thereof, really don't have any influence on my feelings. </p> <p>The problem is now that we are discussing marriage, I would like to honor the traditions in my family and marry in a Catholic church. He is willing to do so but has mentioned that it would make him feel uncomfortable, and I really want this day to be about the two of us. We have discussed other options, but for some reason they are just not sitting well with me. I know I can't change his feelings or mine but I worry about the future and how this will impact our children and our relationship. I am one to fight for love, but in this situation is love enough?</p> <p>— Religion Woes Rachael</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1952881">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1952881#comment Advice beliefs future Marriage Religion You Asked Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1952881 http://dearsugar.com/1964633 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-1964633"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/1964633',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-1964633');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl0/0/3362/10_2008/confess.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image right preview" height="45"></span>Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this <a href="http://www.truemomconfessions.com/" target="_blank">True Confession</a>.<span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/37_2008/true.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="300" height="248"></span> <br> "I wish I slept with someone — anyone — before I got married. I have nobody to compare him to, and I can't help but think he sucks in bed. I guess I'll never know. Does this make me a horrible wife?"</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/1964633" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>True Confession — I Wish I&#039;d Had More Sexual Partners</label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> Forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Not forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> Undecided</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="1964633" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/1964633#comment Marriage Sex Sexual Partners true confession Wed, 10 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1964633 http://dearsugar.com/1909653 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/36_2008/wedreal.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="300" height="327"></span>I was having a conversation with a friend last night about how her BFF from college is getting divorced from her college sweetheart after only two years of marriage. While I know many young relationships flourish, I have to say I wasn't all that surprised by her news — people grow leaps and bounds in their 20's and it's common to see life in a whole new light, much differently from your school days. I look back on my college relationship now and realize how wrong we were for each other, but that's just me, so tell me where you stand on marrying young. Do you think age is just a number, or do you think regardless of the relationship, it's better to wait for more life experience before saying "I do" to someone you met when you were young and inexperienced? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1909653#comment college Divorce Marriage Relationships Where Do You Stand Wed, 03 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1909653 http://dearsugar.com/1891160 <p>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>I dated this guy several years ago. We always had amazing chemistry. We've known each other for almost 15 years, but he wasn't mature enough to handle a monogamous relationship when we dated, and he cheated repeatedly until we finally split up. After the breakup, I began seeing another man who, on paper, is a perfect catch — intelligent, sweet and funny — but we never quite clicked, and he never made me feel like my ex did. Regardless, we ended up getting married several years ago, but my ex has always been in my heart. He got married as well (to the woman he cheated with), but it didn't last and they are now divorced. <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/35_2008/affair.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="350"></span></p> <p>After his marriage ended, he walked back into my life. My husband and I had been having some problems for about two years, and when we saw each other again, we immediately clicked. I felt like I hadn't felt in years — I found my passion again, I found my drive, and I was happy. He admitted how much he missed me and how he had always loved me. As wrong as it is, I felt giddy again, and we've been having an affair for the last three years.</p> <p>Yesterday, he told me that he can no longer do this, and I'm devastated. Apparently he's having thoughts of other women and is scared that if he can cheat with a married woman, he will cheat on me again. I don't know what to do, what direction to go, or which way to turn. Please point me in the right direction. — In Turmoil Izzy</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1891160">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1891160#comment Advice Breakup cheating Infidelity Jealousy Marriage Relationships You Asked Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1891160 http://dearsugar.com/1874680 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/34_2008/skd260610sdc.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="420" width="300"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>My fianc&eacute; and I have been together for three years. I love him dearly, but he has ADHD. While his symptoms aren't severe enough to impact me (other than his occasional forgetfulness and constant pacing), I am worried about our future. He occasionally brings up the possibility of having children once we are married, but every time he mentions it, I get worried. I feel as if I almost don't even want to have children with him after reading that a third of all fathers with ADHD have children with ADHD. I don't know how I would deal with that behavior and academic issues in a child when I was always a straight A student. Is it horrible to think this? And what can I do to get it out of my mind?</p> <p>— Concerned Cara</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1874680">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1874680#comment ADHD Advice Children Marriage You Asked Tue, 19 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1874680 http://dearsugar.com/1875557 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/34_2008/200321982-001.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="450" width="300"></span>After a few great years together, you and your boyfriend have finally started talking more seriously about your future. You both want marriage and children, but it comes as surprise when he informs you that he expects his wife to <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1875557" >run the household</a> while he's at work. </p> <p>You’re not against the idea of being a stay-at-home mom, but you currently like your job, and most of all you like the option of deciding what’s best for you. But he won’t budge, so how do <i>you</i> handle this? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1875557#comment compromise Handle This Marriage Relationship Issues stay at home mom Tue, 19 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1875557 http://dearsugar.com/1866905 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-1866905"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/1866905',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-1866905');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/33_2008/skd265682sdc.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="330" width="330"></span>With most couples I know, the woman usually has a big say when it comes to the man's <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1796675" rel="nofollow">wardrobe</a>. While this certainly isn’t true for everyone, it’s not surprising that many women in <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1700938" rel="nofollow">long-term relationships</a> actually do most of the shopping for the man. Though I do know many men with serious fashion sense, I know even more guys who would gladly wear the same tennis shoes and worn out T-shirt for 20 years if they could. So do you buy clothes for your boyfriend or do you trust him to hit the stores solo? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Source</a></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/1866905" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Dear Poll: Do You Buy Clothes For Your Boyfriend? </label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> Yea, but only as gifts. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Yes. I do the majority of his shopping.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> I just make him go with me.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="3" class="form-radio" /> Nope. It’s his responsibility.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="4" class="form-radio" /> I would, but he likes to do it on his own. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="5" class="form-radio" /> Other — I'll explain.</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="1866905" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/1866905#comment Couples Dear Poll Marriage men Money Relationships Shopping Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1866905 http://dearsugar.com/1864876 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/33_2008/dv366018c.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="370" width="300"></span>If a relationship lasts long enough, it's natural for thoughts about the long-term future to arise. And figuring out if you and your significant other are on the same wavelength can help you determine whether or not your relationship should continue. </p> <p>But while considering the future is common, and often important, there's still something inherently scary and exciting when having a talk about marriage for the first time. That's probably why many people jump right into it and others tend to hold off. So tell me, have you talked about marriage or the possibility of it with your boyfriend yet? And, if so, how long did you wait before bringing it up? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1864876#comment Communication future Long Term Relationship Marriage Relationship Protocol Relationships Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1864876 http://dearsugar.com/1862190 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/33_2008/55842265.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="325" width="325"></span>When you receive a surprise proposal from your boyfriend of two years, you’re thrilled to spread the news to your family. But when you tell your parents, they seem disappointed and angry — they tell you that you’re far too young to be getting married.</p> <p>After numerous arguments, they inform you that they won’t financially or emotionally support you unless you hold off on the wedding for another couple of years. Meanwhile your boyfriend is getting more frustrated with the situation, so how do <i>you</i> handle this? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1862190#comment Engagement Family Handle This Marriage Parent Approval Parents Thu, 14 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1862190 http://dearsugar.com/1845705 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/32_2008/sug.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="310" height="316"></span>DearSugar and Next Step Nina need your help. She and her boyfriend are very happy and in love, but she's ready for marriage and he wants to wait another two years before even talking about it! She's <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1790886" >not a fan of ultimatums</a>, but she doesn't want to wait around for him. What should she do?</p> <p>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>I have been with my boyfriend for over two years, and we live together. I'm 24 and he is 26. We are both about a year into our great jobs and are doing well financially; we are even saving for a down-payment on a house. We've traveled together and visited both our families who seem to like us as a couple. We love each other and really push for each other to be the best we can be.</p> <p>We talk about how we will raise our children, where we want to travel, where we want to live, and what we want from our relationships. Overall, everything is great, but I'm feeling more and more ready for marriage. I'd like to be engaged and perhaps married in one to two years. When I brought this up, he was a bit nervous and said that he doesn't see himself married for <i>at least</i> two years from now — the exact timeline I have, but while I am ready for an engagement <i>now</i>, he doesn't want to start talking about marriage for another two years, which means more waiting for me. When his family asks him about us, he also sidesteps the topic of marriage. He says he loves me, he says I'm the one for him and he sees us together forever, but the word never comes out of his mouth.</p> <p>Should I just be patient and wait? If so, for how long? I hate ultimatums, but should I give one anyway? It's been two years and four months since we were official, and I just want to know! — Next Step Nina</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1845705#comment Advice Career DearSugar Needs Your Help engaged Family Living Together Marriage Money Relationships Sat, 09 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1845705 http://dearsugar.com/1843046 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/32_2008/where do you stand.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="313" height="313"></span>Since the divorce rate is so high in this country, I'm not surprised when I hear people say they have no intention of ever marrying. For many, they aren't opposed to the idea of being in a committed relationship, but rather the notion of taking vows and having a wedding just isn't something they're interested in. So what happens if you fall in love with someone who feels that way when you've always imagined wedding bells in your future? Would you risk getting involved with someone with such different beliefs, or do you think persuasion could come into play? I know how I would answer this one, but what about you? Where do you stand on dating someone that doesn't believe in marriage?</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1843046#comment beliefs Divorce Marriage Relationships Where Do You Stand Wed, 06 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1843046 http://dearsugar.com/1813900 <p>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>During my husband's first marriage, he had a long-distance (but full-on sexual) affair with a married woman. After <i>we</i> were married, I discovered that they were still in contact. I told him it had to end immediately, and he stopped contacting her. She would still call sometimes, and I demanded that he tell her to stop it. He refused to be "mean" to her, so in a fury, I called her husband and told him that since she'd already ruined his first marriage, I did not want her anywhere near us.<span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/30_2008/stk113731rke.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="320" width="320"></span></p> <p>He didn't know about it before I called him. My husband now says he's glad I took charge and ended the problem, but my girlfriends say I was completely irresponsible and put the other woman in danger. They made me feel horrible, and told me it was possible that her husband would be violent against her. This situation has caused a lot of grief for me and my husband, but now on top of that, I'm worried about her. I was trying to fix the situation. Did I do the wrong thing? </p> <p>— Full of Fury Fleur</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1813900">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1813900#comment Advice cheating Husband Lying Marriage Trust You Asked Wed, 30 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1813900 http://dearsugar.com/1819185 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-1819185"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/1819185',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-1819185');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/31_2008/funds_0.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="337" height="507"></span>After you've said "I do," it's time to start your life as husband and wife. Even though being a newlywed is no doubt exciting, there are still a lot of decisions to make, and <a href="http://www.savvysugar.com/1785056" rel="nofollow">what to do with your money</a> should be pretty high on that list. Since times have changed since our parents got married, merging your bank accounts is no longer the obvious choice when it comes to financial planning. When you factor in duel incomes, prenups, and a high divorce rate into the equation, couples have to protect themselves and their money. Some couples choose to open one joint account and keep another one separate, others keep all their money completely independent of each others. There are those that believe what's mine is yours and merge everything. But is that a good idea? I've yet to experience this so tell me, is <a href="http://www.savvysugar.com/943899" rel="nofollow">pooling all your money after getting married</a> a good or bad idea? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Source</a></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/1819185" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Good Idea or Bad Idea: Merging Your Bank Accounts</label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> Good Idea: You're married now, why wouldn't you combine your funds into one account? </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Bad Idea: Without sounding too skeptical, you just never know.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> I think it's best to have one household account and keep everything else separate.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="3" class="form-radio" /> Other — Please share!</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="1819185" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/1819185#comment bank accounts good idea bad idea Marriage Money Tue, 29 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1819185 http://dearsugar.com/1813398 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-1813398"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/1813398',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-1813398');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p>My girlfriend and I are both 24 years old and have been together for nearly four years. Two years ago we were in a terrible car accident together. I was driving at the time, when an oncoming car swerved across our lane. I walked away with chronic back problems, but my girlfriend was critically injured. She spent two weeks in the hospital, where she had multiple surgeries to fix her broken arms and legs. She did eventually recover, but she has a very bad scar that runs the entire length of her face; she looks like a different person.<span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/30_2008/stk85663cor.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="330" width="330"></span></p> <p>At the time, I struggled with extensive amounts of <a href="http://dearsugar.com/tags/guilt" rel="nofollow">guilt</a> over what had happened to her. I did everything to be a good boyfriend while she recovered; I worked closely with her through her rehabilitation and was always there for her. Once she was doing better, we started focusing on our relationship again. We've been making it work, with ups and downs of course, but overall we've been happy. However, in the last couple months, I've found myself longing for something else. </p> <p>I care about my girlfriend deeply, and I think that we'll always have a connection, but I don't love her the same way I used to. Based on a few conversations, I know that my girlfriend and our families assume that we'll marry because of what's happened. I don't want to abandon her — she still copes daily with her appearance and physical pain — and I don't want to disappoint our families, but I'm just not sure that's what I want. Can I ever be forgiven if I walk away from this relationship? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Source</a></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/1813398" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Sunday Confessional: I Want to Leave Her</label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> Forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Not forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> Undecided — Please explain!</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="1813398" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/1813398#comment car accident guilt Marriage pain Relationship Issues Sunday Confessional Sun, 27 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1813398 http://dearsugar.com/1802809 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/30_2008/skd284549sdc.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="315" width="315"></span>While I always believe a struggling couple should give therapy and time a try before calling it quits on their <a href="http://dearsugar.com/tags/marriage" >marriage</a>, I also know that some relationships are truly irreparable, and life is too short to be unhappy in love. Thus, while I will never consider a <a href="http://dearsugar.com/tags/divorce" >divorce</a> an easy out, I think in some cases it’s most assuredly the right choice. </p> <p>But every individual is different on this sensitive topic — some people I know wouldn’t consider divorce under any circumstances, while others consider it an important option when the going gets tough. Of course, in the end, it depends on your own upbringing and beliefs, but where do you stand when it comes to divorce?</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1802809#comment Conflict Divorce Marriage Relationship Issues Where Do You Stand Wed, 23 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1802809 http://dearsugar.com/1799416 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/29_2008/stk163099rke%282%29.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="350" width="350"></span>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>My husband just began his first corporate job as a computer analyst. Since the day he started I've been hearing about another computer analyst that works there. Apparently she's fit, pretty cute, very nice, and quite successful. From what I understand, a lot of guys are after her. I got all of this information from him before I met her, and he even mentioned that he thought she might be interested in him. </p> <p>He soon stopped talking about her so much when it became clear that I was feeling insecure. This girl is young, single, attractive, and successful, whereas I'm still in school and my husband has to support me financially while I'm finishing up my last semesters. He's mentioned the possibility of his company sending the two of them off on business together, and just yesterday, he told me about a conversation they had about a gynecological problem that she's having! When I questioned him about why she talked to him about such a personal issue, he acted as if I was being overly intrusive. </p> <p>I feel that this woman is crossing the line. I'm not sure if she's really interested or if she's just looking for a friend, but I know that what she's doing is making me feel insecure and angry. Am I just being paranoid? What should I do?</p> <p>— Concerned Claire</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1799416">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1799416#comment Advice Coworker Marriage Relationships Trust You Asked Tue, 22 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1799416 http://dearsugar.com/1781942 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/28_2008/stk108532cor.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="330" width="330"></span>You and your fianc&eacute; have been planning your nuptials for nine months. You've had your <a href="http://dearsugar.com/tags/bridal+shower" >bridal shower</a>, and everything is booked with all the details in place. But recent fights with your fianc&eacute; have led you to see your relationship more clearly than ever. Suddenly you're not sure if this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. </p> <p>You love your fianc&eacute; dearly, but you feel like there are things you've ignored for a while that just aren't working for you. The idea of canceling your wedding is humiliating and terrifying — both sets of parents will be devastated — but you're also scared of making a mistake, so how would <i>you</i> handle this?</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1781942#comment Doubt Fear Feelings Handle This Marriage scared Tue, 22 Jul 2008 14:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1781942 http://dearsugar.com/1793218 <p>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>Help! I have been with my husband for 13 years and will be married 11 in November. To make this as short as possible, I've lived in a sexless, loveless relationship for 12 years. Last November I met someone wonderful and decided to tell my husband I was done. We separated for four months and I stopped seeing my "friend" for a while to get my head together. My husband immersed himself in therapy and told me he could not lose me, that he loved me and would do whatever had to be done to keep us together. I moved back home in May but I still don't feel passion toward him. I love him, but am still very hurt and angry. He supposedly suffers from intimacy issues, fear of failure, etc., and although he is working very hard to be in my heart, our sex life is not good, in fact, it's horrible. He makes no effort to please me at all. After not having any for months, he accused me the other day of not wanting him. </p> <p>I know he loves me in his very own way, but I am not sure I can ever be happy with this man. So many people tell me what a great guy he is and that I should stay with him. He is a great provider and very good in other ways so my question is do I work my butt off to save my marriage, or call it a day? I need some advice please. — Unhappy Helena<br /> <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/29_2008/fight.jpg" alt="" title="" class="outline center image preview" width="506" height="337"></span></p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1793218">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1793218#comment affair fighting Marriage Relationships Therapy You Asked Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1793218 http://dearsugar.com/1787735 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/29_2008/200225243-001.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="450" width="300"></span>At dinner with a friend, your own conversation quickly turns to that of the older couple seated at the table next to yours when you overhear them in the midst of a serious argument. Though you try to mind your own business, it’s impossible not to get caught up in the throws of their <a href="http://dearsugar.com/tags/fighting" >fight</a>. </p> <p>Before you know it, the husband is proceeding to berate his wife, and divorce and previous infidelities are mentioned. They're not loud, but their whispers are like daggers slicing through the tension. You feel bad for them, but they’re ruining your meal. How would <i>you</i> handle this? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1787735#comment arguing awkward Divorce eavesdropping fighting Handle This Marriage Wed, 16 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1787735 http://dearsugar.com/1787692 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/29_2008/preg.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="313" height="313"></span>First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage . . . or does it? While there's a natural progression in all relationships, it seems that people can't help but to meddle in your personal life. The questions start when you first meet that special someone: When are you moving in? And then once you move in together, it's when are you getting engaged? And once you're married, you then get asked about having kids. Of course those are questions that already have a place in the back of your mind, but warding them off when you're either not ready or too fed up with answering them can be hard to avoid. So for all you married women out there, do tell, how do you dodge those invasive questions about starting a family?</p> <p>To see all of our wedding coverage, check out <a href="http://www.idosugar.com" >IDoSugar.com</a>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1787692#comment 2008 wedding Children Do Tell Kids Marriage newlywed week Wedding Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1787692 http://dearsugar.com/1773039 <p>In today's world, it's not uncommon to marry outside of your race, culture, or religion. That's all fine and well when you don't have kids. But when children are brought into the mix, deciding how to raise them, religiously speaking, could be problematic. What if both parents have strong beliefs in their faith? Some families have no problem teaching kids both (Chanukah Bush anyone?) but is that confusing for the kids? Should one parent convert to the other's religion? Of course, this matter should be worked out before getting married and starting a family, but tell me, where do you stand on raising kids in a duel-religion household?<br /> <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/28_2008/religion.jpg" alt="" title="" class="outline image preview" width="506" height="337"></span></p> <p>To see all of our wedding coverage, check out <a href="http://www.idosugar.com" >IDoSugar.com</a>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1773039#comment 2008 wedding Children Marriage newlywed week Religion Wedding Where Do You Stand Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1773039 http://dearsugar.com/1732350 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/26_2008/cheers.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="300"></span>My parent's 32nd wedding anniversary is next week and although my dad may not be the best at remembering to pick up <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1723124" >trash bags at the grocery store</a>, he's good at remembering the important things like birthdays and anniversaries. It was my <i>mom</i> this year who actually said to me midsentence on a completely separate topic, "Oh my gosh, it's our anniversary next week, I almost forgot!!" So ladies, even if you don't make a <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1645798" >big deal out of your anniversary</a>, who tends to remember it most, you or your significant other? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1732350#comment anniversary Family Marriage Relationship Protocol Relationships Reminder Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1732350 http://dearsugar.com/1722430 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/25_2008/skd260277sdc.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="350" width="350"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>My husband and I have been having problems for a while now. I wanted to leave the marriage, but instead we decided to seek professional help and go to counseling. Up until Saturday night, we had not had sex for two months; I'm struggling so much with our marriage that I'm just not able to be intimate right now. </p> <p>But on Saturday, we went to a get-together then out with old friends. I had a few more drinks than usual and to make a long story short, I woke up next to him naked. He admits that we had sex, although I have no recollection of it. At first I was only angry at myself for drinking too much, but the more I remember of that night, the more I think it was his intention to get me into bed the whole time. Am I wrong to be so angry days later? </p> <p>— Very Upset Vicki</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1722430">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1722430#comment Advice Divorce Marriage Therapy Trust You Asked Fri, 20 Jun 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1722430 http://dearsugar.com/1713965 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/6066/25_2008/ellenportia.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="373" width="315"></span>Today is a historic occasion in California: Starting at 5 p.m. PDT, same-sex couples will be able to apply for marriage licenses throughout the state. Most courts and clerk's offices are staying open later to accommodate couples who've been waiting years to the knot, including <a href="http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5hZmLBrL36NObNyMR0ghXN7vB5hYwD91B64381" target="_blank">Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon</a>, who have been together for more than half a century.</p> <p><a href="http://popsugar.com/1634193" >Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi have announced their plans</a> to wed, and if you live in California, you probably know at least one couple who plans to do the same. I remember when the city of San Francisco briefly legalized gay marriage in 2004, we had an impromptu champagne toast at my office for two couples who'd just gotten hitched. Even if you don't live in a state where gay marriage is legal, chances are you know a same-sex couple who has had a commitment ceremony or who has been together for years. What are some of your favorite love stories of same-sex couples? Share them in the comments below!</p> <p><a href="http://www.flynetonline.com/" target="_blank">Flynet</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1713965#comment Homosexuality Love Marriage Relationships same sex love stories same sex marriage Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1713965 http://dearsugar.com/1704270 <div id="guesswho-view-1704270"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/guesswho/view/1704270',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var guesswho=$('guesswho-view-1704270');guesswho.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p>Guess which runway beauty and mother said these words about "the one" in her life?<br> <br> "We seemed to know from the get-go. Just with everything — the way he is. He's very gentle and he wants to have a family and we like a lot of the same things. [It's about] looking for someone to get old with and having fun and obviously being physically attractive to each other." </p><p><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/24_2008/Heidi-Who.jpg" alt="Guess Who?" title="Guess Who?" class="image preview" /></p><p><form action="/1704270" method="post" id="guesswho_guess"> <div><div class="guesswho_form"><div class="form-item"> <input type="text" maxlength="128" name="edit[guess]" id="edit-guess" size="20" value="" class="form-text form-autocomplete" /> </div> <input class="autocomplete" type="hidden" id="edit-guess-autocomplete" value="http://dearsugar.com/taxonomy/autocomplete/2" disabled="disabled" /><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="1704270" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Guess" class="form-submit" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="I Give Up" class="form-submit" /> <input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="guesswho_guess" /> </div> </div></form> </p></noscript> http://dearsugar.com/1704270#comment Guess who Happiness Love Marriage Fri, 13 Jun 2008 12:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1704270 http://dearsugar.com/1702887 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/users/0/3362/49_2007/ejean-two%20hands.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" height="350" width="342"></span>Dear E. Jean,</p> <p>My wife displays no affection for me whatsoever! When we first met, it was like magic. I lived in a big city in an upscale neighborhood and had a thriving business. I was 37, never married, no kids. She was divorced with seven kids. </p> <p>I knocked on her door while campaigning for a friend’s Senate position, and the rest is history. I was at the point in my life where I was tired of looking for my soul mate. My family thought I was nuts for marrying her. But it was something I always wanted — a lot of kids and a beautiful wife.</p> <p>We married, I bought a ranch, and we moved.</p> <p>Now, here comes the bombshell: She tells me that she was a prostitute to support her kids. She stopped just two weeks before our meeting. Her pimp (a prominent local businessman) is still calling the house after four years wanting to hook her up. </p> <p>In the meantime, I’m catering to her every need, because I know she had a very difficult time in the past. I’m doing all the shopping, taking the kids to school, and basically running the house. I write her love notes, bring her flowers, chocolates, and give her massages. When we make love, she tells me she’s never felt that way before. </p> <p>However, I’ve begun to notice she doesn’t and hasn’t done <i>anything</i> for me. No attention, no initiation, no love or affection. No cards. No love notes. I’ve tried to talk to her about it. She says that if one person (me) is initiating the love in the marriage, that’s all that’s needed. </p> <p>I feel unwanted. I’m losing confidence in myself. I feel like a dog chained to a tree that doesn’t get any food or water. I love her but I feel as though I’m being badly used. Help! — Lost in Texas</p> <p>To see E. Jean's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1702887">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1702887#comment Advice affection Ask E Jean for DearSugar being used E Jean Marriage You Asked Thu, 12 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700 E Jean Carroll http://dearsugar.com/1702887 http://dearsugar.com/1697423 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/24_2008/stk105803cor.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="350" width="350"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>My husband and I have been married for nearly four years now and lately it seems like all we do is fight. Everything turns into an argument, and most of the time I have no idea why. I can't seem to trust him or anyone else not to hurt me. He says that I only listen to half of what he says, and even that half gets misinterpreted. I'm sure that I listen carefully and that while I definitely have trust issues, I'm not misinterpreting. He's a very arrogant man who has trouble admitting when he's wrong. The problem is that I don't know who's the problem here: am I being overly-sensitive or is he just being a jerk? How do I learn to trust him so that I can be more rational about this?</p> <p>— Caught in Conflict Carol</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1697423">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1697423#comment Advice Conflict fighting Marriage Relationships You Asked Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1697423 http://dearsugar.com/1686645 <p>The spotlight has been on the bride and groom all day, so at the end of the night when everyone has finally let loose and gotten into the groove, do you think they should go out with a bang and make a grand exit or sneak away, letting guests celebrate without interruption? Although making a big deal out of the departure seems a little outdated, some couples prefer to keep every part of their wedding day as traditional as possible. Of course no one way is better than the other, so weigh in and tell me where you stand on the bride and groom making a big deal out of their good-bye. Is that what a wedding is really all about or does it just seem a little too contrived? </p> <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/23_2008/grand exit.jpg" alt="" title="" class="outline center image preview" width="512" height="333"></span></p> <p>To see all of our wedding coverage, check out <a href="http://www.idosugar.com" >IDoSugar.com</a>.</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1686645#comment 2008 wedding Marriage the big event Wedding Thu, 05 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1686645 http://dearsugar.com/1675457 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/22_2008/stk309214rkn.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="405" width="300"></span>Sometimes it feels like every time I turn around there’s a new statistic or study that’s related to the increasing divorce rate. While that kind of research certainly has its place, frankly, it can get pretty depressing. Fortunately, I know a lot of amazing married couples to remind me that these percentages are just numbers. But even so, it can still feel like divorce is practically inevitable. So ladies, do tell: Does talk about doomed marriages make you hesitate when it comes to taking the next step? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1675457#comment Divorce Do Tell Fear Marriage scared Sun, 01 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1675457 http://dearsugar.com/1675394 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-1675394"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/1675394',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-1675394');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/22_2008/200322206-001.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="235" width="350"></span>My fiancé and I have been engaged for the past year and were together for a year before that. We were both 20 when we met, and within the first few weeks of our relationship my fiancé confided in me that he was a virgin and intended to be until he was married. He comes from a very religious and traditional family, and his values and morals are extremely important to him — one of the many reasons why I love him. </p> <p>I knew that there was something special between us, so I didn't think twice about having to hold off on sex. But when he went on to tell me that he needed to be with a woman who shared the same values, I panicked. Out of fear of losing him, I made a horrible error and lied about my own sexual history. I told him that I too was a virgin and wanted to wait until marriage, when in fact, I had had sex with two other guys. </p> <p>It's now two years later and just over a month away from our wedding. I know that my fiancé is nearly more excited for the wedding night than the actual wedding, and this secret is eating away at me. I love him more than words can describe. I don't want to disappoint him or hurt him; it will destroy him to find out about this. Can I ever be forgiven if I continue this secret and never tell him? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Source</a></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/1675394" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Sunday Confessional: My Fiancé Thinks I&#039;m a Virgin, but I&#039;m Not</label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> Forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Not forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> Undecided — Please share.</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="1675394" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll -->