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Dear Poll: Do You Keep a List of Future Baby Names?

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 10:40:00 -0800

Even if you're single, it's not uncommon to keep a list of names for the kids you might have someday. I know plenty of women and even many men who do this, so be honest: Do you have a baby-name list stashed away somewhere?Source

Dear Poll: Do You Keep a List of Future Baby Names?

Yes, I do.

No way!

True Confession — I'm Afraid of Being Alone

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession."I'm 33 with three young children and I hate my husband. I stay with him because I don't want to be alone forever. Who would ever marry someone with three kids? Can I be forgiven for living a lie?"Source

True Confession — I'm Afraid of Being Alone

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided

DearSugar Needs Your Help: He Hates Kids!

DearSugar — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and At a Loss Anna need your help. Though she and her boyfriend share the same feelings about not starting a family in the near future, she's concerned with the way he treats kids overall. Her parents are telling her that his behavior should be a deal breaker, but she's in love! What do you suggest she do?

Dear Sugar,
I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half and things are going great. We share a lot of things in common, including our feelings toward kids. Neither one of us really like, or want a child . . . at least for now. But recently, I've become really upset and turned off by the way he treats my 6-year-old brother. He is cold toward him and gets easily frustrated, even if all my little brother wants to do is sit next to him on the couch. I am starting to get a little concerned about the fact that he cannot even pretend to like children, especially since many of our friends are starting to settle down and eventually, we'll be surrounded by couples with small children. I want him to act accordingly, but I have a feeling he just can't. My parents are starting to pick up on this and have been urging me to date someone else. I am very torn because he is a wonderful person otherwise and I'm totally in love with him. Is this reason enough to end it? If not, what can I do or say to make him change his behavior? — At a Loss Anna

Source

Relationship Protocol: Did You Take Baby Steps in Your Relationship?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

As the old rhyme goes, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage — but as we all know, the progression of a relationship is a lot more involved than that. Of course there are steps one takes before settling down and starting a family, but even if you skip out on living together before getting engaged or opt out of getting a dog before having kids, you can still live happily ever after! So looking back on your relationship, did you and your significant other take baby steps in the right direction, or did you just go with the flow and let your emotions take over?

Source

How Young Is Too Young to Get Waxed?

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I'm all for the Brazilian Bikini wax, but according to a recent article on MSNBC, mothers are taking their young girls as young as 8 years old into salons to get waxed. I'm sure most of you are in shock reading this, just as I am writing it, but according to Melanie Engle, a Philadelphia aesthetician, “For waxing, 12 years old is the ‘new normal.’"

As we all know, everyone develops at different ages, but even if you get your period or develop hair early, this is still a disturbing trend. Dr. Doris Pastor, a clinical associate professor of pediatrics at Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City, feels, “the waxing itself is not an issue; the bigger issue is whether they are encouraged to engage in risky behaviors.”

While girls sure don't want to be teased if they develop earlier than their friends, Dr. Pastor has a great point. So how young is too young to get waxed?

Source

Turn On or Turn Off? Stay-at-Home Dads

DearSugar — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 07:00:00 -0700

There's something incredibly sexy about a man that's good with kids. Perhaps that quality just pulls on my maternal heart strings, but I have a feeling I'm not alone on this one. Though they're not set in stone, many of the roles we play are dictated by society, and women being the ones who stay at home is one of them. But what about when the roles are reversed and Dad is the one who wants to stay at home with the kids while Mom focuses on her career? Of course every family dynamic is different, so tell me, are stay-at-home dads a turn on or a turn off?Source

Turn On or Turn Off? Stay-at-Home Dads

Turn On — There's nothing sexier than a man who's dedicated to his kids.

Turn Off — While being good with kids is sexy, I'm actually turned off by men who don't work.

Other — Please explain.

Is It a Good Idea to Stay For the Sake of the Kids?

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Kids play a major role in relationships, but as we all know, not all marriages last forever. And though some couples march to the beat of their own drum, I'm not so sure I agree with the notion of staying together for the sake of the kids. Speculation of another celebrity couple, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, splitting hit the wire last week. Although this rumor is not yet confirmed, sources say that they aren't in love anymore but are trying to make it work for their son James Wilkie. While I completely understand the importance of kids growing up with two parents, sometimes divorce really is the better option — going through the motions can make it far too easy for kids to get the wrong message.

I feel lucky to have married parents that are truly in love, so I can only make an assumption as to what's best. What do you think? Is it a good idea for parents to stay in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the kids?

Bauer-Griffin Online

Do Tell: How Do You Dodge Those Invasive Questions?

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage . . . or does it? While there's a natural progression in all relationships, it seems that people can't help but to meddle in your personal life. The questions start when you first meet that special someone: When are you moving in? And then once you move in together, it's when are you getting engaged? And once you're married, you then get asked about having kids. Of course those are questions that already have a place in the back of your mind, but warding them off when you're either not ready or too fed up with answering them can be hard to avoid. So for all you married women out there, do tell, how do you dodge those invasive questions about starting a family?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

Source

Where Do You Stand: Owning a Pet Together Before Having Kids Together?

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 16:00:00 -0700

It's a common notion that couples should first raise a pet (a dog, a cat, or any animal that needs constant love and attention) before having kids. While I see the importance in making sure you're ready to take on the responsibility of caring for someone who relies on you, I've never looked at this popular step as a requirement before starting a family. Sure, it seems like a natural progression, but where do you stand on owning, loving, and caring for an animal before having babies? Is it a necessity for you or do you not understand the hoopla surrounding this common practice?

Source

Where Do You Stand: Kid-Free Weddings

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Earlier this week, Broke Bride Brooke was put in an awkward situation when one of her guests asked if she could bring her parents to Brooke's small wedding to care for the guest's 2-year-old child. This created quite a dilemma because the bride really can't afford to have them there, which is why I (semi-jokingly) thought TidalWave's suggestion of making it a kid-free wedding was a pretty good one! Now I've never received an "adult only" wedding invitation, and while part of me thinks it makes sense, another part of me thinks it's pretty tacky. I agree that there's a time and a place for kids to be present, but what about those who can't afford a sitter, or new mothers who are still breastfeeding? I think kids bring a fun element to any occasion, but where do you stand on kid-free weddings?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

Source

Do Tell: Would You Hire a Good-Looking Nanny?

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Jude Law did it, so did Ethan Hawke, but that doesn't mean falling for your kids' nanny is right. Of course you can't help who you love, but you can avoid bringing temptation into your home. If you're one of the lucky ones who can afford a nanny, sometimes her beauty can be overlooked — being a good caretaker for your children is much higher on the totempole after all. So ladies, if you were to find someone who you completely trusted with your precious little ones, but she happened to be incredibly attractive, too, do tell, would you hire her as your nanny or would you go back to the drawing board?

Source

Where Do You Stand? Dating a Guy Who Has Kids

DearSugar — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 11:00:00 -0800

I've always had this idea that I'd meet someone, get married, buy a house, and have children. I guess it's a common dream among women, and I hate to admit this but dating a guy who already has kids doesn't really fit into that picture. I'm not saying I would necessarily turn a guy away if he was a dad, but it's not exactly something I look for in a boyfriend.

I know I have some old-fashioned ideals, so what do you think? If you found out a guy you were dating had kids, would it bother you? Would you continue dating? Or would his family situation be a complete deal breaker for you?

Source

You Asked: What Should I Do About My Affair?

DearSugar — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 10:10:20 -0800

Dear Sugar,
I have been having an affair with a guy from work. He is very cute, and over the past few months I have fallen in love with him. He says he feels the same, (he told me first) however we both have partners and a family to consider. We agreed that we weren't going to leave our partners as our kids are too young to understand. The problem is I can't seem to get him out of my head — I miss him when I don't see him and if I don't hear from him. We try to text or phone each other everyday but that isn't enough, I want to be with him all the time. Please help, what should I do? — Cheating Courtney

To see Dear Sugar's answer

You Asked: Is He Worth It?

DearSugar — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating a guy for about eight months now. We have been friends for several years and always liked each other but it wasn't until a year ago that we were both single and decided to get together. We have a lot in common and we always have fun with each other. He gets my personality better than any of the guys I have dated before him and actually knows how to handle my "Monica" tendencies.

However, he is going through a huge transition in his life right now. He has finally decided to finish school which will add to his $70,000 student loans. His parents are completely unsupported with anything he does and he is basically broke.

I really love him and can picture us with a future together but the stress of his situation has already gotten to me. I am always his outlet for frustration and stress which wears on me because I have my own stresses. By the time he is done getting his college degree and teaching certificate he will owe $100,000, not including all the interest. This amount of money is daunting to me. It's currently not my debt but if we stay together and get married, it will becomes mine. Fortunately I am not in any debt and I know I'll have a decent paying job once I am done with school but I don't know if I want to foot all the bills while he is paying off his school loans.

With all this said, my question for you is this: should I stick it out with him and accept that this amount of money will burden us for years down the road (will we be able to afford a decent house and kids?) or do I run now and try to find someone more financially stable? — In the Red Rebbecca

To see Dear Sugar's answer

You Asked: How Can I Break It Off for Good?

DearSugar — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've been with the same guy for almost ten years; since I was 16. We have two kids together and are not married. I really don't know how to make him understand that I can't do this anymore. I broke up with him once before for a whole two years and he just kept coming back until I got back together with him. I don't want to be with him, but I don't know how to let him go. I think we're too different; that we want two different lives, but I can't make him go away. He won't take me seriously and I don't want to hurt him, but I feel so trapped.

He'll say he wants to see the kids, but that's not what it is — he just wants to see me (well not only me). It's really hard to be around him because he is very charming and he usually convinces me to have sex with him which always leaves me unfulfilled and even more confused. He hasn't even kissed me in years!! I'm so confused. I don't want him, but I don't want him to hate me and that's how he acts every time I try to explain it to him. What should I do? — Over Him Olivia

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Poll: Who Started A Family First?

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 11:00:00 -0700

When my high school friends and I would get together, I don't know why, but the topic often came up about who would marry who, and of course, who would have kids first. We all agreed that our one friend who had the steady boyfriend would be the first to be a mom, but boy were we wrong - she's not even seeing anyone now.What about you? Who was was the first to get pregnant in your circle of friends?Source

Dear Poll: Who Started A Family First?

I was the first

My friends

None of us have kids yet

You Asked: I'm a Vegetarian and My Boyfriend Loves Meat!

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I'm a vegetarian and have been dating someone for 3 years who happens to be a meat eater. It doesn’t really bother me or affect our relationship because we are both respectful of the other's personal choices. He eats vegetarian meals most of the time, and when he wants to eat meat, he cooks it for himself, or orders it when we go out.

Recently we’ve been talking a lot about our future, about getting married, getting a dog, getting a house, and about having kids and the other night, he was saying something like “when we have kids, I can’t wait for them to try my mother’s famous meatballs.” I couldn’t believe it!! I don’t eat meat and I would never feed meat to my children. He said it wouldn’t be fair to them, that we need to expose them to all kinds of food and let them make their own decision about what they want to eat. I totally disagreed since animal rights is very important to me. Needless to say, we got into a huge fight.

Is there any way to resolve this? We love each other very much, but we’re both very stubborn and refuse to give up our values. What should we do?

--Vegetable Lovin’ Laurie

To see DEARSUGAR’s answer

Dear Poll: Do you Feel Like you Need a Wife?

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:00:00 -0700

Now that two-income families are the norm, the chores and odd jobs that used to get done during the week by a stay at home mom are neglected, leaving many wives, according to an article in The New York Times, asking for a wife of their own, aka a personal assistant. Joyce Lustbader, a research scientist at Columbia University who has been married for 29 years, was quoted saying, "I work all day, sometimes seven days a week, and still have to go home and make dinner and have all those things to do around the house." I can say with certainty that she is not alone in feeling like there are just not enough hours in a day to get everything done.While some people can hire a nanny and a housekeeper, others can afford it or simply don't feel like someone else can do "their job" the right way. So while everyone has busy days, busy seasons, even busy years, would you want a wife so to speak? And if so, how badly do you need the extra help? Source

Dear Poll: Do you Feel Like you Need a Wife?

Yes, I would KILL for a personal assistant. I never have time to get everything done

It would be nice, but I don't need one. I feel like I do a pretty good job juggling my time

I would like a part time wife! During the week, she sure would come in handy, but I would want her gone for the weekends!

No, I like doing things myself so I know they are going to get done the right way

Other - Please share!

Dear Poll: Are we Raising a Generation of Spoiled Kids?

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 16:00:00 -0700

A recent article on money and parenting brought up a really frightening realization -- parenting is now considered a competitive sport! Even if you aren't a parent yourself, this probably isn't all that surprising. As time moves on, keeping up with the Jones's is getting tougher and more cut throat. Most parents want to make their kids happy, especially if they have the means to give them all the things they didn't have growing up, but when kids have nicer cars, cell phones, computers, etc. than their own parents, you have to ask yourself, is the older generation spoiling the younger generation rotten? Does giving them everything they ask for set them up for a life of being an unsatisfied "want monster"? Source

Dear Poll: Are we Raising a Generation of Spoiled Kids?

Yes

Other: Please share!

Dear Poll: Is 2 the new 4?

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 13:00:00 -0700

In a recent story on NPR's "Weekend Edition", affluent, plush mom's are feeling the pressure of keeping up with the Jone's, by having even more kids than the Jone's! In some cities, the trend of having larger families is proving that 4 has become the new 2. Historically, people have had large families so the kids could help on the farms, or because adults lacked sexual education and birth control, but now, in many cities across the United States, career women choice to stay at home is much more justified if they have more kids to raise. Some are even transferring all of their competitive work place energy to baby making!! So for all you mom's out there, are you feeling the same kind of pressure? Do you feel the need to keep procreating until you hit the trendy golden number? And for those without a bun in the oven, how many kids do you anticipate having when the time is right for you? Source

Dear Poll: Is 2 the new 4?

1 is enough for me!

2. I want my kids to grow up with siblings

3. I grew up with a brother and a siter, and that's what I hope to have too

4. I don't want to have a "middle child"

I not stopping until I get the sex I want

No kids for me thank you!

Other: Please share!

You Asked: Should He Pay or Not?

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My 36 year old boyfriend has been living with me since April of 2007. He retired at the age of 28 with a disability pension from an injury and lots of spinal surgeries. He has been divorced for 11 years and had been living at home with his parents until he basically moved in with me. He currently receives a disability pension and pays his ex-wife $700 per month for his 2 teenage children (14-17 years old). His children stay quite frequently, and they're great, but I end up paying for food and other things for them too. He has not paid anything towards ANY of my bills and this is draining me financially. I felt like in the beginning he really did not have anything extra to give me so I just never asked for money. He would occasionally pay if we went out to dinner, but I pay for everything else. I have several extra cleaning jobs and want the money to go into savings, but now I need those incomes to live. How should I handle this? Why is he like this? I do love him but, but can't keep paying for everything and supporting both of us. How can I ask him to move back to his Mom's?

Please help me. I am in a bad situation and want to be nice about it. I have a generous heart but now I am becoming resentful towards him and I don't know what to do.

--Giving too Much Mandy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having Kids Before Marriage

DearSugar — Thu, 24 May 2007 14:45:00 -0700

Hollywood has put the trend of having children before marriage on the radar. Seal and Heidi Klum and Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are just two couples that made it work and made it look easy. Some couples feel that having family together is a stronger commitment to each other than marriage ever could be, but others desire the security of a wedding before taking the next step in their relationship. So what do you think? Is it a good idea or a bad idea to have kids before marriage? Do you think it sends a good or bad message to the children of parents who don't have a marriage certificate? Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Having Kids Before Marriage

Good Idea: Having a strong commitment is all that matters

Bad Idea: I want to have a ring on my finger before having kids with my husband

Other: Please share!

You Asked: Do Kids and Weddings Mix?

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I'm getting married in a week and I never believed in all of those Bridezilla stories, monster-in-laws and such that happen prior to the wedding. That is until yesterday when my soon to be Mother-in-law called me to ask me why I had not invited her grandchildren.

My fiancé's brother has 4 children, 1-12 years old, and to be honest we didn't think it would be a good idea since our wedding is a very small intimate affair with just close family members. I was flabbergasted and angry at her for basically bullying me into saying it wasn't a big deal if they came (even though I had already given the caterer the final count and all the seats were assigned). I only changed my mind because she would really love to have her grandchildren there and it's something my fiancé would want because they're his nieces and nephews - even though he never even mentioned we should make sure the children were there.

After consulting about this with him, we both agreed there really was no need for them to be there (their mother is not invited). Plus, you know how kids can get loud and moody and whatnot. But I still didn't have the courage to let them know we simply couldn't invite them considering the Wedding is in 6 days! I also feel like a jerk for not considering them. So I wrote my Fiance's brother an e-mail pretty much apologizing and hoping there were no feelings hurt. Am I being selfish? What would you guys have done? It's hard to focus on your "Happy day" when you're trying to make everyone else happy. We should have just eloped!

--Barbara, the Stressed Out Bride

To see DEARSUGAR's answer,

Dear Poll: Pick Your Child's Celebrity Godfather

DearSugar — Fri, 02 Mar 2007 03:01:00 -0800

Surrounding your kids with positive energy and good examples helps them gain perspective in life. Strong and loving connections outside the nuclear family help children feel confident, safe, and contribute to their comfort levels in social environments. In Hollywood, many famous names have even more famous godparents. Courtney Cox and David Arquette appointed their dear friend Jennifer Aniston as Coco's godmother, and Gwyneth Paltrow has one of the most famous directors as her godfather, the one and only Steven Spielberg. Godparents are like chosen family and they serve as role models for your child. If could choose any celebrity to be your child's godparent, who would you choose? Source

Dear Poll: Pick Your Child's Celebrity Godfather

Will Smith: He has a great sense of humor, and always puts his family first.

George Clooney: Single and childless, he has time to focus!

Robert DeNiro: He has a wealth of experience and seems solid.

Patrick Dempsey: With three kids, he has the role-model thing down pat!

Jim Carrey: A funny man would teach the importance of humor.

Other: Please share!