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True Confession: I'm Turning a Blind Eye

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"I give up, I think my husband cheated on me again, but there's no hard proof. If I turn a blind eye and let him get away with it, am I excusing his behavior? Fighting with him just takes too much out of me."Source

True Confession: I'm Turning a Blind Eye

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided — Please explain!

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Have Been More Honest?

DearSugar — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Holding Back Betsy need your help. She cheated on her boyfriend, but when she came clean, she wasn't 100 percent truthful in her story. She's still guilt-ridden, so should she broach the subject one more time and get everything off her chest, or should she just let it go?

Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend and I have been together for about two and a half years. We graduated college around the one-year mark and returned back to our hometowns (about 45 minutes from one another). We both started working and got consumed by our daily schedules. My boyfriend decided to go to med school, and at that point spent many days and nights as a resident in his local hospital. Needless to say, there was very little time for one another. I was training for my new job as well, and I met a guy. We became friends quickly. We went out a few times with other employees and there was definitely a lot of flirting going on between us. It never amounted to anything until one night, he invited me over after a few drinks. We laid in his bed, cuddled, and eventually we kissed. I freaked out and went home before it could lead to anything else. This guy was incredibly persistent and it actually came to a point where I quit my job.

After that night, I felt disgusted with myself. I felt consumed with guilt and thought it was necessary to come clean to my boyfriend, but I wasn't 100 percent honest with my story. I told him that we were out one night and he kissed me. I explained that I felt something was missing in our relationship which led to this event and that we needed to make our relationship more of a priority if we wanted to make it work. To make a long story short, we moved on from this and are still together. The problem is that every now and then, the images from that night will reappear in my head. I am always afraid that my boyfriend and I will run into him somewhere and I won't know what to do. I know that honesty is the best policy, but in an effort to avoid hurt feelings, I thought sparing the details of that night was important. Did I do the right thing, or should I open up this chapter once again and be even more honest? Should I have handled this differently? — Holding Back Betsy

Source

True Confession — I Cheated and Liked It

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"Yes, I cheated, and I'm glad I did. I finally got to be with a man that cares about me, rather than a man who just randomly talks to me about soccer and video games. I'd go back again in a heartbeat."
Source

True Confession — I Cheated and Liked It

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided — Please explain!

Where's the Line Between Sex Addiction and Cheating?

DearSugar — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

In somewhat startling news, David Duchovny, who has two children with his wife, actress Tea Leoni, checked into rehab for sex addiction today. Though we often hear about stars heading to rehab for substance abuse, sex addiction enters a whole new territory of implications.

Some might say that admitting you need help for sex addiction is akin to saying you've been unfaithful. Although I'm glad to hear that Duchovny is seeking treatment, I wonder where the line between cheating and sex addiction is drawn. Reports imply that Leoni is supporting her husband through this ordeal, and I certainly respect both husband and wife for taking the means necessary to fix the issues in their marriage. But if it were me, I'm not sure I could be so understanding. If your significant other cheated but it was was a result of a sex addiction, would you be more likely to forgive him? Or in your opinion, is cheating cheating no matter the explanation?

Source

You Asked: How Can I Get Past His Cheating?

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been married for six years and have been together for 10. About three months ago I found out that he had an affair about two years ago. I forgave him, and we have been working together to move past it. Lately some friends of his friends that know the other woman have been coming over to our house to spend time with my husband. Whenever they mention her name in passing, my blood boils. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I can't seem to get the affair out of my mind. I don't know what to do. We are completely open and honest with each other, but my thoughts are consumed with him cheating on me. Do you have any advice? — Consumed Cassie

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You Asked: Who Should I Be With?

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I dated this guy several years ago. We always had amazing chemistry. We've known each other for almost 15 years, but he wasn't mature enough to handle a monogamous relationship when we dated, and he cheated repeatedly until we finally split up. After the breakup, I began seeing another man who, on paper, is a perfect catch — intelligent, sweet and funny — but we never quite clicked, and he never made me feel like my ex did. Regardless, we ended up getting married several years ago, but my ex has always been in my heart. He got married as well (to the woman he cheated with), but it didn't last and they are now divorced.

After his marriage ended, he walked back into my life. My husband and I had been having some problems for about two years, and when we saw each other again, we immediately clicked. I felt like I hadn't felt in years — I found my passion again, I found my drive, and I was happy. He admitted how much he missed me and how he had always loved me. As wrong as it is, I felt giddy again, and we've been having an affair for the last three years.

Yesterday, he told me that he can no longer do this, and I'm devastated. Apparently he's having thoughts of other women and is scared that if he can cheat with a married woman, he will cheat on me again. I don't know what to do, what direction to go, or which way to turn. Please point me in the right direction. — In Turmoil Izzy

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You Asked: Should I Give Him Another Chance?

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I just found out on Monday that my husband has been having an affair for eight months. We have been married for 13 years and although we have the usual ups and downs of marriage, I never suspected a problem with us — we are a sincerely normal, happy couple. I actually found out from his girlfriend's ex-husband — yes, she was married too. My husband fessed up when confronted, said he was sorry, and claimed he doesn't know why he did it except that it made him feel excited and "wanted" again like, when a relationship first starts.

I asked him to honestly tell me what he wanted and he said he wants me and his children. He swears he loves me and thought he was in love with her, but doesn't think he really was. He said he made it clear from the beginning that he would never leave me for her. I am at a total loss. He has ceased all contact with her, changed his cell phone number and taken his cell and computers off password protected; all at my request. This woman is insisting that he is only with me because of our kids and that he doesn't love me anymore — she claimed he loves her. He tells me she is wrong and that he never stopped loving me. I am so confused and worst of all, I love him and want to work things out. I want my marriage to survive this. Do you have any advice? — Not Sure Suzanna

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: My Best Friend Is a Total Mess!

DearSugar — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and She's Gone Off The Deep End Danielle need your help. Her best friend is leading a secret life of alcohol abuse and infidelity and she doesn't know what to do. Her family is all in the know but she's in such denial that their attempts to help aren't working. She's spiraling out of control so do you have any advice to offer before it's too late?

Dear Sugar,

I have known my best friend for over 17 years. We went to junior high, high school, even college together. We live in the same town now and lately, I've become very worried about her. I’m planning a wedding (she’s the matron-of-honor, but hasn't helped at all), and we hardly talk or see each other anymore. Until her husband and mother called me on separate occasions, I would have no idea about the secret life she leads. Apparently for the past seven months, she’s been going out three to five times a week, often alone, to bars where she drinks excessively to the point of blacking out. When she drinks, she gets very flirtatious and her husband told me that she admitted to cheating on him when he was away. He even says when he goes to bars with her (to make sure she’s safe), that she kisses other guys and girls in front of him.

He loves her and says he's going to stand by her side “for better or worse.” They’re in couples counseling, but nothing much has changed. He often calls to confide in me (my friend has no idea), and I am in shock from what I hear. When I tried talking to her about it, she denied everything — said she only goes out once a week, doesn’t have a drinking problem, didn’t cheat on her husband and claims to be working through the problems in her marriage. I think she’s having a mid-life crisis, resorting back to her college-like behavior. It breaks my heart that she has changed into this person I’ve lost all respect for, and I feel so badly for her husband. I’m desperately worried about her and miss my best friend. I fear for what her future holds so I'm wide open to any advice you could offer.

Source

Relationship Protocol: A History of Cheating

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

While the majority of you may be skilled at keeping history right where it belongs, there are certainly some things from the past that once known, require a lingering thought or two, like children from a previous relationship, a traumatic incident in childhood, or cheating.

Though I don’t think the familiar catch phrase “once a cheater always a cheater” is necessarily true, if I found out that a significant other had cheated in a previous relationship then I would be concerned. But perhaps I’m just paranoid, so what do you think? If you knew he had cheated before, would it make you think differently of him? Or would it have no bearing on your current relationship?

Source

Who Do You Blame: The Cheater or the Homewrecker?

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

In case you aren't up to date on your celebrity gossip, Sienna Miller is onto her next relationship, albeit still "rumored" with Balthazar Getty. When I saw the pictures of them together, my first reaction was obviously disappointment (he's married with four kids for crying out loud!) but I have to say my anger was directed more towards Sienna than Balthazar. Of course, it takes two to tango, but since she's the unattached, unfazed part of the equation, it's easier for me to call her the homewrecker than it is him. Unfair — yes, but I don't think I'm alone in feeling this way. When it comes to infidelity, placing blame doesn't make the problems go away yet it's still an automatic response so ladies, tell me, who do you think is to blame in this particular situation?

Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Been Cheated On?

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 15:00:00 -0700

I'm nearly positive that the majority of us would consider cheating one of the most damaging acts that can be done to a relationship. Certainly people have varying opinions on what counts as cheating and whether or not it should be forgiven, but I wonder how many of us have actually experienced it firsthand. If a survey among my friends is any indicator, I'd guess that many of you have felt the pain of cheating. Ladies, I'm sure it’s difficult to say, but have you ever been cheated on? Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Been Cheated On?

Yes, unfortunately, I have.

No, I’ve been very lucky to have never experienced that firsthand.

I’ve never been cheated on, but I have dealt with other serious trust issues in a relationship.

Other — Please share below.

Is It Ever Worth It to Air Your Dirty Laundry?

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

I'm sure you've all heard about the messy divorce between Christie Brinkley and her husband Peter Cook, who had an affair with his 18-year-old personal assistant, but if you're at all unfamiliar with their story, you'll soon know every little detail. Cook and Brinkley's Long Island judge has granted Brinkley's request for a public divorce hearing so as of July 2, you'll be able to follow along and learn about his cheating and alleged interest in Internet porn and swinger websites.

Obviously Cook fought to keep this matter private. His lawyer said:

I don't think there is a good parent in the world – not one – who would want allegations of adultery in a bitter divorce trial to be made public. I think it's payback time for her and her desire for revenge far exceeds her desire to protect the children. It's a disgrace.

While there's no question that adultery is not only heartbreaking but also humiliating, getting revenge by publicly degrading your ex just doesn't seem like the answer. Sure, getting even might temporarily take away some pain, but when children are involved (in this case two), gaining retribution by dragging the scandalous details of his sketchy behavior through the mud for the word to see seems cheap and unnecessary. So now that you have my take, tell me yours. Is it airing your dirty laundry to get even ever worth it?

Source

Where Do You Stand: Thinking About Cheating

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

The majority of you agree that cheating is cheating whether or not it’s a physical or emotional relationship, but I wonder if planning to, or thinking about cheating on your significant other is another form. I know I would be devastated if I ever found out a boyfriend had thoughts of cheating, even if he hadn't gone through with it.

Obviously fantasizing about someone is one thing, but there’s a difference between keeping something purely imaginative and actually entertaining the notion of participating in an outside relationship. Normal fantasies aside, do you think seriously contemplating cheating is just as bad as the act itself? Where do you stand when it comes to drawing the line for what constitutes cheating?

Source

This or That: Knowing He Cheated or Not Being Sure?

DearSugar — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 07:00:00 -0700

You’re not a jealous person, but your instincts tell you that something is up with your boyfriend of two years. After hearing mixed rumors from mutual friends, you decide to try and let it go — you don’t want to make a false assumption, and your boyfriend has always been extremely trustworthy. Would it be worse if…This: Just as things are normalizing, your boyfriend confesses to cheating on you in a one-night stand? He claims that it was a huge mistake and would do anything to take it back.Or…That: Months after, your gut still tells you something is wrong? When you confront him, he swears that there’s nothing to worry about. Rumors imply otherwise, but you don’t have any actual proof. Source

This or That: Knowing He Cheated or Not Being Sure?

This — He’s honest about his infidelity.

That — You can’t tell fact from fiction.

You Asked: I'm in an Unhappy Marriage

DearSugar — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been married to my husband for 12 years — we are both in our late 30s and have two children together. When we got together, I was in need of someone to help me get my life and habits under control, and he did just that. Although he is a good man and a wonderful father, he's also very controlling, although never violent or abusive. Over the years this has worn on me, and I am just not happy or in love with him anymore.

At a recent outing, I ran into an old classmate. What began as flirtatious and fun has turned into something much more. I am not proud of it, but I will not make any excuses. What I've realized, however, is that outside of our children, my husband and I share absolutely nothing in common. I want to end my marriage, but I'm scared for my kids; they love their dad, and I know this would break their hearts. I do not see marriage counseling as being effective, because the reasons I loved him no longer exist. I just feel very confused. What do I do?

— Ready to Break Free Felicia

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Sunday Confessional: My Entire Family Lied to Me

DearSugar — Sun, 25 May 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I'm the baby of my family with two older sisters. My Parents have been married for 30 years, and we've all been very close my entire life. I won't go into the details, but I recently found out my mom was cheating on my dad. I was utterly devastated and immediately went to my sisters to seek comfort. Surprisingly, they didn't react the way I was expecting. I was full of anger, but they seemed to be more understanding. Eventually after a lot of prying and crying, they revealed that my father had an affair with some woman for nearly a decade. Apparently things had come out about five years ago when I was still in high school — I do remember a strange time during my junior year, but I didn't put things together. My sisters had talked about it with both my parents, but they had all decided not to tell me. Obviously my mom chose to stay, and I think the same will be said of my dad after this new turn in events, though apparently their relationship is more "open" then I realized.Ever since my sisters broke the news to me, I feel like everything I had ever thought about my family was the exact opposite. I can't believe that my parents were willing to put our family through this, and I'm terribly angry with my sisters for collaborating with them to keep this lie going for so long. I have never felt more naive and hurt. They've all tried to contact me, but I feel so much hate towards them right now, I just can't let them in. I don't know what to do. Should I try to learn to forget their terrible betrayal and forgive them? Source

Sunday Confessional: My Entire Family Lied to Me

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided — Please share

True Confession — I Turned Down a One Night Stand and Now I Regret It

DearSugar — Wed, 21 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession."I don't think my boyfriend loves me anymore. Lately when I see him it's like we're just friends. I had the opportunity last week to have a one-night stand, and now I regret not taking it. Can I be forgiven for wishing I had cheated?"Source

True Confession — I Turned Down a One Night Stand and Now I Regret It

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided — Please share

You Asked: I Can't Get Over the Guilt

DearSugar — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Lately, I've been haunted by my past. Over a year ago I cheated on my husband in a one night stand. I never told him, and I have no intentions of him ever finding out. I have never and will never put myself in that situation again, but I still can't move past the overwhelming guilt of what I did. It would absolutely destroy my husband to find out the truth, so telling him isn't an option. I can barely get through the day right now. How can I deal with these feelings and rid myself of these demons?

— Haunted Helena

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Dear Poll: Which Kind of Cheating Is Worse?

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 16:00:00 -0700

We all know that cheating is wrong and it hurts people, but unfortunately that doesn't seem to stop people from doing it. As if cheating wasn't bad enough, the line can easily be confused when factoring in the different ways people can be unfaithful — emotional cheating verses physical cheating. They are both detrimental to any relationship, harmful to egos, and most importantly, they can destroy families and friendships forever. Some people argue that physically cheating is far less of a blow than emotional cheating, since men can so easily separate sex from emotions, while others would vehemently disagree on that notion. I know they can be equally damaging, but ladies, tell me, what kind of cheating do you think is worse?Source

Dear Poll: Which Kind of Cheating Is Worse?

Physical

Emotional

Cheating is cheating — they are equally as bad.

Other — I'll tell you below in comments.

You Asked: I Can't Get Over His Infidelity

DearSugar — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend cheated on me several times with the same girl. I was six months pregnant at the time I found out. He would say he was working late or going out with the guys for a drink, and when he didn't come home he would tell me he was too drunk to drive and didn't want to wake me up. When I found out about this other woman, which is a friend of ours, I called her, and she told me that she didn't love him but that they were just having sex, which didn't make me feel any better. I confronted him, and he lied to me.

One night I decided to drive by her home and see if he was there. I went to the door and caught him in his lie. He ended it with her and told me he was sorry and that he wanted to make it work. I forgave him and things have been better. Now we have a beautiful daughter, but I can't seem to get over the pain he caused me. Every time we have sex all I think about is the other woman. I just can't trust him, and I'm not sure if I can be with him anymore. Should I try to make it work for our daughter, or move on with my life?

— Trying to Move On Melissa

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You Asked: Should I Have Been Honest With Him After All?

DearSugar — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for five months. I recently told him about how I cheated on my past two boyfriends and he flipped. He told me that he no longer trusts me and wished that I hadn't told him because now he's always going to wonder if I'm cheating on him. I just wanted to be honest with him before he heard it from my friends, but was that the right thing to do? I'm so confused! I've never given him any reason not to trust me but I feel like I just dug my own grave. Is this just a harmless misunderstanding that will make us stronger or is this a deal breaker?
— Regretful Regina

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True Confessional — I'm Keeping My Mouth Shut!

DearSugar — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 13:00:00 -0800

I know how much you all love our Sunday Confessional, so my friend at True Confessions is joining forces with me to bring you a midweek confessional! Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive the confessional below."My husband just told me that a group of his friends (who are married to my friends) all have mistresses. ALL OF THEM! They have a very organized system for seeing them on a regular basis — in town and out of town. I can barely look at my girlfriends now when they say their husbands are out traveling for business. I keep my head down and my mouth shut because I don't want to create drama, but I know they deserve to know. Can I be forgiven for staying mum?"Source

True Confessional — I'm Keeping My Mouth Shut!

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Other — Please share!

Dear Poll: Once a Cheater Always a Cheater?

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:00:00 -0800

We’ve all heard this familiar phrase before. To tell you the truth I’m not really sure of its origin, but I think it could qualify as “age old,” but is it true? Honestly, I just don’t know. I’ve definitely known some serial cheaters, but aren’t there people who can truly learn from their mistakes? Perhaps, but what do you think? If someone cheats once, will they always cheat?Source

Dear Poll: Once a Cheater Always a Cheater?

Yes

It’s complicated — I’ll have to explain

This or That: Mistress or Mister?

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0800

You've noticed that your boyfriend's acting strange lately. You've never been paranoid, but you find yourself wondering if he's cheating on you. One morning he tells you that he's not feeling well and is going to stay home from work. You decide to check on him during your lunch hour. You call his cell, but he doesn't answer. You assume he's sleeping, but you decide to drop by anyway just to make sure he's okay. When you come in, he's walking out of his bedroom in a towel, fresh from the shower. He's surprised to see you, but not in a good way. When you look into the bedroom, would it be worse to . . .See a gorgeous woman primping in the mirror? You recognize the smell of her perfume; it's the same scent you've been smelling when he meets you late for dinner. Or . . .Get a glimpse of a handsome man sitting at the edge of the unmade bed, lacing up his shoes? In fact, you recognize him; your boyfriend introduced him as a friend a few weeks ago when you ran into him at a coffee shop.Source

This or That: Mistress or Mister?

This — He's lusty for a lady other than you.

That — There's no doubt that his attractions lie elsewhere.

You Asked: I "Cheated" But Does It Count?

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for about a year. All the times we were on breaks or broke up it was because of jealousy. The second month into our relationship I was in another state visiting my best friend. We went clubbing and I danced with one of her guy friends the whole night. He asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no (stupid I know but things were on rocky ground) and he leaned in to kiss me. The night is such a blur and I can't remember if I kissed back but I decided not to tell my boyfriend. He's so jealous and even me dancing with another guy would set him off enough to break up with me. The problem is I still think of this night all the time and I am completely guilt ridden. My question is it was so early on in the relationship so did it even count as cheating? — Kissing Bandit Kassie

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Do Tell: Once a Cheater Always a Cheater?

DearSugar — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 07:00:00 -0800

Distressed Dolly needed some advice on how to get her cheating boyfriend back and you all had quite a lot to say about her situation. AceMonkey left a comment saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" and while I used to agree with her 100 percent, I'm not so sure I believe that statement anymore. Of course there's never an excuse for being unfaithful, but people do make mistakes and even though that kind of mistake can be detrimental to a relationship, it doesn't necessarily mean you'll do it again. I know this is a loaded question, but ladies do tell, do you agree that once a cheater, always a cheater?

Source

You Asked: How Can I Get Him Back?

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I want to prove my love to my ex boyfriend. In October, after we'd been together for about six months, he cheated on me. I loved him and forgave him but a few days later he broke up with me and went back to the girl he cheated on me with. To make a long story short, we worked it out again and got back together but it just wasn't the same for me. It seemed like I had to get over him sleeping with other girls all over again. I told him that we had to take it slow in order for us to build our trust back up again, but he took that as me pushing him away. He now wants me to prove my love to him but I just don't know how. Please help.

—Distressed Dolly

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Dear Poll: Would You Want Revenge?

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 08:00:00 -0800

Did any of you watch Cashmere Mafia last night? I'm still not sure how I feel about the show, but the issues these women are dealing with could happen to any one of us. If you've seen the first two episodes, you know that Juliet's husband has been having an affair. Once she found out his infidelity wasn't only happening on business trips, it was time for her to put the gloves on. She vowed to her husband that she was going to get even — she'd engage in her own affair, with one of their friends, and he wouldn't know when or with whom. Enter Juliet's friend Caitlin. She took it upon herself to set her up with Bobby Walsh, an old business-school friend and perfect victim for her evil plot. Even though they only exchanged a kiss, I wanted to ask you how you felt about getting even like that? Sure, Davis made his bed so he's going to have to deal with the consequences if he wants to save his marriage, but do you feel that two wrongs make a right when it comes to matters of the heart? Photo copyright 2007 ABC Inc.

Dear Poll: Would You Want Revenge?

Yes

Other: Please share!

Do Tell: Would You Do Anything Differently?

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 08:00:00 -0800

Tony Parker and Eva Longoria have unfortunately had a rough start to their marriage. In case you've missed all the headlines, Tony's been accused of cheating on his wife within days of saying "I do." Since this is all speculation of course, they've been going about their daily business like nothing ever happened; although, who knows what's happening behind closed doors!

Since the media is a constant force in Hollywood, it's incredibly difficult to keep your private life private, so it seems like stepping out with a smile on your face is the best way to squash all the rumors. As onlookers, it's easy to say what you would do if you were in their shoes, so ladies, here's your chance. Do tell, if you were Eva Longoria, how would you handle this situation? Would you do as they did and make a statement denying the allegations, or would you avoid the media all together and keep these issues completely to yourself until you got all the facts?

Flynet

You Asked: He Cheated and Gave Me a STD

DearSugar — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar

I just found out that my fiance cheated on me and gave me a STD. I love him and I want to be with him, but I just don't know if I can trust or forgive him. I don't know what to do — I don't want my son to have a broken home but I can't tell if I will ever be able to move past this. Please help. — I Was Cheated Wendy

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Dear Poll: Whose Side Are You On?

DearSugar — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 07:00:00 -0800

Katherine Heigl has been all over the press lately, but she is now speaking up about her character's affair on Grey's Anatomy. She was quoted in the January issue of Vanity Fair saying, "They really hurt somebody, and they didn't seem to be taking a lot of responsibility for it. I have a really hard time with that kind of thing. I'm maybe a little too black-and-white about it."I'm with Katherine, I'm black and white about cheating too, but I can't deny the fact that I was still rooting for Izzie and George to hook up. She's right, they took no responsibility for their actions, and I know it's wrong to side with the other woman, but am I alone in wanting George to leave Callie for Izzie? Shouldn't there be an exception for those who just make sense together? Source

Dear Poll: Whose Side Are You On?

I rooted for them too. She deserves to be with George. They make so much more sense together.

No way. She's a homewrecker, and they just don't work as a couple.

I'm indifferent.

You Asked: What Should I Do About My Affair?

DearSugar — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 10:10:20 -0800

Dear Sugar,
I have been having an affair with a guy from work. He is very cute, and over the past few months I have fallen in love with him. He says he feels the same, (he told me first) however we both have partners and a family to consider. We agreed that we weren't going to leave our partners as our kids are too young to understand. The problem is I can't seem to get him out of my head — I miss him when I don't see him and if I don't hear from him. We try to text or phone each other everyday but that isn't enough, I want to be with him all the time. Please help, what should I do? — Cheating Courtney

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You Asked: My Husband Cheated and Had a Secret Child

DearSugar — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I just found out a secret that my husband of eight years has been keeping from me. He's the father of my three girls, (ages 11, seven, and seven months) and he just told me that he has a 2-year-old daughter, which means he cheated on me while we were married.

I can't help but wonder if there was something I could have done differently to prevent him from wanting to be with someone else. I know it wasn't my fault, and that what he did was wrong, but I still love my husband and want to work things out. Am I making the wrong choice?

— Betrayed and Broken-Hearted Brittany

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Do Tell: What's Worse?

DearSugar — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 07:00:00 -0800

I don't have any tolerance for cheating for every reason imaginable. I hear stories about infidelity all the time, but as someone that has only been cheated on, I've always been curious as to what's worse. When you're a victim of an affair, you have someone to hate but as the cheater, the only person you have to blame is yourself. So ladies, if you've ever been on both sides of the spectrum, do tell, what's worse, being cheated on or cheating on someone else?

Source

You Asked: Does He Want to Sleep with Another Woman?

DearSugar — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar --

My boyfriend told me that just because he loves me, it doesn't mean he doesn't want to have sex with other people. What the hell? In my opinion, it's OK to find other people attractive but if you really love someone, it doesn't seem right that you would actually want to have sex them! I know he isn't cheating on me and I don't believe that he's interested in anyone else, but I do think if I gave him permission to have sex with someone else, he might! How am I supposed to take that? It's been a while since he's said anything about it but it's eating away at me and I can't seam to let it go. Help! -- Confused Constance

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You Asked: Should I Forgive him?

DearSugar — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I have been in a great relationship of 5 years. We live together and love each other dearly. Recently my boyfriend has been receiving some text messages from his best friend's ex-girlfriend. They have all hung-out before together but never chatted on the phone. Originally I thought nothing of it, he said he was fixing her car, no biggie, and he never talks to chicks (or so I thought). Recently I read a message from her that said "yeah I'm here right now, maybe we can meet up after you're done with work on Monday". I confronted him and he said he had no idea she just sent it. Now us females have something called a woman's intuition so I checked my cell phone bill (his number is on my bill) and I discovered that he has been talking and texting to her since December, 7 months ago!!

So once again I confronted him as to what's going on with her. He told me he needed a friend, that it was nothing at all just someone to talk to. I have many friends and normally I feel bad hanging with them and leaving him at home so I try not to, but while I'm always at work on Saturday (he's off) he'll be texting her nonstop and calling. He has other guy friends but only her as a girl-friend. I don't know what to think- I believe him, I want to believe him, but hiding this for 7 months leaves me feeling incredibly betrayed. I asked him if we should take a break so maybe we both can find ourselves and figure out what is really going on, and he refused, he said he wants to be with me forever. He has apologized, but it's been about 3 days and I'm still upset, I've been moping around and I know that is not the best thing to do but that is how I feel-- how else should I be acting? And what do we do from here? He says that he wants to be with me and I want to make it work...what do we do? -- At a Cross Road Rachel

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You Asked: What If We Have Sex Just Once?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 14:20:32 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am happily married with children — and have a huge crush on an old boyfriend. We would never date again. We would not even have an affair, but I have been toying with the idea of wanting to just have one sex session with him. What do you think?

— Thinking About it Abigail

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True or False: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

DearSugar — Tue, 29 May 2007 14:45:00 -0700

Everyone has heard the saying, "once a cheater, always a cheater", but every situation is different and unique. Of course cheating is never ideal, but do you think people have the ability to learn from their mistakes if they do in fact stray? Do you think your relationship can be saved if one person is unfaithful? So what I want to know is, do you think the saying is true or false? Source

True or False: Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

True: I have no tolerance for cheaters; this saying always proves to be true in the end.

False: People make mistakes, we are only human, geez!

Other: Please share!

I Want More From my One Night Stand

DearSugar — Mon, 21 May 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--
I had a one night stand a couple of weeks ago with a woman whom I know is married and is in the process of separating from her husband, but have no idea on the details. She is a good friend of a close female friend of mine. Now I've had a couple of these in the past and none of them have affected me, however, this was a little different. We met a month before having sex and we almost immediately, with little conversation, starting making out. We never got as far as sex the first time because her girlfriends pretty much dragged her away from me.

The second time we met, she pretty much picked ME up, even though I tried to avoid her so nothing would happen. Well, after a few too many drinks, we ended up going home and sleeping together. She left the next morning without saying goodbye, no note, nothing. Now I feel like I am attracted to this girl beyond just the sex. I am confused whether or not I should pursue this and if she feels the same way. Please help! --Home Wrecker Henry

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Would you Tell?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 May 2007 10:30:00 -0700

Bachelorette parties are all about letting loose and having fun, enjoying the last moments of single life with all your closest gal pals. But what happens when you have too much to drink? Well, unfortunately sometimes the excitement and atmosphere lends itself to girls behaving badly, even jeopardizing their upcoming nuptials. If you had a "fling before the ring" (thanks LaLaLaurie06 for that great quote!), would you tell your husband to be?Source

Would you Tell?

Yes: If I am stupid enough to cheat, I would never be able to live with that guilt, I would have to be honest

No: What happens before I say "I do" is my business...

Other: Please share!

My Boyfriend Lied to Me

DearSugar — Wed, 16 May 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

My previous boyfriend and I had been dating for almost 2 years. I took him to a hockey game on Valentine's Day, and he got a call from a random girl. I asked him who it was, and he said it was a girl that his friend introduced him to at the bar. I was fairly hurt that he never mentioned anything about meeting another girl, but then he told me he only had her number because his married friend wanted to keep in touch with her, but didn't want his wife to know. Anyway, he eventually confessed that he had given her his number on his own- but swore that nothing had happened, he
wasn't interested and so on, just that she had asked for it and he didn't want to be mean.

We broke up about a month ago, and recently we hooked back up. Before we hooked up I asked him to tell me if he had been with anyone, and he looked into my eyes and told me he hadn't so much as met a girl. I wanted to be cautious for health reasons.

A few days ago, he confessed to me that he had lied when he told me he hadn't fooled around. And not only had he lied about it, it was the girl he had given his number to when we were together.

I feel betrayed that he told me nothing was going on with her, when there clearly was something because he took action when we broke up. And I also, obviously, feel very very betrayed that he lied to me.

Now he's asking for forgiveness, and I forgave him for my sake. He wants to get back together and is trying everything. He says he'll even move somewhere with me so we can get away from everything and he says he'll change his lifestyle.

What should I do? --Betrayed Beth

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You Asked: Can I Get My Money Back?

DearSugar — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 12:30:00 -0700

DearSugar --

Just last week, I found out that my significant other had been with another woman for the past year. She and I happened to be at the same place, at the same time. He told her he no longer spoke to me, and then told me she was just a friend. We found out he had been texting us the same things -- he almost paid his tuition and one of his bills. I paid his bills a lot, but he always paid me back. For Christmas I got him an iPod, he got me nothing, but gave her a $150 certificate to a spa. For his birthday I spent $1300 on a trip to New Orleans, and he invited her to come, but she didn't.

He even had his roommate call her and say that I was lying and he had only been with me one time. With that all said and done, should I ask for my things and money back or just let it go? How should I do it? What should I do? This was a man who would tell me all the time how if he didn't marry me, the next man I date would. I'm so torn, and I don't know how to go about things. Please help me handle this with respect and dignity. ~Betrayed Barbara

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You Asked: Is My New Boyfriend Still a Player?

DearSugar — Mon, 05 Mar 2007 17:00:00 -0800

DearSugar --

I am so insecure in my current relationship, but in reality, I know that I am being irrational and ridiculous. I am just getting divorced after a three year marriage from someone that didn't treat me like anything special. My new boyfriend has never done anything to make me doubt him or the way he feels about me and I believe him when he tells me he loves me.

Lately I learned from friends of ours that he was a serial cheater in his last relationship. They all claim that I am "different" and that he's never been this way with a woman before, but I worry that if he was once a dog, he always will be! I just haven't dated in so long, and I don't have it in me to be let down and devastated again. What do you think? --Fragile Frances

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Pillow Talk: Infidelity and Second Chances

DearSugar — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 11:00:00 -0800

Marriages fail for many complicated reasons, and infidelity is often one of the most dramatic. According to a study published in the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 25% of men and 15% of women have had affairs. And, according to a national private investigators survey, 85% of female clients and up to 50% of male clients were correct about their suspicions of unfaithfulness.

Can couples survive after an infidelity? Despite the heartbreak and anger, couples do find significant reasons to believe the relationship can still succeed. Some couples who choose to work through the underlying issues report developing a more solid bond than before the crisis.

What do you think? Can you imagine making it through an infidelity? Have you made it through one? Would you want to? I know this topic is sure to hit a few nerves out there, so give us your comments below.