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Do Tell: What Would You Save If Your House Was on Fire?

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

It's scary how many wildfires we seem to have in California these days. The tragedies always make me think about how awful it would be to go through a fire, and I start to ponder the hypothetical question of what I would save if my house were burning.

My mom often said that if she could only save one thing, it would be our family photos — though that's not as relevant today in the age of digital photography. Has your home ever caught fire? If so, you probably went the safe route and saved yourself before your stuff. But if your house were burning and you could only save one thing, what would it be?

Source

Do You Live in a Stressful City?

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Forbes is at it again, but this time they are looking at the 10 most stressful cities in America. They constructed their list after looking at the country's 40 largest metropolitan areas and examining quality of life indicators. They looked at the housing market, cost of living, price of gas, environmental factors such as weather and air quality, and lastly, population density.

According to Forbes:

Residents of the cities on our list acutely experience the shifts wrought by global and local economies in turmoil. In fact, it's "bedrock security issues" like housing affordability, job security and cost of living [that] drive anxiety, says Edward Hallowell, M.D., a former professor at Harvard Medical School and founder of the Hallowell Center for Cognitive and Emotional Health in Sudbury, Mass.

Check out the first five cities on their list below:

Philadelphia, PA
Providence, RI
Salt Lake City, UT
Cleveland, OH
San Diego, CA

Want to see the top five? Just

Dear Poll: Did You Grow Up in an Affectionate Household?

DearSugar — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

My family has always been affectionate both physically and verbally, so it wasn’t until high school that I realized not every family was like mine. Other families — although equally as loving — didn’t necessarily go around saying “I love you” every time someone left the house. Neither is better, but I do think the level of affection in the household you grew up in will have an effect on the adult home you make for yourself. So did you grow up in a family that was quick to show affection? Source

Dear Poll: Did You Grow Up in an Affectionate Household?

Yes, everyone was very affectionate with each other growing up.

No, my family doesn't show affection in those obvious ways.

It depended on the occasion.

Other — I'll explain.

Do Tell: Is Your Parents' House Still "Home"?

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Though it can sometimes take a few tries, the majority of us end up getting out of our parents' house between our late-teens and mid-twenties. And of course, moving out is very much a rite of passage on the path to adulthood; you learn how to pay the bills and create a place that’s all your own.

I love my family dearly, but I know I’d never give up my independence to live with them again. Still, when I think of my parents' house, I get warm thoughts, and when I’m there, I truly feel at home. Do you feel the same way? Is where your family lives home to you? Or is your own house the only place you feel most at home?

Source

The How-To Lounge: Getting Organized

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Even if you’re more clean than messy, it’s still easy to end up with more than a few disorganized piles of stuff lying around the house, office, car, or even in the depths of your purse. Most of us function better in an organized environment, so if you have some clutter getting you down, see my tips and

A Do or a Don't: Personalizing Your Cube

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Since we spend most of our time at work, our cube or office space essentially becomes our home away from home. I've never gone so far as to put frames on my desk, but I definitely have my fair share of unique touches that makes my desk feel homey and familiar. On the flip side, some people don't even feel comfortable sharing their personal life with their co-workers so I'd assume personalizing their cube would be out of the question. What about you? Do you set up camp in order to make your workplace more pleasant or do you think adding personal touches is a don't since mixing business with pleasure can easily become too complicated?

Source

This or That: His House or Yours?

DearSugar — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:00:00 -0700

After a few months of serious dating, you and your boyfriend have moved into the staying-over-nearly-every-night phase. Things have actually been going exceptionally well relationshipwise, though you have noticed a few weird things on his part. Would it be worse if . . . This: He just doesn’t seem to want you staying at his place, so you only stay at yours? Truth be told, you’ve never even seen the inside of his apartment, which only piques your curiosity (and concern). Or . . . That: He practically refuses to stay at your place even for a night? He claims he’s only comfortable at his place, but he doesn't seem to care that it's inconvenient for you. Source

This or That: His House or Yours?

This — He won’t even let you sneak a peek at his house.

That — There’s nothing you can say to get him into your bed.

Dear Poll: Does Your Work Life Interfere With Your Personal Life?

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Although I’m sure Savvy would advise against it, sometimes it seems nearly impossible to separate professional life from personal life. I know in the past when I’ve had a terrible day at work, I’ve ended up having an equally terrible night at home. Somehow my bad mood leaves me irritable and short with my loved ones no matter how hard I try to leave my work baggage at the office. Does this happen to you too? Does your personal life suffer if you've had a terrible work week? Source

Dear Poll: Does Your Work Life Interfere With Your Personal Life?

Yes, what’s going on at work greatly affects my personal time.

No, it’s just a job, and I treat it like that.

I don’t do it often, but if it’s a particularly rough day I might.

Other — I'll explain below.

Do Tell: What Makes a House a Home?

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Home sweet home — there's nothing like it! Whether it's the smell, your own bed, or your dog welcoming you at the front door, there's just something comforting about being around the things you love. My parents' house will always feel like home because it's full of warmth, love and a little bit of chaos, but ladies, do tell, what makes a house a home for you?

Source

Sex Is Best on What?

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 08:00:00 -0700

Okay, so we've all had sex on a bed. It's comfy and cozy, and afterwards, you can snuggle up and talk about how much you love one another (you know - a guy's favorite thing to do!). I have to say though, sex can be equally wonderful elsewhere in your home.Tell me, besides your bed, what do you like to have sex on?Source

Do Tell: When Were You Most Excited to Be Home?

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 07:00:00 -0700

Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz coined the term, "There's no place like home" and I think everyone can relate to that feeling. Whenever I'm gone for long periods of time, even if I'm on a fabulous vacation, I always look forward to coming home. The comfort of having your own things, your own space, and getting back to your own routine is what makes home so special, so ladies, do tell, when were you most excited to be home?

Source

Sunday Confessional: My Sister-in-Law Won't Speak to Me

DearSugar — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 09:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--I have a serious problem. My sister-in-law and her husband were looking for an apartment and my husband volunteered our home for one week until they could find one. This one week has turned into 3 excruciatingly long months and they still haven't found a place yet.These 3 months might seem like no big deal, but they have felt like an eternity to me. It was fun in the beginning, and I know they really appreciate it, but it's gotten beyond annoying. They're always around and my husband and I are newlyweds and are desperately craving our privacy. Having them around has also caused many arguments between my husband and I. He's frustrated that they're here, but since they're family he won't say anything even though it's clear they have overstayed their welcome. Well the other morning, I just couldn't take it anymore and my frustration got the best of me. I came down for breakfast and she had eaten the last 2 eggs that I was saving to make pancakes. I admittedly snapped and blurted out a bunch of stuff I shouldn't have said.She got really upset and started crying (she's very emotional), and we both stormed out of the room. They were gone by the time I came home from work, but I found this really nasty note saying that she thought she could count on us and that family isn't supposed to let you down. She said she felt like I was insensitive, unloving, and selfish. I feel a little guilty but also feel like we were more than hospitable to them. I've tried calling to check up on them, but she won't answer her cell phone and refuses to return my messages. Should I be forgiven for blowing my top and basically kicking them out? Source

Sunday Confessional: My Sister-in-Law Won't Speak to Me

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided

The How-To Lounge: Avoid Homesickness While Traveling

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 10:04:38 -0700

Even if you love to travel, chances are you miss the comfort of your own home every once in a while. Whether it's the smell of your laundry detergent on your sheets or your dog waking you up in the morning when he's ready to go outside, it's easy to get homesick even if you're a grown adult, so here are some tips to help you feel at home even when you're thousands of miles away.

To read more

Do Tell: What Would you Change to Improve your Sex Life?

DearSugar — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 07:00:00 -0700

Do you have to share a bathroom with your husband and wish you had your own? Do you want a smaller bed so you could cuddle more even though he prefers to spread out in the California King? Some couples don't have a hard time keeping that flame burning all the time, but others need a little more TLC and a little less distraction to feel "in the mood." So ladies, do tell, what would you change in your home to help improve your love life?

Source

You Asked: Should I Stray?

DearSugar — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

This is really hard for me to admit, but since I haven't been able to say it out loud, maybe I can admit it here and get some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I moved to a new state after I graduated from college to be with him and things had been going pretty well. We have the standard problems and fights, but nothing unusual.

Well, the past 2 months, he has been gone a lot due to school. (He is
finishing his 4th year of medical school and has to work at hospitals out of the state sometimes.) I haven't seen him much and while he was away, I was having some problems at work, which were hard to deal with having him so far away and not around for support. Instead, I turned to a male friend and co-worker, who really helped me get through a tough time for me in my life and career. The only problem is, I have started to have feelings for this co-worker and I know that he feels the same way. We have discussed our feelings for each other, but he knows that I have a boyfriend who I care deeply for. I'm just not sure what to do. I still love my boyfriend, but lately, things haven't been the same. He isn't the most emotional person, and though I know he cares about me, sometimes I just need to hear it so I can feel the connection that we used to have.

My co-worker is definitely more open and emotional, and maybe that is part of the reason that I have been finding myself so drawn to him. He is never afraid to say what is on his mind or how he feels and I like that openness. Lately, I have found myself thinking about my co-worker more and more often and I feel so guilty about it. I don't know if I should continue to re-discover my feelings for my boyfriend and work things out, or if the feelings I have for my co-worker are serious enough to end my current relationship. I am really so confused, so any guidance would help! -- Mixed Up Madeline

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

The How-To Lounge: Cleaning out your Closet

DearSugar — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 10:00:00 -0700

Even though we have passed typical "spring cleaning" time, it's never too late to clean out your closet. I just tackled one of my closets yesterday so I am here to give you some tips to make it as painless of a chore as possible!

Click here to

Do Tell: What Appliance Could you not Live Without?

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 07:00:00 -0700

When you go home from work tonight, think about all the home appliances you use on a daily basis. Everything from your dishwasher to your toaster, your Tivo to your blow dryer. We are very fortunate to have all these gadgets at our fingertips, most of the time not even realizing how trivial they are to our everyday routine. so ladies, do tell, what appliance could you simply not live without?!

Source

The How-To Lounge: Staying Focused

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 10:00:00 -0700

I recently received an e-mail from a woman who just landed her dream job, but she works from home. While some people think working from home is ideal, others find it extremely distracting and difficult to stay focused and organized. In this How-To Lounge, I will offer up some tips on how to set up a proper working environment in your home so you can meet your goals and stay organized.

Click here to

Dear Poll: What Celebrity Home Would you Want to Own?

DearSugar — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 10:30:00 -0700

Buying a new house is an exciting time filled with possibility and commitment. With every home you visit, you must imagine what your life would be like in that exact setting, and get a feel for the Feng Shui it exudes. Part of the fun in house hunting is speculating how the previous owners lived; how their furniture was arranged, what their dinner table conversation was like, and if they were happy living in your potential new home. In Los Angles, Sunset Boulevard has stands on every corner selling Star Maps for tourists to locate the homes of their favorite celebrities. While being a peeping tom is a little much, if you could purchase a home from any celebrity, whose house would you choose?Source

Dear Poll: What Celebrity Home Would you Want to Own?

Courteney Cox: Looks like she couldn't be happier with her dogs, hubby, and little Coco

Jim Carrey: A house filled with laughter is a house for me

Gwyneth Paltrow: Music and children makes a house a home

Leonardo DiCaprio: Leo is such an environmentalist, I would feel healthy in his house

Renee Zellweger: A self proclaimed homebody, I am sure her home is quite cozy

Other: Please share!

Pillow Talk: The Geography of Love

DearSugar — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 06:30:00 -0700

Do you love your single life? Some men and women enjoy the dating scene, while others are ready to find their soul mate. I love Charlotte from Sex and the City for summing up the single doldrums: "I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he? My hair hurts."

Despite all the great promises of technology, there's just no formula for finding your one and only. Still, some people go to great lengths in their romantic quest, but have they done their research?

Click here to

Things He Should Know: Quality Matters Part II

DearSugar — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 09:01:00 -0800

I hope all the ladies out there sent Tuesday's Things He Should Know to the men in your life -- brother, boy friends and boyfriends -- who needed a few pointers in the bedroom department. Now we'll cover the bathroom, the other tricky and important room for girl visitors.

Fellas, I feel like I shouldn't have to say this, but clean is everything! And now that you have your girlfriend comfortable and cozy in your bedroom, make sure she's comfy in the bathroom, too.

To read more

Pillow Talk: Learning to Love Morning Breath

DearSugar — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 11:00:00 -0800

Waking up next to the man you love should bring a smile to your face, not leave you dreading his morning breath. Women frequently ask me how to dodge it, but the truth of the matter is, if he has morning breath, so do you!

I happen to be a fresh-breath freak myself, but there's something endearing and natural about the unique smells of one's partner. Go ahead and kiss him when the alarm goes off. If the kiss is passionate enough, you soon won't be noticing anything else.

My Work Schedule Is Hurting My Relationship

DearSugar — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have my absolute dream job. I have always wanted to work in the music industry and got my wish by landing the perfect job. My hours are quite brutal and my job can be somewhat unglamourous from time to time, but I really can't complain as the good far outweighs the bad.

I just got engaged to my high school sweetheart who I love more than anything. He is very understanding of my schedule, but lately my traveling has been excessive. When I travel for work, I can be gone anywhere from three to seven weeks at a time which is making it difficult to plan a wedding let alone find quality time to spend with my fiance. He is fed up and is pressuring me to look for a new job.

I love my fiance and can't wait to start our life together, but I love my job as well. All of my hard work is really paying off and I am being compensated quite nicely, so is there a way to find a happy medium to make us both happy? Globetrotting Gloria

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

How Can I Get My Serious Friend to Cut Loose?

DearSugar — Mon, 05 Feb 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have a friend who studies way too much and is so serious with his school work, but has the tendency to let loose every once in a while, although it has been quite some time since I have seen that side of him. He is coming to visit me for President's Day weekend and I want to drop some kind of "fun bomb" on him to make him less serious and more joyful.

Since I live in a warm climate, I was planning a weekend of water activities and outdoor sports, but wanted to ask if you had any ideas to help him connect with his fun side. He is really careful about how much he drinks and I don't want to compromise that, but any suggestions would be appreciated. Uptight Timmy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Mother or Best Friend? You Can't Always Be Both

DearSugar — Fri, 02 Feb 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My sixteen year old daughter and I don't know how to communicate with each other and I need help. I have no idea how to talk to her anymore and am struggling as I want to be a supportive loving mother. I see that she is trying to find herself and seems confused so how can I guide her without being overbearing? How can you be a friend when you must be a parent first? Overprotective Olivia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Embarrassing Laundry Room Blunder

DearSugar — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
I have a huge crush on a guy who lives in my apartment building. We see each other in passing from time to time and give each other a flirtatious hi and a smile. Last week we pulled into our garage at the same time and we got to talking. He was as charming and sweet as he is cute and when he asked me to grab a beer over the weekend, I gladly accepted.

Last night I ran into my crush yet again in the laundry room. We exchanged some small talk as he folded his laundry. I went along my merry way when, to my horror, I dropped a pair of period stained underwear on the floor! Do I even need to say anything more? I snatched them up so fast I am not sure if he saw, but needless to say, I was and still am completely mortified. How can I save face? Will he cancel our date? Over Exposed Emily

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Over Exposed Emily
You don't need to say anything more... that is truly mortifying and I am sorry. Are you sure he saw your undies? Did you exchange any conversation after the fact? If you snatched them up as fast as I can imagine you did, I really think it is safe to say he didn't even notice. You're a woman who gets her period. If he scares that easily and cancels your date, he isn't worth your time in the long run. Be confident and assume he didn't notice, or better yet didn't care, and have fun with your hunky neighbor.

Working Day and Night

DearSugar — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I am married to a wonderful man, he is my Mr. Right but I do all of the cooking, 98% of the cleaning, all of the child raising, and work part-time. Everyday he comes home to a home cooked meal, to a clean house, and to a child that thinks he's a superhero. The rule at my house is if it hasn't been done, it's because I haven't done it yet.

Dishes not done, toilet not scrubbed, homework not handled, dog not walked, only because I haven't done it yet. Is this normal? I'm not even 30 but I feel like I am having a mid-"wife" crisis. Are there any men out there that cook a meal and wash a load? Most of the time I don't mind taking up the role of a house wife, but other times I feel like I am being taken advantage of.

I get up early every morning to get the kid off to school while he sleeps in late. I go to bed early so I can get up early, he stays up late then comes crashing into the bed, turning the lights on and making all sorts of noise in the middle of the night. Is this normal, or is my guy the jerk I think he is. Sick and Tired Sally

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

HELP! I'm Turning into my Mother

DearSugar — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I'm afraid I'm turning out just like my mother. All she ever did when I was growing up was nag at my father. I have been living with my boyfriend the past five months and so far so good, however, I've become a nag! All I do is complain and nit pick at his every move.

I am not just picking on "why don't you do the laundry," it's more like "why don't you do xyz in our relationship." I then become resentful when he doesn't change or doesn't do everything as I wish. I can't believe the person I've turned into and he can't either.

My boyfriend is really a great guy, I'm really happy with him in 90% of our relationship, but there are some things I want to change. He still wants to stick by me but I have a feeling he won't stay forever if I don't make an effort to rectify my attitude. What do I need to do? How do I stop being such a nag? Badgering Betsy

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: The Germinator

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 14:00:00 -0800

DEARSUGAR and Disinfecting Donna need your help. What to do when you've got a household with the flu? For all of you moms out there, do you have any tips to help her and her family get through this bout?

Dear Sugar
Both of my young kids have the flu and I expect that I will soon get it too. I have been cleaning like mad, wiping things down, using all types of anti-germ and bacteria fighting household cleansers. On top of that I have been taking vitamin C and echinacea to try and preserve my own health. Do you know of any additional precautions that I should be taking so that it doesn't spread? Disinfecting Donna

DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: Stuck In A Comfort Zone

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 14:22:04 -0800

DEARSUGAR and Antsy Arielle need your help. She is love with a crabby homebody of a man and she's getting bored sitting at home all of the time. The problem is that she really loves him and just wishes that he would compromise and go out more often with her. I know that some of you can relate to this topic. Do you have any advice for Arielle?

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years. We have been through every up and down imaginable together and I love him more than I have ever loved someone. The thing is, we have an eight year age difference between us (he is older).

I really think that he gets angry and frustrated with me because I am younger and am still at an age where I like to go out and try new things with my friends. There is no longer anymore romance or butterflies between us. Everything has become completely predictable.

He is more of a homebody. His idea of a good time, is a warm meal, watching TV together and snuggling in bed or on the couch. I want to go dancing and see the town! Don't get me wrong, I love being at home, but sometimes, its just not enough for me.

Since we don't live together, I spend a lot of time at home, just sulking, crying my eyes out because he doesn't want to do anything adventurous together. He tells me that I am ranting like a little brat and this angers me.

I've been putting up with his lack of interest in anything fun for so long that now I am really wondering if I still feel the same way about him. What do I do? How do I make him see that we should enjoy each other's company equally so that we are both happy? Antsy Arielle

To Sign or Not To Sign

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I am getting married to my college sweetheart next month, and I am counting down the minutes until the big day. He played football in college, we met when he made it on his college team, and we have been together for eight years now.

I supported him through the minor leagues: We have moved several times to his team's cities, and I travel all of the time and have made some major sacrifices for him. He was recently signed to the NFL and asked me to sign a prenuptial agreement a few weeks before the wedding.

I come from a very wealthy family and never thought about asking him to sign one, and now I am left hurt and offended just days before my wedding. It's not like I come from nothing and I feel like I have been with him long enough that he knows I'm not out for his money. What do I do? Disappointed Deedee

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Open Door Policy

DearSugar — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I need some advice. My fiancé passed away a few months ago. We were living together with his 14 year old brother because their parents passed away two years ago leaving my fiancé as his legal guardian. We were very close, like family, and I love his brother like my own.

While I am slowly trying to get myself back together, his brother doesn't have anywhere to go. He is living in a temporary home right now similar to a foster home. He will stay there until they can find someone to adopt him, but I want to be his legal guardian. I'm only 24 and my friends don't think it is a good idea.

I was adopted myself and had a tough childhood moving from foster home to foster home and after all he has been through, I don't want that to happen to him. I graduated from college and have started my career and honestly feel I can take on the responsibility.

I'm not doing this because I feel I owe it to my late fiancé, I am not doing this because I'm lonely, I want to because I feel he would be better off with someone he knows, loves and who genuinely cares about his well being. Why are my friends telling me that this is a bad idea? Open Arms Aimee

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Breakups are the Worst

DearSugar — Fri, 26 Jan 2007 07:59:08 -0800

Dear Sugar
I need some uplifting words. I was in a relationship with the love of my life for a year. He was mildly abusive but I loved him so much I would have done anything for him. We did the make up break up thing a few times until he left me for good and now I am utterly crushed.

I struggle to get out of bed in the mornings and my thoughts are consumed with everything him. I wish I could remember what it was like before I knew him, before my spirit was bruised. While I am home crying, he is out drinking and hanging out with out mutual friends who no longer talk to me.

I have had opportunities to date men that seem extremely kind, but I just can't imagine being with anyone else, it just feels so forced, yet I am struggling being by myself. I don't know why I love someone who has been so cruel to me. I am hoping you have some words of wisdom to help me get through this time. Wounded Winnie

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Happily Ever After

DearSugar — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I have a friend who is on my last nerve. She recently got engaged to a man who struck it big... really big in the stock market. At the time they were dating and ever since their engagement, he had money, but nothing like what he has now. Post engagement, my friend quit her job and started living the life of a rich housewife, almost throwing her new found money in all of her friend's faces.

Recently, her husband got transferred to New York to work on Wall Street. They bought a penthouse apartment in an extremely fancy neighborhood, and she continuously carries on about who her decorator is, what kind of furniture she is buying, and how great her new life in the big city is.

I am from a middle to upper class family. I work very hard everyday, and I live with my fiance who also takes his job extremely seriously. I have never gone without, in fact I consider myself quite spoiled, but I am finding myself beyond irritated with my friend's new lifestyle. What is wrong with me? Vain Valerie

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At Least I Can Say I Tried

DearSugar — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
After 16 years of marriage and five years of my husband cheating on me, he finally left and moved in with his mistress. Our four kids were the reason why I didn't leave him in the first place and I always kept hope that he would realize I really was the only one for him. I lost and now I am broken hearted.

When does your head start to take over your heart? I know the right thing to do is move on and start a new life without him, but my heart won't let him go. I know time will heal all pain, but I can't see a light at the end of the tunnel. Any advice would help. Heartbroken Heidi

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Cheaters Never Prosper

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have been together for four and a half years. We met in college and most of our relationship was long distance since we are from two different cities. After graduation, he moved to my home town so we could be closer together. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but I love him and want to be with him forever.

Since his move, I have cheated on him twice. I didn't feel much guilt after it happened because I told myself it would never happen again, that they were both mistakes, that I had been drinking, and other forms of denial to make myself feel better.

In a discussion I recently had with my boyfriend, he mentioned that he knows I would never cheat on him and ever since, I have had this overwhelming feeling of guilt that I can't get rid of. After doing some soul searching, I realized that I cheated for the excitement and the passion of a new relationship - issues I am currently working on. Since my guilt won't go away, should I tell my boyfriend what I have done? Two Timing Tilly

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In the Dog House

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Jan 2007 08:12:29 -0800

Dear Sugar
I've recently had an awful argument with my wife. We were fighting because she was trying to justify all the reasons why I should not act disappointed when she goes out until the middle of the night to be with friends when I am not around. I complained that I never know where she is or with whom she is with.

This is a new behavior that started only after we were separated during the summer because I was unfaithful and came clean to her. I have since committed myself to my wife and making our marriage work, but it seems the tables have turned.

How can I be compassionate to the pain she still holds in her heart without reacting to her dysfunctional behaviors? We are living under the same roof but not as husband and wife. She no longer feels married as she has told me, and she needs time before she can decide whether to work things out between us. Please help me get through this tough time. In the Dog House Dan

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Down in the Dumps

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I am extremely unhappy at home and don't know what to do about it. I have been married for five years and we have two children who I love and adore, but my marriage is not what it used to be. My husband is constantly putting me down, as a wife and mother, and he is always nit picking at my every move.

I am a working mother and housewife but the only thing that really makes me happy are my children. I am overly exhausted from being a working mom with a newborn baby and housewife and feel like I get no help from my husband. I have voiced my concerns and he has done nothing to pitch in. Although I love some aspects of my husband, I am at the point of thinking about leaving him. Do you have any advice for me? Miserable Melissa

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True Friends are Hard to Find

DearSugar — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 08:18:37 -0800

Dear Sugar
I live in a small community outside of New York where it is very conservative, quite like Wisteria Lane on Desperate Housewives. My husband got transferred to the New York office of his company and we decided to raise our kids in outside of the city. All of the women in my neighborhood are married with children, and the only excitement is the rumor mill which drives these women to gossip.

Being the new-comer on the street has made it difficult to makes friends. While the parents of my children's friends have been welcoming, I get a strange vibe from them; they are very sarcastic, extremely closed minded, and I and feel like they constantly talk about me behind my back.

I am not a confrontational person and so I don't really want to ask them about why I feel so strange around them, but I feel like I almost have to be friends with these catty women to fit into my new community. Do you have any advise for me? Talked About Allie

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Is She More Than a Friend?

DearSugar — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I have been married and in love with my husband for five years, but lately I haven't been feeling the same way for him. I am finding myself not physically attracted to him like I used to be and our differences seem to be growing everyday. I figured all this was a natural lull in our marriage until I met a very special woman.

She is a member of my small community and I am not only finding myself attracted to her physically, but emotionally as well. She is a lesbian and although I know I am not, I can't stop thinking about her. She is smart, strong, a great mom, fun and an artist.

I haven't told her how I feel, I'm guessing she wouldn't return the feelings knowing that I'm married but this has left me so confused. I'm 30 years old and now all of a sudden I'm attracted to someone of the same sex; where does this leave my marriage? Can you please help? Torn Lover Leslie

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DEARSUGAR Needs Your Help: Deodorize My Disposal

DearSugar — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 14:52:27 -0800

DEARSUGAR and Grossed Out Gretta need your help. She has a smelly garbage disposal and wants to know how to fix the stink in her sink. I can't imagine what it must be like to live with that kind of a stench, ew! YumSugar, has quite a lot to say on this subject actually.

Check out a post she's written called, Disposal Do's and Dont's for tips on how to combat garbage disposal disasters. Does anybody have any other helpful tips on how to remedy this kind of icky invasive aura?

Dear Sugar
My garbage disposal smells really badly. Do you have any suggestions on how to either disinfect and how to prevent the smell from coming back again once it's gone? Grossed Out Gretta

Divorce Distress

DearSugar — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I am 21 years old and my parents, after being married for over 30 years, just separated three weeks ago. Their break up was a total shock to me and I am having a very difficult time right now dealing with this dissolution of our family.

Since their split, my mom has been talking to a guy that works next door to our house who is closer in age to my older brother than to my mother. Needless to say, I am not thrilled with their new found friendship. The other day, my mom asked me how I would feel if he came over to the house for dinner.

Since I am currently living at home, I told her his presence would make me extremely uncomfortable. Later that day when I came home, he was sitting with my mom in our living room, she had completely ignored my feelings. Am I over reacting or do I have a right to be upset and unsupportive of this relationship? Betrayed Bettina

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You're not my Real Dad

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
My mother has been dating a man for over a year that I simply can not stand. He is rude and disrespectful to me and both of my brothers and he is constantly over stays his welcome in our home.

While I of course want my mother to be happy, this man just rubs me the wrong way and I think it's because he tries too hard to act like our father. He is planning on moving to Vancouver this summer and I will be devastated if he makes us move. How do I make this situation better? Get Him Out Geenie

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It's Time To Say Bye To My Abusive Guy

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Jan 2007 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I am 20 years old and have been married for ten months. Before my husband and I got married, he was abusive. The first time that he hit me I was pregnant with our daughter. I left him for almost two years and he spent some time in jail but has since been released.

He promised me that he's changed so I decided to give him a second chance. Since we got married, he has continued to abuse me. He has only hit me once, but he is verbally and emotionally abusive on a daily basis. I know I need to leave him but I don't know what to do or where my daughter and I can go. I am so confused, can you help? Tortured Tanya

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And a Baby Makes Three

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Jan 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years, and he is absolutely the most wonderful person I have ever been with. I can not begin to describe how much he means to me. Unfortunately there is a but though; he has a four year old child that I just can't seem to welcome into my life.

I thought that I would be able to warm up to him in due time, but it just isn't happening. What bothers me the most is not the child, but the fact that my boyfriend and I can never have a typical life together. If we were to get married, I would have to deal with his "baby's momma" for the rest of my life.

Something else that is weighing heavily on my shoulders is that I became pregnant last year and we decided as a couple, that the timing wasn't right, so I had an abortion. It just doesn't seem right for my boyfriend to ask me to love his child when he wasn't willing to have a child with me. I feel like I am stuck in a terrible situation. Do you have any advice for me? Frustrated Fredel

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Make Up or Break Up?

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Jan 2007 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I have been married for just over a year and my husband and just had a baby boy. We have been together for almost three years and I was very much in love when we got married, but as hard as I try, I am just not happy in this marriage anymore.

It has gotten to the point where I don't even want to sleep in the same room with him. We got married relatively young; we were both 23 years old and my husband hasn't grown up since we had our son. He still acts like he is in college and drinks heavily on the weekends.

I have a full time job and at the end of the day, I still have to come home and be mother, a maid and a wife. I am truly miserable, but I would never want to hurt him. What would be the easiest, kindest and most gentle way to break the news to him that I am unhappy and I no longer want to be in this marriage. Discontent Destiny

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Friends and Lovers

DearSugar — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 09:59:34 -0800

Dear Sugar
I just moved to a new city to live with my best friend from college. I moved into her three bedroom apartment that she shares with a great guy and for the past few months, we have been the epitome of three's company; two girls and one guy. Since this is the first time I have lived so far from my family, it is extremely refreshing to live in a family type environment.

Last week, I came home after work and my best friend said she had something to tell me. She sat me down and told me that she and our other roommate have been hooking up for the past month and have decided to officially be a couple. To say I was shocked is an understatement. Not only was I completely left in the dark, but my little brother/sister family environment was about to change.

After the initial shock wore off, she told me that the dynamic in the house wouldn't change, but if I wanted him to move out, she would completely understand. I don't want to be the third wheel in my own home, but I don't want to be that girl who makes their relationship hard and asks him to leave. What should I do? Third Wheel Winona

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Clothes Horse

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 10:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
I recently moved into an apartment with my best friend. We have been like sisters since the fifth grade and we are both so excited to be roommates. When we were talking about getting a place together, I jokingly said "how fun, we will now have twice as many clothes!"

Well, I guess when I said that, my friend too it just a little bit too literally. We have only been living together for a few months and while I sincerely don't mind her borrowing my things, I would just appreciate being asked or informed about it.

On numerous occasions, I have come home from work to see her wearing not one item of mine, but entire outfits head to toe! When I try and gather my clothes back I usually find them flung on her floor, or in her closet in a ball in the corner...and never dry cleaned.

All I ask is that she return my things that night to my room, and ask before she takes something so I know what she has and I can plan on not wearing it. How do I approach this situation without causing tension between us? Irritated Angie

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City Slickers

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 08:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. We go to the same college but live on opposite ends of the country. We spent last summer apart and can't stand to do it again but the trouble is we can't agree on where we want to work next summer. It's a pretty big decision because we are hopeful that wherever we work this summer could lead to a full time job offer after we graduate.

I'm a city girl and he is much more laid back. He loves nature and open spaces. I want a career in journalism, he wants one in hospitality and hotel management in a place with a lot of tourism. I have the perfect opportunity to work for my dream magazine in NYC and he can definitely do hotel management there but he has such negative conceptions about New Yorkers and city life.

We see ourselves together in the long run and don't want to be faced with job offers on different sides of the country after graduation. How do we come to a compromise when we both want such different homes? Odd Man Out Mandie

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Off To The Big Apple

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 08:14:15 -0800

Dear Sugar
Next fall, I will be moving to New York City to attend college. Even though I would love to be able to take all of my clothes with me, I've heard that the dorm rooms were small and the closet space was almost non existant. Could you suggest some key items that will help me survive the big apple while still being stylish? College Bound Beatrice

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