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You Asked: Friends With Benefits

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a "friends with benefits" relationship with this guy for a year now, but lately he's been acting differently and I think he may be sleeping with other women. I asked him about it and he said he has slept with other women but it hasn't been recent.

I don't believe him, because recently I've found evidence of other women being at his place (another woman's hair on the bathroom floor, another woman's business card on his living room floor, and a condom wrapper in the trashcan, which he claims was used by his cousin who came to visit him).

I can't help but feel angry and betrayed. I feel it was a very selfish thing for him to do and also that he put not only his but also my health at risk. He says he doesn't want things to end, but I'm not sure if I can ever be with him again. I do want to be with him, but I don't want him to think it's OK to sleep with other women while he's sleeping with me. It's just too risky. I desperately need some advice. What should I do?

—Feeling Betrayed and Angry Amanda

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Poll: Have you Ever Ended a Friendship Like This?

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 06:00:00 -0700

I think it is safe to say we all have "difficult" friends, but I bet you didn't know just how bad they can be for your health! According to a study preformed by psychologists at Brigham Young University, simply being in the presence of someone you have a love/hate relationship with will not only elevate your heart rate and blood pressure, but they will generally leave you on edge. Since it is inevitable that we have more than a handful of "ambivalent" friends, cutting all of them out of your life probably is easier said than done, but what I want to know is, have you ever broken up with a platonic friend before? Have you ever felt the need to distance yourself from unpredictable or unreliable friends? Source

Dear Poll: Have you Ever Ended a Friendship Like This?

Yes: The older I get the more I realize how toxic a bad friend can be. I am better off without them.

No: I make it a point to only surround myself with positive people that make me feel good about myself and visa versa

Other: Please share!

Pillow Talk: Aiming for a Healthy Relationship

DearSugar — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 15:30:00 -0700

We all have an idea of what constitutes a healthy relationship, what it entails and who it's with. But why, then, do so many people knowingly get involved in unhealthy relationships? Before diving head-first into a new relationship, it's worth paying close attention to a few tips.

It takes time to find your ideal love match. It's wise to evaluate potential partners the way you would a new friend. Consider their values, character traits, and their relationships with others before becoming too vulnerable to them. You wouldn't trust a new girlfriend with all your deepest secrets or desires overnight, would you?

Be sure to distinguishing sex from love. There's a great deal of pleasure and connectedness derived from being intimate with someone, but that's not the same experience as being in love, or being respected, known and admired by someone.

Men are not psychics. Please be brave and ask for what you want. Be honest about your needs and your dislikes. As with friends or family, masking unhappiness can lead to resentment and blow ups down the road.

It's easy to get worried when we discover low tide in a relationship. However, this is natural and you should both expect to work at keeping the romance alive. Checking in with each other helps foster closeness with your partner. People do change and grow. Learning and growing together can only enrich your relationship.

No relationship is perfect, ladies, but it should be respectful, loving and healthy.

Source