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You Asked: Is Meeting Up With My Ex Worth the Risk?

DearSugar — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend and I have been happily together for two years. Sure, things aren't always perfect, but he's considerate, playful, and gives me hope that we can have a wonderful future together. Here's the problem: My ex came home for the holidays, said that he's moving back and wants to get together for dinner and drinks. We broke up for the simple fact that he had to move away for a job and long distance became too difficult. There was no cheating or lying, and we didn't fall out of love for each other. We always had had amazing chemistry and said that if it was meant to be, we'd find one another again.

I really don't want to jeopardize the relationship I am in now, but I'm still young and feel like I'll always wonder "what if?" I am scared that if I do see him, I'll instantly fall back in love and then I'll be in an even bigger mess than I am now. I'm at such a loss and could really use some advice! — At a Loss Liza

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You Asked: We Broke Up, Now Things Are Better Than Ever

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My old boyfriend from five years ago and I began speaking again a year ago, after both of us got out of really unhealthy relationships. At the time he was living across the country, but we developed a relationship and he decided to move back. At first our relationship was a dream. He was considerate, caring, sensitive, and treated me very well. Soon after he moved back, he also started working long hours while attending school, and our relationship became strained. He's always had a bad temper, but I began seeing more of it. We would rarely have sex, and he would often seem distant. Although he was apologetic when it was brought up, he would never really change his behavior.

Last week, after one particularly bad weekend, I felt I had no other choice but to end the relationship. The next day we talked and both agreed that it just wasn't working. He apologized sincerely for the way he had been treating me and described just how tired and stressed he's been. The night we had this talk was honestly one of the most special nights we have ever had, even though we were ending things. We made love and it was better then it had ever been before. He's called me every day since and it seems like he's turned back into the guy I used to know.

I only broke up because I felt I had no choice due to the way I was being treated, but now that things are so good, I want to get back together. Are we building our relationship again? And if so, should I demand to know where he stands? Or is that jumping the gun?

— Together or Not Taylor

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The How-To Lounge: Giving a Relationship Another Try

DearSugar — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Just because a relationship ends, doesn’t mean that your feelings suddenly come to a screeching halt too. In fact, sometimes without that person in your life, your feelings can grow, and you can be left with the longing to try things over again. Certainly I’ve seen many couples try to give their relationship another go, but not all are successful. So I’ve come up with some things to consider when giving a past relationship another shot. To see them

Handle This: Your Ex Wants You Back

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

When things ended with your ex a few months back, you were devastated. He was the one who wanted to break up because he said he was feeling uncertain about the future. Prior to his confession, things had been great, and you thought you might end up with him in the long run.

You’ve done some healing and finally started putting yourself out there again, only to get a phone call from your ex. He wants to take you on a date and see if you can rebuild the relationship. You love him, but he broke your heart, so how do you handle this?

Source

Should Getting Back Together Be a Tough Decision?

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

There have been some Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams sightings lately and the rumor mill is working overtime to figure out if they are back together or not, but you might be glad to know that the rumors are true — they are back on!! They seem to be the Hollywood couple everyone was rooting for, but what took them so long to reignite their flame? In my opinion, following your heart shouldn't be that difficult — you either know or you don't, right? Have you ever had to give getting back together with an old love such thought? Do you think it's a bad sign if you do?

Source

Anatomy of a "Fakeup"

DearSugar — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Even if you've never heard the word "fakeup," you've surely witnessed them or maybe even participated in one. Though the fakeup comes in many forms, it's most easily defined as a fake breakup or a breakup that doesn't take.

Some couples are repeat fakeup offenders — you know the people I'm talking about. They break up frequently and in very dramatic fashion, but you always know they're going to get back together. (Note: In these cases, it's best not to badmouth the recent ex, since he or she probably won't be an ex for long!)

For further insight into faking up,

You Asked: I Can't Accept That We've Broken Up

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am one of your male readers and have been having a problem for a while now and need some help. About five months ago my (now ex) girlfriend and I broke up. It was initiated by me after a fight when I said that I needed some time alone to think. She was angry that I wanted time away, and so we broke up. The two months prior to that her jealousy had really driven us apart — she was constantly insecure about my female friends.

A month and a half passed and we started talking about the prospect of getting back together, but out of nowhere, something changed and she became cold towards me. She said that she didn't see a future with me, especially since she was moving away for grad school soon — she wants to try her hand at being single. I attempted to get her back to no avail.

It's now five months after our initial breakup and she is seeing someone else. I know it's not serious, but if she loved me like I loved her, how is it possible for her to be with someone else right now?I have pretty much accepted the fact that the relationship is not easily feasible given we would be in different states, but I still love her more than anything and I constantly think about her day and night. How do I convince her that we're meant to be?

— Desperate Dave

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You Asked: Is There Hope?

DearSugar — Tue, 27 May 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of 13 months recently broke up with me. He told me that he has commitment issues and doesn't want to be in a "tumultuous relationship." I was under the impression that we had a pretty good thing going — of course we fought, but doesn't every couple? After the dust settled, I asked him if he wanted to be with me again. His answer was “yes and no.” He said he loves me deep down, but he's very afraid of what our relationship will be if we start fighting and having arguments again. Although I told him that I changed, he still feels an "aftertaste" of our past relationship. I know I wasn't the best girlfriend, but what I'd like to know is: How do I get him to realize that I really have changed? I want him to feel safe and secure with our relationship. Are there any ways for me to show him that I'm now a more appreciative, supportive, and passive girlfriend? — Trying Really Hard Reagan

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True Confession — I'm Toying With His Emotions

DearSugar — Wed, 07 May 2008 07:00:00 -0700

I know how much you all love our Sunday Confessional, so my friend at True Confessions is joining forces with me to bring you a midweek confessional! Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or don't forgive the confessional below."My ex is trying to get back together with me. I have no plans on going through with it but I sure am enjoying the sense of power I feel right now! Is toying with his emotions forgivable?"Source

True Confession — I'm Toying With His Emotions

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided

You Asked: Is This My Second Chance?

DearSugar — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me almost three months ago. I was devastated and completely broken-hearted, but I realized that by breaking up with me, he actually saved my life. I had been slowly falling into a deep depression over the last four months of our relationship and denied every bit of it to myself. He saw through it and tried to help me, but I pushed him away. After he crushed my world, I was forced to face reality and deal with my demons.

Now it's three months later, and I already feel like a whole new person. But I've been thinking of him constantly. We hadn't spoken once since we broke up, until he texted me the other day to ask how I was doing. Obviously I was thrilled, and we ended up talking for an hour, at the end of which he asked me if I would want to meet up some time soon. I'm really excited, but I also don't want to read into this too much or screw things up if he does want to get back together. How should I approach him at dinner?

— Second Chance Sandra

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You Asked: Can I Trust Him?

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I met this amazing guy a year and a half ago. We hit it off right away and started dating exclusively. After about a year, we had our first real fight. I didn't think much of it because it was just one argument, but then the fighting got so bad that we eventually broke up and he started dating someone else. They broke it off, but he continued to stay close with her. He still has that girl in his life as a friend, but he says he wants me back. I don't know if I can trust him with her. I love him, and I know he loves me, but I'm afraid he still has feelings for her. Should I give him a second chance?

— Getting Back Together Gabby

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You Asked: How Do I Get Him Back?

DearSugar — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I spent four months dating a really great guy. We broke up five months ago when he decided it was too hard, which it was. He works full time and goes to school. I also work full time, but my schedule changes every week. During the relationship. I did the same thing I've been doing all my life, and took the blame for everything that went wrong. It bothered him that I never shared my opinions because I've been programmed to feel that my opinion isn't worth much.

Recently I have been trying to stay away from him (to give him space) and started going to therapy for my low self-esteem. What else can I do to show him that he really does matter to me, and that we can both be happy? He never lied to me or failed to be there when I needed him for something. He's worth the work I'd have to put into the relationship. He's better then what I could possibly deserve even with his own imperfections. How can I get him back?

— Want Him Back Becca

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Handle This: Make Up or Break Up?

DearSugar — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 09:00:00 -0800

Welcome to DearSugar's new feature: Handle This. I'm going to give you a hypothetical scenario and ask you to tell me how you would handle it in the comments below. Let's give it a whirl.

You and your boyfriend planned a romantic getaway for your one-year anniversary. The tickets are booked, the hotel is booked, even the tours around the island are booked. Unfortunately, a week before your trip, you find out that your boyfriend cheated on you back when you first started dating. Of course, you're devastated and you break up with him. He's devastated, too, and is relentlessly begging you to take him back. He claims this was just a misunderstanding since it happened before you two were an official couple.

You're torn — you don't know if you should forgive him since it was so long ago or if you should stand your ground since he technically lied to you for almost a year. To add more confusion to the mix, your entire trip is already paid for and you're supposed to leave in less than a week. This romantic getaway could be the perfect way/place to work everything out, or it could turn into a huge mistake and a total nightmare. You don't want the trip to go to waste, but you just don't know what to do. I know this is a toughie, but ladies tell me, how you would handle this?

Source