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Moody Men: How to Deal

DearSugar — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 09:00:00 -0800

We all have our moments, and sometimes the little things can set our mood into a tailspin. Maybe somebody accidentally threw away your bagged lunch at work, or your neighborhood coffee shop ran out of cream, and boom — you're instantly in a bad mood. Stereotypically speaking, women are thought of as the moody ones, but men can be moody too, and there's actually a name for it — irritable male syndrome. It's much less severe than depression or bipolar disorder, but the same roller coaster of emotions apply. One minute he's happy and loving life, and the next, he's sulking and not wanting to talk. This change in mood can be triggered by hormonal fluctuations (just like us!) or stress. To find out more about this condition and to learn what you can do to help, check out the video below from The Today Show.

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Do you know any men that suffer from irritable male syndrome?

Do Tell: When Do You Know You're in Love?

DearSugar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Falling in love means something different to everyone, but it's usually a pretty overwhelming experience. Love can also be tricky though. I don't know about you, but I've definitely thought I was in love before, only to realize later down the road that it wasn't love at all! Since finding it doesn't happen all that often, do tell, when do you know you're in love?

Source

Is Your Mind More at Ease?

DearSugar — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Last night we saw history being made. Regardless of the way you voted, a great change has been made to our country. I know most of you were feeling anxious before the votes were counted yesterday, and since emotions are no doubt still running high, tell me, is your mind a little bit more at ease now that the election is over?

Source

Stop That Thought, Part I: Taming Unproductive Worries

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

We all worry from time to time, but worrying is often totally unproductive. We have to sweat a lot of details and dilemmas in life, but getting stressed about things when you can't actually do anything about them isn't very helpful.

For instance, worrying about your upcoming dentist appointment won't make your filling hurt any less. Similarly, when you're at work, thinking about all the things you need to do when you get home will just stress you out. If you need a little help taming your worries, why not try a technique called "thought stopping"? The method can help you dismiss unproductive worries all together and save the important ones for another time.

For a few tips on pushing unproductive thoughts out of your mind,

Dear Poll: Do You Ever Cry For No Reason?

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

The other day my friend told me that during her fitness class, she suddenly and without cause just burst into tears, forcing her to leave early, and obviously making her feel very embarrassed. When I asked her what had happened, she said she didn’t know. She wasn’t dealing with PMS, but it was as if at that moment she just couldn't hold in the tears. I know I’ve had spontaneous crying fits. What about you?Source

Dear Poll: Do You Ever Cry For No Reason?

Yes, it actually happens fairly often.

I might do it every once and a while, but not often.

No. If I’m crying, I know why.

Other — Please share.

Do Tell: Have You Ever Been Used?

DearSugar — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I’ve been fortunate enough to build a strong group of friends over the years, but in the process, I’ve encountered my fair share of people who were only out for their own gain. Of course as I’ve gotten older, it’s rare that I find myself in the position of being used by someone, but I’d be lying if I said it’s never happened before. And it’s always an unpleasant realization. Have you ever realized that someone was using you?

Source

The How-To Lounge: Compartmentalizing Emotions

DearSugar — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Compartmentalizing has been a buzz term in psychology for some time now, and refers to the habit of consciously separating specific aspects of one's life from others in order to not dwell on bad feelings. For example, if you’ve had a terrible day at work, to properly compartmentalize those negative emotions, you’d leave them at work and go home happy. But while this word is often slung around, actually achieving its purpose is much more difficult. If you're looking to learn more about how to do this, then check out my tips. To see them

Are You a Shopaholic?

DearSugar — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Since so many of you consider shopping a form of therapy I thought you could benefit from a new test that determines whether or not you're considered a shopaholic. Since compulsive buying is linked to low self-esteem, depression, anxiety and stress, it's a good idea to determine if you should be leaving those credit cards at home!

As we all know, there's a difference between buying and over-the-top spending, which has the ability to wreak havoc on your life. Those who are considered compulsive buyers spend money on things regardless of the need for them or what's in their bank account, and according to Kent Monroe, a marketing professor at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, "Compulsive buying is an addiction that can be harmful to the individual, families, relationships. It is not just something that only afflicts low-income people."

To see what this test entails,

Relationship Protocol: Does He Cry in Front of You?

DearSugar — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Often, there’s a social stigma attached to men who cry. But of course, men get sad, too, and sometimes that sadness is reflected in tears. I mean, they’re only human. Most guys are more apt to keep this act to themselves, so when they enter into a relationship with someone they can trust, it can be a relief to have a literal shoulder to cry on. So does your significant other cry in front of you or does he keep his tears private, behind closed doors?

Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Read a Friend's Diary?

DearSugar — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Since so many of you admitted to snooping, I thought I'd take it one step further. In this crazy world we all live in, it seems that writing in a journal is one of the only times where we can be truly one with our feelings; to write out our deepest and darkest secrets and innermost thoughts. It should go without saying that someones journal or diary is a very private, sacred possession yet so many people jump at the opportunity to turn the pages of someone else's sentiments. I understand that certain desperate situations call for that invasion of privacy, but tell me, have you ever read a friend's diary out of mere curiosity?Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Read a Friend's Diary?

I'm guilty of reading a friend's journal and I still feel terrible for it to this day.

No, I've never read anyone's journal simply because I would feel so betrayed if someone did it to me.

Other — Please explain below.

The Movies That Make You Cry

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

As it turns out, we're all a bunch of saps when it comes to just about anything emotional in a movie. But among the movies you mentioned, a few seemed to really stand out. So check out my compilation of the six movies that make you pull out the tissue box, and cast your vote to decide which is the absolute most likely to make your eyes red rimmed and your nose run. Source

Which Movie Is the Biggest Tearjerker?

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Do Tell: What Movie Moment Makes You Cry Every Time?

DearSugar — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

I’m a sucker for a good drama, and when the seriously sad stuff gets ramped up, I have no shame in just letting the tears dribble down my face. But lately, it’s not just the dramatic moments that get me going; it’s the funny ones too. Something about the goofy, light-hearted scenes makes me nostalgic for old friends and being a kid again. I’m sure there are a few of you out there like me, so do tell, what movie moment makes you cry each and every time?

Source

You Asked: Is He Emotionally-Damaged Goods?

DearSugar — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating exclusively for five months. We both used to be morbidly obese and therefore haven't had very many romantic relationships in the past. In fact, my boyfriend only recently lost his virginity three years ago, when he was 28. Our unhealthy appearances made us both easy targets for ridicule during our school years.

I explain all this because recently, I went out on a limb and told him that I loved him. I didn't expect him to respond, I just wanted to let him know how I felt. Later, he brought it up and said that he was happy being with me and that I filled the void he previously felt, but he doesn't know if he loves me yet. When I asked if he thought he ever would, he claimed he wasn't sure. Apparently he felt the same emotional limbo in his previous relationship, but at the time, said "I love you," simply because she had. After saying it so many times without feeling it, it didn't mean anything to him anymore.

I know he doesn't want to hurt me, and that's why he opened up. He is kind, generous, thoughtful, and considerate. We have fun and we both get a kick out of how we are in sync about so many things but I have to know: Could it just be I'm not the right girl? Or is it some deeper emotional issue from his past — he's mentioned that as a possibility? I love him, and I do feel as if he loves me.

— Torn By His Words Taylor

To see DearSugar's answer,

What's Good Sex?

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

In a recent article in The Huffington Post, Dr. Sue Johnson asks "what is 'good sex'?" and proceeds to examine what she refers to as the three kinds of sex, including sealed-off sex, solace sex, and synchrony sex. Before addressing each, she notes:

What really determines what kind of sex you are going to have isn't the novel positions you find in the sex manual or the new tips in the latest magazine. It's how safely attached you are to your partner. Emotional presence and trust are the biggest aphrodisiacs of all.

Accordingly, sealed-off sex is all about satisfaction and pleasure, and relies on emotional detachment, while solace sex is more about emotional needs and reassurance than physical pleasure. Synchrony sex, on the other hand, is when emotional desire and connection open the way to erotic satisfaction, and as implied by the article, is "good sex."

I certainly don't think there's any definition of good sex that works for every person, but I do know many who would argue that under the right circumstances, simple, physical sex can be great and so can comfort sex. So ladies, let me ask, what's your definition of good sex?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Have a Temper?

DearSugar — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Everyone gets angry, but some of us tend to snap more easily than others. Maybe it's a frustrating customer service representative or an irritating comment from a family member, but suddenly your anger flares up in a bout of bad temper. Fortunately, I don't get heated easily, but I'd be lying if I said that stress didn't bring out my temper. Are you prone to fits of fury? Source

Dear Poll: Do You Have a Temper?

I'm like you, Dear. The only time I can't keep my temper in check is when I'm stressed.

I have a terrible temper; sometimes the smallest things just drive me berserk.

I don't get angry very easily, and even when I do it's fairly restrained.

Other — Please share below.

You Asked: Does He Actually Love Me?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been going out for almost five months now and a few weeks back I said those three little words . . . and he didn't respond. While I wasn't expecting him to say it back, the actually reality that he didn't hurt me.

We talked about his reaction, or lack thereof, later, and he says that he feels the same way but is not comfortable saying it yet; he needs more time. In fact, he and his ex didn't exchange an "I love you" until about a year into the relationship. He feels like his actions should speak clearly, and in many ways they do, but I still can't help but feel insecure. I am not sure I can be with someone who can't tell me they love me. And I worry that maybe he doesn't really love me, but just doesn't want to lose me. How can I be sure he loves me if he won't say it?

— Looking For Love Linnie

To see DearSugar's answer,

You Asked: How Do I Get My Husband to Express His Emotions?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been married for about a year and a half. When we first started dating, my now husband got a kidney transplant as a result of an accident he had some five years before. He has told me the overall story — he fell from a tree and not only suffered kidney complications but also had trauma to his back for which he's had numerous surgeries, but yesterday after I asked more details about it, he got defensive and said he doesn't like talking about it.

I just don't know how to react to that. In general, he has a really hard time talking about things that I consider important, and I guess this is only the tip of the iceberg. I have opened up to him about my own issues and feel that if he is avoiding that subject, it will just keep hurting his confidence and self-esteem (he had to drop out of college temporarily afterwards). I want to support him and love him for who he is. Am I overreacting? How do I approach this again?

— Communicator Caila

To see DearSugar's answer,

Dear Poll: Do You Think Your Dreams Mean Something?

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Though a particularly intense dream can haunt you all day, unless you’re the sort to write down all your sleepy escapades in a dream diary, most of the time it’s easy to forget a dream within minutes after waking. Admittedly I’m not organized enough to keep track of mine or look up their symbolism in a dream dictionary, but sometimes I wish I paid closer attention because I do think dreams can reveal a lot about particular anxieties swirling in our minds. Then again, maybe they're just a mishmash of life all thrown together. What do you think? Do dreams hold meaning?Source

Dear Poll: Do You Think Your Dreams Mean Something?

Yes, I always look at my dreams closely to see what they can reveal about me and my life.

No, I don’t really pay any attention to them.

I don’t think they’re completely random, but I don’t think they hold any deep meaning either.

Other — I'll explain

Teen Romance Is Rife With Abuse

DearSugar — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

A surprising and fairly depressing article from Reuters earlier this week examines two recent studies on adolescent romantic relationships in conjunction with physical and emotional abuse. Both studies, one online survey completed by Liz Claiborne Inc. and the other conducted by Christian Forke of Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, make references to the high rates of violence in preteen and teen relationships.

Clairborne's study makes a strong connection between abuse and early sexual activity, while Forke's findings iterate that emotional abuse can lead to other kinds of abuse later on. As noted in the article:

Forke found emotional violence — which includes verbal abuse and subjecting a partner to controlling behavior and put-downs — was the most common type of violence at all ages, especially before college. Forke surveyed students at three urban colleges and found nearly 45 percent had experienced relationship violence before or during college.

Abuse is never OK, but when coupled with youth and love, I imagine it can be especially damaging, specifically in regards to future relationships. While I certainly hope none of us experienced abuse as teenagers in love, I wonder: Did your early relationships affect your future or current relationships? Were your youthful love affairs positive or negative experiences?

Source

Dear Poll: Are You a Moody Person?

DearSugar — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Most people I'm close to are good at keeping an even temperament even in the midst of something negative. However, there are certainly a few people in my life who have very intense emotional reactions and tend to fluctuate moods depending on that emotion. Even though it can be hard to handle at times, I know that everyone is entitled to her own feelings and reactions to things. Sure, many women get a touch of this around the time of their periods, but in general, do you think that you're a moody person? Source

Dear Poll: Are You a Moody Person?

Yes. I tend to be moody; it's just the way I am.

Not at all. I’m generally pretty even-keeled.

Only when I’m on my period or dealing with a particularly stressful time in my life.

Other — I'll explain

You Asked: I'm Being Taken For Granted

DearSugar — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm 23 years old and my boyfriend is 28 years old. We've been together for nearly two years, and we love each other very much. I just need some advice on how to approach things in our relationship now that the honeymoon phase is over. Recently I feel like I've been taken for granted. He used to be very affectionate and always on top of everything but now I feel like I'm the one doing the chasing. I've become very jealous because he doesn't give me the same attention that he used to.

We see each other every day, and I can't help but wonder if he's just sick of me. I've been nagging him about what's changed, and he has become very distant. I don't know what to do to make things the way they used to be. I don't know what I'm doing wrong? Now I can't stop being jealous and asking for reassurance; it's only making things worse. I don't want to lose him. What can I do?

— Honeymoon Is Over Olivia

To see DearSugar's answer,

Dear Poll: Are You More of a Crier the Older You Get?

DearSugar — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

After the Sex and the City screening last week, several Sugar girls admitted that the movie made them cry. The consensus seemed to be that even those of us who never cried much when we were younger now get choked up very easily by TV shows, weddings, songs — you name it.I think that many women cry more often as we get older. Maybe it's hormonal, but it seems to happen to women in their late 20s and on. I'm wondering if this is common: Have you noticed that you cry more during movies, TV shows, and weddings as you get older?Source

Dear Poll: Are You More of a Crier the Older You Get?

Yes! I never used to cry during movies and now I do all the time.

I have always been a crier!

Nah — I never cry in movies.

No, but then again, I'm still pretty young.

Other (tell me below)

Dear Quiz: Are You Overly Sensitive?

DearSugar — Wed, 07 May 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Though being in touch with your emotions and knowing how to communicate them is a great trait, letting your emotions get the best of you can lead to more trouble and stress than it's worth. We all have our soft spots, but having a thick skin is important, too, otherwise you can end up an emotional wreck. Obviously, some of us are more sensitive than others, so take this quiz to see if you're too sensitive!

Source

Do Tell: Do You Tend to Overprotect Yourself?

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Our emotions are very delicate and they can be easily bruised. Of course some people are more sensitive than others, but even if you have thick skin, we all get hurt feelings from time to time. Experiencing a broken heart is no laughing matter, which is why so many people overprotect themselves to avoid ever having to relive that pain. But when you overprotect, you often miss out on potential life experiences, when, in reality, putting yourself out there could be well worth the risk.

Now ladies, I'll be the first to admit that I'm guilty of overprotecting myself from time to time, so do tell: Are you one to build walls in order to protect yourself from getting hurt too?

Source

You Asked: I Can't Control My Mood Swings

DearSugar — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating this great man — he is 44 and I'm 35 — with whom I recently moved in. Things have been great, except for some personal issues I'm encountering. Often when I come home from work or sometimes completely out of the blue, I become an emotional wreck! I cry for no reason, and I know he just doesn't understand what's going on. I often end up fighting with my daughter and getting angry with my son. I was in a 14-year marriage that was very hard on me, so I don't know why I can't be happy now that things are so much better. Other than my strange mood swings, everything feels right for once. I feel terrible about the way I'm acting, but it almost seems like I have no control over this. What can I do before I hurt my relationships?

— Emotional Wreck Emeline

To see DearSugar's answer

Drawing the Line: Significant Others With Children

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Recently, I’ve noticed that many DearSugar readers have questions, opinions, or concerns about dealing with a significant other’s child's mother. While I personally think writing someone off just because they have kids is a little over the top, I do think it’s important to understand that dating someone with a child is going to require different compromises and sacrifices. But while accommodating the relationship between your boyfriend and his ex is a necessity, it should not dictate the nature of your own relationship.

Obviously your boyfriend and his ex’s relationship can walk a thin line between necessary and inappropriate, but to tell you the truth, I’m not sure where that line stands. So I need your help on this one — where is the appropriate line between a significant other and his baby’s mama? Is there one or does anything go in this particular type of relationship?

Source

Dear Quiz: Are You Too Hard on Yourself?

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

When something goes wrong in our lives, it's not uncommon to play the blame game. Often having someone to blame makes us feel better and more in control, and while some of us blame others, a lot of us out there blame ourselves. While it's important to acknowledge your flaws, it's never healthy to beat yourself up over things — especially those things you have no control over. So are you too hard on yourself? Take this quiz and find out!

Source

How Far Would You Go to Express Your Love?

DearSugar — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 11:00:00 -0700

We see celebrities showing their affection for loved ones in various ways all the time. Some go so far to make their statement permanent, Angelina Jolie and Melanie Griffith to name a few, while others take the safe route, opting for things far less binding like Madonna and Paris Hilton. Since Hollywood relationships are so volatile, one would think these celebs would have learned their lesson by now, but I guess not — new tattoos are popping up every day.

I've never gone to any such extremes to express my love for someone, but have you? Even if you feel like your relationship will last forever, would you do something that was a permanent display of your feelings? I'm curious ladies, how far would you go to express your love and devotion for someone?

Source

Dear Poll: Do Your Body Issues Follow You to Bed?

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 13:00:00 -0800

As most women know, one of the biggest inhibitors in the bedroom is the mind. It has a tendency to wander off and come up with nagging questions, like “is my stomach jiggling?” that can really turn a girl off. In fact, it can end up holding you back from a lot of pleasurable things. I know that I’ve had phases where the way I feel about my looks has had an effect on my attitude and mood when having sex but what about you? Do your body issues follow you to bed?Source

Dear Poll: Do Your Body Issues Follow You to Bed?

No way, I don’t let anything stop me when I’m in the mood.

Yes, I always feel self-conscious whenever my clothes come off.

It really depends.

Other — Please explain below.

You Asked: My Emotions Are Up and Down

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm almost 21, attending a great college, and generally happy, and I have a great boyfriend who loves me very much, but I'm still so depressed. I will be happy one minute, and the next I'll be sad, angry, and crying uncontrollably. I have problems with anxiety, but I don't think that is the problem. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Please help me!

— A Mix of Emotions Melinda

To see DearSugar's answer

You Asked: Is My Sex Life Over?

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been married for two years now. I have a 1-year old and another on the way. Lately my sex life has gone downhill and I believe it's because of me. I am seven months pregnant, which makes my hormones go crazy. I want to have sex often, which I thought would be a great thing for my husband. He used to complain if we didn't have sex everyday and now he doesn't seem to care if we have it at all. I worry that he isn't interested in me anymore and will or has looked elsewhere to get satisfied. I know a lot has changed about me and my body, but I'm not fat, other than my pregnant belly. When we have sex, I can barely feel him anymore. It has to be me; I'm the one that gave birth. Before that we had a great sex life. Is this it? Is my sex life with my husband over? It is the actual intercourse that I'm worried about. Will it ever be good again or is my marriage doomed? Do you think my husband is cheating? He isn't the type to go without sex, especially good sex. What do I do?

—Pregnant, Horny, and Sad Samantha

To see Dear Sugar's answer

You Asked: Will He Ever Love Me?

DearSugar — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 06:00:00 -0700

I have been dating my boyfriend, who is seven years older than me, for almost six months now and we have never used the "L-word." Lately it has been eating at me; I feel like there should be a certain point where you either love someone or end the relationship. I know I love him and that he means the world to me, I'm just not sure if I'm in love with him. He is my first "real" boyfriend and I'm one of very few long-term relationships for him.

He has never told anyone else he loves them and says he's never been in love. I spent weeks batting around the idea of spilling my feelings for him first, which takes a lot of nerve, and so finally I did. I came out and
asked him if he loved me, and he told me no. A week or so later I asked him if he thought he'd ever fall in love with me, and he said he "didn't think so." It broke my heart and we nearly ended the relationship. He says he enjoys being with me and wants to see where it goes because we have a lot of fun together, but I think it should be "going somewhere" already. I don't want to rush things, but I don't want to wait around for another disappointment. So should I end it now or wait it out and see where it goes, and if so, how long should I wait? I don't want to be in a relationship that isn't headed towards long-term commitment and then marriage. — One Sided Love Linds

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Do Tell: Spring Cleaning, What do you Need to Purge?

DearSugar — Tue, 27 Mar 2007 08:30:00 -0700

Spring cleaning gives everyone an excuse to rid their homes of excess clutter and piles of paperwork collecting nothing but dust. While our homes might look clean, we sometimes forget to check in with ourselves to do exactly the same thing-- inventory our emotions and baggage.

Oftentimes it is easier to sweep feelings of worry and angst under the rug, store your ex boyfriend's favorite sweatshirt in the back closet or even your favorite maternity dress that you will never wear again. So in the spirit of Spring cleaning, ladies, do tell, what do you need to purge in order to lighten your load?

Source

Your Skin's Emotional Life

DearSugar — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 08:00:00 -0800

Ever have a bad case of hives, eczema, acne or psoriasis? Ever notice how a flare-up can coincide with a seriously stressful time in your ife? Psychodermatology, an emerging medical practice, is joining the practice of dermatology and psychiatry in hopes of finding the best solution for these mind-skin troubles.

“An estimated 30 to 60 percent of people who come to a doctor for help with skin problems also have emotional issues that are churning as well,” says Dr. Ted Grossbart, an assistant clinical professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School and author of "Skin Deep: A New Mind/Body Program for Healthy Skin."

“These emotional stressors can keep the best skin medicine in the world from working," he says. "You’ve got to address what’s going on in the heart as well as on the skin.”

Click here to