DearSugar -- Just ask.

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Am I an Online Dating Dud?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 06:00:00 -0800

E. Jean is still enjoying her time off, but don't fret, she'll be back December 4th! In the meantime, here's an oldie but goodie. Enjoy!

Dear E. Jean,

I know I’m old-fashioned, but I’ve never tried any of the dating sites. It is now time. Past time! (I’m 30 years old and haven’t had a date in seven months. Awk.)

Ok. So. I put my profile on Match.com. I worked hard trying to sound smart and funny and cool. Believe it or not, I was frightened I was going to get inundated with guys I didn’t want to talk to . . . and guess what? No guys — not one guy — wrote to me. Nothing! I’m just sitting there. What am I doing wrong? I feel like I should take my profile down! This is not for me! My friends get tons of notice and meet lots of guys, and one of my friends even married a guy she met on The Onion personals. I don’t get it. Help! — Dead on Match

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Should I Let My Sister Move in With a Republican?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 15:30:00 -0800

E. Jean is still enjoying her vacation, but not to worry, she'll be back in two weeks! In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this oldie but goodie!
Dear E. Jean,
This is about an awful man, thankfully not mine. My beloved sister is stylish, cute, well-educated, and recently managed to lose 60 pounds. Naturally once she got a rockin’ bod, she became a dude magnet. And he’s horrible! Eeee Jean! We are a family of food lovers, and his favorite restaurant is Chili's! He has an elite education, but he’s grossly overweight, knows a lot of lame trivia, and is a very conservative Republican with hideous taste. Her friends don’t like him, her family does not like him, but she is moving to a red state with him. No not red — crimson. Ew. No one has the guts to tell her he sucks, but nobody wants her trapped in a marriage with Mr. Ickington. What should I/my family do? — Nosy But Lovin Lil’ Sis

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Should I Have an Affair?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I’m married to a man who works 14 hours a day. When he finally gets home he doesn’t talk to me, doesn’t ask how our 7-year-old son is, he only grunts, gets a bottle of water out of the fridge, sits down in front of his computer and does more work. He hasn’t thrown a baseball with our son once! When he’s home he’s either in front of his computer in his den or watching golf on TV. He’s so closed off and self-involved that when I suggest we actually play nine holes of golf together, he says his back hurts. He pays more attention to our Labrador than to me and his son.

We don’t eat dinner together (he usually eats with “important” clients), we don’t sleep together (he sleeps in the den), we haven’t gone to a movie or a restaurant in a year, and have not had sex in three years.

On the other hand, he’s a great provider and my life is rather pleasant. I have closets full of clothes, a new car, a personal trainer, and my son is going to the best country day school in the county. But my husband does not talk to me. Every day I try to be cheerful, upbeat, try to suggest fun “dates,” interest him in the neighborhood gossip, but nothing. I cook great meals, invite people over — he leaves our guests and goes and sits at his computer!

I knew my husband was a loner when I married him, I also knew our sex life was not the hottest thing going — but what do I do with no sex and no social life? Recently I met a very nice man at the dog groomer’s and we’ve been meeting for coffee. I love our deep conversation — I’m starting to feel human again! He makes me feel appreciated and like I have something to contribute to the world. I’m writing because a couple of days ago he kissed me and my world exploded. I’ve never wanted anything or anybody like I want this man. But I also don’t want to divorce my husband. What do I do? Nobody’s even listened to me in years, let alone kissed me! — Feeling Like New

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Can a Relationship Without Sex Work?

DearSugar — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I'm trying to sort out my dilemma, which concerns the man I've been dating for two months — he's 34, me 30. We have an incredible amount of things in common, laugh a lot together, both have our ducks in a row career-wise and financially. We love surfing together, making dinner, biking, we've traveled together twice without a hitch, gee what a match!

Well after about a month of wonderful, he freaks out and doesn't call me one night we have plans. I call him the next day, and he tells me he had a freak-out because we’ve been having sex, which doesn't align with his Christian values. Now he knows it's wrong. So end result, he wants to date, but no more sex.

He's been engaged twice before, both ended by the ladies. He thinks he may have rushed into the engagements because he's Christian and believes in waiting until marriage for sex.

Another month goes by. He says I've been “amazing and sweet”. He says I’m fun and he likes that I don't play games. He says I "have all the qualities he would want in a girlfriend," but he's not there yet. My stunned response was "it's only been two months . . . we're still just getting to know each other, so dating is fine."

My questions: Am I being let down easy; should I get out now? I wonder why he wants to continue seeing me. I feel like on paper I'm his ideal, attractive, outdoorsy, fun, laid-back, low-maintenance woman but perhaps something is missing for him and he wants to make sure? Or is he just looking to not be alone? Would I regret it more if I ended it now (the constant flip-flopping is killing me), or gave it a chance only to have another whammy delivered later? Or am I overthinking it entirely and should just live my life and let the chips fall where they may?

Speaking of which, we have not had sex since “the talk,” and have barely fooled around, in fact he rarely touches me now — a big problem. He acknowledges that he's not very affectionate.

Help! I can't sleep, because I alternate between crying because I feel so rejected, and angry that he's so all over the map. That's my story. I feel like there’s potential with him, but is it worth it? Oh, I should comment that I am not Christian, but very supportive of his values, and thought it was so refreshing to date someone that believes in faithfulness and honesty and the sanctity of marriage. — Nauseated in San Diego

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Did I Upset Him That Much?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,
Last weekend I had a new guy over for dinner. I spent two days cleaning, one day cooking, and everything went fantastically until we started watching a movie after dessert and fooling around on the couch. I admit I had three cognacs, but as he was kissing me, I began laughing at the movie and at one point I started repeating some of the dialogue.

E. Jean, I couldn’t help myself. It was Dr. Strangelove. The guy is a movie buff and a big Kubrick fan! Anyway, once I started laughing, I couldn’t stop. I apologized about 50 times, but he got up abruptly, said "Thank you for dinner," made a dash for the front door . . . and left!

I got a text from him the next day that said "You’re the only woman I know who can cook like Martha Stewart and talk like Slim Pickens."

Obviously I hurt his ego. But must I remain totally silent when a guy starts making his moves on me? — Love Is Very Strange

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Should I Tell My Best Friend That I Saw Her Fiancé Kissing Another Woman?

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

My hands are literally shaking as I type this. Tonight I saw my best friend’s fiancé kissing a woman in an Atlanta restaurant.

There’s no mistake. I’ve known this guy for five years, and they were all over each other — at one point he actually had his hand up her skirt and his tongue down her throat. No way was this an innocent “business” dinner. The weird part is neither he nor I live in Atlanta. My best friend, her fiancé and I all live in New York City. I happened to be in Atlanta for business. The fiancé owns a tech company and travels a lot. By some bizarre fluke we both ended up in the same restaurant.

He was so busy sucking this woman’s face, he didn’t see me. He’s never been a supportive, understanding guy, but he makes a lot of money, and my friend absolutely worships the ground he walks on.

What do I do? My friend is marrying this guy in October — in less than six weeks! The wedding, the reception, the dress, the food, the honeymoon, everything is finalized. Worse, they’ve just signed the contract on a very expensive loft in TriBeCa. They want to get pregnant by New Year’s. They've chosen their first child’s name. My best friend is walking around on air she’s so in love. I will never be able to look her in the face again. But I can’t tell her. It will kill her. Her parents will freak out. It’s a mess! Why can’t guys behave themselves?! — Sick to my Stomach

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: The Olympics Have Me Down, How Do I Get Motivated?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I’ve been watching the Olympics. How do I get as motivated as these athletes? Watching all this extraordinary achievement makes me feel like such a loser. And the worst part is I can’t stop watching them.

I’ve been glued to the TV since they started, and I mean glued! Tonight while I watched the gymnastics I ate three bowls of cereal and a plate of lasagna! God! Am I the only person who's stopped exercising completely and is doing nothing but getting fat watching Shawn Johnson and Michael Phelps? I want to be successful, too!

I keep watching and hoping I’ll find out what their secret is, but nobody can put it into words. Should I just hire a life coach? — Coach Potato Girl

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: What Are My Rights?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean.

I write this and I don't know where to start or end, because it seems it’s gone on forever and I'm afraid of how it might end. I have a stepdaughter that I love like she were my very own. She has been in my life since she was born. She is now a very confused 24 year old.

Her own mother is and has been heavily involved with drugs my daughter’s whole life. After many attempts over the years, my husband and I finally got full custody of her at 10 years old. I thought and prayed we got her in time, but by the time she was 13 it all started coming out: Now we can't believe anything she says; she lies constantly and steals from us.

We have tried to get her in counseling, I’d make the appointments and she would not show up. She gets fired from most of her jobs. She hangs out with some very scary, druggy people. She’s almost gone to prison for a felony and managed to get out of it. She was raped at gun point twice and she still won’t stop.

If all this is not frightening enough, she now has a three-and-half-year-old son. She does not know who the father is. She slaps the child in the mouth, berates him for everything he does. If he’s being quiet she will agitate him till he fusses, puts him in timeout, and then harasses him the whole time.

I keep trying to talk to her about it. She won’t listen. Luckily she leaves him with us six or seven days a week. We pay for daycare. We buy all his clothes and we feel like he is our child. Sometimes she won’t call or see him for a week and then out of the blue she wants him overnight. He cries and says he doesn't want to go.

She has no patience with him and he’s such a sweet, smart little boy! He has an uncanny knack of reading people. I’ve spoken with a child psychologist and asked what the chances are of getting custody. He said the court would probably not take her parental rights away, and that they would merely recommend parenting classes.

The last time we tried to intervene, she took the child away from us for a week! He acted like a different boy when he came home. We can't risk putting him jeopardy. At this point we have him most of the time and I feel blessed about that, but I'm so afraid of what goes on when he’s with her and her friends. We don't have the money to hire a good attorney and I have looked in to hiring a PI; we couldn't afford that either. We feel stuck. All we want is to protect him before something worse happens. Any advise will be welcomed. — Aching Heart

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: How Can I Accomplish My Dream?

DearSugar — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I have an unusual dilemma. My mother and I would like to buy/obtain land in Ocala, FL, open a sanctuary and call it Willow Star Haven.

This will be a wellness center for the elderly, a no-kill animal rescue shelter with a vet on site, and a children’s center for kids with learning disabilities. My mother is already working on the getting the permits. But obviously it will require a lot of money to bring our dream to life. Can you give me some ideas for fund raising? We can’t afford to hire a fund-raising firm. — A Better Tomorrow

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: How Can I Catch Him?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Disclaimer: E. Jean is back this week with quite a doozy. I happen to think she's a wee bit harsh this time, but I thought it was only fair to let you chime in and tell us what you think of the advice she's offering Miss Mimi in Miami.

Dear E. Jean,

Hi! I’ve met a handsome doctor. Everyone likes him. He’s really awesome. I just want to get his attention, challenge him, and make him curious about me. Please give me some tips for an effective way to catch him. — Mimi in Miami

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: What Should I Do With My Life?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I’m 24, just graduated from college (it took me six years to get through school — I transferred four times), but I finally did it. Now I have my whole life ahead of me and I really don't know what to do with myself.

I'm an art history major and currently interning for a prestigious museum in the city; but I'm not sure it's the path I really want to pursue. I've thought about going to grad school for art and business, but isn’t that just a great way to postpone getting a real job?

I'm living at home with my parents. My social life is so-so, my sex life is nonexistent, and I'm at least 50 pounds overweight. I'm a big dreamer, and I have many aspirations, but I can't seem to get my head out of the clouds and into an office. As I'm sure you've already noticed, I'm also incredibly indecisive.

What I guess I'm trying to ask is this: How can I get myself to grow up and start doing something with my life?

By the way, this is the first time I've ever written in to anyone regarding advice. I'm guessing you probably don't have the time to read all the letters and might have an assistant/intern reading (deleting) these for you, but any advice from anyone would be appreciate — Royally Stuck

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Should I Break Up With Him?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

Please, please you have to help me! I can't believe I'm writing, but I'm so confused.

My boyfriend is the nicest guy in the world. He's perfect in every way except his ambition and his career. At first, I didn't mind his job and his being broke all the time because I was so in love. Now that we've been together for almost three years, I'm getting tired of his endless problems.

In the last two years, he changed his jobs five times, got into an accident, totaled his car, and got kicked out of his house. On the other hand, I've been working so hard to build my career, making three times more money than him, and bought my first house. I let him move in with me because I felt so bad.

It's not about the money, but I'm just really tired of coming home from work to find him watching TV, taking a nap, or doing nothing instead of looking for a job. He just doesn't seem like he wants more from life. Doesn't he want to go back to school? Doesn't he want to be successful? I told him many times to update his resume, but he always had excuses. When I asked about his goals and career plans, he got offended. I really don't know what to do. I really love him but I'm stressing out about his laziness.

I want to break up with him, but he’s so good to me. He always treats me so well! He makes me laugh. What should I do, E. Jean? Should I break up with him? Or am I being a b*tch? Should I push him more or is it useless? Please help me! Thank you and love you! — Wanting More, Getting Less

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Should I Trade Up?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,
I’m 29, educated, attractive, fun, and creative. I’ve been in relationship with a great guy for about five months. The only problem is that he's an aspiring (indie) rock star, and I'm guessing that deep down his greatest love will always be his music.

So my question: Am I selling myself short here? Should I trade in the fun, cute musician for someone more stable and commitment-minded?

I'm not sure exactly what I want for my future or what's the sure path to happiness, but perhaps it's time to trade in the rock shows for an investment portfolio and a secure future?

My greatest fear is waking up one morning when I'm 35 and it's just me and the cat! — Rocker or Banker?

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Does He Have True Feelings For Me?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 09:17:24 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I’m an elegant, attractive, educated and well-spoken 37-year-old woman. After nothing but eight long years of dating horror stories, three months ago I met a really attractive, sexy, open, bright, educated, and interesting 40-year-old man who was well raised and comes from a very nice family.

Since then we have been seeing each other up to three to four times a week, including sleepovers at both my house and his. Given that we both talk openly with one another about desiring marriage and a family, we realize the need, and share the same interest in spending lots of quality time together. We also realize that by doing so, we have put our relationship on a rather fast track. That can be an exciting thing to do, but it can have some major pitfalls too that are rather unexpected.

So, the major issue we are contending with has to do with altogether too frequent discussion and many detailed references to past relationships — on both sides. Honestly, my new man opened this line of communication with me very early into our relationship. I believed at that time, and appreciated, that it was purely for informational purposes — not to make me jealous and certainly not to showboat. In turn, I felt safe opening up about my past heartbreaks in order to let him know he was in good company, but that I was serious minded about him and what we could build together based on what lessons we had cultivated from our past choices and subsequent disappointments.

But now, three months later, I am growing increasingly concerned by his constant references to not only the most recent failed relationship (nothing more than an extended "Summer fling" type of love affair with a seriously-troubled woman in her mid-30s), but also to the many women he has dated over the last 20 years. How he remembers so much detail is beyond me. I can scarcely recall what any of my exes looked like in the nude, nor do I care to recall for that matter. I have pointed out several times how much better it would be for me, and for us, to converse about more interesting and more appropriate things. We do, by the way, laugh often and have a wide range of topics that we chat about. And he has been agreeable each time to my request. But then, at some point soon after, he launches into yet another story or analysis of what might have been wrong with so andso or how hurt he was when his attempts to help and/or intervene with this one or that one failed. To me, he seems hung up on the past failed relationships.

But the most damaging thing of all is that he provides me with far too much detail about past sexual matters. Sometimes he tells me that sex with so and so was awful, then he recants and says that in the beginning with her he actually really enjoyed it. It is becoming more clear to me as I grow to know him that almost every single lady he has been with since he was in high school had serious emotional and/or psychological problems. We're talking about family histories of severe alcoholism and physical abuse, women with eating disorders, girlfriends who may have been sexually abused by parental figures, rape, neglect, poverty, etc.

Yet again, this is just the beginning so

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: I'm a Total Basketcase!

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 10:00:52 -0700

Sit tight, Sugar darlings: This is a long and juicy letter!

Dear E. Jean,

OK, you ready? My two middle school children decided for themselves to fabricate some claims about me so they could live with their dad, who buys them everything they want and lets them go anywhere they want.

Me? I won't do those things, and even if I could, I'm not able to. I am on disability for fibromyalgia and have a very low income. So because they thought the only way they could make it possible to live with their dad would be to make horrible accusations about me, my visitation has been suspended until it goes to court. Yes, I have an attorney. And, yes he sucks, but I had to beg and borrow to hire him and now I'm stuck.

I also recently ended a six-year relationship with a man who, by the way, is still married to his wife. He has a son. He did not want to pay child support, so he kept stringing me along for those six years with the promise of, "I'll get a divorce in the next few months when we get caught up on bills so I can afford an attorney." Hook, line, and sinker, that’s how hard I fell for this. I tell you what, at the time I even thought I was being so loving and patient — ha! So I booted him out once and for all!

(That's just the beginning! So

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: I'm Ready to Date Again So What Do I Have to Do to Attract Men?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I suddenly feel old. I feel so old and bland I don’t want to tell you how old I actually am (even though I know this will be anonymous).

The truth is I haven’t had a date since my husband left. (He had an affair with his secretary — the old story.) He is now dating a woman who is eight years younger than me. We split three years ago.

I am tired of sitting around sulking and feeling sorry for myself. I read a quote today spoken by somebody about Tim Russert: “He regarded a day greeted without real enthusiasm as a sadly lost opportunity.”

I believe that! I want to rejoin the human race. I want to meet a new man! But I look old and drab. My question: What should I do to change and update my look? What do men like? I don’t have a lot of money so plastic surgery is out of the question! Thanks Auntie Eeee — Ready to Leave the House!!

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Am I Just Being Used?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

My wife displays no affection for me whatsoever! When we first met, it was like magic. I lived in a big city in an upscale neighborhood and had a thriving business. I was 37, never married, no kids. She was divorced with seven kids.

I knocked on her door while campaigning for a friend’s Senate position, and the rest is history. I was at the point in my life where I was tired of looking for my soul mate. My family thought I was nuts for marrying her. But it was something I always wanted — a lot of kids and a beautiful wife.

We married, I bought a ranch, and we moved.

Now, here comes the bombshell: She tells me that she was a prostitute to support her kids. She stopped just two weeks before our meeting. Her pimp (a prominent local businessman) is still calling the house after four years wanting to hook her up.

In the meantime, I’m catering to her every need, because I know she had a very difficult time in the past. I’m doing all the shopping, taking the kids to school, and basically running the house. I write her love notes, bring her flowers, chocolates, and give her massages. When we make love, she tells me she’s never felt that way before.

However, I’ve begun to notice she doesn’t and hasn’t done anything for me. No attention, no initiation, no love or affection. No cards. No love notes. I’ve tried to talk to her about it. She says that if one person (me) is initiating the love in the marriage, that’s all that’s needed.

I feel unwanted. I’m losing confidence in myself. I feel like a dog chained to a tree that doesn’t get any food or water. I love her but I feel as though I’m being badly used. Help! — Lost in Texas

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: When Should I Have the Talk?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

Quick question: I just started seeing somebody pretty great. I want to know when is the best time to ask him how he feels about the relationship? In other words, how long should I wait before we have “the talk”? I don’t want to screw this up! P.S. I’m 28. —Eager to Know

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: What Have I Done?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 29 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,
I haven’t dated in a while and have put on a little weight. I’ve tried everything to take it off — nothing works. So to get myself motivated, I decided to look on Match.com just to see what was out there. When I signed up, my roommates (and their digital camera) were out of town. I did not have any pictures of the slightly larger, current me, so I used older, slimmer pictures. (I know, it’s a lame excuse, and I can say nothing in my own defense.)

To my horror, guys are in a race to get my number and talk to me! I have four guys very interested! Help! Do I tell them the pictures are not current? Or do I meet them anyway and hold my breath? And finally, do you have any secret to losing weight? — Dateless in Manhattan

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: How Do I Deal With the Past?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 22 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,
I’ve been married to my husband for almost five years. We’ve had it pretty rough, and I’m concerned about our future. I was unfaithful to him many times at the beginning of our marriage. Two years ago we got back together to work things out.

But now we fight a lot because he’s still hurt; it’s understandable. However, he’s very vicious to me. He tells me I’m a whore and that he’s never having kids with me. He knows I’m sorry for what I did, and I am not going to run away from this situation.

When I ask him if he’ll ever get over this and why is he still with me, he says, “I’m not leaving because we are married.” That is all I get. No “I love you,” no nothing. He just tells me to “deal with the past.”

My question: How do I deal with the past? And how do I deal with him in a constructive way? I am trying everything to make him comfortable with me. I guess I deserve the verbal abuse, but he makes me feel — well, he makes me feel like crap. He has not worked in two years, and I am supporting us. I am paying for everything and I feel he does not appreciate me at all.

He is 37 and I am 23. I think he’s trying to change who I am, and it hurts the way he speaks to me, saying “I don’t want to have kids with a whore.” It really, really hurts! About a year ago I got pregnant. And I miscarried. I was heartbroken, but I guess it is best not to bring someone into the world until we’re in a better situation.

I’m sorry this is so long, but I wanted you to get a little bit of the picture and the situation of what we are going through. Help! What do I do? — At My Wit’s End

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Why Can't I Find A Good Guy?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I am at my wit’s end — seriously. In the last ten months I’ve been dumped by three guys. The first was a long term boyfriend. The second was I guy I really liked and had been seeing for two months and he just stopped calling. (I never saw it coming!) The third, ok, I admit it, he was a hookup, we saw each other three Thursday nights in a row, he’s INCREDIBLY hot! But all he wants to do is hookup and last week when I arrived at a party, he LEFT!! My self esteem is on the floor. What am I doing wrong? Why can’t I find a good guy?

I’m pretty, I’m funny, I’m nice, I volunteer, I give money to charity, where is my true love? I try and meet nice guys, I’ve signed up for Match.com and True.com, I ask my friends to fix me up, please help!! I’m going to a speed dating event this Sunday, can you give me some pointers? — No Man’s Land

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Why Won't He Have Sex With Me?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,
I’m so frustrated! I’ve been dating the most fantastic and wonderful guy for the past month. We are crazy about each other. But there's one minor problem. He won’t have sex with me.

Don’t get him wrong. I can vouch for his capacities — we made love on the first date. But since then he’s always telling me how he’s going to “ravage me” and yet, he never does.

The other night I put on a navy-blue see-through teddy that cost me $200 and he fell asleep on my bed! It’s driving me nuts! If he doesn’t start putting his God-given resources to better use, I’m going to be terminally cross-eyed. A number of my friends have suffered from the same exact problem with successful and attractive men. What Gives? — Flummoxed

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Will a Baby Save Our Marriage?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I’m happily married to a wonderful, successful, and ambitious man. Recently his ambition has extended to me — he wants a baby. The thought leaves me cool at best. But I fear if I put it off much longer (I’m 33, he’s 40), our marriage will be in danger.

This is not something I can discuss with my sisters, friends or mother (they all have children). When I tell my husband how I feel, he says I’m not normal. What do I do? Give up my birth control pills, or get a secret tubal ligation? — Nulliparous

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Is He a Goner?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,
On St. Patrick’s day I met an amazing guy in an Irish bar. (Where else?) I was in New York for a business conference —he was in New York shooting a movie. (His first role! He told me he has two scenes.) He walked me back to my hotel (which was in Soho), gave me his number, and told me to call him. We kissed. It was the best kiss — EVER.

The next day I lost my cell phone with his number in it!! Gone. Vanished! I can’t reach him. I don’t know the name of the movie, I don’t know where they are shooting, and here’s the worst part, I don’t know his last name. All I know is that he's the most handsome guy I’ve ever laid my eyes on. Gah! I’m on a plane on Friday and heading back to Atlanta! Please help! — Praying to St. Patrick!

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Should I Admit That I Snooped?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Dear E. Jean,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little over a year-and-a-half. I’d seen some video tapes in the top drawer of his dresser, while helping him put away laundry. Of course my curiosity got the best of me and I finally watched two of three tapes this last weekend when he was playing golf. I know I shouldn’t have viewed them; and now I deeply regret doing so.

One of the tapes was of my boyfriend and an old "friend" in a hotel having sex. The second tape was my boyfriend having sex with the same girl while someone else video taped it. At some points, it looked to be a fourth person in the room. The video was very graphic — I’ll spare you the details. The videos are dated from a couple years ago.

I realize this girl is from his past; but what bothers me is he still has the tapes! I can't get the images of him and her out of my head and it disgusts me to know he allowed someone to shoot the two of them having sex.

How can I tell him how I feel without admitting I violated his privacy and watched the tapes? Should I secretly throw them away? I love him very much and I want to move on but I don't know how I can while keeping my anger bottled up like this. Help!

To see E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: How Can I Set The Mood?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,
I’ve been seeing a sweet guy for almost two-and-a-half months. He’s a virgin, I’m not. I’m wondering how I might set up a romantic evening for him and his first time. We both have very busy schedules and never have a lot of time together.

We’ve talked about doing this, and he’s said that he wants me to be his first. But WHEN? I’m getting impatient! I want to know how to get him away from work and give him a night he’ll never forget. Can you help me? — Waiting impatiently

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: How Can I Become a Famous Blogger?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

A couple of months ago you posted an answer to a question on DearSugar about how to become famous writing a blog. I’ve looked and looked and can’t find the post. I’ve googled it — still can’t find it. Do you mind giving a brief rundown of what you said? I’m just starting my blog, and it’s great! (If I do say so myself But I can’t figure out how to get people to even leave comments on the damn thing, let alone get free publicity. What’s the secret? How do I get famous? How do I get a book deal? Where’s my movie deal? (Just kidding)
— Future Diablo Cody

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Did I Lose Him?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

Did I just totally mess up?
Last night after a really great dinner and a movie with a guy (our second date), I invited him up for coffee to my apartment. He’s smart, a witty conversationalist, volunteers on a political campaign, and is attractive and slightly reserved. We’re both lawyers. As we arrived at my door, I was going through my bag searching for my keys, and, not thinking, I said nonchalantly to him: “I wonder where this is going?”
He froze.
It was the weirdest thing I ever saw. So I laughed and said:
“Don’t be nervous!”
Of course that was the WORST thing I could say, and of course I kept laughing like an idiot. I finally found my keys, and after turning the lock, I opened the door and, trying to lighten the mood, I said (I know, I know — stupid!) “Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.”
Needless to say, he stayed just long enough to take two sips of coffee and practically ran out the door. Was my momentary lapse that bad? I apologized twice — once last night, and once today in an e-mail. I received a polite but cold response. Did I lose him? Please tell me I didn’t. — Should Have Kept My Mouth Shut

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Because of You, I'm Not Getting Lingerie!

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

I have been wanting my husband to buy me lingerie since we have been together. Never once has that happened. I’ve done everything I can think of and have been frustrated that he hasn’t.

It has been ingrained in him for years that buying lingerie for your partner is wrong and will end in disaster. He has specifically directed me to interviews and statements by you, E. Jean. Below is part of one such interview you did on CNN:
CARROLL: “That's right. Do not give that lady lingerie because if YOU (the guy) like it, I guarantee she (the woman) won't. She gets that box, and says ‘how nice.’ But she's thinking in the back of her mind, ‘I'm going to open it up, it's going to be red net undies.’ And then when she sees it, she knows the guy expects her to put those on and cavort around like Janet Jackson at the halftime show. It is bad. No women likes that.
SOLEDAD O'BRIEN: So, don't give lingerie at all?
CARROLL: No.
O'BRIEN: Even though everyone thinks it's sexy, it's not sexy at all?
CARROLL: Nobody wants it. You pull out the pushup bra, your chest is up to here. It's horrible.

E. Jean! I’d like to say, speak for yourself, you do not speak for me and I know for a fact there are other women who adore knowing their partner will spend the time to shop and pick out something sexy, beautiful, and romantic that they would like to share with their partner in their intimacy.
Your all-inclusive comments are inappropriate. How dare you suggest you would know what “all” women want? You make it harder for all the many that don’t fall into your bubble of an idea
— I Want Lingerie!

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Can I Do It All?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,
I have quite a dilemma. At Christmas my boyfriend gave me some La Perla lingerie. It is so beautiful (Black Label, slightly Goth, with transparent cutouts) almost any woman would look gorgeous in it. Unfortunately I did not look so gorgeous. I hadn’t been working out, I’d been overeating, and I’d developed a pop tummy. I looked good, don’t get me wrong. I just didn’t look great.

My boyfriend was very complimentary and said I looked “beautiful,” but I made a secret vow on the spot. I promised myself to drop ten pounds and surprise my boyfriend with how hot I could really look in his lingerie.

I started my program on Dec. 26, went to a well-known nutritionist, and hired a trainer. E. Jean, my investment is paying off! I’ve lost seven-and-a-half pounds! What a difference! Even better, my boyfriend has been away for the last three weeks training for a new job. He’ll return Feb. 11. So when he walks in the door I can surprise him with the new me for Valentine’s Day! I’m totally psyched!

The problem? My nutritionist has me eating my biggest meal at lunch time. Her rule is I must eat certain foods in certain amounts. And so now after lunch I’m so groggy, so damn sleepy all I want to do is curl up and nap the whole afternoon. My brain feels like a drum. I can’t take a nap because I am a speechwriter at a government agency and I’m in meetings all afternoon.

Yesterday the worst happened. I fell asleep during a conference. Late yesterday I received an “I’m so disappointed in you” email from my boss. When I frantically called my nutritionist, she told me to just “stay focused” and that the eating plan is “working.” I know it’s working. But I'm in a fog! Help! I want to lose weight, not lose my job! — Bring Me Some La Perla Pajamas!

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Where Are All the Men?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

I need serious help. I’m bright, successful, pretty, slightly goofy, and want to make a difference in the world. I would also like to marry and have children. I’m 28, live in the big city, volunteer, and go to church. I admit I am slightly overweight (I’m 5’5” and 140 — I can never get rid of those extra 10!)) and I may laugh a little too heartily at people’s jokes; but, it’s been four years since I met a decent guy. Four years!
This is pathetic!
And please, E. Jean, don’t think I’m not meeting guys because I’m shy. I’m not in the least bit timid. I just haven’t been in the right place at the right time. So my question is simple: Where is the “right place?” I can’t find it! Where are the guys?
—Everybody Has A Boyfriend But Me

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: Help, I'm Being Blackmailed!

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

I find myself in a very strange, very frightening situation. You will not see my real name anywhere on this post, because people are threatening me. I am a good, kind, hard-working 29-year-old woman. I have a wonderful fiancé who is finishing his surgery residency and we are planning a June wedding. Because I made a terrible mistake and carried on a brief affair before I became engaged — it lasted all of one week — with my boss (who is female, by the way), I am being blackmailed by a horrible man at work.

Two months ago he demanded $600 in cash. I gave it to him. Last month he demanded $800 in cash and I gave it to him. (This may not sound like a lot of money to you, E. Jean or to the DearSugar ladies, but I promise you, it was very difficult to find an extra $800.) He seems to be well aware of how much I make, and this month (yesterday on the 15th,) he asked for $1000. He says if I don’t pay him, he will go to the CEO and “out” me and my boss. I believe him.

If he goes to the CEO, I will lose my job and so will the woman with whom I had the affair. What should I do? This can’t go on! I don’t have the money! I will have to go to the bank and borrow to pay him the $1000. Please, please help me. I don’t want my fiancé to find out, I don’t want to lose my job! And I don’t know which way to turn!
— Alias in New York.

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: How Do We Compromise?

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

Though you won’t be able to tell it from this email — I’m a little frazzled right now — I am intent on becoming a serious novelist. I’m also in love with a very wonderful man who works for a polling company. And it is crazy now with the Republican and Democratic primaries. Just absolutely nuts. Every night he comes home from work not tired . . . but pumped. He wants to go out on the town to clubs, restaurants, parties, bars with banjo players, etc., etc. He loves the whole nighttime scene!

But in the evenings I want silence. Peace. I need to think and read. Nights are the only time I have to write. (I work in the fund-raising office of a university during the day and it is exhausting!) So what do we do? When we stay home, he is so jumpy and plays the television so loudly all the ideas fly out of my head. Plus he keeps walking into the bedroom (where I work) to tell me something “interesting” he just saw on The Daily Show! We are heading into a whole year of politics! Help!
— Wants to Be the Next Margaret Atwood

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Is This the Right Way to Pay Off My Debt?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 13:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean —

It’s time for New Year’s Resolutions and I need your advice. What would you think of a 24-year-old Jewish law student, raised in an upper-middle class home in Greenwich, Conn., who is considering working in Boston as a cocktail waitress in an upscale gentleman’s club (read practically topless) to pay off a $23,000 in credit card bills she racked up living like a princess in 2007?

The background: I graduated magna cum laude from college, I’m in my final year at law school, and I’m following the correct path my parents laid down for me. I have four credit cards and I maxxed out all of them buying a great wardrobe . . . and now I’m in serious trouble! (I realize I sound like a pathetic Oprah subject.) I must start paying off my debt!

I know that I could make a ton of money in a place where there are only men. Part of me thinks this is nuts, but part of me realizes that I possess an exceptional talent for flirting with men. This is probably the result of years of manipulating my father — a typical 50-year old egomaniacal, power-hungry CEO, every boss I’ve had since I was seventeen, not to mention my numerous, cocky, good-looking, successful son-of-a-bitch boyfriends over the years. (But my man problems are the subject of ANOTHER letter for ANOTHER time

But what if my family found out? I’m wavering. I’m a fairly-sheltered former rich girl. What if I see people I’ve worked with? College friends? Former boyfriends? On the other hand, I’ve got the figure for it, I’ve got the attitude, I could make a big dent in my debt! What do you think, E. Jean? — Befuddled in Boston

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: We Met the Same Guy Online

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

My best friend was engaged for a year-and-a-half to a guy, a real jerk, who dumped her for his female boss. He and his boss are now in Paris on their damn honeymoon. Needless to say, my friend’s been catatonic throughout the holidays. Finally, yesterday she called me all excited, saying she met someone online and they’ve been sending e-mails back and forth. I said, “Great! Fantastic!” Then she said, “You gotta see him, look him up on my Facebook.” I said, “What’s his name?”

E. Jean: It’s a guy who’s been asking me out! He’s not on my Facebook; I met him on Nerve.com, and he asked me to go to a party on Saturday. This is the weirdest situation I’ve ever been in in my life. My friend and I look something alike (the guy obviously likes Asian chicks), and there’s no law against a guy sending e-mails to two girls, but what do I do now? I kinda like the guy.

My friend and I went to college together. We have a very small social circle, and we even dated the same guy in grad school. Should I tell her? Maybe she won’t care. Maybe she’ll think it’s funny, right? The point is, would it be horrible of me to go out with him on Saturday? I’d love to get a date lined up for New Year’s Eve, and this guy is hot. What’s the etiquette here? — Want to See the Ball Drop

To hear E. Jean's answer,

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: I Can't Handle My Old Love During the Holidays!

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 10:00:27 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

Every year at this time — and I’m a total wreck throughout the holidays! — I start wondering about my old boyfriend, the love of my life. We were extremely happy together, though “happy” doesn’t begin to describe the mind-bending 10 months we spent together. He moved to California to get his doctorate at Stanford, we could never get the long-distance thing to work, and our romance ended abruptly. I have never known why, exactly.

Need I tell you, E. Jean, the breakup came at Christmas? And that we ended it on the phone? I have had other boyfriends since, of course. They were smart, talented, charming men, but nobody makes my heart beat like my old love. (I’ve also turned down two very eligible marriage proposals and my mother is ready to kill me!)

Here’s my question: Every year my old love calls to wish me a merry Christmas. My agony of joy and horror starts in around Thanksgiving, and now it’s approaching its usual fever pitch. I’m a basket case!

I can’t take this! I’ve put my whole life on hold for six years! Do I ignore his call this year and finally move on? Can I endure one more stilted conversation with the man I still love and no doubt always will love till I die? — Sitting by the Phone

To see E. Jean's answer

2007's Best of E. Jean!

DearSugar — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 13:00:00 -0800

2007 was a great year for me in part because E. Jean joined the Sugar family! She has always been a hero of mine and working with her over the past year has been a dream come true. Her wit and enthusiasm brings a smile to my face every Thursday so I hope you've been enjoying her, too!

In case you missed any of her posts this year, I wanted to share my favorites with you. I hope you have a good laugh like I did after rereading these! Enjoy.

Click here to

Ask E. Jean For DearSugar: How Do I Tell Him What I Really Want?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

This letter may offend you and DearSugar — I hope you all can be open-minded. Ever since I was small, I was consumed with the notion of being tied up. My sister and I would play gagging each other. Whenever I saw someone tied up in the movies or on television, I’d be deeply entertained and thrilled.

Now that I’m grownup with a fine career, friends, and a rewarding life, I daydream about having a partner bind my limbs, tape my lips closed, and blindfold me. I don’t desire to be hurt — far from it. It is the act of binding that thrills me.

I have a boyfriend now who’s very normal and wants ordinary, typical lovemaking. It bores me. How do I tell him what I really want? Will he think I’m crazy? What normal person wants to be tied up and made helpless? — Bound For Glory

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: How Do I Back This Up?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

Here’s the whole story: I was out the other night at a club, and my girlfriends and I were having a hilarious time, and well, the truth is I’m not used to drinking and maybe I had a few too many. I went home and one of the guys I’ve been talking to online, Mike, a guy I kinda like — good looking and smart, well I sent him an email that was a little more suggestive than the emails I normally send. Now Mike’s sending me emails and they’re very — I’m trying to find the right word — they’re almost LEWD. Very Barry White. In the “I want to lay you down,” type thing. I love Barry White, but I haven’t even MET Mike yet.

I don’t really know how to back this up to a level I’m comfortable with. I don’t want to sound like a big prude . . . but I don’t want to be treated like an inebriated slut either! Help! —Miss Margarita

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: He Wants Oral Sex All the Time!

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean and DearSugar,

I’m 25, madly in love with my husband, and the mother of 2-year old twins. We’re a little stressed because we’re both working, live on a very limited budget, and have almost no time to even sit down to watch a movie together; so you’ll be surprised to hear that my husband finds the time to constantly ask me to give him oral sex. I mean constantly! Morning, noon, and night. Well, E. Jean, I don’t feel like it. I’m tired. I don’t have the energy, and anyway he never gives me even a back rub in return! Right now he is sitting at the kitchen table pouting! Can you believe it? — Pure and Simple

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Who Should I Pick?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 11:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

I have a dilemma: I’m torn between two guys. Both of them love me, I’ve dated them both, and I love them both in different ways. One I’ve known longer; but I just don’t feel the connection with him like I used to. He kept trying to claw back into my life while I was dating the Sweetheart Guy.

Sweetheart Guy and I took a break because I felt like things were moving too fast and I explained about how I needed to resolve what was going on with Connectionless Guy. Sweetheart Guy understood and continues to understand.

It felt all right with Connectionless Guy and some times were good. But he refuses to let his mother, or his friends know we are back together. He keeps his status on social networking sites as “single.” And he doesn’t do anything romantic with me. I’m kind of tired of it.

We’re both busy during the week, but he doesn’t really make an effort to see me and the rest of the time he’s kind of a jerk. He does some sweet things but it’s like he’s afraid or ashamed of anyone really knowing how he feels about me. I can see it in his face he loves me, but this fear-thing is annoying.

A lot of my friends don’t like Connectionless Guy because of how bad he hurt me. He just acted so contrite over what happened that I thought I’d give him another chance instead of letting it bother me and ruin my relationship with Sweetheart Guy. Everyone loves Sweetheart Guy. He’s everything I could ever ask for and more. I know I feel content and at ease with him - really connected with him. Sweetheart Guy and I are ONLY on break, so I could sort things out with Connectionless Guy.

Sweetheart Guy still treats me like his girlfriend and I respond back, and, I’m not the cheating type of girl but, I do respond to the kisses and silly things. I’m just happier with him. I am pretty damned sure I’ve seen all I’ve needed to see and I know where I want to be. But now my problem is this: How the hell do I dump Connectionless Guy and let him know that my trial period of seeing him again is over? And do you think I’m right in picking Sweetheart Guy, E. Jean? (Probably silly to ask, but I do so enjoy it when you bash an a**hole-ish chap). — Looking for Serenity

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Why Hasn't He Called?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean and DearSugar,

Six months ago I left my fiancé of six years. Although he was/is a fantastic man, it was the absolute best decision of my 32 years thus far. Since then, I've been dating regularly and it's been wonderful!

I've met plenty of wonderful men, been happily promiscuous, but haven't met anyone I wanted exclusivity with because I've been loving the randomness and spontaneity of my life. Until now.

Holy crap! I met a man three weeks ago who makes me giddy and stupid. He's 31, has his career in order, has a mortgage, and understands my wit and engages in clever banter. Plus he's hot! The thing is, during the first week and a half that we met, we saw each other four times. During the last week and a half, I haven't heard from him. My cell phone "lost" his number (I kid you not) and although I know where he lives, I'm hesitant to just stop by because he lives an hour away and I'm afraid he'd think I was stalking him.

He told me once that a “huge turn off is a needy girl,” and I loathe to appear that way. I'm just perplexed as to why he hasn't called me in nearly two weeks — not even a text message! I swear to you E, I'm a very easygoing girl who doesn't get hung up on men. I just can't seem to stop thinking about the silence and what it means. If he isn't into me, that's fine as long as I know. But this is the first time in an awfully long time that I have no idea where I stand with a guy. And really, it's the not knowing that sucks. What to do, what to do? — Devastated and Crazed

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: What Did He Do?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 10:00:00 -0800

DEAR E. JEAN AND DEAR SUGAR:

I have a sticky — sticky — situation. I love my fiancé. He’s a down-to-earth, funny, intelligent guy, a Baptist from Kentucky; I’m a no-nonsense, fun-loving Catholic girl from Boston (he’s agreed we will raise our children Catholic). We’re both geeks, love the Red Sox, like staying up late, and sleeping with the windows open. We are extremely compatible. Our wedding is in June.

But! We have a bone of contention: I’m voting for Hillary. He’s voting for Rudy. After several heated discussions, we agreed to disagree about it. Everything has been lovely till last weekend.

I was out with my friend (ironically, we were attending a campaign meeting for Hillary in preparation for going to New Hampshire next month) and my fiancé plastered our car with Rudy Giuliani stickers. I mean he put them everywhere — all over the trunk, both backseat windows, and one on each of the front doors.

I’m so angry! I can’t be seen in a car with Giuliani ads! I’m not saying Giuliani’s a bad man, I just can’t see him as president. Hillary Clinton will be smarter, more thoughtful president. What do I do? The damn stickers are impossible to get off! Help! Even Brillo didn’t work! — Hillary’s Hand Maiden

To see E. Jean's answer

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Aphrodisiacs That Work?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 10:00:26 -0700

Dear E. Jean and DearSugar,

What’s a good aphrodisiac ... for a good girl? Please don’t tell me to drink wine. It gives me a headache! — Miss Morph

To see E. Jean's answer,

E. Jean Comes to Life!

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 16:00:00 -0700

If you haven't noticed by now, I am a huge fan of E. Jean Carroll. And just in case you have been living under a rock and somehow missed her weekly column on DearSugar, click here to get all caught up. You won't regret it, I promise!

In the meantime, if you're a super fan like me, check out yet another smart and witty video of E. Jean herself dishing out some advice on how to cope with your best friend who doesn't believe in personal hygiene! Enjoy, and stay tuned until Thursday for E. Jean's new Q&A!

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: How Can I Get Her Back?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 10:00:00 -0700

DEAR E. JEAN AND DEAR SUGAR:
My Girlfriend and I have been together for almost four years. We’ve lived together and talked extensively about getting married. We still have our issues however, and one of those is Pot.

When we started dating I smoked pot, a lot of it too. She partook off and on but preferred cocaine. I told her at one point that if she continued to use such a life-threatening and dangerous substance that we could no longer date. Since then she's been clean.

I however continued with my toking. She confronted me and said that it was controlling my life — becoming a wall between us. I agreed, I was getting a little heavy into it and we decided to move to another state where we both had family and no pot-smoking friends. I quit for about four months.

Then I met a new friend and three-four weeks later, I found out that he smoked pot. Well I was back to my bad habits and soon enough we were having “that talk”. We agreed to move out into separate abodes and I quit toking again. My new roommate however was a pot- smoker, and so I started toking again. She began to miss me though, and hated living without me. She decided that as long as I didn't toke in the house, we’d move back in together and be happy again. Her mother and her mother's friend are both VERY against pot, and always commented about how bad it is, and how she doesn't need that (or me) in her life.

So we had “that talk” again recently, and she claims that my actions have hurt her so much that she can no longer be my lover. She still wants me as a friend and to be part of her life. I REALLY want to marry this woman, and have thrown my pot-smoking tools and such into the trash in front of her, as a showing of how serious I am about quitting.

She says that it's too late, that she can never love me like she did, and that nothing I can do now will change that. I am determined to try though, I have to! My heart won't allow anything else. How can I convince this woman that I love her more than I love toking? Please help! ----Messed-Up and Missing Her

To see E. Jean's answer

E. Jean Comes to Life!

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 16:00:00 -0700

In the meantime, if you're a super fan like me, check out yet another smart and witty video of E. Jean herself dishing out some advice on how to cope with your best girlfriend coming on to you even though you don't bat for her team. Enjoy, and stay tuned until Thursday for E. Jean's new Q&A!

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: I'm Having an Affair and Don't Want to Stop

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 10:00:00 -0700

Hello E. Jean and DearSugar —

Here’s my situation: I’m a 30-something professional, married, with a couple kids, and for the last couple years, I’ve also been secretly involved with a most amazing guy, who is also married and who travels a lot for his work. We meet occasionally when our schedules permit. Since we cannot risk being seen in public, we limit our interactions to the most amazing romantic encounters I've ever experienced in my life; and he says, the same goes for him.

My dilemma is the following: I’m in love with the guy and want even more than the meetings and sweet emails and chats we exchange. It hurts me that he never talks about any possibility, no matter how far in the future, for anything beyond our romantic hotel room encounters. It might be silly, but if he told me wait for him for 10 years, I think that I would. He says that he is in love with me and he is caring and attentive during our encounters and in email. He also seems to have a good, solid marriage, while I’m in a marriage mainly because I don't want to be a single mother. As I said, I am 30-something years old and know that my feelings for the guy are deep and real. I truly am in love with him, yet some aspect of this relationship feels very painful. What to do? Deeply In Love

To see E. Jean's answer

E. Jean Comes to Life!

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 16:00:00 -0700

In the meantime, if you're a super fan like me, check out yet another smart and witty video of E. Jean herself dishing out some advice on how to cope with homeless people asking you for money. This is definitely going to hit some of your nerves, so let me know if you agree with Auntie Eeee!! Enjoy, and stay tuned until Thursday for E. Jean's new Q&A!

Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: Is Dating at Work Off Limits?

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 10:07:30 -0700

Dear E. Jean,

I realize that getting involved with a co-worker is a huge no-no, completely dumb, and bad for a girl’s career. But, this guy at work makes me crazy. He looks like Aaron Eckhart, except handsomer and sexier. We’re in two different departments at a well-known cable news channel (he’s a camera man, I’m a production assistant), but we keep running into one another. He’s adorable, always calls out my name, walks with me back to my office (and seems to have no idea I "accidentally" arranged for us to run into one another). I know he likes me. I know he doesn’t have a girlfriend. And I know you’re going to lecture me about falling for a guy at work. But, what can I do? I think I’m in love. Help! — Can’t Eat, Can’t Sleep, Can’t Think.

To see E. Jean's answer