DearSugar -- Just ask.

Do Tell: What Are Your Future Priorities?

DearSugar — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

I have a friend who’s spent the past year working like a dog to finish her MBA while simultaneously climbing the corporate ladder. She loves dating, but she has no desire to have children or even get married. Meanwhile, I have other friends who have completely set aside their careers to work on building a family. I respect both choices very much, but I find it fascinating that there’s such a distinct difference in priorities. Are you leaning to one of these extremes? Do tell, where are your priorities as far as family versus career in your own future?

Source

This or That: Long Distance or Baby on the Way?

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

You’ve met the guy of your dreams. He’s funny, smart, kind, and totally into you. After meeting through a mutual friend, you enjoy the most romantic date ever the very next night. Towards the end of the evening, when he says he really wants to pursue things with you but has something he has to tell you first, you’re immediately worried. Would it be worse if . . .This: It turns out he’s only in town for a few weeks visiting family? He actually lives 2000 miles away with no plans of moving in the next year or two. Or . . . That: He’s single, but his ex is pregnant with his child? He wants to make a great dad, but that means putting his relationship second. Source

This or That: Long Distance or Baby on the Way?

This — Any relationship you start would require lots of frequent flyer miles.

That — He’s available to you, but there’s some serious distractions headed your way.

You Asked: I Want More From My Affair

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been in a monogamous relationship for the past 10 years. We've had two children, but have never been married. The truth is that I don't get along very well with my partner, but simply manage because of the kids. He has serious anger issues, and in turn, I have problems with the way he handles himself.

Last year he left me in a huff at my 20-year reunion, and one of my male classmates ended up taking me home the next morning after we spent the night together. He and I have continued to hook up since, but we've never discussed a potential relationship. Right now it's "just fun" but I want more. The problem is I'm not sure where he stands; he says that he's undecided. What should I do?

— Looking For More Melissa

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Has ADHD

DearSugar — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I have been together for three years. I love him dearly, but he has ADHD. While his symptoms aren't severe enough to impact me (other than his occasional forgetfulness and constant pacing), I am worried about our future. He occasionally brings up the possibility of having children once we are married, but every time he mentions it, I get worried. I feel as if I almost don't even want to have children with him after reading that a third of all fathers with ADHD have children with ADHD. I don't know how I would deal with that behavior and academic issues in a child when I was always a straight A student. Is it horrible to think this? And what can I do to get it out of my mind?

— Concerned Cara

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When Should Your Children Come Into Play?

DearSugar — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 07:00:00 -0700

As we all know, not all marriages end happily ever after. But after you divorce and start dating again, factoring your kids into the equation is an extremely important step that needs to be carefully thought out. As we've seen in Hollywood, it can be done flawlessly (the Moore/Willis kids for example), but we've also seen the opposite: single parents who introduce their kids too soon, only to have the relationship fail (Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong, to name a few). Since children can get attached easily, it seems reasonable to wait until your relationship has hit a certain level of commitment before exchanging introductions, but when is too soon? And when is too late? If you have kids, they are no doubt your number one priority, so tell me, when do you think children should come into play when starting a new relationship?

Pacific Coast News Online

Do Tell: Do You Still Date For Fun After a Certain Age?

DearSugar — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

When you reach a certain age, it's only human to think more seriously about your future in relation to the dating game. If getting married and having kids is of interest to you, many women are of the mindset that time is of the essence. Sure, dating is fun, but if there's no real connection, is there a point of going through the motions with someone you don't inevitably see yourself with? Though I believe you learn from each experience, I completely understand that mentality — you don't want to miss out on meeting Mr. Right when you're wasting time dating Mr. Right Now! I curious to know what you all think on this issue, so do tell, when you reach a certain age, is dating for fun no longer of interest to you?

Source

A Do or A Don't: Taking a Baby-moon

DearSugar — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

It seems like there is always a new excuse to treat yourself, and the new trend for expecting couples is to go on a baby-moon — you know, the last time to vacation with your honey before the baby comes! I'm all for living the good life and spending quality time to romance your special someone, but a baby-moon just seems like an excuse to go on an extravagant vacation. Though I'm not a mom myself, I do understand how a couples relationship, and life for that matter, completely changes after a baby. It's not as easy to get alone time with one another and oftentimes sleep is more important than sex, so perhaps getting in one last vacation makes sense after all. Every couple is different, as is every pregnancy, so tell me, do you think going on a baby-moon is a do or a don't?

Source

You Asked: How Can I Say No?

DearSugar — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My teenage daughter plays sports and has since she was in grade school. Not long after she started, a woman that lives in our town asked to carpool. I was OK with it at first but over the last five years, it has evolved from carpooling to my family being completely responsible for her kids without any compensation. When asked at the beginning of a year or season if I wanted to carpool again, I've said no over and over, but before long, their kids are just jumping into our car! We live 15 miles from school so it's not like I can just leave them there alone.

School is getting ready to start in a month and I'm dreading it. The price of gas has skyrocketed and while I don't mind paying for my kid to do this stuff, I have a major problem with these kids freeloading off my family. How do I keep these girls from asking for a ride every day? They don't seem to understand "No." — Fed Up Felisha

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Do Tell: How Do You Dodge Those Invasive Questions?

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in the baby carriage . . . or does it? While there's a natural progression in all relationships, it seems that people can't help but to meddle in your personal life. The questions start when you first meet that special someone: When are you moving in? And then once you move in together, it's when are you getting engaged? And once you're married, you then get asked about having kids. Of course those are questions that already have a place in the back of your mind, but warding them off when you're either not ready or too fed up with answering them can be hard to avoid. So for all you married women out there, do tell, how do you dodge those invasive questions about starting a family?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

Source

Where Do You Stand: Raising Children in a Two-Religion Household

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 13:00:00 -0700

In today's world, it's not uncommon to marry outside of your race, culture, or religion. That's all fine and well when you don't have kids. But when children are brought into the mix, deciding how to raise them, religiously speaking, could be problematic. What if both parents have strong beliefs in their faith? Some families have no problem teaching kids both (Chanukah Bush anyone?) but is that confusing for the kids? Should one parent convert to the other's religion? Of course, this matter should be worked out before getting married and starting a family, but tell me, where do you stand on raising kids in a duel-religion household?

To see all of our wedding coverage, check out IDoSugar.com.

Source

Is It Ever Worth It to Air Your Dirty Laundry?

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 11:00:00 -0700

I'm sure you've all heard about the messy divorce between Christie Brinkley and her husband Peter Cook, who had an affair with his 18-year-old personal assistant, but if you're at all unfamiliar with their story, you'll soon know every little detail. Cook and Brinkley's Long Island judge has granted Brinkley's request for a public divorce hearing so as of July 2, you'll be able to follow along and learn about his cheating and alleged interest in Internet porn and swinger websites.

Obviously Cook fought to keep this matter private. His lawyer said:

I don't think there is a good parent in the world – not one – who would want allegations of adultery in a bitter divorce trial to be made public. I think it's payback time for her and her desire for revenge far exceeds her desire to protect the children. It's a disgrace.

While there's no question that adultery is not only heartbreaking but also humiliating, getting revenge by publicly degrading your ex just doesn't seem like the answer. Sure, getting even might temporarily take away some pain, but when children are involved (in this case two), gaining retribution by dragging the scandalous details of his sketchy behavior through the mud for the word to see seems cheap and unnecessary. So now that you have my take, tell me yours. Is it airing your dirty laundry to get even ever worth it?

Source

DearSugar Needs Your Help: How Can I Prevent a Falling Out?

DearSugar — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Ready For a Baby Betsy need your help. Her sister is unable to have kids and is now begrudging her because she and her husband have decided to start a family of their own. Though she's trying to be sensitive to her sister's misfortune, she doesn't feel that she should be punished for moving forward in her own life. Do you have any advice on how to prevent a falling out with her only sister?

Dear Sugar,

My sister is 12 years older than me and about a year ago, she found out that she will not be able to conceive. She and her husband have now started the adoption process. A few months ago she asked me whether my husband and I will start a family and I told her that we have decided to start trying within the next six months. She immediately turned nasty on me, told me that she cannot imagine me as a mother, asked me why I wanted children now since I had never wanted them before, and generally disrespected my lifestyle even though I don't drink, smoke and am very physically active. Since then she has become a nightmare to be around. She constantly makes references to ex boyfriends of mine in front of my husband, which thankfully doesn't really bother him, but I resent her doing it — she even whipped out photos of an ex of mine at dinner last week!

I know she is devastated about her situation but she has made it clear that I shouldn't even mention children to her. I would love her to have some part in this huge aspect of my life, but she's put up a wall that I can't seem to break down. I've tried talking to her nicely but she gets patronizing and nasty. I feel a real fall-out coming on so what can I do to prevent it? Will she ever be happy for me? I want my children to have a relationship with their aunt but I feel like she's going to always resent me for having my own kids. Do you have any words of wisdom for me?

Source

True Confession — I Like Being a Stay-at-Home Mom!

DearSugar — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession."I hate that I have to defend my decision to be a stay-at-home mom. My friends and family think I just sit around and do nothing all day. They keep asking if I'm going to find another job, but I feel like I have the best job in the world! I have to make excuses to appease them but in turn I'm beginning to resent them. Can my friends and family be forgiven for not supporting my life choice?"Source

True Confession — I Like Being a Stay-at-Home Mom!

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided — Please share

You Asked: I'm in an Unhappy Marriage

DearSugar — Wed, 28 May 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been married to my husband for 12 years — we are both in our late 30s and have two children together. When we got together, I was in need of someone to help me get my life and habits under control, and he did just that. Although he is a good man and a wonderful father, he's also very controlling, although never violent or abusive. Over the years this has worn on me, and I am just not happy or in love with him anymore.

At a recent outing, I ran into an old classmate. What began as flirtatious and fun has turned into something much more. I am not proud of it, but I will not make any excuses. What I've realized, however, is that outside of our children, my husband and I share absolutely nothing in common. I want to end my marriage, but I'm scared for my kids; they love their dad, and I know this would break their hearts. I do not see marriage counseling as being effective, because the reasons I loved him no longer exist. I just feel very confused. What do I do?

— Ready to Break Free Felicia

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Handle This: He Doesn't Want Kids

DearSugar — Mon, 12 May 2008 10:00:00 -0700

When you and your fiancé first started getting serious, you were both sure that you didn’t want children. Now, after seeing all of your friends have babies, you can't help but feel differently. In fact, at this point, you can’t imagine not having children but unfortunately, your fiancé hasn’t had the same change of heart.

You guys have talked about it, and you’ve tried to describe to him why you feel differently, but he’s still convinced that kids are out of the question. You’re six months away from your wedding day, so how do you handle this?

Source

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Break Up With the Love of My Life?

DearSugar — Sat, 10 May 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Stuck Sasha need your help. She's found the man of her dreams, but he's not ready to make a commitment. While he says that he wants to settle down one day, she's not sure if she can trust such a vague promise. Should she hold out for the love of her life to one day be ready, or should she cut her losses and hope to find another man who's more stable for her future?
Dear Sugar,
I have been with my current boyfriend for one year. I'll start off by saying he is someone I can really see myself marrying. We have a wonderful, loving relationship. He is one of the most trustworthy, caring, and dependable individuals I have ever met. Our sex life is simply amazing, and we share many of the same passions. I am in my mid twenties and he is seven years older than me. He is an established musician and was recently away on tour, which left me a lot of time to myself to think. I started to get this anxious feeling about "where this is going." I know that we haven't been together very long in the grand scheme of things, but I started to get very worried about our future. Since the early months of our relationship, he has made it very clear that he does not anticipate being financially or emotionally ready to get married and have children within the next five years. Since I am only three years out of college, I hadn't even been thinking about settling down, so this declaration was never an issue. However, while he was gone, it really made me start to panic. I started to wonder if he will ever be ready to settle down. His music is his passion and I would never want to take that away from him, but he just seems so content constantly traveling and networking that I don't see him wanting to settle down with me — even after five years!

The dilemma this creates for me is that in five years, I'll be in my thirties and ready to have a husband and a family. I'm afraid that if I stay with him, I will end up with a man who won't commit, and I will have wasted my chance to find love in my 20s. I've tried to talk to him about this, but he stands by his decision. He says that he loves me, and that he thinks he will eventually have a family, but he can't promise anything. He's a free spirit and says that he has no idea what his life holds. He says he wants to be with me, but he understands if I'm not willing to take a gamble on my future. This is in no way an issue of trust — I have never trusted a man more than I trust him. He is not the type that would ever cheat — he is a loving, honest man, which is why he won't make me a promise he can't keep. What should I do? Gamble with my ultimate goal of having a husband and children in order to stay with my perfect guy or cut my losses and try to move on while I still have the chance?

Source

Where Do You Stand: Owning a Pet Together Before Having Kids Together?

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 16:00:00 -0700

It's a common notion that couples should first raise a pet (a dog, a cat, or any animal that needs constant love and attention) before having kids. While I see the importance in making sure you're ready to take on the responsibility of caring for someone who relies on you, I've never looked at this popular step as a requirement before starting a family. Sure, it seems like a natural progression, but where do you stand on owning, loving, and caring for an animal before having babies? Is it a necessity for you or do you not understand the hoopla surrounding this common practice?

Source

Drawing the Line: Significant Others With Children

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Recently, I’ve noticed that many DearSugar readers have questions, opinions, or concerns about dealing with a significant other’s child's mother. While I personally think writing someone off just because they have kids is a little over the top, I do think it’s important to understand that dating someone with a child is going to require different compromises and sacrifices. But while accommodating the relationship between your boyfriend and his ex is a necessity, it should not dictate the nature of your own relationship.

Obviously your boyfriend and his ex’s relationship can walk a thin line between necessary and inappropriate, but to tell you the truth, I’m not sure where that line stands. So I need your help on this one — where is the appropriate line between a significant other and his baby’s mama? Is there one or does anything go in this particular type of relationship?

Source

You Asked: I Want a Divorce

DearSugar — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I want out of my marriage so badly that I can hardly stand the idea of another moment in it. We tried counseling a few years ago, but the fact is I don't love my husband anymore, period. We have two young boys, and to be honest, I'm only in this now for them. I don't want to live like this anymore, but I don't know how to tell him that I want to leave. I feel guilty because he has no family to turn to, and if I leave him he will threaten to take our car. I know it's petty, but all I really have is our new car. At the same time, I don't want to leave him with nothing. How can I get out?

— Miserable Maggie

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You Asked: How Do I Tell Him That I Have a Child?

DearSugar — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 17:00:44 -0700

Dear Sugar,
I met a guy while getting my MBA about six months ago, and we have been casually talking when we see each other in class. Recently there has been some flirting going on, and we have even met up for drinks with friends a couple of times. I'm starting to have a little crush on him, but I have a child and I don't know how to tell him that. I haven't told him yet because it was always a casual conversation, but now that things are starting to take a new direction, I feel like I should. I am just really confused as to how I should tell him about my son. Any advice?

— Worried About His Reaction Reese

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You Asked: How Do I Make a Clean Break?

DearSugar — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of about a year and a half and I broke up in December. We had a good relationship, but we were not without our problems. One major issue was that he had a child and a lot of baggage with the child's mother, specifically that he was not involved enough in his kid's life. After a lot of ups and downs centering around that issue, among others, I finally decided to end things with him. I felt that at some point, he would break up with me to be with them, and I didn't want to hang around and wait for that to happen. About two weeks after we broke up, they got back together and got engaged.

The problem is that he is still telling me that he loves me, but he claims that he is "doing what he has to do." We still have this amazing connection, and I still love him. Things have escalated, and we are basically having an affair. I know that he is never going to leave his fiancée because he wants a family for his child, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to end my relationship with him and this affair once and for all. Please help!

— Need to Get Out Natasha

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You Asked: Can Two People From Different Religions Make It Work?

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My fiancé and I have different religious beliefs. In the past, this has never been an issue since I do not seriously practice Catholicism and he does not practice any sort of religion. But now that we are getting married, it's become a serious problem for me. I want to honor my Catholic religion by being married in a Catholic church. I feel that since he does not believe in God or have any sort of religious background that this should not be an issue. As a former Catholic, he feels that the religion is corrupt but he said he would honor my wishes of having a Catholic ceremony anyway. I appreciate his flexibility, but it does bring up some concern for the future. What is going to happen when we have children? Will they be raised Catholic? What do we do on holidays? I just need to know how two people with different religious beliefs comprise.
— Difference of Opinion Olivia

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You Asked: We're Being Harassed

DearSugar — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm getting married in a few months to a man with a young child from a previous relationship. Currently there are several warrants out for the mother’s arrest for harassing and stalking me. She does anything and everything to destroy our relationship like threatening him with never seeing his son again if he doesn’t visit on Valentine’s Day. As you can imagine this is hurting our otherwise great relationship. I don't want to get in the middle or tell him what to do, but this is greatly affecting me emotionally. How should I cope with this?

— Sick of the Harassment Hailey

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You Asked: I Am Sick of Him

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been married to my husband for 10 years. My husband, like many men, made the mistake of cheating on me, more than once. He has also been unkind when it has come to repairing our relationship. His solution was to tell me to "get over it." It's been six years and I have relived his infidelity issue almost every day of my married life.

One day I woke up and realized that I don't have to make anyone happy but myself and my children, and that if I leave my happiness up to him, I am going to die a lonely, sad individual. We don't communicate, and we don't agree on anything. I hate for him to touch me. Very small insignificant things will start a massive argument. I’ve been trying to make some changes by working out and getting my hair done, etc, but he only makes comments that I have changed for the worse. When I bought some new sexy underwear, I was accused of sleeping with someone else.

I am instantly depressed when I come home from work because I have to deal with him. I want out of my marriage but my only fear is that he won’t live up to his responsibility when it comes to our children. I'm stuck. What should I do?

—Trapped Tarah

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This or That: Children or Marriage?

DearSugar — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 09:00:00 -0800

You've snagged a guy who is everything that you've always wanted in someone, and the timing is great, too. You both seem to be at the same stage in your lives. You spend a weekend out of town together that only serves to cement how fantastic you think he is, and how great he makes you feel. When you get back, the talk inevitably turns to long-term wants and needs. Would it be worse to learn that . . .This: He's just not sure if he'll want children? He might consider it down the road, but right now it's not something that he's planning on.Or . . .That: He's positive that he never wants to get married? While he believes in monogamous relationships, he's just not into the idea of something lasting forever. Source

This or That: Children or Marriage?

This — He wants a future with you, but maybe not a family.

That — He's 100 percent dedicated today, but what about tomorrow?

Dear Poll: Would Put Your Baby on Display?

DearSugar — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 08:00:00 -0800

There's always been some sort of weird fascination with celebrity babies. Since we most likely won't be receiving their baby announcement, the paparazzi will do almost anything to fulfill the public's curiosity surrounding what they look like. But could you imagine having to deal with all that hoopla right after giving birth? In my opinion, it makes much more sense to grant photo ops on your own terms — Remember Sarah Jessica Parker and Mathew Broderick being calmly photographed on the steps of their New York hospital after she gave birth to James Wilke? Ladies, if you were a pregnant celebrity or a new mom like Halle, Jennifer, Christina, or Nicole, would you put your baby on display and let the paparazzi get their million-dollar shot ala SJP or would you try to keep your baby away from the spotlight for as long as possible? Source

Dear Poll: Would Put Your Baby on Display?

I would give the photo op so they would stay out of my hair and give me some peace and quiet.

I wouldn't pose but if they get the picture they want while I'm out and about, good for them.

Other — please explain

Do Tell: Would You Hire a Good-Looking Nanny?

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Jude Law did it, so did Ethan Hawke, but that doesn't mean falling for your kids' nanny is right. Of course you can't help who you love, but you can avoid bringing temptation into your home. If you're one of the lucky ones who can afford a nanny, sometimes her beauty can be overlooked — being a good caretaker for your children is much higher on the totempole after all. So ladies, if you were to find someone who you completely trusted with your precious little ones, but she happened to be incredibly attractive, too, do tell, would you hire her as your nanny or would you go back to the drawing board?

Source

News to Me: Moms Over 40 Are the New Trend

DearSugar — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 10:00:00 -0800

According to a recent article in the Los Angeles Times, times are changing for aging women. Not only is their age creeping up on them, but the desire to have kids is, too.

In this day and age, with better education and career opportunities for women, it's easier to delay pregnancy, sometimes without realizing it. While I'm all for women holding their careers near and dear to their hearts, putting off motherhood may not be the right decision. According to Dr. Ingrid A. Rodi, a Santa Monica fertility specialist, it's best to get pregnancy rolling when you reach your 30s, since women begin to have fertility problems about 10 to 15 years before experiencing menopause, which typically happens around 50 or 52. Older mothers are also more likely to develop high-blood pressure and gestational diabetes, and they have a higher risk of giving birth to a premature and low-birth-weight baby.

Even though we see celebrities having babies later in life (Marcia Cross, Geena Davis, and Nancy Grace to name a few), it can be harder and more dangerous than we may think, especially if assisted reproduction is used.

Dear's Advice: Although this article may alarm you, be sure you're emotionally and financially ready before jumping on the baby bandwagon.

Flynet

Dear Poll: Is It OK to Spoil Your Kids?

DearSugar — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 09:00:00 -0800

Suri Cruise has been photographed all over the world looking like a mini Katie Holmes, chic and camera ready. She's constantly dressed to the nines and the lucky little one is even getting her very own pair of custom made Louboutins! Of course, it's fun to dress your kids up in cute clothing, but do you think it teaches them a bad lesson? Spoiling your children is one thing, but spoiling them rotten is another. So to all you moms out there, do you think it's a good idea to introduce extravagance at such a young age or do you think it puts them at a disadvantage when they grow up?Source

Dear Poll: Is It OK to Spoil Your Kids?

Yes - I don't see what the big deal is. They're only young once so why not spoil them when you can!

No - I think it's a bad idea. If you teach your kids to have expensive taste at a young age, they will grow up to expect it.

Maybe - Spoiling them every once in a while is OK, but making a habit out of it is not.

Other - Please share!

When It Comes to Family, Who Are You Closest to?

DearSugar — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 17:00:55 -0700

Of course, I love everyone in my family. Each person has a special place in my heart, and my mind is filled with so many memories of all of them. I love them for what they've taught me, how they've been there for me, and what we've shared together.

That being said, there's one person I call the most and tell my secrets to, and that's my mom. Yes, she's my mom, but now that I'm older, she's also turned into my best friend. I feel the closest to her because she's such an amazing listener and, as women, we have so much in common.

So I want to know: When it comes to your family, who do you feel closest to? Your mom, dad, child, or spouse? A step-parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, or sibling?

Source

You Asked: Now What?

DearSugar — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost three years. Both successful professionals and both divorced. We were having a great time with no solid plans for the future. Neither of us had children and he definitely didn't want any. It was just a great time, freedom, martini's etc. and we were in love but at one point, we were reckless and became pregnant.

Knowing how he felt about children I told him I accepted his position but that I was going to have the baby anyway. We have stayed together but he "hates" that he has a child. The baby is almost a year now, we still do not live together and he doesn't contribute financially.

Obviously I am unhappy. I never imagined having a child without a family unit but I made the choice to keep our child and have stepped up to the plate to raise and care for him. The baby is super, but the life I am living is not fulfilling emotionally. I don't push the family card because I am aware of how he feels about being a parent.

I cannot understand why he stays in the relationship. He says he loves us and may want to live together in the future, but not now. We are essentially living separate lives. How much longer do I wait? Why is he staying in the relationship? I fear pulling the plug. We love each other and he loves the baby but resents and hates the responsibility. Help! — Resented Ronda

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At What Age Is Birth Control Appropriate?

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Last week, The New York Times broke a story out of Maine in which the Portland school board approved a measure allowing middle-schoolers to gain access to prescription birth control medications without notifying their parents.

With this new ruling, King Middle School not only provides the birth control medications for their students, but their medical clinic also offers immunizations and physical checkups in addition to counseling for sexually transmitted diseases.

While some parents viewed this measure as a violation of parental rights, others felt that it was a necessary precaution to offer protection for kids that were engaging in "risky behavior."

I am sure this article will strike a cord with all you mothers out there, so how would you feel if your child were offered prescription birth control without your consent? And you non-mothers, do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea for middle schoolers to be exposed to birth control at such a young age?

Source

You Asked: Am I Staying for the Kids?

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for four years. He had a son who is four, and we have a son who is almost two. This past summer, I left him because I wasn't happy with our relationship. We took about three months apart, still trying to hang out because of the kids, but we saw other people during this time. I soon realized that I wanted my family back, my kids, and for the most part I missed him. I'm only 22 and am scared that I'm only here for the sake of the kids. They are everything to me and although I love my boyfriend, I cant help but wonder if my boys weren't part of the picture if I would have gone back this past time. The separation tore both of them apart. I'm so lost and I'm not sure if my heart is scared of being hurt again. Things between my boyfriend and me are great right now, and usually that ends up with something going wrong. Am I so scared of the bad that could happen that I'm mentally preparing for it? Or is it really my heart telling me that this isn't what I want for the rest of my life? The worry of if I'm missing something or if there isn't more out there is eating me up inside. I am so lost. — Confused Connie

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Dear Poll: Would You Use a Nanny Cam?

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 13:00:00 -0700

I am not a mother, but I do know how hard it is for new moms to leave their children for the first time. Trusting someone to watch your kids while you enjoy a much needed night off, or while you have to attend your husband's work function takes a lot of faith, and most of all, intuition. So after you've interviewed many potential babysitter candidates, do you truly feel they can be trusted with your baby, or would you feel more comfortable if you could see everything that's going on while you're out? We have all heard of Nanny Cams, so to all you mothers out there, would you, or do you use a nanny cam when you leave your child with a sitter? Source

Dear Poll: Would You Use a Nanny Cam?

Yes - I want to know every single thing that goes on when I'm gone. You never know who you can trust.

No - I only let people I trust watch my children.

Other: Please share!

Dear Poll: Would You Date a Man With a Kid?

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 13:00:00 -0700

I went on a date once with a man who told me — on the way to dinner, mind you — that he had a 10-year-old son with an ex-girlfriend. I am not one to judge, but at that time in my life, I wasn't too keen on the idea of dating a man with a child. As I have said many times before, I am very traditional when it comes to marriage and family, so ideally, I want to start a family with a man who doesn't already have a family of his own. Granted, if I happen to fall in love with someone who already has kids, so be it, but let me throw it out to all of you — would you date someone with kids? Source

Dear Poll: Would You Date a Man With a Kid?

Yes — The more the merrier, plus, it proves that he's a family man!

No — I'm with Dear, I want to have my own family with my husband without dealing with an ex wife or girlfriend.

Other: Please share!

Dear Poll: How Old Is Too Old to Bring Your Son into the Women's Changing Room?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 13:00:00 -0700

A reader sent in a very good question last week - At what age is it inappropriate to bring your son into the women's changing room with you? Here is her story:

This was the question I had today after my swim. I was butt-naked with just a towel when a woman walks in with her daughter and son, who looked to be about 8. I felt it was inappropriate. Then again, in our day and age, is the mother expected to just let her son in to go alone in the men's rooms? I am not a mother, so I can not realistically put myself in that position.

Since I am not a mother either, I wanted to ask you all what you thought about this topic. At what age do you stop bringing your son into the women's changing room with you? Since little kids know more than we think, when do you start feeling uncomfortable with children of the opposite sex in the same room as you while you're getting dressed?Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Nair Pretty for Pre-Teens

DearSugar — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 13:00:00 -0700

In a recent New York Times article, the makers of Nair announced a new product focused on the younger demographic of pre-teens - made with fruity scents and all. According to Bill Boraczek, senior vice president of marketing at Sally Hansen, 26 percent of hair removers are girls 12-19 years old, but Nair Pretty is geared even younger, 10-15 year olds, otherwise known as "first-time hair removers." To drive this idea even more, marketing executives are saying things such as, "When a girl removes hair for the first time, it's a life-changing moment," and what young girl doesn't want to be perceived as older at that age?I remember being a middle school-er and having my mom tell me I was too young to shave my legs, but times have certainly changed. So while Nair Pretty is safer than shaving (no nicks or cuts), what I want to know is, do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea for such young kids to be concerned with a little hair on their legs? Would you want your pre-teenager to have Nair Pretty in her medicine cabinet? Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Nair Pretty for Pre-Teens

Good Idea: As long as it's safe, I don't see what the problem is. Hairy legs can be embarrassing for young girls.

Bad Idea: 10-15 year olds are just too young to be subjected to beauty peer pressure. It's just another way to corrupt our kids.

Other: Please share!

You Asked: Am I Just Young or Dumb?

DearSugar — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I've been seeing a new man now for just over a year and a half, and he is starting to be different. He is 14 years my senior (I'm 20), and we have lived VERY different lives. He is used to dating strippers, and models-not my physique at all. (I’m 5’5” 140lbs -very athletic/muscular build) When we first started getting to know each other, I was dating someone else and we went out as friends. My ex was very mean to me and cut me down every chance he got. One night I had enough (after he publicly humiliated me in front of all our friends) and I broke it off. Soon after I started dating this guy.

He told me everything hook line and sinker that I wanted to hear-telling me that I was beautiful, my body is fine/hot, that I didn't need a guy like my ex in my life and that I could do so much better. Now, this far into our relationship, he’s telling me that he's not all that attracted to me anymore, but that he loves me and wants to work on it. It's gotten to the point that he is giving me ultimatums (lose 20 lbs or it's over between us). He only tells me this after being to a strip club, or running into an ex. On the flip side, if he isn’t telling me that I'm unattractive or fat, he is telling me how much he wants me to be his wife, and have a family with me. I have had only one seriously relationship before him, so I don't know if I'm just young and dumb and wanting so badly to be in “love”, or is this normal behavior? --Confused Caroline

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Good Idea or Bad Idea: Raising Kids in a 2 Religion Household

DearSugar — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 13:00:00 -0700

These days, it's not so common to marry someone from your local temple or church, or your mother's best friend's son. Now a days, people are meeting their matches in all kinds of alternative ways: speed dating, internet dating, match making, etc. They are marrying partners of different races, religions and even partners of the same sex. Religious differences are oftentimes very sore subjects with family members of the older generation. While all might be fine and well to the couple that loves each other for who they are, what happens when it comes to their children? What if each parent has a strong belief in his or her faith and/or religion? Do you think it is confusing or harmful for kids to grow up in a duel religion household? Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Raising Kids in a 2 Religion Household

Good Idea: The more they can learn about faith and spirituality, the better

Bad Idea: I don't want my kids to have to feel like they have to choose between one parent over the other

Other: Please share!

You Asked: Should I Move in?

DearSugar — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I'm currently in a relationship with my girlfriend who has two kids, 4 and 2. She is married and is going through a tough divorce. We have only been together for 5 months, but I absolutely adore and love her. But we are currently in a situation where her ex-husband just shows up, unannounced, to her apartment, and harasses her to get back together with him. It has become a very frustrating situation because my girlfriend has made it very clear that she has no interest and that their marriage is long over.

She has asked me to move in with her, and while I do love her, I just don't feel like we are ready to take that step in our relationship. It is very unsettling for me when her ex comes around her and her kids because he has an abusive past, and I don't want to move in with her to be her protector. Sometimes I just feel like ending it, like there is simply too much baggage, but other times I feel like this could be true love. I am at a total loss and would love some advice. -- Looking out Lawrence

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You Asked: What If We Have Sex Just Once?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Jun 2007 14:20:32 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am happily married with children — and have a huge crush on an old boyfriend. We would never date again. We would not even have an affair, but I have been toying with the idea of wanting to just have one sex session with him. What do you think?

— Thinking About it Abigail

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You Asked: Do Kids and Weddings Mix?

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I'm getting married in a week and I never believed in all of those Bridezilla stories, monster-in-laws and such that happen prior to the wedding. That is until yesterday when my soon to be Mother-in-law called me to ask me why I had not invited her grandchildren.

My fiancé's brother has 4 children, 1-12 years old, and to be honest we didn't think it would be a good idea since our wedding is a very small intimate affair with just close family members. I was flabbergasted and angry at her for basically bullying me into saying it wasn't a big deal if they came (even though I had already given the caterer the final count and all the seats were assigned). I only changed my mind because she would really love to have her grandchildren there and it's something my fiancé would want because they're his nieces and nephews - even though he never even mentioned we should make sure the children were there.

After consulting about this with him, we both agreed there really was no need for them to be there (their mother is not invited). Plus, you know how kids can get loud and moody and whatnot. But I still didn't have the courage to let them know we simply couldn't invite them considering the Wedding is in 6 days! I also feel like a jerk for not considering them. So I wrote my Fiance's brother an e-mail pretty much apologizing and hoping there were no feelings hurt. Am I being selfish? What would you guys have done? It's hard to focus on your "Happy day" when you're trying to make everyone else happy. We should have just eloped!

--Barbara, the Stressed Out Bride

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Dear Poll: For the Sake of the Kids...

DearSugar — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 10:30:00 -0700

In the wake of the Kim Basinger/Alec Baldwin/Ireland scandal, the public is left with a sour taste in their mouth, to put it mildly, about the way both parents have behaved and carried themselves throughout their messy divorce. Having children is obviously a huge responsibility and while some think staying together for the sake of the kids is the right thing to do, most would agree that divorcing amicably should be the goal.With the divorce rate so high, parents desperately need to take their actions into consideration for the sake of their children who unfortunately suffer the most from divorce. We have seen many Hollywood separations play out over the years, some nastier than others, so which ex's do you think have done the best job keeping things cordial for the sake of their children? Source and Source

Dear Poll: For the Sake of the Kids...

Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman

Kevin Federline and Britney Spears

Bruce Willis and Demi Moore

Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon

Dear Poll: What Celebrity Would you Want to Teach your Kids?

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 10:30:00 -0700

Celebrities have been busy putting their fame to good use. Since fans look up to their favorite stars, it's refreshing to see them leading by example on topics such as voting, saving the environment, and working towards world peace. While education is taken seriously across the nation, if you had to select one celebrity to be your child's educator, whom would you choose? Source

Dear Poll: What Celebrity Would you Want to Teach your Kids?

George Clooney: News and politics have been a part of his life since childhood

Natalie Portman: With a Harvard degree she can teach any of my kids

Sean Combs: He appreciates the power of voting and using your voice

Alicia Silverstone: A nature lover and humanitarian would teach good values

Jack Black: He looks like he would have a way with kids and appreciates the power of music education

You Asked: My Four-Year-Old Is Asking About Sex

DearSugar — Wed, 04 Apr 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar --

This morning I went into my four-year-old daughter's room to get her up for school. As I was picking clothes out of her dresser, she sat up in bed, stretched and said, "Mommy, I had a great dream last night. There were lots of boys and I had sex with them!"

I tried my best to maintain my cool and said, "Do you know what sex is?" She said, "Well I didn't really know what to do..." and then she started talking about them playing games and such.

I told my husband and shortly after I think my daughter brought it up to him because I heard him tell her that "Sex is a bad word and only grown ups can use it."

We don't really think she knows what sex is, but I do feel like I need to talk to her about it and give her something more than just "sex is a bad word, don't say it." But I'm not sure what to say. I don't want to tell her too much, and I want it to be completely age appropriate.

My father was very limited in the information that he shared with me as a child, so I was naive and clueless as a teenager and rebelled pretty hard. I want to start my daughter on the right path now and open our communication lines as much as possible. Please help! --Speechless in Seattle

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