DearSugar -- Just ask.

Handle This: Your Date Can't Afford to Take You Out

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Recently you were asked out on a date by a guy who works in your building. For your first date, he takes you on a fun factory tour of a local brewery, and you guys grab slices of pizza afterward. On the next date he takes you to his favorite burrito place and then an art gallery. Most recently you guys hit up a dive bar. You love that he’s zany, and you really connect with him in a way you haven't with a guy in a long time.

But when you ask if he'll come with you to a friend's birthday party at a sit-down restaurant, he says yes but only if you pay, since he’s broke. You don't mind paying, but since you know he has a job, you can't help but wonder if he's really broke or just cheap. How would you handle this?

Source

Dear Poll: Does Your Boyfriend Make You Laugh?

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

For me, humor isn’t just an important aspect of a significant other; it’s an absolute must. I need to be around someone who can make me laugh, both in the best of times, and also during the worst. I’ve come to realize though that not everyone shares my sentiments. So does your boyfriend’s sense of humor make you giggle?Source

Dear Poll: Does Your Boyfriend Make You Laugh?

Yes, he makes me laugh and I love it.

Actually, I’m the one who makes him laugh.

Sure, we laugh, but sense of humor isn’t the end all be all for me.

Other — Please share.

Handle This: You Need Money, He's Willing to Loan It

DearSugar — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 12:00:00 -0700

The economy is terrible and your company’s taken a hit, so when you lose your job you’re devastated, but not shocked. The problem is you don’t have any prospects, no one’s hiring, and your rent is due. Your parents have deep financial woes of their own, so you can't turn to them. Your boyfriend is by no means well-off, but he currently is in a better situation than you. He’s offering to loan you money until you get a job, but you know money and romance don't mix. So how do you handle this?

Source

Where Do You Stand? Hanging With Her and Her Boyfriend

DearSugar — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Admittedly, I haven’t always been the biggest fan of all my friends’ boyfriends, but even when I think they’re especially great guys, I still love spending time with just my friend. Of course, I’m happy to oblige a couple hangouts now and then, but in the end, I prefer time with my friends alone. I suppose it’s all about a healthy balance, but where do you stand in terms of spending time with your friends’ significant others? Are you just as happy to be with her and her boyfriend as you are to be with just her?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Hang Out With His Friends Without Him?

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

I’ve always found that a relationship is most convenient if each person gets along well with the other’s friends. A more communal social life seems to create harmony and minimizes chances for conflict. But even when friends are shared, there’s often a distinct difference between his friends and hers. Of course it depends entirely on the type of friendships you’ve created, but do you ever spend time with his friends when he's not around? Source

Dear Poll: Do You Hang Out With His Friends Without Him?

Yes, I do. They're both of our friends.

Sure, but only with certain friends.

No, that's weird.

No. I like them, but we’re not on that level.

I don’t even want to be around his friends when he’s there!

You Asked: I Think Porn Is Disgusting, But He Likes it

DearSugar — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,
Four months ago when my live-in boyfriend was out of town, I discovered that he had downloaded multiple videos of porn and has received numerous pictures of naked women from his male friends via email. I confronted him about it, and he sees nothing wrong with it. He said that he'd stop looking at them, but I know for a fact he's lying.

I have serious issues with pornography as an industry, and on principle alone I find porn disgusting. A person looking at videos of people having sex is something that is not acceptable to me. I am so upset that I'm ready to walk away. Am I completely wrong?

— Disgusted Deb

To see DearSugar's answer,

Handle This: You Make a Big Mistake

DearSugar — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Your new boyfriend went away on a business trip for more than two weeks and left his pet bird in your care. A graduation present from his family, the bird means a great deal to him and holds sentimental value. He's given you very specific instructions on caring for it, with the very explicit declaration that he'll be destroyed if you kill it.

You're not a huge fan of pet birds, but you know that he cares about it, so you do your very best. In an effort to avoid going to his house every day, you decide to bring the bird to your place. One morning when you go to feed it, you find it lifeless in its cage, completely dead. A trip to the pet store confirms that it's really gone. He won't be back for another week, but you feel awful and can't bear the idea of telling him. It's an inevitable conversation, so how would you handle this?

Source

Handle This: His Ex Is a Model

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 12:00:00 -0700

In the time you’ve been dating your boyfriend, you’ve inevitably learned things about his past including a few details about his ex, like that she dumped him out of nowhere and completely broke his heart. He seems very nostalgic about their relationship, and you’ve always had a fear that he would take her back if he could.

While flipping through a magazine with him, he points out a picture of her in one of the ads; it turns out she’s a model, and she’s breathtakingly gorgeous, which he's quick to point out. You know he's with you now, but you're no model. How would you handle this?

Source

Where Do You Stand: Shopping With Your Significant Other

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

After reading the comments from Friday's poll on shopping, almost all of you admitted to loving it for one reason or another. And as fun as it can be to try on one thing after another, sometimes an honest second opinion from your special someone can come in handy. Though I've never been one to dress for a boyfriend, it sure does feel good when he looks at you with longing eyes because you're wearing something he loves. I shop best alone, but where do you stand on shopping with your significant other? Do you like his approval before swiping your card or do you get too stressed out when he's looking you up and down in a dressing room?

Source

The How-To Lounge: Becoming More Than Friends

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

I know a lot of guys that complain that they always end up being friends with the girl that they like and nothing more. Unfortunately, this isn't just something that guys experience, women can find themselves in this situation, too. Often it's that you don't realize you want more from the relationship until the boundaries of your friendship have already been defined, but it is possible to move out of the friend zone. To learn some tips,

The How-To Lounge: Getting Your Friends to Accept Your Boyfriend

DearSugar — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Last week when I posted some tips for incorporating your boyfriend into your group of friends, a few of you mentioned that the reverse was more difficult so I decided to come up with ideas for getting your friends to accept a new boyfriend. To check them out please

Dear Poll: How Do You Communicate With Your BF When You're Apart?

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:00:00 -0700

No matter how much time we might enjoy spending with our significant others, having a job, school, friends, and a family inevitably keeps us away at least some of the time. And though a little time to yourself can be a good thing, it’s always nice to be able to keep in touch as you go about your daily business. Fortunately, this age of technology makes it all too convenient to do so, so ladies, tell me, how do you communicate when you’re not together? Source

Dear Poll: How Do You Communicate With Your BF When You're Apart?

We usually make check-in phone calls to one another. They’re brief, but they keep us updated.

We text throughout the day. We can stay in touch without getting distracted.

We instant message on the computer. It’s great because we can have an entire conversation while still getting our work done.

We save our catching up until we see each other. It’s great to talk about our individual experiences throughout the day.

All of the above!

Other — I'll explain

The How-To Lounge: Mixing Your Friends and Boyfriend

DearSugar — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 12:00:00 -0700

A boyfriend who can’t stand his girlfriend's friends can wreak havoc on an otherwise happy relationship, while having a boyfriend who enjoys her friends' company is a huge asset in a budding relationship. To check out my advice on how to make the latter an easy task, just

Dear Poll: Do You Trust Him With His Friends?

DearSugar — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Whether it's dragging them to a strip club or making them feel guilty for not hanging out more, our boyfriends' buddies have a big reputation for being bad influences. We can feel certain that our boyfriends are the most honest and good-natured people, but put them in a room full of their guy friends and suddenly they’re one of the pack. Of course, it always depends on the guy and the friends, but do you trust your significant other when he’s with his friends? Source

Dear Poll: Do You Trust Him With His Friends?

Completely. He does what’s right for him, not for others.

Sort of. I know he’d never do anything intentionally, but I worry about him getting roped into things.

Not at all. His friends have proven to be trouble.

Other — I'll explain below.

Handle This: A Surprise You Don't Want

DearSugar — Fri, 16 May 2008 09:00:35 -0700

Your birthday is coming up, and you’re really excited to see your family and hang out with your girlfriends. Life has been so hectic lately that you haven’t seen anyone but your boyfriend in what feels like months, so you’re glad to use your birthday as an excuse to get everyone together.

Based on some strange behavior from your boyfriend, and your friends' sudden disinterest in getting together, you’re starting to realize that there might be something going on that you don’t know about. After a quick look at the computer’s Internet history, you realize your boyfriend is planning a weekend away for both of you. You love the gesture, but you really just don’t want to go. You were looking forward to a weekend with friends, so how would you handle this?

Source

Do Tell: Do You Want The Bottom Line Right Off The Bat?

DearSugar — Thu, 15 May 2008 09:00:00 -0700

When you first start dating someone, all those intense feelings leads to wishful thinking about a possible future full of nothing but hope and adoration. It's those emotions that make the beginning of a relationship so amazing, but as we all know, no relationship is perfect — every couple has their ups and downs. But if you could learn the bottom line about your new man right off the bat, and fast forward through the awkward getting to know you phase, would you? I happen to think it's the trial and error period that makes it all so exciting, even if it doesn't work out. But what about you? Do tell, if you could know the bottom line right off the bat, would you want to look in the crystal ball?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Get Along With His Friends?

DearSugar — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:00:00 -0700

No matter how well you get along with your guy, there’s no guarantee that you’ll find yourself chumming it up with his friends. Just because he is perfect, it doesn't mean his friends will be. I always try to get along with a boyfriend’s group of friends, but sometimes their immaturity surprises me, and I can’t help but find myself annoyed. Of course it depends on the friends, but generally speaking, do you get along with your boyfriend’s friends? Source

Dear Poll: Do You Get Along With His Friends?

Not at all; it’s difficult for me to spend time with them.

They may bug me, but they’re my boyfriend’s friends so I make it work.

We get along great; I consider them my friends, too.

Other — please explain

Dear Poll: Do You Consider Your Significant Other Your Best Friend?

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

One of the best parts about dating that special someone is that he or she is not only your lover but your friend, too. While maintaining pre-boyfriend friendships is important, some people aren't as eager since they feel like they have everything they need condensed into one person. I personally think there's a big difference between the relationships we have with our BFFs versus the ones we have with our significant others, but what's your stance on this issue? Do you consider your significant other your best friend?

Dear Poll: Do You Consider Your Significant Other Your Best Friend?

Yes, absolutely. He knows me in ways that my best friend never will.

No, he's my significant other — there's a reason why they have a different name.

He's one of my best friends, but I have a special bond with my BFF that can't be beat!

Other: Please share!

This or That: Your BF or Your BFF Forgets Your B-Day?

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

While you’ve never been one to make a huge deal out of your birthday, you’ve always liked to celebrate it with loved ones. This year, life has been so hectic that you don’t even realize that it's that time of year again, but you find yourself actually looking forward to celebrating. Unfortunately, things turn out less festive than you expected when the closest person in your life completely forgets the big day. Would it be worse if …This: You wait for your best friend to call all day in hopes that she’ll take you out for a bite or at least come over for a drink, but you never hear from her? You’ve been friends since high school, and if anyone other than your parents should remember your birthday, it’s her!Or …That: After waiting for a mention of your birthday from your boyfriend all day, you assume he has something planned, but instead, the day has just slipped his mind? You’ve both been busy, but it’s upsetting that you had to actually remind him on your birthday what the day was. Which is worse?Source

This or That: Your BF or Your BFF Forgets Your B-Day?

This — Your best friend completely forgets your special day.

That — You don’t even get a birthday hug from your man.

You Asked: Is My Boyfriend Just Over Me?

DearSugar — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years, and about a year ago, I let him move into my house. We have a good relationship at times, but I find myself feeling both confused and annoyed by his behavior often. Sometimes he seems completely in love with me and shows me affection both physically and verbally, but at other times, he couldn't seem less interested. In fact, sometimes I feel like he doesn't even notice when I'm in the house. When I get home he doesn't ask me where I've been or why I was gone so long. And when I am out, he never checks in with me. Is he just not invested in our relationship anymore? What should I do?

— Baffled Bea

To see DearSugar's answer

Handle This: Your Boyfriend Owes You Money

DearSugar — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Things have finally come to a head in your rather tumultuous relationship with your boyfriend, and you’ve finally gotten the courage to pull the plug. The only problem is that he still owes you the $2,000 that you loaned him over six months ago. You now realize that loaning him anything was a rather stupid move, but you really want to get your money back.

He’s completely irresponsible, which is half the reason why you’re ending things with him to begin with, so you know it's not going to be as simple as just asking him nicely. You need that money to pay your credit card bill so how would you handle this?

Source

You Asked: I'm Being Left Out

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating this guy for four years now. I currently live in the city in which he was born and raised; I moved here just prior to meeting him. He has a number of friends of which I have never met. I have always wanted to get to know them, but he's been very weird about it. He is continuing to make new friends, but sees no reason to tell me about them or introduce them to me. As it turns out, most of them are other females. I feel shut out and betrayed!

I don't think he's cheating on me, but I just don't understand why he doesn't talk about them with me. I have tried to talk to him about this on occasion, but it always ends up as an argument. At this point, I don't even bother bringing it up anymore, but it still hurts me. Do you have any advice for helping me deal with this?

— Left Out Lily

To see Dear Sugar's answer

You Asked: Our Sex Life Is Missing Something

DearSugar — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm 27 years old, and my boyfriend and I have been together for four years. He and I are in the process of purchasing a home and moving in together with his 7-year-old son of whom he has primary custody. We have a great relationship, operate a successful business, and are building a nice family.

The problem is that for the past few months I've been feeling like something is missing sexually. We've always had a good sex life, and nothing has changed, but I think that I might be the problem. I long for the feeling you get when you hook up with someone new for the first time. I've been having dreams lately about getting together with other men, and I always wake up longing for something else. This feeling has been distracting me and leading me to dwell on the smallest little things.

When I was younger, I caved to my desires and cheated on two of my former boyfriends. However, I truly have zero desire to cheat on my current boyfriend. I love him dearly, can't imagine being with anyone else, and would never hurt him, but it's difficult to just pretend my feelings don't exist. Should I talk to him about it? Is this something that everyone goes through?

— Bored in the Bedroom Beth

To see DearSugar's answer

Relationship Protocol: Secrets

DearSugar — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 09:00:00 -0700

When people are in serious relationships, the rules for whether they can or should share their friends' secrets are complicated. In one way it seems completely natural, but then again, a secret is a secret, right? If a good friend is in a serious relationship, and I tell her a secret, I assume she’ll tell her significant other — whether she actually does, I don’t know, but I always make that assumption. If it's something that I don't want him to know, then I don't tell her.

But I realize the rules on this differ from person to person. So tell me, if you tell a friend something, do you assume she’ll tell her significant other? And for those of you in a relationship, do you spill the beans to yours? What should the protocol be when it comes to sharing secrets with your significant other?

Source

You Asked: Why Won't He Move in With Me?

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for just over two years now and we live just a few blocks away from each other. I live with my 5-year-old daughter, and he lives with his younger brother. My daughter adores him, and he just loves her. Last year I asked him to move in with us but he said he wasn't ready. This year I have asked him three times, and he still says that he's still not ready. I have to move out of my apartment due to financial issues — I can only stay if I get a co-signer. I've explained the situation to him, and that I need him to move in with me, but he still won't budge.

I told him that I need him to show me that we are moving forward in our relationship, but still nothing has changed. In fact, I do everything for him. He's at my house five days a week, which is why I don't understand why he won't take this next step. Part of me thinks that he's just not willing to commit to me and that I should move on, but my other half just loves him so much and knows what a good person he is. What should I do?

— Move in Confusion Cara

To see DearSugar's answer

Handle This: Your Boyfriend Gets Arrested

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

You’ve been with your current boyfriend for just over a year, and although you do love him, times have been rough recently. He’s been going through a difficult period after an unexpected loss in his family that’s really taken a toll on your relationship. You’re actually relieved to have some time to yourself when he heads to Vegas for a guys' weekend.

You're completely shocked when you get a phone call in the middle of the night from your boyfriend — he’s calling collect from jail. It turns out that he and his friends decided it would be fun to sneak into one of the nicer hotel pools after hours and steal drinks from the bar. You’re completely shocked at his immaturity, but he’s begging you to help bail him out. He sounds really upset, but then again, so are you. How would you handle this?

Source

You Asked: His Roommate Is Affecting Our Relationship

DearSugar — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Last Summer my boyfriend moved in with one of his friends. We are both very busy and usually see each other on the weekends. Most of the time I sleep at his place but things have been strange lately; it seems like my boyfriend's friend is jealous of the relationship we have. He constantly tags along and recently he has been making me feel really uncomfortable by pulling my boyfriend aside to talk to him when I am there or bringing up conversations while intentionally leaving me out of them.

I addressed my feelings with my boyfriend, and he feels that he is in an awkward spot between his girlfriend and his friend. He agrees that he's being rude but he won't make an effort to express that to him. Is it wrong to be angry at my boyfriend for his lack of support? Should I step in and address this problem myself? I just don't know what to do, but it's certainly wearing on our relationship.

— Pushed Aside Alyssa

To see Dear Sugar's answer

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Forgive Him?

DearSugar — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and At a Loss Laurie need your help. She's madly in love with her boyfriend, but one night in an intoxicated state, he slapped her across the face, and she's feeling pressure from her friends to leave him. If you have any advice for her, she could really use it.

I've been with this great guy for about 10 months, and we've started talking about marriage. I have to say that 99 percent of the 10 months has been happy, wonderful, and everything I've ever wanted, but this past weekend he turned into this monster and slapped me in public!

We were out with some friends, we drank a lot, and he was very influenced by some type of prescription drug. He blacked out and doesn't remember much, nor does he know why he reacted so outrageously because it's not in his character to do so. He saw me dancing with another guy, pulled me outside, and slapped me where some of our friends saw. I genuinely know that it wasn't him and that he was out of control due to the substances in his system, but is that just me justifying his actions? My friends are now convinced that he's a terrible person. I know they only want the best for me, so they keep telling me to be strong and leave him since people don't change and if he has that kind of anger in him now to slap me, he would do it again.

I really want to be with him, and my character is to forgive pretty easily, but I don't want him to think that what he did was OK. How can I punish him when he was under the influence? Is this fixable? He doesn't deny what he did and he takes full responsibility for his actions — he's already seen a therapist to see how he can work on saving the relationship, he's promised to no longer use prescription medication and to tone down his drinking, and I thought maybe he can take anger management classes. So I guess my ultimate question is, is it possible to get past this?

Source

Handle This: He Won't Let You Break Up With Him

DearSugar — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Much to your chagrin, it appears that you’ve run into one of those situations with the new guy you’ve been dating where he likes you a lot more than you like him. He’s really great, and you don’t want to just lead him on so you decide to end things. You go to his house to talk about it with him, and initially, he appears to take the news really well.

Afterwards, he asks if you want to go out to dinner. Trying to follow through on your "let’s be friends" promise, you agree. But as soon as you get to the restaurant, he starts acting like you're still a couple! Over the meal you start mentioning moving on and your very separate futures, but after dinner, he leans in for a kiss. Although you pull away, you just don’t know what to say. He's either in deep denial or not getting it, so how would you handle this?

Source

Handle This: Someone Spread a Mean Rumor

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0800

You and your new guy agreed that you would wait a while to have sex for the first time, but your relationship continues to get stronger and stronger. Just when you think you guys are finally getting to the exclusive couple level, he starts acting strange; it seems like he's slightly less affectionate towards you. You try not to worry about it, but when a friend approaches you about something they heard through the grapevine, the pieces start to fall into place.

Your friend reveals to you that he heard from another individual — one that was in the same fraternity as your man — that you had an STI. You're completely shocked as you've never had an STI before, and have never confided in anyone about the possibility of having one.

You realize that your guy has "known" about this ugly rumor for the past couple weeks. You're not only embarrassed that he obviously believes it, but angry that he didn't talk to you about it. There's no way to set the story straight without a confrontation, so how would you handle this?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Get Along With Your Man's Mom?

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 13:00:00 -0800

Mother-in-laws are notorious for being difficult to get along with — we know how moms are protective of their little boys! But sometimes I wonder if the moms of our men get a bad rap because of the few especially controlling ones out there. I have to think that if our boyfriend or husband is a great guy, in most cases his mom had a lot to do with it. Still, I know it can be treacherous terrain to walk when both women are trying to assert their influence so let's hear it — is this just a nasty rumor or is there some truth behind it? Do you get along with your man's mom? Source

Dear Poll: Do You Get Along With Your Man's Mom?

Yes, we completely connect.

No, the woman drives me crazy.

Sort of, we're both trying.

Other — Please share.

Dear's Advice For Juno

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0800

For those of you who didn't see the 2008 Oscar nominated movie Juno, I'm sure you've at least heard the plot. Though she seems to have it completely together in terms of the decisions around her pregnancy, she isn't quite as sure of herself when it comes to her love life. I decided to offer up some of my own advice for Juno, who's had an up and down friendship with her baby's daddy that comes to a head in the scene below. Check out the scene and my advice, and then weigh in with your own!

To see DearSugar's advice

Dear Poll: Do You Like a Little Jealousy?

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 13:00:00 -0800

At dinner the other night, a single male friend asked me if I thought girls liked their men to be a little jealous, and I didn't know what to tell him. Obviously no one wants a boyfriend who's controlling and paranoid, but there are girls who complain that their boyfriends aren't jealous enough. We don't want to be taken for granted, but it seems like a little jealousy can easily turn into too much jealousy. Obviously I'm completely torn on this one, so I need your opinion. Is a little jealousy a good thing?Source

Dear Poll: Do You Like a Little Jealousy?

Yes — It lets me know that he feels lucky to be with me.

No — Jealousy of any kind usually means trouble.

Undecided — Please share

Handle This: Your Mom Doesn't Respect Your Relationship

DearSugar — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 10:00:00 -0800

You've always had a hard time getting along with your parents and they've never loved any of the guys that you've brought home. It didn't bother you so much until now — You met someone who you've completely fallen in love with. He comes from a very different background than you do, and though your parents have never said anything directly, you can tell that they don't approve of him.

On a recent visit home, you and your mom get in to a deep and heartfelt conversation on the subject of marriage. You decide to confide in her that you think your current boyfriend is the one that you want to settle down with. A loud and angry fight ensues, which your mom ends by stating, "I don't know why we're arguing; it's not like you guys will last." It's one thing not to love your boyfriend, but it's another thing not to have respect for your relationship or your investment in it. No one likes to disappoint their parents, but how would you handle this?

Source

This or That: Mistress or Mister?

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0800

You've noticed that your boyfriend's acting strange lately. You've never been paranoid, but you find yourself wondering if he's cheating on you. One morning he tells you that he's not feeling well and is going to stay home from work. You decide to check on him during your lunch hour. You call his cell, but he doesn't answer. You assume he's sleeping, but you decide to drop by anyway just to make sure he's okay. When you come in, he's walking out of his bedroom in a towel, fresh from the shower. He's surprised to see you, but not in a good way. When you look into the bedroom, would it be worse to . . .See a gorgeous woman primping in the mirror? You recognize the smell of her perfume; it's the same scent you've been smelling when he meets you late for dinner. Or . . .Get a glimpse of a handsome man sitting at the edge of the unmade bed, lacing up his shoes? In fact, you recognize him; your boyfriend introduced him as a friend a few weeks ago when you ran into him at a coffee shop.Source

This or That: Mistress or Mister?

This — He's lusty for a lady other than you.

That — There's no doubt that his attractions lie elsewhere.

Do Tell: What Do You Do Just For Him?

DearSugar — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 07:00:00 -0800

Do you hate sports but watch them anyway because your boyfriend asks you to? Or do you cheat on your diet so he can have someone to share a pizza with? In relationships, you have to give and take even if the giving is sometimes painful! I asked you what embarrassing things you ask of your significant other, but now let me ask you to tell me all the things that you do for him!

Source

PMS Alert, Like We Could Forget!

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 08:00:00 -0800

As if we weren't running into enough strange tools and devices these days, now you have to check out PMSCentral.com's email alerts. According to iVillage's Low-Carb Love blog:

You can now register online to have an email alert sent to remind you (or your loved ones!) about your PMS.

When registering, the site asks questions about your specific PMS symptoms so they can send information best suited for you. Once you're signed up, you'll get an email every month on the dot.

Dealing with your own PMS is great, but alerting your significant other? I already hate when other people point out that I'm PMSing, even if I am, but what do you think? Is this worth giving it a try or do you already have enough reminders that your period is coming?

Source

Dear Poll: What's the Best Part on His Bod?

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 13:00:00 -0800

Last week I asked you if you thought the nude male body could be beautiful. While there were many different opinions, nearly all of you said that your man's body is beautiful, sexy, hot, and practically perfect in every way. So when he's got the whole package, which part is your absolute favorite? Source

Dear Poll: What's the Best Part on His Bod?

Arms and hands

Back and shoulders

Butt and thighs

Chest and abdomen

Other — Please Share!

You Asked: Who Should I Take on My Vacation?

DearSugar — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and we are really serious about each other. We've taken multiple vacations together in the past. My family just gave me a vacation as a present, so I thought it would be fun to have some girly time instead and take a friend. Is it wrong to go on vacation without my boyfriend? I'm worried he'll feel like I'm choosing my friend over him.
— Stuck in the Middle Milly

To see Dear Sugar's answer

You Asked: Never Been in a Relationship

DearSugar — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar —
I am in my early 20s, attending a good university but there's something that has bugged me for a long time — I have never had a boyfriend or had someone tell me that they like me and I don't understand why. I feel so embarrassed by the fact that all my girlfriends have had relationships or hookups in the past and I've had close to none. I feel like I'm pretty approachable but I don't understand why guys don't pursue me. People always say I look so "cute and attractive," and I certainly don't think I'm hideous so I'm just so confused. I know that being shy has a lot to do with it, so can you help me step out of my shell and be more outgoing around guys? — Shy Shelby

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Poll: How Many Fights Did You Have With Your Significant Other in 2007?

DearSugar — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 13:00:00 -0800

Are you in a relationship where your friends don't like to go out with you because you're constantly fighting with your parnter? Or do you fight so infrequently that when you finally do, it's almost a deal breaker? When you spend a lot of time with someone, especially when you're lovers and friends, it's inevitable that you're going to fight from time to time. I happen to feel that fighting every once in a while is healthy and can even make your relationship stronger, so ladies, what I want to know is, approximately how many fights did you have with your significant other in 2007? Source

Dear Poll: How Many Fights Did You Have With Your Significant Other in 2007?

None — I'm lucky, we never fight.

One, and it was almost a deal breaker

2–5

6–10

Well over 10 — we love the make up sex!

I wouldn't say we fight — we bicker. We are both really good communicators.

You Asked: Where Should I Go to the Bathroom?

DearSugar — Fri, 23 Nov 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for about six months already, and for those six months, he has basically been homeless. No, no like he's not a bum, but he lives with his single dad in their garage while their house is being constructed.

His dad has gone to great lengths to build the garage himself with bedrooms in the upper floor so they can get by until the house is complete. My problem is that I am over at my boyfriend's "house" a lot and there is only one bathroom, which is right in front of the living area and the rest of their living space. Normally I have no problem going to the bathroom there and running into his dad and random people that are over, but when we have sex, I simply just want to run to the bathroom in his T-shirt or a towel. Now I am either forced to get fully dressed and clean up, or hold it all in which I know is unhealthy. Sometimes I don't want to go through all the trouble to embarrass myself. What should I do? — I Gotta Go Gretta

To see Dear Sugar's answer

You Asked: My Boyfriend Won't Spend Thanksgiving With My Family

DearSugar — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and this Thanksgiving will be our first one together. We've already decided that I'm going to go home with him in December to spend the holidays with his family and I just assumed that we'd spend Thanksgiving with mine, but he made up all these excuses as to why he can't. He said that he doesn't want to hurt his mother's feelings, that he's never missed a Thanksgiving in all his 27 years, and that his grandmother is not going to live forever. Also, his guy friends from high school will be home and they always play football the day after Thanksgiving.

I was so excited to have him spend this holiday at home with my family, but he's being so stubborn about it. I haven't missed a Thanksgiving yet either, and I always help my mom cook dinner and bake her famous pumpkin pie. My friends from high school will be home too and I was so looking forward to having them meet my new man.

This is really bugging me. I don't want to spend Thanksgiving apart, but I don't think it's fair that we go to his family's house for both holidays. What should I do?

—Torn About Thanksgiving Tiffany

To see Dear Sugar's answer

You Asked: He Masturbates in My Parents' House!

DearSugar — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My question is this: Am I right to think it's so wrong for my boyfriend to masturbate in my room (which is in my parents' house) when I go off to work and let him sleep in? I have asked him numerous times not to do it but he still does.

—So Annoyed Annie

To see Dear Sugar's answer

You Asked: I Need to End This Relationship

DearSugar — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 17:00:27 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My five-year relationship has been going downhill for the past couple of years, and I've been struggling over whether to try to make it work or move on. We live together but hardly see each other. He's always out doing something for someone, and when he's home, he's either sleeping or on the phone. We don't talk anymore, and I feel completely disconnected from him. I've talked to him about how I feel on more than one occasion, and it doesn't seem to make a difference. I recently started seeing some old friends and that has helped me deal with all this loneliness.

I have been faithful to him throughout this struggle until a few days ago, when some heavy petting and kissing took place with one of those old friends. It was with someone I have always had a thing for who is, himself, in a relationship. All that aside, I feel terrible that I let things get out of hand but glad it didn't go further. I now feel that since I allowed that to happen, deep down in my heart I ended the relationship. What's worse is that I have feelings for this old friend but know it'll never blossom into love. Where do I go from here?

—Mixed Up and Lonely Lindsay

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Do Tell: Do You Want the Truth?

DearSugar — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 07:00:00 -0800

I have always been one who dishes out and likes to receive tough love. I want the truth and expect my friends to give it to me even when I don't necessarily ask for it. We all know that the truth can hurt sometimes, so ladies, do tell: Would you want your friends and family to be honest with you even if it meant hurting your feelings?

Source

Sunday Confessional: My Boyfriend Broke My Vibrator

DearSugar — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 09:00:33 -0800

I've been dating my boyfriend for about four months, and I thought everything was going great. The other night, we were getting it on, and I reached for my vibrator (like I always do), but when I tried to turn it on, it didn't work. My boyfriend said, "I guess the batteries are dead." The next day, we were on our way to the grocery store and I said, "Oh, remind me to get batteries for the you-know-what." Then later that night, we went to bed and he started putting on the moves. When I reached for my vibrator, I remembered it wasn't working. "One sec," I said, and I ran downstairs, got the batteries, and came back to the bedroom. When I went to put them in, I could tell that it was totally broken. I looked at my boyfriend and was about to show him when he yelled "Dammit, why do you even need that thing?" Then he stormed out of the bedroom.I followed after him and said "Babe, what's wrong?" He wouldn't answer and was acting really anxious, and I said, "Wait a minute — did you do this?" He started yelling, saying he should be all I need, and how he thinks it's weird that we use it every time we have sex. He even said he thought it was bizarre that I can't get off without a piece of "machinery." So I'm a little annoyed that he broke my vibrator, but I'm really pissed that he was so rude, insulting, and insensitive to me. He even let it go so far as to let me buy new batteries and go through the trouble of running downstairs to get them. If he was so upset about it, why didn't he just say something instead of breaking the thing? Should I forgive him for acting like a child, or this this a sign that our relationship is doomed?Source

Sunday Confessional: My Boyfriend Broke My Vibrator

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided

You Asked: How Do I Deal With a Breakup?

DearSugar — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 08:00:48 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I met a guy who was coming out of a five-year relationship with a girl who was his first love. He even asked her to marry him, but she said no. He was a mess, and I was the friend, then the friend-with-benefits, then the more-than-friends, and then his new girlfriend.

In the beginning of our relationship, I found out he lied to me (a lot). He would still call the ex, see her, and frankly I know he was still in love with her. I didn't learn even after fighting, making up, breaking up, jealousy, then resentment, and hurting each other purposely. We fought a lot, but we really loved each other, so we remained together.

Recently, he moved back home, which is in another country, and he told his family he wanted to marry me. We had major trust issues, and things were hard due to the major time change. Plus I felt like he was changing into someone else, and basically everything “bad” from our relationship hit me at once and I broke up with him.

Those around me who have seen me cry about him and see that we weren't compatible keep telling me it'll get easier and that it was the right decision. I know they're right. It wasn’t fair for the both of us to continue in such an unhealthy relationship, but I'm having the hardest time getting over this. I've literally blocked him out of my life, and I don't pick up his phone calls or reply to his emails, but I can't stop thinking I made the wrong decision, and I miss him so much. How do I stop hurting and feeling so bitter? How do I snap out of it?

—Depressed and Lonely Lenore

To see Dear Sugar's answer

You Asked: I Kissed Someone Off Limits — Now What?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have a dilemma! I'm a college student, and one of my closest friends here has had a major crush on one of our mutual friends. Though she's liked him for two years, and though they've kissed once before, they're still just friends. Interestingly enough, I have also had a slight crush on him over the years, but nothing close to the intensity of her attraction. I just labeled him in the "off-limits" category because your friend's crushes can never be yours!

Well, the other night, I was dancing with him at a club, and he kissed me. I didn't pull back immediately, but I did stop the kiss ... eventually. Being one of the few friends here that she confides in about her feelings for him, I feel very guilty. To make matters worse, we all live in the same college residence and run into each other often. I haven't seen or spoken to him since (this happened about four days ago). Should I tell my friend what I did? Or should I live with my guilt knowing that telling her will only make her feel awful? — I Messed up Missy

To see Dear Sugar's answer