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This or That: Bailing For Better Scenery or a Boy?

DearSugar — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

You and your closest friend have finally been fortunate enough to live in the same city for the past year, for the first time since high school. She moves around a lot and is always searching for the next best place. It’s been amazing having her around and your life feels full in a way you just can’t get from a boyfriend. But when she says she needs to meet you to talk, you’re instantly worried. Would it be worse if . . . This: She’s decided to move again, but this time overseas? She doesn’t have a real game plan or know when she’ll be back. You hope it's successful, but it seems like she's just trying to escape.Or . . .That: It turns out she’s getting back together with her ex-boyfriend, the one she's taken years to get over? You want her to be happy, but not at the expense of her mental well-being. Source

This or That: Bailing For Better Scenery or a Boy?

This — She’s off again for who knows how long.

That — She’s not going anywhere, but she might as well be for as much as you’ll see her.

Do Tell: How Did You Meet Your Best Friend?

DearSugar — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

There's nothing like a best friend! The importance of having someone you can turn to and trust without a moment of hesitancy is infinitely important in this hectic world. But the friendship that you have with a best friend is more than just the day-to-day stuff, it’s also about the memories you create with one another along the way. So let’s take a trip down memory lane and share the story of how you met your best friend!

Source

Handle This: Dating Someone 20 Years Older

DearSugar — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

You’ve been close with your best friend since you were kids, and you’ve witnessed her love life every step of the way. After a difficult end to a doomed engagement, she’s been having a hard time moving on.

Next thing you know she’s taken up with a man 20 years older than her. He spoils her rotten, and seems to care about her deeply. You know some people think that age is just a number, but something about their relationship dosen’t sit right with you — from what you know, it seems like he’s made a habit out of dating young women. Now she’s confiding in you that she sees herself marrying him, so how do you handle this?

Source

A Do or a Don't: Talking It Out With Your Friends

DearSugar — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Whenever a problem should arise in a relationship, communication is nearly always the best method to finding the solution, but is that true for friendships as well? Friendships aren’t meant to be a challenge, so it seems almost counterintuitive to assume that there will be issues you have to work through, but as we all know, stuff does come up even between the best of friends. So when it does, do you just take the hands-off approach and let things work out (or not) naturally? Or do you think it’s best to apply those communication skills to your friendships, too?

Source

Do Tell: What Makes Your Best Friend So Special?

DearSugar — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Today is National Friendship Day, so to celebrate, I want to take this opportunity to let you all talk about someone else — your best friend! As you all know, I've known mine since kindergarten, and she's actually become more like a sister to me. She's the first person I go to with anything because no matter what, I know she'll support me, listen to me, and offer a shoulder to cry on. She's also one of the few people that I never get sick of, and we can laugh about everything, or nothing at all, at any given moment. I feel very fortunate to have her in my life, and I know with certainty that we'll be best friends forever.

I'm sure each and every one of you has someone you call your best friend, so tell me about him or her! On this Friendship Day, what is it about your BFF that makes him or her so special to you?

Source

Dear Poll: Does Your Best Friend Live Nearby?

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Long-distance relationships are tough, but so are long-distance friendships! If you're lucky enough to have your best friend living in the same town, you probably get to see her pretty regularly. But it can be tough — and potentially expensive — when BFFs live halfway across the country or world. What's your situation? Source

Dear Poll: Does Your Best Friend Live Nearby?

Yes. I'm lucky that my best friend lives in my town.

Sorta. She's close enough that we see each other frequently.

No, she's a plane ride away — but we get together as much as possible.

It's terrible! She's so far away that I rarely see her.

Other — Tell us below.

Dear Poll: Do You Consider Your Significant Other Your Best Friend?

DearSugar — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

One of the best parts about dating that special someone is that he or she is not only your lover but your friend, too. While maintaining pre-boyfriend friendships is important, some people aren't as eager since they feel like they have everything they need condensed into one person. I personally think there's a big difference between the relationships we have with our BFFs versus the ones we have with our significant others, but what's your stance on this issue? Do you consider your significant other your best friend?

Dear Poll: Do You Consider Your Significant Other Your Best Friend?

Yes, absolutely. He knows me in ways that my best friend never will.

No, he's my significant other — there's a reason why they have a different name.

He's one of my best friends, but I have a special bond with my BFF that can't be beat!

Other: Please share!

You Asked: His Best Friend Hates Me

DearSugar — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Although I wasn't actually looking, I met a guy online through a forum and we just fell for each other. We have known each other about two years now but declared our feelings for each other within the last year. He says he really loves me, and I love him. He lives in another country, so obviously it's a long-distance relationship. I have never met him in person but we talk on the phone, through IM, and via email. We're finally meeting up this Summer for the first time.

The problem is that his best friend and one of my close friends — another girl we met through the same forum, didn't know about us. We didn't tell her because we both knew that she had a crush on him. She is very possessive over him, and we were both concerned about how she was going to handle it. Long story short, she discovered that we liked each other indirectly and now she is upset and hurt, and decided to take all of her anger out on me, not him.

He feels badly that all of this happened but wants us all to be friends again. He's still friends with her and that upsets me because she has treated me very badly. I don't trust her and he doesn't seem to get it. Will our relationship last knowing that she is in the middle? What should I do?

— Not So Friendly Nora

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The How-To Lounge: Dealing With Your Best Friend's New Romance

DearSugar — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 10:00:00 -0800

We all want our friends to be happy, and often times that means giving them the space they need to live their own lives, but that can be particularly difficult when we've grown accustom to a certain level of presence and friendship. When our closest friends fall in love and embark on serious romances, it can often leave us, well, missing them and feeling a little hollow. To learn ways to aid in this adjustment,

You Asked: Should I Tell My Best Friend I'm Dating Her Ex?

DearSugar — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My best friend and I had been close since the seventh grade. Seven months ago, I met her boyfriend. He was cute and funny and great to be with. In fact, we'd talk online every once and awhile. Unfortunately, a few months ago my friend and I had a huge falling out and we still aren't speaking. As of a month ago, her now ex-boyfriend and I started talking much more often and we have developed mutual feelings for each other. They still talk on occasion, but he hasn't said anything to her. Even though they broke up just before our falling out and although it was definitely mutual, I still feel guilty. Should we tell her?

—Crushing and Concerned Cassie

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Handle This: You Got Your Best Friend's Dream Job

DearSugar — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 10:00:00 -0800

You and your best friend have been hunting for a new job. She's been out of work for three months and is nearly flat broke, and you detest your current job. She sends you a link to an awesome opening that she applied for at a company you would die to work for. You're perfectly qualified for the position so you decide to apply as well.

You're both completely shocked when you end up being the final two candidates. When they call to make you an offer, your excitement is bittersweet since you know that your friend needs the job more than you do. With that said, the huge salary jump and the prospect of quitting your job is pretty enticing. If you decline the offer, you know they'll extend it to your BFF, but the thought of passing up this opportunity is hard to swallow.

Competing with a close friend isn't a new concept, but tell me, how would you handle this?

Source

You Asked: She Downgraded My Role in Her Wedding!

DearSugar — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 07:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm a gay male who's had a female best friend for 12 years. We've been through everything together: the good, the bad, we've seen each other through it all. This year my bestie got engaged and I'm so excited for her but the only thing is, for as long as I've known her, she has relayed to me that she wanted to get married on a beach and that I'd be standing next to her at the alter as "man of honor," if you will. Now she's decided to get married at a Catholic church, and I've been offered a role as an usher. I'm deeply offended that I've been given such a minimal role in her wedding, and that she didn't fight tradition to have me on her side in the wedding party.

My questions are: Am I justified in feeling hurt? Is there a delicate way to decline the usher position? And, is there something I can do in lieu of being an usher that would still honor our long-term friendship?
— Usher of (Dis)honor

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Ask E. Jean for DearSugar: We Met the Same Guy Online

E Jean Carroll — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 10:00:00 -0800

Dear E. Jean,

My best friend was engaged for a year-and-a-half to a guy, a real jerk, who dumped her for his female boss. He and his boss are now in Paris on their damn honeymoon. Needless to say, my friend’s been catatonic throughout the holidays. Finally, yesterday she called me all excited, saying she met someone online and they’ve been sending e-mails back and forth. I said, “Great! Fantastic!” Then she said, “You gotta see him, look him up on my Facebook.” I said, “What’s his name?”

E. Jean: It’s a guy who’s been asking me out! He’s not on my Facebook; I met him on Nerve.com, and he asked me to go to a party on Saturday. This is the weirdest situation I’ve ever been in in my life. My friend and I look something alike (the guy obviously likes Asian chicks), and there’s no law against a guy sending e-mails to two girls, but what do I do now? I kinda like the guy.

My friend and I went to college together. We have a very small social circle, and we even dated the same guy in grad school. Should I tell her? Maybe she won’t care. Maybe she’ll think it’s funny, right? The point is, would it be horrible of me to go out with him on Saturday? I’d love to get a date lined up for New Year’s Eve, and this guy is hot. What’s the etiquette here? — Want to See the Ball Drop

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Year-End Poll Results: Fights With the Best Friend

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 16:00:38 -0800

Fighting with a best friend is one of the worst feelings in the world, but when you spend a lot of time with someone, the occasional argument is inevitable. So as part of my year-end coverage, I polled you guys about how many fights you had with your best friend in 2007.

I was delighted to see that most of you — about 40 percent — had zero fights with your BFF in 2007, while 27 percent of readers had just one major fight and 23 percent of you had two to five tiffs. Here's to a conflict-free new year!
Source

Dear Poll: How Many Fights Did You Have With Your Best Friend This Year?

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Dec 2007 13:00:00 -0800

When you're really close with someone, it's inevitable that you're going to fight every now and then. Since my bff and I are more like sisters, I can easily say that it's the worst feeling in the world when we argue. Since we've been friends for almost 30 years, we have our tiffs down to a science so they're as quick and painless as possible. Girls will be girls so ladies, tell me, how many fights did you get in with your best friend in 2007?Source

Dear Poll: How Many Fights Did You Have With Your Best Friend This Year?

None — I'm lucky, we never fight.

One, and it was a big one!

2-5

6-10

My bff and I are like sisters too, but we fight like cats and dogs.

You Asked: How Can I Get Over This Betrayal?

DearSugar — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I had taken some naughty photos of myself for my boyfriend a year ago. Even though we are now broken up, I still had those photos on my computer. Unbeknownst to me, my best friend (who is also a close family friend) of 10 years saw those naughty pictures, and behind my back, downloaded them onto his computer. The only way I know this is because I caught them on his laptop while he was showing me vacation pictures. I didn't confront him when I saw my pictures on his computer because I was completely shocked, and tried to forget about it, but recently, he betrayed me again when he told my personal secrets to his friends in front of me.

I feel like I can never trust him again. I have always been sort of a pushover, but I feel like this was the last straw. I think about it every day and still cry over how betrayed I feel. I have always been one who stays clear away from confrontation, so what should I do? — Betrayed Betsy

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You Asked: Should I Let Our Friendship Fade?

DearSugar — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

In high school I had a best friend who I was really close with. In the beginning of college, I started getting interested in vegetarianism and yoga. She didn't understand at first, but then became a devout follower. Over the past few years I have eased up on my tight restrictions. I feel that I have found a good balance between living purely and enjoying the world humans have created.

My friend, however, has stayed at the radical end of things. I feel like she looks down on everything that doesn't fit her vision of acceptable. That is, until she goes through it herself. Last year she thought that I was a nonindependent woman for doing most of the household chores (because my boyfriend worked more and paid most of the bills). Now she is in the same situation and is fine with it. I saw her last week and told her about my boyfriend's great new job and all she had to say was "Doesn't it bother you that one of his clients is Nike since they use sweatshops?"

We have a long and precious history together, but I am starting to feel like I can't tell her anything without having judgment thrown against me. I feel like if I tried to explain my feelings to her, she wouldn't even understand since she is so far on that side of the fence. I feel like she is on such a high horse and is just following the crowd instead of making choices for herself. Should I try to keep the connection alive and risk judgment of my choices or should I let the old friendship fade?

—Less than Perfect but Perfectly Happy Harriet

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Would You Be a Surrogate Mother?

DearSugar — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 11:00:00 -0700

You love your best friend. You support her like a sister and you'd do anything for her. My question is, how far would you be willing to go?

Let's say that she and her husband had been trying to get pregnant for the last 5 years. She's tried everything in the book and you've been there for her through several miscarriages. It turns out that she has no problem getting pregnant, but she can't stay pregnant.

You have two beautiful children of your own and you had no problems conceiving. Knowing this, your BFF asks you for the greatest favor in the world. They would like you to be a surrogate mother for their baby. They'd use her egg and his sperm so the baby would be their own flesh and blood. You would be able to give them the greatest gift anyone could give. Since witnessing the pain and trauma your friend has already gone through, would you do it? Would you be her surrogate mother?

Source

You Asked: Whose Wedding Should I Attend?

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

About three months ago I was asked to be in a friend's wedding. Frankly, I was shocked that she would ask me as I've known her for less than a year, but I said sure. She's a nice girl and a new friend I wouldn't want to lose. But this weekend, my best friend got engaged. When (and if) I get married, this is the friend that I would ask to be my Maid of Honor.

The glitch is, in briefly talking to my BFF, she mentioned that she wanted to get married right around the same time of the previous friend. Now, my BFF hasn't asked me to be in her wedding party yet (she's deciding if her sister will be her only attendant to save money), but I'm still really concerned about the time conflict.

How will I choose if these weddings are, indeed, on the same weekend? Do I pick the one whose wedding I've first agreed to be in, or my best friend? Is it wrong to persuade newly engaged bride-to-be into picking a weekend that works for me, or is that just plain selfish? -- Booked up Becky

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You Asked: My Best Friend is a Flirt!

DearSugar — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I have some issues with my best friend. We are opposites, which I love most of the time because we inspire and learn from each other, and balance each other out. But sometimes things bother me about her because they directly affect me, while I don't disrupt her at all.

I am shy and relatively withdrawn in social situations, but I'm getting better all the time. Anyways, I pride myself on being loyal to who I'm with and reserve flirtatiousness and sexiness for my man. She is extremely sexually postured (has big boobs that she is always conscious of), and flirts with any guy. She isn't necessarily promiscuous, but is dating three guys right now, enjoys sexual attention, and is 'touchy.' I feel this even when my boyfriend is around, and that's my only concern. She can be whoever she wants with others guys- obviously I have no control over it. But I don't like it when she's like that with my boy. He won't say anything to her because he's kind of shy too. I don't want him to go along with it, however, I can't control him either. I've already hinted at the subject with both of them and there's nothing more I can say.

Am I right to feel this? Deep down I feel like I may just be jealous of her bust. How can I get over feeling this way so I don't dread hanging out with them?

--Annoyed With my Best Friend

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You Asked: My Best Friend is Flirting With Me!

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

I have a very confusing problem with a very close guy friend of mine. I met him about a year ago, and we began casually dating for a little while. We broke up and while we were not speaking, he met another girl who is now his girlfriend. He contacted me after we had not talked for a while and expressed a desire to be friends again. He said he had really missed me and that he thought I was an amazing person. Over time we began to redevelop a relationship and I now consider him one of my closest friends. He is always able to talk to me, and I feel more comfortable talking to him than I do anyone else. When we hang out, his presence makes me feel happy. He has told me that I am his best friend, and that whenever he is sad I make him feel better. He tells me he loves me all the time.

The problem is that he sometimes crosses the line. He will tell me how beautiful I am, which is of course not a problem, but then sometimes he goes on to say how much he wants to have sex with me, or how he is thinking of me naked. The fact that he does this is very frustrating, because he told me he still has feelings for me, but he continues to date this other girl. I've tried talking to him about this, but he's very ambiguous. What should I think? He's my best friend, but I can't go on like this.

--Puzzled Pam

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I Was Stood Up By My Best Friend!

DearSugar — Tue, 15 May 2007 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar--

This past weekend I got irritated with my best friend. I am starting to date this new guy, who my friend supposedly loves for me, but whenever I ask her to go out with us, like to a club or bar, she always makes up an excuse as to why she can't go or just won't answer my calls/texts. She has a boyfriend, and I completely respect that, and I ask both of them to go, but she never ends up coming out. I have expressed how much I want her to get to know my new boyfriend, but she doesn't budge.

Another thing that irritates me is that when we do go out, it is always wherever she wants to go. I have just had enough of it and this weekend I told her that I thought what she was doing was really unfair, rude, and cruel. I told her that in a friendship, you have to give and take, something she clearly doesn't understand. So after I blew up and told her how I felt, she told me that she *supposedly* had no money which is why she can't go out and that she wasn't interested in being with me if I was going to be mean to her.

This girl has supposedly been my best friend since we were 8 (we are both 22 now), and I've realized that everything always has to be about her. When she started dating her boyfriend, I went out of my way to hang out with them so I could get to know the man who my best friend was dating, and all I am asking is her to do the same for me. Am I overreacting? What do I do?? Please help!!

-- Stood Up by my Best Friend Stephanie

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You Asked: Breaking Up With My Best Friend's Husband

DearSugar — Thu, 08 Feb 2007 17:00:00 -0800

DearSugar --

I hate my best friend's husband. We were once close friends, but for the past year we've been drifting apart and now I can't stand him at all. He is selfish, bossy and ugly to me and to my best friend. I have tried talking to him about some of his comments but nothing seems to help.

Recently, he confronted me about being rude. I was very calm with him but I am furious inside. I am at the end of my rope with this friendship, but I worry that if I fight back it will cause serious tension for my best friend and me. The three of us spend so much time together. I just wish he would see what a jerk he's being. Any advice? -- Fuming Friend

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