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You Asked: Should I Forgive Her Insincere Apology?

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,
My old college roommate asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding six months ago, and I agreed. Unfortunately, three weeks ago, her mother has passed away unexpectedly. It has been hard on everyone, but especially difficult for the maid of honor; the bride's best friend and a college friend of mine. She's acted as the liaison between the grieving bride-to-be and all her friends. In the time since, the maid of honor expressed in an email to me that she was unhappy with the back seat I took during the grieving period. When I called her and told her I wasn't that close to the bride and I didn't think it was appropriate to get more involved than I already was, she got very upset, started to cry, and told me that perhaps I don't deserve to be in the wedding at all.

She has since emailed to apologize for that comment, but deep down, I know she isn't sorry. While I know this isn't her wedding or her decision, her words were still very hurtful. I know I have to at least keep up appearances through the wedding, but I don't know I can or should forgive her beyond that. Do you have any advice? — Scolded Bridesmaid Bianca

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You Asked: My Boyfriend Doesn't Believe in Himself

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend just graduated from college last Spring and is taking some time off. Right now he's taking community college classes and deciding what direction he wants to go with his life (grad school, career, etc). His parents are more than fine with supporting him — he's worked really hard, and deserves a break — so he can avoid jumping into something he hates. Unfortunately, he doesn't see it that way. He feels lazy and wants to get a job to occupy his time, but all of the jobs that seem interesting don't respond to him (it's a tough job market right now).

I try to tell him that he should take this time to pursue stuff he loves and that something amazing will come eventually, but there's only so much I can say without sounding like a broken record. I've also tried to help him find jobs (he does freelance website design, so I've gotten him a few clients) but once again, there's only so much that I can do. He's down a lot and I feel down when I can't cheer him up. What can I do?

— Cheering Him Up Chelsea

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Do Tell: What Would You Save If Your House Was on Fire?

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

It's scary how many wildfires we seem to have in California these days. The tragedies always make me think about how awful it would be to go through a fire, and I start to ponder the hypothetical question of what I would save if my house were burning.

My mom often said that if she could only save one thing, it would be our family photos — though that's not as relevant today in the age of digital photography. Has your home ever caught fire? If so, you probably went the safe route and saved yourself before your stuff. But if your house were burning and you could only save one thing, what would it be?

Source

Dear Poll: Do You Ever Cry For No Reason?

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

The other day my friend told me that during her fitness class, she suddenly and without cause just burst into tears, forcing her to leave early, and obviously making her feel very embarrassed. When I asked her what had happened, she said she didn’t know. She wasn’t dealing with PMS, but it was as if at that moment she just couldn't hold in the tears. I know I’ve had spontaneous crying fits. What about you?Source

Dear Poll: Do You Ever Cry For No Reason?

Yes, it actually happens fairly often.

I might do it every once and a while, but not often.

No. If I’m crying, I know why.

Other — Please share.

Where Do You Stand? Telling Your Ex What He Did Wrong

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Even if ending a relationship is a relief, leaving a person or being left by someone can come with feelings of sadness and longing, which is probably why so many couples hook up after they’ve broken up. But there is a flipside to this: some people aren’t ready to let go of their bad feelings.

A friend of mine, in post-breakup mode, says every day is a battle not to call her ex. But not because she misses him and wants to reconnect, but because she wants to finally let him have it. She’s angry and ready to tell him exactly why. I think her feelings are natural, and though I understand her desire, I don’t think it’s a good idea. But what do you think? Where do you stand when it comes to offering your ex some brutal honesty in an effort to make yourself feel better?

Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Been Heartbroken?

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

If falling in love makes people deliriously happy, then getting your heart broken is emotionally shattering. And while there may be a lesson to be learned, truthfully I can’t really think of anything good about a broken heart. But alas, it is a part of life. So, have you ever had your heart broken? Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Been Heartbroken?

Yes. It was horrible, but I made it through.

Yeah, I’m trying to mend a broken heart right now.

No, I’ve had breakups, but never a broken heart.

Other — Please share

The How-To Lounge: Picking Yourself Up From Rock Bottom

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

This past weekend I asked you all to share a moment in your life when you felt as if you'd hit rock bottom. There were some amazing stories, and it was so inspiring to hear how some of you had made it through all the stronger. But I also feel for those of you in the midst of a low point right now, so I want to take this opportunity to share some of my advice for how to cope with such a difficult time. If this is something you're struggling with right now, check out my tips when you

Do Tell: Have You Ever Hit Rock Bottom?

DearSugar — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

I often hear people refer to “hitting rock bottom” as the impetus they needed to pull themselves back up to the top again. But since we all come from different backgrounds and deal with our own set of struggles, the notion of rock bottom differs for everyone. And even though being in that dark place is never fun, often the changes that come out of it help shape the direction of life for the better. I know I’ve battled personal demons before, what about you? Do tell: When was your all-time low?

Source

You Asked: He's Completely Cutting Me Off

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am currently dating my daughter's father. We had a lot of new-couple issues at first, but just as soon as I was sure we had worked through the kinks, I found out that he is going to move overseas for a year. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him before he left, but it seems like he doesn't have the same desire. He says that he is trying to mentally prepare himself to leave so he is breaking away now to avoid being homesick later. I don't know how to take it. He leaves in a couple of days and we haven't talked or seen each other in about a week. Help!

— Left Behind Leslie

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Relationship Protocol: How Do You Cheer Each Other Up?

DearSugar — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

When you’re in a relationship, one person’s mood undoubtedly affects the other’s. If you’re angry, he’s going to be worried until he knows what’s wrong, and if he’s sad, you’re going to be concerned until he starts to perk up. But while being in a relationship does make moods interdependent, it also gives you an automatic cheer-up buddy — the person who will pull out all the stops to get you smiling again. Ladies, when you’re down and out, what does your man do to get you up and feeling like yourself again? And do you have any tricks to make him happy?

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