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Halloween Theory: Ghosts, Goblins, and Breakups?

DearSugar — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

A bunch of my girl friends have this theory about Halloween. According to them, if you've been dating someone but aren't sure whether you want to be with them or even if it's going anywhere, then Halloween marks a pivotal time. You either have to cut it off right now or you'll be stuck with them through the entirety of Winter. Admittedly it's a generalization and more directed at people who haven't officially committed yet, but I do think there’s some truth to the idea that people like to avoid a breakup during the holidays. So let’s hear it ladies: Are my girlfriends crazy or does the idea of being trapped until after the New Year ring true to you too?

Source

12 Steps to Falling in Love

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

For some, being single and dating is a lot of fun, but for others, being single can be frustrating, lonely, and just plain exhausting. I think both have their pros and cons, but if you've been feeling unlucky in love, Rabbi Shmuley's (of Oprah fame) 12 steps to falling in love might be of some help.

Admit you can't fall in love: Since many people couple up to avoid loneliness, Shmuley feels that admitting the reason why you want to fall in love will help gain realistic expectations.
Get help: Opening up about wanting to, but having a difficult time finding love will help alleviate some of the pressure and burden.
Heal the love wounds: Make amends with former lovers you may have hurt in the past. Accepting responsibility for your actions will help you fall in love again in the future.
Take your love pulse: Really ask yourself how loving you are. Shmuley feels that you cannot love specifically if you don't also love generally.

If you want to hear his eight other suggestions,

You Asked: Should I Wait For Him?

DearSugar — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of a year and a half — I'm 23, and he's 21 — told me that he wants to break up because he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. But he also says that he wants to be good friends. We met at work, so we see each other all the time. He calls me every day and invites me to hang out with him. He told me that we might get back together, but for now he just wants to have fun and not handle the responsibilities of a relationship. He claims he's not completely over me, but I just can't read his signals. I want to wait for him, but I'm scared that I might end up waiting forever. Do you think he's over me? Should I wait for him?

— Longing Lacey

To see DearSugar's answer,

You Asked: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

DearSugar — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over four years. We've made it through a lot of obstacles together, and I love him dearly. We recently hit a plateau and have broken up several times in the last few months. It's been a rocky road lately, and I go back and forth daily about whether or not to stay. He is a great guy and treats me like a princess, but it seems lately like our entire relationship is an uphill battle that we aren't winning.

For a very long time, I mentioned to him that things needed to change and he ignored it. Then we took a break and suddenly he's changed, but at this point it almost feels like too little to late. I used to have a huge sex drive and always wanted him to touch me and kiss me but now, it's the exact opposite. Is this relationship salvageable? Is there anything I can do to fix this?

— On the Fence Olivia

To see DearSugar's answer,

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Written a Dear John Letter?

DearSugar — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700

A "Dear John" letter is the quintessential breakup tool if you can’t bear to say goodbye to someone’s face, or at least it used to be back when people wrote letters. With so many outlets for communication these days, if you’re going to back out of the direct breakup, it might just be easier to get him on the phone. But letters and well-written emails can actually be a great way to say what you really want to say to someone. So I wonder, have you ever written a letter to end a relationship? Source

Dear Poll: Have You Ever Written a Dear John Letter?

Um, definitely not. I would only break up with someone in person.

No. Who writes letters anymore?

I’ve done this in email format.

Yes, I have. And it was actually very cleansing.

Other — Please Share!

You Asked: Should I Try to Fall in Love With Him Again?

DearSugar — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my current boyfriend for about four years. We have lived together for three, and until recently things have been great. He works full time and goes to school full time. He has always had about a month-long period before Summer break where he is completely stressed out. In the past, he would tell me he needs his space during that time because he is grouchy and irritable. Over the last few months, he has been this way again, but he won't discuss it with me — he has basically shut me out. I have made multiple attempts to tell him I don't feel loved or "in love" anymore but nothing changes.

I have basically moved on and started to do my own thing. I am going out with friends and having a great time. Now that he is out of school for the Summer, he wants things to be back to normal. He realizes that he may be losing me, and he's scared. He has done a complete turnaround and it bothers me. I'm not holding a grudge, but I can't let his behavior go. I feel like something is missing from our relationship, and I have been meeting new people and seeing a lot of other possibilities out there. Should I stick it out and try to "fall in love" with him again or just move on? I want to remain his best friend as he's mine but I'm not happy.

— Sparkless Skylar

To see DearSugar's answer,

True Confession — I Moved on in Record Speed

DearSugar — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession."I got dumped by my fiancé a week ago. I thought he was off 'thinking' about our relationship and I held out hope that it wasn't over. But then I saw his dating profiles were updated and I realized that he'd moved on. That cleared the wool from my eyes, and only a few hours later, I hooked up with a previous friend with benefits. Man — sweaty sex is the best therapy ever! Can I be forgiven for moving on so quickly?"Source

True Confession — I Moved on in Record Speed

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided

You Asked: Why Do I Keep Giving In?

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating this guy on and off since January. One day everything seems great and all is well and then we won't speak for a week or so. He will randomly text me or call me on the rare occasion, and after putting up with it for a while, I told myself I was done with his cat-and-mouse game. He never seems to make the effort and I'm tired of having to pick up the loose pieces. I brush it off time and again, but deep down I know that I want more than what he is willing to give me so instead of ignoring his calls and messages, I reply. I deleted his number, and a week later put it back into my phone. He has made it blatantly clear that he "likes me a lot," but he's not ready for a relationship.

It seems that no matter how hard I try to push him out of my life, there's just something there that makes me give into his will. I am a fairly strong person and can stand on my own two feet, but something about this guy makes me weak. How do I either, a.) shut him out of my life and move on or b.) keep going with my routine, and convince him to be with me? — Pushed Over Ollie

To see DearSugar's answer

Where Do You Stand: Sleeping With an Ex

DearSugar — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:00:00 -0700

I think we all know by now that just because you’ve broken up with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve moved on. In fact, even after a breakup, a relationship between two people can continue for months or even years.

While opinions differ on whether or not taking time apart is prolonging the inevitable or actually productive, I wonder what people think about continuing a physical relationship with an ex. Although sometimes it’s just harmless fun, most of the time it seems like a way of investing more emotions into a dying a relationship. It’s better than sleeping around, but is it a smart choice when it comes to letting go? Ladies, as far as sleeping with an ex goes, where do you stand?

Source

Things You Forget During a Breakup

DearSugar — Wed, 21 May 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Breaking up is like being forced to climb onto an emotional rollercoaster that goes way too fast and lasts far too long. In the midst of all those competing emotions, it’s easy to find yourself obsessing over it. I have a few reminders about those things that might slip your mind in the wake of a difficult breakup. To see them,