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The How-To Lounge: Avoiding Lines

DearSugar — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700

If you’re anything like me, then the idea of standing in a line for longer than a minute or two makes you want to go home and crawl under the covers. I’m exaggerating a bit, but you know what I mean — lines can really dampen a mood! If you feel the same way, see my tips for dealing with the dreaded line and

You Asked: He's Sending Mixed Signals

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me about a month ago. Before the breakup things were great; we were having a wonderful Summer. We talked of being together forever and we were so in love, but he had other things going on in his life. He didn't get into the school he wanted and is now taking a year off to work. It's a hard issue for him; I think he feels like a failure. But when he's home, all he does is play video games and he only works three days a week.

I do love him and he's very important to me, but it seems like he ended things just so he could avoid commitment. He said he doesn't love me the same way anymore but wants to remain friends, although his behavior has shown nothing like that. Recently I decided to stop contact with him, and I noticed that his phone calls started coming in more frequently. When we do see each other, which is rare, he tries to flirt with me. I'm sick of him calling me all the time and acting as if we're together when we're not. I've tried to talk to him and set boundaries, but so far all he's done is try to surpass them. My question is what else can I do to get the point across? How can I help him realize that he needs to be more responsible? How can I communicate these things and ultimately help him find his way?

— Over It Ilea

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Where Do You Stand? Saying "I Told You So"

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 15:00:00 -0700

When it comes to dispensing advice to our loved ones, it’s difficult to know when it's worth it. And if you do decide to speak up against a bad decision only to be ignored, it can be incredibly frustrating to watch as what you predicted would happen does. If I end up in that situation, my first reaction is to dispense the requisite “I told you so.” However, time and experience has taught me that “I told you so” does little good. Either your friend still won’t get it, or they'll already be beating themselves up enough. So, since I’m sure we’ve all been on the receiving end at one time or another, where do you stand when it comes to dishing out “I told you so's"? Do you avoid it or do think it’s something someone else should hear?

Source

Handle This: Your Friend Surpasses You

DearSugar — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

A few months ago, you and a girlfriend decided to finally lose some weight that you've both been complaining about. Since you were both looking to lose pounds within the same range and starting at the same physical activity level, doing it together seems like a great idea.

But now she’s completely surpassed you weight-loss wise, and she's looking amazing. She remains a diligent and motivating partner, but the problem is that every time you guys work out or go to dinner together, you just end up wondering what’s wrong with you. You’re starting to feel more and more jealous and down on yourself so how do you handle this?

Source

Do Tell: Do You Talk About Your Co-Workers to Other Friends at Work?

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Even if you don't spend time with your work buddies outside of the office, you've probably made some pretty good "work friends" — you know those people you can vent to, share exciting news with, and gossip. And when the going gets tough between nine and five, they are the only ones that can understand your frustration so it's no wonder we all rely so much on them. And I know it's not the most PC thing to do, but it's pretty common to vent about other people in the office to those trusted confidants. I'll admit that I do it on occasion so do tell, do you talk about other co-workers, even your boss, to your friends at work? Don't worry, I won't tattle on you!

Source

This or That: His Mom's a Diva or a Control Freak?

DearSugar — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 12:00:00 -0700

You knew your fiancé’s mom had issues, but since you’ve started wedding planning, you’ve really been able to see her true colors. Now you’re in direct contact with her multiple times a week without your fiancé as a buffer. Would it be worse if . . .This: She somehow manages to make every aspect of planning about her? You’ve spent more time helping her find a dress than focusing on your own wedding gown! When you call her out on it, she only gets more outlandish. Or . . . That: She’s completely taken over all of the planning? You feel like you don't have a say in your own wedding and when you try to make a suggestion, she tells you that she's already taken care of it.Source

This or That: His Mom's a Diva or a Control Freak?

This — It’s all about her.

That — It’s about you, but only as long as she approves it.

You Asked: I've Never Had an Orgasm

DearSugar — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've never had an orgasm. Not with another person or on my own. All the advice I find just tells me to relax and spend some time alone getting to know myself. And I've been trying that all these years with no luck. I am frustrated beyond belief! I get so stressed out about it that I often end up in tears. I know stress can be a factor, but knowing that doesn't help. I've discussed it with my various boyfriends over the years, and they have felt bad about it, but have no better ideas than me. I've read that some women go their entire lives without ever experiencing one. I don't want to be one of those women. Please help!

— Feeling Awful About Orgasms Alice

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You Asked: My Mother Won't Help Me

DearSugar — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My parents are divorced and I've lived in my mother's house for most of my life. I'm currently a student at a very prestigious college. My mom has never fulfilled her responsibilities as a mother. Throughout childhood, I was barely fed and lacked balanced nutrition. My meals were always frozen dinners that my mother bought in wholesale. I've had to work since I was 14 years old so I could pay for my academic competition fees, my own computer, and a lot of my personal expenses. Since my earnings were usually in cash, my mother would "borrow" from me but never pay it back.

I have worked very hard to get where I am, but right now I am struggling to pay for college while my mother lives a lavish lifestyle beyond her means. In the three times that my mother has ever needed to fill out my financial aid applications, she has been four months past due, costing me thousands of dollars that she doesn't contribute to. I paid my first year of college on my own. When I asked my mother to help me with my second year, she acted surprised that I even needed to pay for college at all.

She cries to me that she lives from paycheck to paycheck, but I've seen her collection of expensive perfume and designer sunglasses, and the entire basement piled with her clothes. My father is barely employed with a low salary. I feel terrible asking him for anything. He lives well below his means in order to pay child support and his bills. I'm working overtime, but I'm running out of ideas as the tuition payment deadline approaches. Do you have any advice on how to persuade my mother to help me?

— Dead Broke Brooke

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You Asked: He's Too Sarcastic

DearSugar — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating a great guy for five years now, but often I am annoyed by his sarcastic, hostile, and almost snobbish attitude. Sometimes it just seems like he can't be nice or get along with anyone — he's even mean to his friends. I love him very much, and he says that he loves me, too, but I'm not sure I can handle this anymore. We've been through so much together, but lately things are getting too hard.

My family doesn't trust him, and ever since I got into a spat with his brother whom he lives with, conversations with his family have been very strained. I feel uncomfortable when I'm at his parents' house, and I can tell they now have some animosity towards me. I've tried talking to my boyfriend about all of these issues, but he doesn't like to discuss them so instead he ignores me, and they get worse. In fact, he can't have a real adult conversation without getting angry and being childish. Am I just completely stuck? What do I do?

— Sick of His Attitude Alice

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The How-To Lounge: Making It Through Something You Just Don't Want to Do

DearSugar — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Part of being an adult is doing things you just don’t want to do, so I’m sure most of you have tolerated an occasion that you would have given anything to avoid. Since I’m sure you all have silent suffering down pat, I have a few suggestions for making it through a dreaded event without the agony. Check them out, and