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You Asked: I Can't Trust Him

DearSugar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for about six years now, five of which have been spent living together. For the past year, we have been staying in different cities due to work, although we'll be getting married in a couple of months. He really loves me, and we have never had any problems regarding another woman previously; however, when I went to visit him recently, I found out he was lying to me about a girl. I found two ticket stubs for two movies that he said he'd gone to by himself. When I pressed he confessed that he'd taken a girl from his office. He lied because he didn't want to hurt me or have me overreact, since they're just friends.

As it turns out she no longer works with him. But I asked him to introduce me to her, since they were friends. He wouldn't so I asked him to cut ties with her because it was causing me anxiety. Now he says he's not in touch with her anymore, and still loves me very much. However, since I'm in a different city, I can't be sure. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but concerns like this coming up right before our wedding really worry me. What do I do? Should I be worried?

— Mistrustful Melissa

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Is It Possible to Truly Forgive?

DearSugar — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

If you tuned into The Hills last night, you saw Heidi's sheepish attempt to make amends with Lauren. And even though Lauren has admitted to missing her ex BFF, it didn't seem like becoming friends again was high on her priority list, especially if Spencer remains in the picture. Since their relationship has been on the rocks — to say the least — for the past two years, Heidi got to fear that too much damage has been done to reconcile. Forgiveness is a personal choice and one that is often incredibly difficult, but tell me if you've been badly hurt by someone you once truly cared for. Is real forgiveness possible, or is the damage caused irreversible?

Photo courtesy of MTV

You Asked: Should I Forgive My Ex?

DearSugar — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am a man looking for the advice of women since my male friends aren't sensitive enough to comprehend what I'm going through. I had been going out with this girl on and off for four and a half years. I truly loved her and she was my best friend. We were happy and we shared some of the best times of our lives. But a few months back, while I was on and she was off, she stopped talking to me all together. I tried desperately to get a hold of her but she never called or emailed me back.

Finally she came around again and asked for some space. At first, I refused because I was scared of losing her again but I eventually respected her wishes and let her be on her own but we never called it quits officially; the relationship was simply put on hold. Not long after, I discovered that she had been seeing this other guy during her "time alone." When I confronted her about this, she said she only wanted to be my friend and lied about her new guy so that I would stay friends with her. Feeling betrayed and led on, I told her that she was out of my life for good and that I could never be friends with someone who would break my heart so easily.

Two weeks later I'm still in agony over losing a girl I considered to be my soul mate. I need help deciding whether or not I should try to forgive her and talk things through with her. Could we ever be friends again (maybe more)? Or should I wipe the slate clean and forget about her completely?

— Broken-Hearted Brandon

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Sunday Confessional: He Walked Out of My Life, Now He Wants Back In

DearSugar — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

I'm 29 years old and got out of a long-term relationship about eight months ago. My boyfriend and I had been together for three years and were planning on moving in together and getting engaged within the year. We had a very happy relationship, and I believed we were very much in love. Then out of the blue, he told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore. I was completely shocked, and told him that he was just feeling stressed out with the move and work, but that things would calm down soon. He insisted that he didn't think he loved me like I loved him, and then he just left. When I tried to call, he didn't answer, until finally I received an email from him saying he needed space and that I should stop contacting him. To say I was brokenhearted would be an understatement. Since then I have done the best I can to move on. Although I haven't started seriously seeing anyone, in the past couple of months I've actually flirted with guys and have started to feel like my old self. But a week ago my ex showed up. Desperate for closure, I agreed to meet with him. I expected a simple apology, but instead he begged for me to work things out with him. Apparently he had spent the last few months soul-searching and realized that he truly does want to be with me for the rest of his life. I still love him, and there's part of me that still wants to be with him, but I'm also unbelievably angry and I don't know what to do. Should I try to forgive him for breaking my heart and make this work? Source

Sunday Confessional: He Walked Out of My Life, Now He Wants Back In

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided — Please explain!

Sunday Confessional: I Was a Bad Friend, but I'm Ready to Make Amends

DearSugar — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 09:00:00 -0700

A few years ago, I started a relationship with a very controlling and emotionally abusive man. Obviously this wasn't clear to me at the time, I just knew that I felt happy for the first time in what seemed like ages, and I truly believed that we were in love. My group of friends had immediate reservations about him — they saw something that I couldn't — and my feelings were hurt that they weren't being more supportive. In less than six months time, my entire world had started to revolve around him. He had begun to effectively convince me to cut off all ties with my friends. I stopped returning phone calls and socializing in any way; I still have heartbreaking emails from my friends begging me to call them. By the time I woke up and realized what was going on, I was too ashamed to call them and ask for help. It took me nearly a year and half to pull myself from that terrible relationship. After a lot of soul-searching, I've come to realize many of my flaws, and I'm ready to start over. My friends are everything to me and I know that it shouldn't have taken all of this for me to see that, but it did. Unfortunately, they want nothing to do with me. Most of them won't talk to me, and those who do are generally angry and full of resentment. I missed a lot of important things that happened to them, and I wasn't there for them when they needed me, but I'm ready to be there now. Is there any way that I can be forgiven for cutting them out of my life? Source

Sunday Confessional: I Was a Bad Friend, but I'm Ready to Make Amends

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided

Dear Quiz: Are You Forgiving?

DearSugar — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Forgiving someone is no small feat. Sometimes it takes real determination and sacrifice and other times, forgiveness just isn't in the cards. While I like to think everyone deserves a second chance, sometimes that's easier said than done. So how forgiving are you? Take this quiz and find out!

Source

Dear's Advice on Atonement

DearSugar — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Atonement, one of the Best Picture nominees for the 2008 Oscars, is wrought with wrongdoings and drama. In this specific incident, a chain reaction of events actually seems to echo a universal problem that I'm sure we've all dealt with in one way or another — if a message that's never meant to be seen ends up in the wrong hands, trouble always arises. Check out the clip below, and then share your own experiences.

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You Asked: Should I Forgive and Forget?

DearSugar — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 06:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

A little over two years ago, when my father was in the hospital, my older sister and I had a horrible fight. Nasty words were exchanged and our argument even turned somewhat physical. I haven't seen or spoken to her since — she has always been a little on the hateful side. This fight has been eating at me and I was thinking about writing a letter to tell her I have forgiven her and to apologize for my part. I have never in my 49 years had a confrontation like this and I don't know if this will stir the pot more. What do you think? — Ready to Forgive Regan

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Do Tell: For What Do You Want To Be Forgiven?

DearSugar — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 07:00:00 -0700

No one is perfect despite how hard you try to be. Pushing the envelope and testing people's boundaries can be thrilling and dangerous at the same time, so ladies, even if you don't typically confess all your sins, do tell, what is the biggest thing you have ever gotten away with so far? Don't worry, your secrets are safe with me!

Source

Sunday Confessional: I Slept With My Ex's Brother!

DearSugar — Sun, 02 Sep 2007 09:00:00 -0700

I have a concern that's been really bothering me. I was going out with this guy for 3 years. He broke up with me about a month ago, and I was pretty heartbroken (obviously), and I still care for him deeply.A few nights ago, I saw his older brother out at a party. We ended up talking the entire night and getting along really well. He walked me out to my car, and he ended up telling me that he had a huge crush on me, but he could never tell me before because I was dating his brother. Now that his bro broke up with me, he felt he didn't have to hide his feelings anymore.It was a surprise, but a pleasant one for sure since I was feeling lonely and I kind of liked him too. We ended up kissing, and long story short, he spent the night (and yes, we slept together). In the morning, we promised not to tell anyone, to keep it our little secret.Well, to make matters more complex, last night my ex called me, going on and on about how he made a huge mistake, how he's still in love with me, and how he feels awful for breaking up with me. He wants to get back together.What should I do? I still love him and want to get back together, but I fear I will be haunted by this little secret forever. I feel like I should be honest about what happened. Do you think he could ever forgive me for sleeping with his brother?Source

Sunday Confessional: I Slept With My Ex's Brother!

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided