DearSugar -- Just ask.

Handle This: She’s Cheap, But Rich

DearSugar — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Though you have quite a few thrifty friends who you’re always more than happy to oblige by grabbing deli sandwiches over a dinner out, or a long walk instead of a trip to the movie theater, one friend in particular is notoriously stingy with her dollars. She constantly complains about being broke. In fact, half the time you end up paying the way for both of you and don’t see a dime in return.

When using her computer, you get a brief glimpse of her bank statement open on her screen. In her checking account alone she has three times as much money as you do. You’re totally shocked and can’t help but feel taken advantage of — she's been lying to you. Money is always awkward, so how would you handle this?

Source

Mommy Dearest: Footing the Bill For Friends?

lilsugar — Mon, 05 May 2008 09:00:35 -0700

Mommy Dearest,

Our six-year-old son loves to play with a little girl his age in our neighborhood. Since both of her parents work, the children usually hang out at our house and she regularly goes on outings with us.

She's a well behaved, lovely girl so my husband and I are happy to have her join in on our family fun.

But as time passes, we realize it's an additional expense to keep paying her way. Her parents always thank us, but never send her with any money. Is there an appropriate way to ask?

— Bank of Mom

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You Asked: Why Won't He Move in With Me?

DearSugar — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for just over two years now and we live just a few blocks away from each other. I live with my 5-year-old daughter, and he lives with his younger brother. My daughter adores him, and he just loves her. Last year I asked him to move in with us but he said he wasn't ready. This year I have asked him three times, and he still says that he's still not ready. I have to move out of my apartment due to financial issues — I can only stay if I get a co-signer. I've explained the situation to him, and that I need him to move in with me, but he still won't budge.

I told him that I need him to show me that we are moving forward in our relationship, but still nothing has changed. In fact, I do everything for him. He's at my house five days a week, which is why I don't understand why he won't take this next step. Part of me thinks that he's just not willing to commit to me and that I should move on, but my other half just loves him so much and knows what a good person he is. What should I do?

— Move in Confusion Cara

To see DearSugar's answer

This or That: Tiny Pad or Parents' Place?

DearSugar — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 16:00:00 -0700

Financially speaking, times are tough for you and your fiancé. He was recently laid off and your job doesn’t pay well to begin with. Unfortunately, he’s been having a difficult time getting a new job, and now that your lease is up, you guys need to downgrade in order to make ends meet. Your apartment hunt has hit a few snags, but you desperately need to get out of your current place before drowning in credit card debt. Would it be worse if . . .This: You get stuck with the only affordable apartment around, which is a 200-ft. studio that doesn’t even have a closet? The neighborhood is nice, but still, you'll literally be stepping all over each other. Or…That: You end up back in his old bedroom at his parents' house, who only asks that you’re home for dinner every night, and breakfast on Sunday mornings? It's spacious and cheap, but they're completely demanding!Source

This or That: Tiny Pad or Parents' Place?

This — You'll have privacy from others, but not from each other.

That — The rent's cheap, but his parents constant interaction is a high price to pay.

You Asked: He Won't Help With the Bills

DearSugar — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 17:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My live-in boyfriend is helpful around the house, the sweetest person on earth, and I love him so much, but he has never contributed to our household bills — it's my house. I think he has paid one phone bill and one utility bill in three and a half years. It's very uncomfortable for me and I'm starting to feel resentful. We have no communication about this, except him telling me things will get better, only after I start to complain. He even owes me money that I loaned him a few months ago. I feel like I've hit the point where I have to tell him to move. I love him but I don't know what to do. Any advice?

— He's Bleeding Me Dry Bevin

To see Dear Sugar's answer

After You're Married, Do You Join Your Money?

DearSugar — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 16:00:00 -0800

When you get married, it can feel so amazing to be in love and start your two-person family; but, it can also bring up a lot of questions, especially about money. In my parents' generation, it was just assumed that your finances would be combined, but things are a little different now. Since so many relationships are, unfortunately, ending in divorce, people want to have separate accounts (and sometimes sign a prenup) so they're protected — just in case. Another, more positive, reason that people aren't joining accounts is because women have a more equal role when it comes to salaries, so they aren't as reliant on their husbands income.

So what do you think? After you say "I do," do you feel comfortable pooling all your money together, with the idea that "What's mine is yours, and what's yours is mine?" Or do you think it's best to keep separate bank accounts?

Source

Money and Relationships

DearSugar — Thu, 02 Aug 2007 11:18:46 -0700

Meeting someone and becoming a couple is a wonderful feeling. You begin sharing your time together and your love for each other, and as your relationship grows closer, you may move in together, which means sharing expenses.

Sure, it's nice when a guy asks you out on a date and offers to pay for dinner, but when it comes to being in a committed relationship, I'm a firm believer in sharing all the costs. While every couple is different, I don't think one person should be in charge of bringing home the bacon while the other one slacks at home.

So how can you make dealing with money as fair and painless as possible? Here are some tips:

No one said you had to merge all your money. And I hate to say it, but in this day and age, with so much divorce, that's just not a smart idea. But you could open a joint checking or savings accounts to pay for joint expenses such as rent, mortgage, groceries, electricity, etc. If one of you makes more money than the other, you may want to split the bills accordingly. So instead of spitting the bills 50/50, you may split them 60/40. As long as you are in agreement about your plan, that's all that matters
If you decide to go this route, you should use your personal bank account to pay for things that are solely for you like clothes, gym memberships, hair and nail appointments, gifts, etc.

Want to hear the rest? Then

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Fibbing About Money

DearSugar — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 14:30:00 -0700

I just listened to an NPR piece about money and marriage, and the ways in which couples either lie or omit details about how they spend and what they spend it on. Even when couples set aside separate funds for personal spending, it seems many people still feel defensive or uncomfortable about how they choose to use those funds. What do you think? Is it okay to tell little white lies or medium-sized white lies about how you spend your money? Do you? Is it a good idea or a bad idea in your book?Source

Good Idea or Bad Idea: Fibbing About Money

Good Idea: No reason to make a mountain out of a molehill

Bad Idea: Dishonesty always causes problems

See my comment below