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You Asked: Does He Just Want a Friendship?

DearSugar — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I met this guy in college and developed a major crush on him, but nothing ever happened. After graduating we kept in contact via email, then after a couple months, we met for coffee. We got to talking and he told me that he's been attracted to me for some time now, but informed me that he was in a relationship with someone else. He said he needed to figure things out on his end before getting me involved. I let him know that I too am attracted to him, and that I still wanted to maintain our friendship.

He emailed me about a week later and suggested we meet up again — I agreed. This time we went to a cafe in the evening and talked for several hours. I know he is with another girl so I wanted to be respectful, but the whole time we were together I was thinking about how much I like him. When we left the cafe, he told me he wanted to do it again sometime, but what does all this mean? Does he just want to be friends? Is he keeping me around just in case he and his girlfriend break up? Am I setting myself up? Please help! — Unclear Claire

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You Asked: Where Did This Hatred Come From?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I dated this guy for about six months and we mutually decided to break things off. Before dating, we were amazing friends; we hung out all the time and have always been in the same circle of friends. We agreed to remain good friends after ending it because neither of us wanted to lose the friendship. However, my continuing to hang out in our circle upset him to the point where he deleted/blocked me from MSN, removed pictures of me from his Facebook page, and wrote me an extremely rude email telling me that he no longer wanted to see me. Since receiving his harsh note, I have respected his wishes and we haven't talked or seen each other in two months.

Just today he removed me from his friend status on Facebook without any provocation. Naturally I'm upset by all of this and confused as to what his motives were. Does he hate me? — Aggravated Ashley

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You Asked: How Can I Stop Being Used?

DearSugar — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My last relationship was pretty hot and heavy, and when it ended over six months ago, it was because of his personal reasons — he said he needed more time to concentrate on his career — not because our feelings for each other had changed in any way. We remain friends but every time we have hung out, we have hooked up. All my friends tell me he is a jerk and that he's just using me, but when I'm with him it's like all the bad things he's ever done just disappear. I really want to stop hooking up with him so I can finally move on, but I'm not sure how to do that. Do you have any advice? — Being Used Brenda

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You Asked: Should I Take My Ex Back As My Best Friend?

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me. It was completely out of the blue and I still can't understand why he did it. He gave me 20 different contradicting reasons, but the main point is that he doesn't want to be with me anymore; and it hurts a lot. He had planned out the rest of our lives right down to when we'd get married, what church, when we'd have kids and what town we'd live in.

We had been best friends for over two years before we got together but we always had this awesome connection. I was very excited when he asked me out, although I was concerned that I could lose his friendship if we ever broke up. I took the chance but now that we're done, he wants to go back to being just friends. I'm not sure if I'm able to do that. My friendship feelings for him are all wrapped up in the romantic ones. We are in the exact same circle of friends and they all think I should give it a try. Half the time I miss my best friend, but the other half hates him for breaking my heart. What should I do? — Crushed Cathy

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Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad

DearSugar — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

A good friend of mine recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend of three years. Though it was her decision to end things, it was still a difficult choice to make; she still really cares about him. All her friends have been there for her and she's done a great job moving on. In an effort to put the past behind her, she wanted to make a change, so she committed the cardinal breakup sin of changing her look. She'd always had long, dark, beautiful chestnut hair and without consulting any of us, she went to the salon, cut it short, and dyed it blond!She invited me over to come see her new locks and I was speechless — she looked like a completely different person! I could tell that she loved it and I could see a new sense of confidence in her face, but I absolutely hated it. In my opinion, she looked 10 times better before. When she asked my "honest opinion," I gave it to her. I told her it wasn't my favorite look on her. She got incredibly upset, told me I was an unsupportive friend, and asked me to leave her house. Now I'm feeling horrible for hurting my friend's feelings, but I didn't know what to do; she asked me to be honest! I've called her, written her emails, and sent text messages apologizing, but she won't return any of my efforts. I know I should have just lied under the circumstances, but can I be forgiven for speaking the truth?Source

Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided

Do Tell: Do You Swear Off Men After Breakups?

DearSugar — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:30:00 -0800

If you didn't already hear, Simon Cowell and long-time girlfriend Teri Seymour have called it quits, but according to People, he's not looking for love again anytime soon. He claimed to have sworn off women and his statement got me thinking.

We all handle breakups differently: some hibernate and regroup while others paint the town red or jump into another relationship. No one way is better than the other so tell me, do you tend to swear off men after a breakup like Simon is doing with women?

Source

Halloween Theory: Ghosts, Goblins, and Breakups?

DearSugar — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

A bunch of my girl friends have this theory about Halloween. According to them, if you've been dating someone but aren't sure whether you want to be with them or even if it's going anywhere, then Halloween marks a pivotal time. You either have to cut it off right now or you'll be stuck with them through the entirety of Winter. Admittedly it's a generalization and more directed at people who haven't officially committed yet, but I do think there’s some truth to the idea that people like to avoid a breakup during the holidays. So let’s hear it ladies: Are my girlfriends crazy or does the idea of being trapped until after the New Year ring true to you too?

Source

You Asked: How Do I Get Over Our Breakup?

DearSugar — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Recently I read the post about telling your ex what he did wrong. My ex and I broke up a year ago. I have dated other people, but I am finding it very difficult to get over this relationship. This was the first time I really opened up my heart; I had seen a future with this person. We broke up with little closure on my end. He just shut me out of his life and ended our relationship. I feel like it's unfair that I did not have a say in our breakup. I never got the chance to voice my feelings and understand why things had to end. I thought that with time I would feel better and things would naturally resolve, but now that a significant amount of time has passed, I am losing hope. For obvious reasons, I cannot contact this person and get things off my chest. How can I find closure for myself?

— Holding on Holly

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You Asked: Can My Ex Forgive Me?

DearSugar — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 12:20:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I dated for three years, and were fairly serious. We had a future mapped out and were practically planning our engagement. However, during those three years there were some major personality clashes I just couldn't ignore. For instance, anytime he pointed out one of my flaws, I'd apologize or try to work on it. Anytime I tried to point out something I didn't like or something that I thought he should work on, he'd say, "If you don't like it, you can leave."

I did finally break up with him, though we're still good friends. But there's one issue that lingered with me after ending things. About three or four times a year he'd get a random message from a girl on MySpace. He has the kind of job that allowed him to just sit there and email her all day. He even met one of the girls once; she came into his work unsolicited. (I explained to him that that's because she saw their frequent conversations as intimate.) And that's what he'd do at least six times an hour, for three or four months, until he got bored with them. He never understood why I was upset about that; it wasn't because he was talking to other girls or that he had "friends," it was the frequency. Every few minutes, every day, for two or three months at a time!

The other day I went with him to celebrate his birthday. One the way home he was texting a girl, as usual. But this time I lost it. I told him that that's exactly why we could never work — he never cared about how I felt or even acknowledged my feelings. I know I broke up with him, and I'm happy with where things are. But even as friends, to see him pulling the same kind of stuff is just so frustrating, and I guess I hit my limit. My question is, do you think I can be forgiven for my behavior? I don't want to be his psycho ex.

— Angry Ex Andrea

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Where Do You Stand? Telling Your Ex What He Did Wrong

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Even if ending a relationship is a relief, leaving a person or being left by someone can come with feelings of sadness and longing, which is probably why so many couples hook up after they’ve broken up. But there is a flipside to this: some people aren’t ready to let go of their bad feelings.

A friend of mine, in post-breakup mode, says every day is a battle not to call her ex. But not because she misses him and wants to reconnect, but because she wants to finally let him have it. She’s angry and ready to tell him exactly why. I think her feelings are natural, and though I understand her desire, I don’t think it’s a good idea. But what do you think? Where do you stand when it comes to offering your ex some brutal honesty in an effort to make yourself feel better?

Source