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You Asked: Do I Deserve His Lies?

DearSugar — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been married for over four years. Right before we were engaged he was living in another state. When he returned back home, he was very secretive. I snooped through his emails one day, and there were messages from another woman. There was nothing overtly sexual in them, though she did say something about how she's a better woman than me.

It didn't take me long to get over it, but whenever he was out of town for a long period of time, I always felt suspicious. One Summer we were apart for a month and he came home with inappropriate text messages. Things quickly blew up, and I found an email form my husband to another girl complaining about me. This was very hurtful, and again, my trust was broken.

We worked it out, and now three years later, I've been hurt again. My husband said he was going out to dinner with a male business partner, but it turns out it was with two women. He lied directly to my face! I realize I'm a jealous person, and I have definitely snooped, but if I didn't have this feeling in the back of my mind I wouldn't have. But did my jealousy and my snooping drive him to hide things? I don't know that he has ever physically cheated on me, but I feel that he has emotionally. I know he can be a great person, but do I really deserve this?

— Lied To Lacey

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You Asked: I Can't Trust Him

DearSugar — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for about six years now, five of which have been spent living together. For the past year, we have been staying in different cities due to work, although we'll be getting married in a couple of months. He really loves me, and we have never had any problems regarding another woman previously; however, when I went to visit him recently, I found out he was lying to me about a girl. I found two ticket stubs for two movies that he said he'd gone to by himself. When I pressed he confessed that he'd taken a girl from his office. He lied because he didn't want to hurt me or have me overreact, since they're just friends.

As it turns out she no longer works with him. But I asked him to introduce me to her, since they were friends. He wouldn't so I asked him to cut ties with her because it was causing me anxiety. Now he says he's not in touch with her anymore, and still loves me very much. However, since I'm in a different city, I can't be sure. Maybe I'm just paranoid, but concerns like this coming up right before our wedding really worry me. What do I do? Should I be worried?

— Mistrustful Melissa

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Have You Ever Dated Someone You Didn't Trust?

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

We've seen Audrina struggle in her relationship with Justin all season, but last night's episode of The Hills ended with her finally telling him the truth — that she doesn't trust him. Sure, she was topless and talking about future plans, but she said it nonetheless! You've heard me say that trust is one of the essentials when it comes to a healthy, long-lasting relationship time and time again, so I'm left confused as to why women date men they don't trust — it sounds like a tumultuous uphill battle to me.

Have you ever dated someone you didn't trust? If so, why did you stay in an uncertain relationship?

Photo courtesy of MTV

Dear Poll: Is Trust a Given or Is It Earned?

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700

While I completely understand what people mean when they say that trust must be earned, I’m also of the mindset that people should be given the benefit of the doubt. I would never tell you to confess your deepest, darkest secret to someone you barely know, but what’s so wrong in assuming the best in someone? Perhaps this is a naively optimistic view, so what do you think?Source

Dear Poll: Is Trust a Given or Is It Earned?

It’s a given; I rely on someone until they prove themselves untrustworthy.

Definitely earned. I need to know that they’re worthy of my trust.

I'm not sure.

Other — Please share.

True Confession — I Keep Their Secrets

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.

"I have some pretty strange friendships with the married men in my circle of friends. They tell me all about their affairs but I don't say anything to their wives. Am I as much at fault here?"Source

True Confession — I Keep Their Secrets

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided

You Asked: Am I Being Unreasonable or Is He Being a Baby?

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been working at my job for a while now, and my co-workers throw quite a few parties. I haven't gone to any, but there is an upcoming surprise party I want to attend. It's being thrown by a female co-worker for her brother, who also works with us. I told my boyfriend about it and asked if he wanted to come, but when I told him it was for a male co-worker, he got quiet and pouty and acted like I was asking for something unreasonable. I can understand if I told him I was going out with some guy friends and didn't ask him to come along, but this is a work party with a number of guys and girls, and I really wanted him to meet my co-workers. He claims that if the tables were turned, I would be upset too (which I don't think would be the case). I've never cheated on him or given him a reason to distrust me, so am I being unreasonable or is he being a baby? What can I do about it? — Irritated Irene

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This or That: Lied About His Marital Status or Education?

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Just when you thought there weren’t any great guys out there for you, you've gone and fallen in love. And after a few months, it’s still going great. But now that things are getting serious, your boyfriend sits you down and tells you there’s something he’s been lying about. Would it be worse if . . .This: He’s actually married? He and his wife are separated, but they have yet to actually go through the process of divorcing. Or . . .That: He never actually got that masters degree he always refers to, or even an undergraduate degree for that matter? He didn’t want you to think he was dumb, so he just decided to lie instead. Source

This or That: Lied About His Marital Status or Education?

This — Technically he’s actually a married man.

That — He inflated his education to impress.

DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Have Been More Honest?

DearSugar — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Holding Back Betsy need your help. She cheated on her boyfriend, but when she came clean, she wasn't 100 percent truthful in her story. She's still guilt-ridden, so should she broach the subject one more time and get everything off her chest, or should she just let it go?

Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend and I have been together for about two and a half years. We graduated college around the one-year mark and returned back to our hometowns (about 45 minutes from one another). We both started working and got consumed by our daily schedules. My boyfriend decided to go to med school, and at that point spent many days and nights as a resident in his local hospital. Needless to say, there was very little time for one another. I was training for my new job as well, and I met a guy. We became friends quickly. We went out a few times with other employees and there was definitely a lot of flirting going on between us. It never amounted to anything until one night, he invited me over after a few drinks. We laid in his bed, cuddled, and eventually we kissed. I freaked out and went home before it could lead to anything else. This guy was incredibly persistent and it actually came to a point where I quit my job.

After that night, I felt disgusted with myself. I felt consumed with guilt and thought it was necessary to come clean to my boyfriend, but I wasn't 100 percent honest with my story. I told him that we were out one night and he kissed me. I explained that I felt something was missing in our relationship which led to this event and that we needed to make our relationship more of a priority if we wanted to make it work. To make a long story short, we moved on from this and are still together. The problem is that every now and then, the images from that night will reappear in my head. I am always afraid that my boyfriend and I will run into him somewhere and I won't know what to do. I know that honesty is the best policy, but in an effort to avoid hurt feelings, I thought sparing the details of that night was important. Did I do the right thing, or should I open up this chapter once again and be even more honest? Should I have handled this differently? — Holding Back Betsy

Source

Whose Betrayal Is Worse?

DearSugar — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Like many of you, I saw The Women this weekend. While I was pretty disappointed with the movie overall, the film did bring up some interesting topics. Without giving too much away, all the characters come together to support Mary, played by Meg Ryan, whose high profile husband of 13 years cheats on her. Though they are all on her side, Mary's best friend Sylvie ends up selling her story to the press in order to save her job. When the source of the story is revealed, already broken Mary tells Sylvie that her betrayal was far worse than that of her cheating husband's. The deception from both is no doubt heart-breaking, but the notion of a best friend's bad faith stinging more than that of a significant other's really got me thinking. As someone that values friendship like family, I can completely sympathize with Mary's pain but ladies, tell me, do you think the betrayal of a friend hurts more than the betrayal of a lover?

Source

Do Tell: How Did You Meet Your Best Friend?

DearSugar — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

There's nothing like a best friend! The importance of having someone you can turn to and trust without a moment of hesitancy is infinitely important in this hectic world. But the friendship that you have with a best friend is more than just the day-to-day stuff, it’s also about the memories you create with one another along the way. So let’s take a trip down memory lane and share the story of how you met your best friend!

Source