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You Asked: I Have an Irrational Fear of Getting Pregnant

DearSugar — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I have a rather strange irrational fear. Even though I am on hormonal birth control, use condoms, and never miss a period, I continually fear that I'll somehow magically get pregnant. This fear is quite literally taking over my life, not to mention ruining my otherwise wonderful sex life with my fiancé. I desire sex with him daily, but my fear of getting pregnant is so salient that I either make an excuse to avoid it, or just fall asleep while he is making a pass at me — we end up only have sex twice a week. I have been this way ever since he and I began having sex seven years ago.

My fear comes and goes with varying degrees, but it seems that it is worse during times of high stress. Every twitch, every headache, and every gurgle in my stomach is interpreted to me as a pregnancy sign. I feel like I am so alone. I know that I'm being ridiculous, but I cannot get it out of my mind. I am almost willing to go as far as sterilization to ease this anxiety. Do you have any advice? — Freaking Out Fionna

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Is Celebrity Rehab Just Another Voyeuristic Reality Show?

DearSugar — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

One of my favorite shows is back for its second season tonight and I'm already gearing up for it! If you didn't catch season one of Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew, tonight's the night to get hooked. As a self-proclaimed reality TV junkie, I've seen a lot, but this show takes an incredibly serious look at the lives of these celebrities and exposes their insecurities and weakness. Just like Intervention, Celebrity Rehab is an effort to get them off the drug of their choice, but throughout the season we get to see them rehab not only through detox, but through therapy as well. Sure, I feel a bit voyeuristic watching these individuals experience such pain and heartache, but seeing the realistic side of fame makes each of the celebrities seem a little more human — just like you and me.

Have you ever seen the show? If so, do you think it's just another attempt to pry into the private lives of celebrities or do you think it's an interesting way to get them clean and sober?

Source

You Asked: There's No Affection in Our Relationship

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My wife and I have been married for 13 years and we have four kids. I don't feel as if she loves me anymore. She does not show me any affection and only goes along with what I initiate. I will occasionally stop her throughout the day to give her a hug or a kiss, but she never initiates it. She never tells me that she loves me unless she is responding to my "I love you." For our anniversary, I put love notes around the house and in her car so that she would see them through every event of her day and I bought her a dozen roses. She said thank you, but that was it. I didn't even receive a hug or a kiss!

The only time we ever have sex is if I make the move. This has been going on for the last five years. Before that she would at least show some interest in me. When I try to talk to her about the way I feel she turns it all around on me and it inevitably leads to a huge argument. I tried for years not to let it bother me, but it really is starting to affect me as I am always thinking about it and hoping she will initiate just a simple kiss or hug.

— Missing Kisses Kevin

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: How Can I Get Out of My Slump?

DearSugar — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and In the Dumps Daria need your help. She's struggling with depression and is having a hard time meeting someone special. I offer my advice on how to meet men all the time, but what works for you? Hopefully hearing your success stories will help keep Daria's spirits high so she can break free from her relationship slump.

Dear Sugar,

I'm a 26-year-old woman who has been battling with serious depression for three years. I'm on medication and see a therapist regularly, and I have thankfully noticed an improvement in the last year. I feel in control of my emotions and am more hopeful about the future.

The one thing that really hasn't gotten better is my personal life. I haven't had a serious boyfriend in almost four years, and my feelings of loneliness really exacerbate my depression. I've tried dating but I just haven't found anyone compatible, and what's worse is that I go through periods of extreme discouragement. It's a terrible cycle — the depression makes it hard to meet someone, and meeting the wrong someone (or no one) makes my depression worse. Plus four long years of single life has made me fear being alone forever. I don't have low self-esteem, so how can I get myself out of this relationship slump? — In the Dumps Daria

Source

You Asked: My Time Is Running Out

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating my boyfriend for nearly two years, and living with him for the last year. He is wonderful and I truly couldn't ask for more. We talk about getting married and our future fairly often. I recently found out that I may have a hard time getting pregnant, and was told that the sooner I try, the better. My problem is that while we both know that marriage is in our future, I also know that he is not ready to settle down and have kids quite yet. We're both 26 and I typically would not be in any rush myself, but knowing that I may not have a chance to have a baby has made me very impatient, to the point where I am sometimes angry at him for not being ready.

He knows my situation and we've talked about having babies sooner than we had planned, maybe even before we're married, but part of me is afraid that if I miss out on my chance to have kids, I will blame him for it. I just don't know how to wait more patiently, and not take my frustration out on him. — Impatient Izzy

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You Asked: He Won't Have Sex With Me

DearSugar — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for five years in October. He is 31 and I am 23. We have two children together, a three year old and a nine month old. Since I became pregnant with our youngest, things have been lacking in the bedroom. We had sex five times between April 2007 and April 2008 and since then, we've only had sex once, and that was in July. I'm so confused and unbelievably hurt. Just thinking about it makes me sob; I can't help but feel like it's my fault that he never wants to touch me anymore. I've tried talking with him and telling him how it makes me feel, but nothing changes. We live together, and he is currently unemployed, so I know he isn't cheating. I go to bed every night with the hopes that something is going to be different and it never is. It's now spilling over into everyday life. Is there any hope? What is wrong with him?

— Sexually Frustrated Sybil

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You Asked: How Can I Get Past His Cheating?

DearSugar — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been married for six years and have been together for 10. About three months ago I found out that he had an affair about two years ago. I forgave him, and we have been working together to move past it. Lately some friends of his friends that know the other woman have been coming over to our house to spend time with my husband. Whenever they mention her name in passing, my blood boils. I have been thinking about it a lot lately and I can't seem to get the affair out of my mind. I don't know what to do. We are completely open and honest with each other, but my thoughts are consumed with him cheating on me. Do you have any advice? — Consumed Cassie

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All About Anxiety

DearSugar — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700

Everyone deals with stress; it’s just part of life. But when stress overwhelms your ability to function normally, it becomes something more. Anxiety disorder affects approximately 15 million people in the US, and like depression, it comes in varying degrees and with its own set of social stigmas. Anxiety disorder can begin early or late in life, but in most cases, it's closely linked to family history as well as severe stress.

To learn about the symptoms and treatments of this challenging and common disorder,

Dear Poll: Do You Enjoy Shopping?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Sometime in the last couple decades shopping has become a tongue-in-cheek euphemism for therapy, at least as far as ladies are concerned. If you’re sad, it’s nothing a quick trip to the mall won’t fix, or so Cher from Clueless taught us. But even though I'm a fan, frankly, I think it’s just silly to assume that all women get a kick out of shopping. In fact, some women I know find themselves feeling more down than ever after a few minutes in a dressing room. So ladies, let me ask, do you enjoy shopping? Source

Dear Poll: Do You Enjoy Shopping?

I do. And it’s totally retail therapy for me!

I enjoy shopping, but only because of the new clothes I get out of it.

I can go either way.

Ick, no, I hate going shopping!

Other — I'll explain.

You Asked: Is Our Marriage Over?

DearSugar — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Help! I have been with my husband for 13 years and will be married 11 in November. To make this as short as possible, I've lived in a sexless, loveless relationship for 12 years. Last November I met someone wonderful and decided to tell my husband I was done. We separated for four months and I stopped seeing my "friend" for a while to get my head together. My husband immersed himself in therapy and told me he could not lose me, that he loved me and would do whatever had to be done to keep us together. I moved back home in May but I still don't feel passion toward him. I love him, but am still very hurt and angry. He supposedly suffers from intimacy issues, fear of failure, etc., and although he is working very hard to be in my heart, our sex life is not good, in fact, it's horrible. He makes no effort to please me at all. After not having any for months, he accused me the other day of not wanting him.

I know he loves me in his very own way, but I am not sure I can ever be happy with this man. So many people tell me what a great guy he is and that I should stay with him. He is a great provider and very good in other ways so my question is do I work my butt off to save my marriage, or call it a day? I need some advice please. — Unhappy Helena

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