DearSugar -- Just ask.

True Confession — Can I Lie and Tell Her He Has an STI?

DearSugar — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 06:00:00 -0800

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession."I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. I know the girl's phone number and email address, so would I be forgiven if I were to tell her he has an STI, even though it's not true? I just want her to feel some sort of consequence, even if it's just until she gets tested."Source

True Confession — Can I Lie and Tell Her He Has an STI?

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided

Where Do You Stand? Using Condoms When You're Married

DearSugar — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

If you're not a fan of hormonal birth control, your options are limited when it comes to staying pregnancy-free. Condoms are an easy choice to stay protected when you're not in a committed relationship, but I've been hearing more and more married couples say that condoms are their preferred method of birth control, too. Of course to each their own, but isn't one of the perks of being in a committed marriage (one that's clear of STIs) that you don't have to fuss with interrupting the moment to find a condom? Clearly I'd pick another method, but where do you stand on using condoms when you're married? Do you, or would you, use them too?

Source

Do Tell: Do STI Rates Make You Reconsider One Night Stands?

DearSugar — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Although most of you say you've never had a one night stand, 48 percent of you admitted to doing it at least once. Sure, one night stands have a negative stigma attached to them, but if you're safe and smart about it, I say to each her own. But as we all know, STIs are on the rise and condoms won't necessarily protect you 100 percent. So knowing what you know, and realizing that getting tested is the only way to know for sure if someone is clean, tell me, do you still have or consider having one night stands?

Source

You Asked: How Can I Get Over My Guilt?

DearSugar — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost a year and we've been friends for three years before that. We're very much in love and plan on getting married and having kids. About four years ago I found out that I have HPV which developed into genital warts — I've since had treatment and the warts are gone. I never told my boyfriend for fear that he wouldn't have wanted to be with me, but the guilt was killing me so I told him the truth this week. He reacted very well and we are still together, but I'm a wreck about all this. How can I let go of my guilt so it doesn't affect my relationship any more than it already has? — Remorseful Renata

To see DearSugar's answer,

You Asked: Is He Sincere?

DearSugar — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I met this really amazing guy about two months ago, and we hit it off extremely well. Soon after I met him we both exchanged pieces of rather fragile information. I have an STI, and he is a virgin. It was kind of awkward after he told me, because it felt like totally opposite situations. I'm a very affectionate girl and he wasn't used to that either.

He told me the other night that he was ready to sleep with me but I don't know how to react. I don't know if I'm ready, not because I don't care about him but because I don't believe that he's ready. I think he just wants to get it over with, and it doesn't matter if it's with me or any other girl. I really want it to be special for him. How do I tell if he's sincere?

— Uncertain About Sex Sasha

To see DearSugar's answer,

Dos and Don'ts When It Comes to STI Prevention

DearSugar — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 08:00:00 -0700

STIs are not only uncomfortable, painful, and sometimes embarrassing, but they can also lead to health complications such as infertility, cancer, or even death. With that said, here's a reminder of the ways you can protect yourself, brought to you by the MayoClinic.

Talk to your partner. It's important to feel comfortable asking your partner about his or her sexual history. If you feel nervous, you may have to question whether or not you're ready to have sex in the first place.
Get an STI screening. Some people will either lie about having an STI, or they may not even know they've contracted an infection. Either way, it's a great idea for both you and your partner to get tested before becoming sexually active — peace of mind is definitely a turn on.
Immunize. In most countries, it's mandatory to receive the vaccine for Hepatitis B, so you most likely have it already. We're also lucky enough to have Gardasil, the vaccine that guards against HPV, the STI that causes certain types of cervical cancer. If you're not in a mutually monogamous relationship, it may be a great idea to get this vaccine.

To find out how else you can protect yourself,

How Well Do You Know the Female Condom?

DearSugar — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 12:00:00 -0700

If you're not ready to become a mother and hormonal birth control isn't an option for you, you can still take the power into your own hands with the female condom. We've covered the pros and cons, but how well do you really know the female condom? Take this quiz and find out!

Source

You Asked: I Don't Know What to Believe

DearSugar — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of five months just told me that he has chlamydia. He swears he hasn't cheated on me, but after researching STIs, I found out that symptoms usually surface within a week or two. I talked to a doctor and was told that while it's possible for symptoms to show up months after being infected, they usually show up within seven to 21 days. We are together all the time, so his response to my accusations was, "When would I have had time to cheat on you?" As it turns out, he was out of town about a week and a half ago, visiting some college friends, which makes perfect sense time-wise. I am in love with him and things have been going really well so I don't want to mess things up by being jealous or paranoid; however, I won't tolerate cheating and/or lying — I just want to know the truth. What should I do (besides getting treated for chlamydia!)? — Skeptical Sasha

To see DearSugar's answer,

Binge Drinkers Are at a Higher Risk For STIs

DearSugar — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

Over the weekend I came across an article that I just had to share with all of you. A study performed at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine found that binge drinkers (five or more alcoholic beverages at one time) are more likely to engage in risky sexual behavior, making them (particularly women) more likely to contract an STI. We all know that binge drinking lowers inhibitions, but the findings of this new study are very sobering:

Across gender, women binge drinkers are more likely to have anal sex than men binge drinkers. Within gender, women binge drinkers are three times as likely to have anal sex, and twice as likely to have multiple sex partners compared to women who do not drink alcohol. Compared to non-drinking women, women binge drinkers are also five times as likely to have gonorrhea.

To make things even worse for women, anatomical differences place women at a higher risk of contracting STIs, since men infect women with disease more efficiently than women to men.

This is pretty frightening stuff, but is it all that shocking? Of course alcohol affects everyone differently, but what are your thoughts on this news?

Source

Sunday Confessional: She Knew He Had Herpes and Didn't Tell Me

DearSugar — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Six months ago I started dating my girl friend's male roommate. At the time, my friend warned me that although her roommate was a good friend, he was a notoriously bad boyfriend. I explained to her that I just wanted to have fun, but she still acted weird about it. Five months in, I learned he was hanging out with a lot of other girls, so we decided to end things. I was disappointed it didn't work out, but I knew it wasn't meant to be. A few weeks ago I found out that I have genital herpes. I knew immediately it was from him — I've only been with one other guy who was also a virgin. I had asked him before we slept together if he had been tested, and he said he was totally clean. Obviously I was very upset by the news and confronted him. Naturally, he claimed that I must have picked it up from some other guy. When I came crying to my friend, she was extremely distressed by what he had said. Apparently, he had confided in her a long time ago that he had herpes, but asked her to keep it a secret. When I heard this I was furious. I know that they're good friends, but I couldn't believe she'd kept that from me when she knew I was sleeping with him! I feel beyond betrayed, but she says she "tried" to warn me. Is her omission of the truth forgivable? Source

Sunday Confessional: She Knew He Had Herpes and Didn't Tell Me

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided