DearSugar -- Just ask.

Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad

DearSugar — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

A good friend of mine recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend of three years. Though it was her decision to end things, it was still a difficult choice to make; she still really cares about him. All her friends have been there for her and she's done a great job moving on. In an effort to put the past behind her, she wanted to make a change, so she committed the cardinal breakup sin of changing her look. She'd always had long, dark, beautiful chestnut hair and without consulting any of us, she went to the salon, cut it short, and dyed it blond!She invited me over to come see her new locks and I was speechless — she looked like a completely different person! I could tell that she loved it and I could see a new sense of confidence in her face, but I absolutely hated it. In my opinion, she looked 10 times better before. When she asked my "honest opinion," I gave it to her. I told her it wasn't my favorite look on her. She got incredibly upset, told me I was an unsupportive friend, and asked me to leave her house. Now I'm feeling horrible for hurting my friend's feelings, but I didn't know what to do; she asked me to be honest! I've called her, written her emails, and sent text messages apologizing, but she won't return any of my efforts. I know I should have just lied under the circumstances, but can I be forgiven for speaking the truth?Source

Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided

You Asked: Should I Leave My Husband?

DearSugar — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been married for 11 years, and my husband admitted to me three weeks ago that he's been sleeping with a girl that he worked with. I am hurt and very upset and don't know if I can trust him again. I gave him a ultimatum and he chose me, but I have a gut feeling that they are still in contact with each other. I check his phone to see if they talk, but he always deletes his call history. I don't know if I should end my marriage. When he told me about them sleeping together, he said he deeply regretted it and would never do it again. He also told me that it only happened once, but I don't believe him.

We've been together for 16 years and have two grown kids together. I just don't know what to do. Should I confront the other woman or just leave things alone? I've suggested seeing a marriage counselor, but he refuses. I don't know where to go from here. — Desperate Dede

To see DearSugar's answer,

A Do or a Don't: Lying For Someone You Love

DearSugar — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Though I’ve certainly been let in on some big secrets throughout the years, fortunately I’ve never been put into a position where I’ve been forced to lie on someone’s behalf, because honestly, I’m not sure I could do it. A white lie is one thing, but serious lies make me nervous. Still, I’m sure much of it depends on the person and the circumstance. What are your thoughts on this? Would you ever lie for someone you love? Or would even being asked to do so be a violation of your relationship?

Source

Sunday Confessional: I Lied to My Boyfriend to Protect My Friend

DearSugar — Sun, 05 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Three years ago I met my boyfriend through my best friend's boyfriend, and the four of us have been a great group. But recently, they've been having some problems, so she and I have been logging in some girl time. A few weeks ago we went out for drinks and met some guys. They did their best to hit on us, and I politely shooed them away, but not before my friend started flirting with one. She had been drinking so I dragged her home and didn't think much of it. Last weekend we went out again and I was shocked when she told me that the guy she had been flirting with was coming to meet us. I was angry, and told her I resented her for putting me in that position. I stormed out of the bar, but decided I'd wait a few minutes outside to see if she followed. When she didn't, I went back in to tell her I was leaving, only to find her making out with him. I pleaded with her to come with me, but she wouldn't listen so left alone. The next day I talked to her and she claimed that she realized she had made a mistake, but needed time to sort things out before telling her boyfriend. But apparently the guys talked about how we got home at different times that night because my boyfriend confronted me, asking what happened. I knew that if I told him the truth he would feel obligated to tell his friend, so I told him that we got in a fight and she ended up hanging out with another girl friend of ours. It took some convincing, but he believed me. Now I feel completely awful. Even if it was to help my friend, I've never lied directly to my boyfriend before. If it all comes out, I know he'll be hurt. Do you think this is something I can be forgiven for? Source

Sunday Confessional: I Lied to My Boyfriend to Protect My Friend

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided

Spotting a Lie

DearSugar — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

For some people, lying is practically impossible, while for others, spouting a few untruths is almost too easy. But unless someone is a pathological liar, you'll probably see their deception spelled out in their body language and behavior. The October issue of Self has a few great pointers on how to recognize when you’re being totally duped. I've listed them here and added on my own suggestions too!

Emotions will appear on someone’s face. So watch their expression closely to see if it matches what they’re saying.
The eyes say more than you think. In fact if they seem motionless or neutral, it’s likely that the person isn’t truly behind what they’re saying.
A reaction that comes on strong and disappears just as fast is likely to be false. True emotions linger.
When you think someone is spinning lies, take note of their hand movement. If they're fibbing, you're likely to see a decrease in gestures.

To see my additions just

This or That: Lied About His Marital Status or Education?

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 15:00:00 -0700

Just when you thought there weren’t any great guys out there for you, you've gone and fallen in love. And after a few months, it’s still going great. But now that things are getting serious, your boyfriend sits you down and tells you there’s something he’s been lying about. Would it be worse if . . .This: He’s actually married? He and his wife are separated, but they have yet to actually go through the process of divorcing. Or . . .That: He never actually got that masters degree he always refers to, or even an undergraduate degree for that matter? He didn’t want you to think he was dumb, so he just decided to lie instead. Source

This or That: Lied About His Marital Status or Education?

This — Technically he’s actually a married man.

That — He inflated his education to impress.

You Asked: Should I Wait and See if He Changes His Mind?

DearSugar — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

Back in July my boyfriend confessed that he lied to me about being a virgin — he had actually been with six girls before me. He was my first and it hurt terribly that someone I loved would lie to my for a year and half. I forgave him because I loved him and he genuinely was sorry; the guilt was eating away at him. In the end, he asked for a break and I was devastated. Apparently he had to work out some issues regarding his family and his job. I asked him specifically what a break meant, and he said he just wanted a month without contact.

I haven't seen him for about three weeks. We've both been incredibly busy, but I'm willing to make time and he's not. I asked to spend a day with him and he finally said OK. He blew me off and I waited around like an idiot. I called and left an angry voicemail and instead of calling me back, he proceeded to email me the next day only to go on about a blow-out fight he had with his parents. I replied back that instead of shutting me out he needs to open up to me. He is miserable and seems depressed. He says that he loves me but everything is too crazy right now for him to be in a relationship.

I just don't know where to go from here. I love him and I want to be together, but he can't seem to make the time for me. I know that what we have isn't a real relationship right now so is it over or should I sit tight and see what happens? I'm an emotional basket case and can't stop thinking about all of it.

— I'm a Basket Case Bryn

To see DearSugar's answer,

Where Do You Stand: Lying to Your Friends About Your Sex Life

DearSugar — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 08:00:00 -0700

I'm all for a little embellishing when it comes to chatting about what happens in the bedroom, but how do you feel about outright lying? Are there times when it's appropriate to fib about what guy you've done it with, how often you and your man have sex, or how good it is? Have you ever felt the need to lie to your friends in order to impress them? Of course lying about such a private matter won't really hurt anyone, but tell me, where do you stand when it comes to lying to your friends about your sex life?

Source

True Confession — I Lied to My Roommate

DearSugar — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 07:00:00 -0700

Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this True Confession.
"My roommate brought her Internet date to our place. I totally knew this guy and I finally remembered why — I met him online a year ago and we fooled around a bit after our one and only date. We acted like we didn't even know each other. Since I don't know if their date is going anywhere yet, is it OK that I lied to my friend?" Source

True Confession — I Lied to My Roommate

Forgive?

Not Forgive?

Undecided — Please explain!

Sunday Confessional: She Knew He Had Herpes and Didn't Tell Me

DearSugar — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Six months ago I started dating my girl friend's male roommate. At the time, my friend warned me that although her roommate was a good friend, he was a notoriously bad boyfriend. I explained to her that I just wanted to have fun, but she still acted weird about it. Five months in, I learned he was hanging out with a lot of other girls, so we decided to end things. I was disappointed it didn't work out, but I knew it wasn't meant to be. A few weeks ago I found out that I have genital herpes. I knew immediately it was from him — I've only been with one other guy who was also a virgin. I had asked him before we slept together if he had been tested, and he said he was totally clean. Obviously I was very upset by the news and confronted him. Naturally, he claimed that I must have picked it up from some other guy. When I came crying to my friend, she was extremely distressed by what he had said. Apparently, he had confided in her a long time ago that he had herpes, but asked her to keep it a secret. When I heard this I was furious. I know that they're good friends, but I couldn't believe she'd kept that from me when she knew I was sleeping with him! I feel beyond betrayed, but she says she "tried" to warn me. Is her omission of the truth forgivable? Source

Sunday Confessional: She Knew He Had Herpes and Didn't Tell Me

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided