DearSugar -- Just ask.

You Asked: Is He Actually Committed?

DearSugar — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I've been with my boyfriend for two years and we live right next to each other — we've actually been neighbors for years. I am 24 and he is 29. The timing isn't certain, but he's been planning to move a half an hour to an hour away where it will be more convenient for work. Also, the areas he's looking at are much cheaper for buying a house. I really don't want to be away from him, so he suggested that I move with him, and we can get a house together. I really like the idea of living together, but the only problem is I believe that moving in together without the serious commitment of marriage has a lot of consequences.

We've never talked about marriage, but he does say that moving in together is the start of our life together. But why would he be willing to make a permanent commitment if all the privileges of marriage are there without any of the responsibilities? It makes me think he's not ready for the actual commitment of marriage, and I don't want to enter into some kind of pseudo-marriage situation. If I tell him this, I don't want it to sound like I’m suggesting or forcing marriage, but I also don't want him to think that I just don't want to live with him. Am I just being too paranoid and thinking too much into this? Should I go with the flow?

— Marriage and Moving Malia

To see DearSugar's answer,

Has Living With a Friend Ever Backfired?

DearSugar — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700

It looks like their strained relationship has finally come to a head — Audrina is moving out of the house she shared with her Hill's costars LC and Lo. We've talked a lot about whether it's a good idea to live with friends and in this case, it clearly wasn't. Of course, many factors make or break any kind of living arrangement, but tell me, have you ever lived with a friend and had it go terribly wrong? Have you ever had a friendship be permanently strained because you were just lousy roommates?

Bauer-Griffin Online

You Asked: I'm Ready to Break Up

DearSugar — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I'm tired of trying to make things work with my boyfriend of five years. He's constantly bashing people's efforts, problems, and ways. He always has some negative comment about something. When he isn't doing that, he's either sleeping or making excuses to justify his actions. He blames everything on someone or something going on in his life. If I try to say something to encourage him in a positive direction, he comes back at me with some type of insult. In my opinion, he is a walking contradiction and a hypocrite. He's older than I am, which makes it even worse that I have to tell a grown man how to think and act like an adult. He lives with me but does nothing to help out. I love him, but I've reached my limit — I know I deserve better than this. His negativity is weighing on me, so what should I do? — I'm Done Donna

To see DearSugar's answer,

DearSugar Needs Your Help: How Can I Wait Patiently?

DearSugar — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Sick of Waiting Willow need your help. She wants her boyfriend to pop the question but he's not ready. He doesn't feel that the timing is right, but Willow doesn't know how to wait patiently. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for over three years. We've been living together for at least two, and we are at the stage in our relationship where I feel like we're already married. My boyfriend and I are in our mid-20s and everything feels intact expect for one problem — he's not proposing anytime soon! No matter how many talks we have, the only straight answer he gives me is, "The timing isn't right. You don't have to wait forever, so why worry?" He's right; I know it will happen one day, and I'm lucky enough that I've found "the one," but what is all this timing talk about? It's starting to overcome my every thought. I keep faking myself out, thinking a proposal is coming, only to feel constantly let down. I don't want my impatience to cause a rift, but I don't know how to remain calm about it. Do you have any advice? — Sick of Waiting Willow

Source

You Asked: Are We Ready For the Next Step?

DearSugar — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of almost seven years and I took a break back in March of this year, but got back together two months ago. While it has not been difficult to remember what I love about him and how he makes me feel, it has been very hard coping with his friendship with a girl he developed a crush on not too long before we broke up. While he has since lost romantic interest in her, they remain good friends (though not as close as they were while he and I were apart). My problem is that I can't seem to get over the fact that she reminds me of the heartache I went through when he and I broke up, and that no matter how much I feel I should get to know her for his sake, there's a huge part of me that wishes I didn't have to; wishes she would just disappear. He told me he would stop talking with her because he loves me and is willing to do whatever it takes to make things work, but I don't want him to stop being friends with someone he cares for — I don't want him to resent me.

The bigger issue here is that he has asked me to move in with him and I have been greatly considering it, but I don't know if it's a good idea just yet. After talking with my older sister and doing some real soul-searching, I believe it's best for he and I to fully reconnect first (which we've done a great deal of in these last two months) and for me to feel more comfortable with his friendship with the girl before I really consider moving in with him. But how do I get to know her as an individual instead of as the girl who could have ruined my relationship with my boyfriend for good? — Stand My Ground Gina

To see DearSugar's answer,

Where Do You Stand? Lying to your Family

DearSugar — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 13:00:00 -0700

My dad once told me about a college friend of his that dropped out of school his junior year but never told his parents. They continued to give him money to pay for his tuition and on graduation day, he rented a cap and gown and walked in the commencement line with the rest of his class!

Since I'm so close with my family, I couldn't even imagine living a facade like he did, but I think lying to family members is more common than not. Some lie about living with their significant others and others hide their smoking habit — whatever the case may be, many believe that what people don't know won't hurt them. So where do you stand on lying to your family members? Do you purposely leave certain things out when catching up with family, or are you as honest with them as you are with your best friends?

Source

DearSugar Needs Your Help: I'm Ready but He's Not!

DearSugar — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Next Step Nina need your help. She and her boyfriend are very happy and in love, but she's ready for marriage and he wants to wait another two years before even talking about it! She's not a fan of ultimatums, but she doesn't want to wait around for him. What should she do?

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for over two years, and we live together. I'm 24 and he is 26. We are both about a year into our great jobs and are doing well financially; we are even saving for a down-payment on a house. We've traveled together and visited both our families who seem to like us as a couple. We love each other and really push for each other to be the best we can be.

We talk about how we will raise our children, where we want to travel, where we want to live, and what we want from our relationships. Overall, everything is great, but I'm feeling more and more ready for marriage. I'd like to be engaged and perhaps married in one to two years. When I brought this up, he was a bit nervous and said that he doesn't see himself married for at least two years from now — the exact timeline I have, but while I am ready for an engagement now, he doesn't want to start talking about marriage for another two years, which means more waiting for me. When his family asks him about us, he also sidesteps the topic of marriage. He says he loves me, he says I'm the one for him and he sees us together forever, but the word never comes out of his mouth.

Should I just be patient and wait? If so, for how long? I hate ultimatums, but should I give one anyway? It's been two years and four months since we were official, and I just want to know! — Next Step Nina

Source

You Asked: I Think Porn Is Disgusting, But He Likes it

DearSugar — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,
Four months ago when my live-in boyfriend was out of town, I discovered that he had downloaded multiple videos of porn and has received numerous pictures of naked women from his male friends via email. I confronted him about it, and he sees nothing wrong with it. He said that he'd stop looking at them, but I know for a fact he's lying.

I have serious issues with pornography as an industry, and on principle alone I find porn disgusting. A person looking at videos of people having sex is something that is not acceptable to me. I am so upset that I'm ready to walk away. Am I completely wrong?

— Disgusted Deb

To see DearSugar's answer,

You Asked: Is He Trying to Tell Me Something?

DearSugar — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now. When it came time to resign our leases last spring, we both did as we knew it was much too soon to live together. He is 27 and pretty much has his life together while I'm 22, have a ton of debt, and am contemplating going back to school.

This week my boyfriend told me that he is seriously considering buying a condo or an apartment. This news really scares me — does this mean we'll never get to live together? I don't really see myself moving into his house and paying his mortgage and it's really starting to stress me out. Am I overthinking this or should I just forget about cohabitation until we are actually considering buying a home together? — Insecure Indy

To see DearSugar's answer

Relationship Protocol: What Did You Learn When You Started Living Together?

DearSugar — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 09:00:00 -0700

Every new step in a relationship allows a couple to learn more about each other. Meeting a significant other’s friends reveals his attitude and sense of humor, visiting his childhood home lets you in on his past, and moving in together opens up a wealth of information about his day-to-day habits. And while everything you learn may not be music to your ears, accepting someone's minor flaws is part of the package. So, good or bad, what did you learn when you and your honey started living together?

Source