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DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Tell Her He's Cheating?

DearSugar — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

DearSugar and Stuck in the Middle May need your help. She knows her friend's fiance has cheated on her, but she doesn't know if she should butt in and tell her the truth. It's a complicated situation, but what would you do?

Dear Sugar,

In the past year I have become very close with my boyfriend's friends' girlfriends. They are now great friends of mine who I talk to all the time and hang out with regularly when the guys aren't around. One of the girls has been dating my boyfriend's best friend for about seven years, and they are engaged to be married. The only problem is he has cheated on her many times over the course of their relationship and slept with numerous other women. It's been kind of a "don't ask don't tell" situation, but all the guys are in on it. I'm technically not supposed to know this information, but my boyfriend told me in confidence before she and I became close. I'm actively helping her plan the wedding but I just can't shake the guilt I feel for knowing this and not telling her.

She is a great girl and does not deserve to marry someone who has cheated on her countless times. Supposedly he has stopped, but who really knows for sure? I want her to know what she's getting herself into before she commits to marriage and has her parents spend thousands of dollars on a wedding, but I know the damage I would cause by speaking up. I want to be a loyal friend, but I don't want to stir the pot. Should I tell or not? — Stuck in the Middle May

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You Asked: Does He Just Want a Friendship?

DearSugar — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I met this guy in college and developed a major crush on him, but nothing ever happened. After graduating we kept in contact via email, then after a couple months, we met for coffee. We got to talking and he told me that he's been attracted to me for some time now, but informed me that he was in a relationship with someone else. He said he needed to figure things out on his end before getting me involved. I let him know that I too am attracted to him, and that I still wanted to maintain our friendship.

He emailed me about a week later and suggested we meet up again — I agreed. This time we went to a cafe in the evening and talked for several hours. I know he is with another girl so I wanted to be respectful, but the whole time we were together I was thinking about how much I like him. When we left the cafe, he told me he wanted to do it again sometime, but what does all this mean? Does he just want to be friends? Is he keeping me around just in case he and his girlfriend break up? Am I setting myself up? Please help! — Unclear Claire

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Has a Friend Ever Falsely Accused You of Something?

DearSugar — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Last night's episode of The Hills was one of the most dramatic yet. We saw Lauren and Audrina's spat over Justin Bobby unfold before the show aired, but watching how it really went down made me realize just how ridiculous Audrina's accusations were. While I understand her reasons behind confronting both Justin and Lauren, their first denial should have been good enough for Audrina to simply drop the issue. I've never been falsely accused of something by a friend before, so I can only guess how frustrating it must be to defend your word against someone else's. Have any of you ever been accused by a friend of doing something you had absolutely nothing to do with?

To get all the fashion from last night's episode, check out our new site, CelebStyle.

Photo courtesy of MTV

You Asked: Should I Take My Ex Back As My Best Friend?

DearSugar — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me. It was completely out of the blue and I still can't understand why he did it. He gave me 20 different contradicting reasons, but the main point is that he doesn't want to be with me anymore; and it hurts a lot. He had planned out the rest of our lives right down to when we'd get married, what church, when we'd have kids and what town we'd live in.

We had been best friends for over two years before we got together but we always had this awesome connection. I was very excited when he asked me out, although I was concerned that I could lose his friendship if we ever broke up. I took the chance but now that we're done, he wants to go back to being just friends. I'm not sure if I'm able to do that. My friendship feelings for him are all wrapped up in the romantic ones. We are in the exact same circle of friends and they all think I should give it a try. Half the time I miss my best friend, but the other half hates him for breaking my heart. What should I do? — Crushed Cathy

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DearSugar Needs Your Help: My Best Friend Is a Train Wreck!

DearSugar — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar and Worried Wendy need your help. Her best friend has spiraled out of control and Wendy's concerned for her future. She wants her to be happy and healthy, but doesn't know what to do in order to help her get there. Do you have any advice to offer?

Dear Sugar,

One of my absolute best friends is a major train wreck. We are the typical yin and yang: I am the nice, have-it-all-together type with a stable family, and she is the tell-it-like-itis, free spirit from a broken home. Luckily this was an amazing recipe for our friendship, and I feel extremely lucky to have such an open-minded go-to girl in my life. Unfortunately, she makes awful decisions. I have always known this but recently it's worrying me to no end. She met a guy, and within two months she was moved in and pregnant. Sometime in the following two months, she had a miscarriage, moved out, and dumped the guy — she hasn't looked back since. This was mind-blowing to me, but I was supportive the entire way through.

Due to our conflicting schedules, it's difficult for us to hang out as much as I'd like, but we never miss our daily calls to discuss life and everything going on with us. Last week, she called to tell me that she contracted an STI. To me this should be a wake-up call, but since the cure was just a quick shot and a week of no sex, she is right back in the game again. She's already slept with two guys and is seeing multiple others. This behavior is incredibly destructive. She has no structure and not a care in the world. I absolutely love her as a friend and want her to succeed in life and flourish in relationships, but she clearly doesn't want the same things. Do you think this is a typical case of her being in her mid-20s? I don't know what I can do as a friend and what my boundaries are. Is there anything I can do?

Source

You Asked: Should I Befriend My Frenemy?

DearSugar — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 12:00:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I created a Facebook account sometime ago and came across an old friend. We had a tumultuous relationship and she often times didn't see anything wrong with calling me a friend without treating me like one. She was selfish and rude to me. She hurt me too many times so I ended the "friendship." I was devastated, but I realized neither she, nor her friends accepted me in the first place. She seemed hurt as well, but had other people she could rely on.

It's been three years since our breakup and since my social life is currently in despair, I've been considering trying to rekindle a friendship with her. I'm nervous that I'm making a big mistake and I really need some advise on this. What do you think I should do? — Friendless Francis

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Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad

DearSugar — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800

A good friend of mine recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend of three years. Though it was her decision to end things, it was still a difficult choice to make; she still really cares about him. All her friends have been there for her and she's done a great job moving on. In an effort to put the past behind her, she wanted to make a change, so she committed the cardinal breakup sin of changing her look. She'd always had long, dark, beautiful chestnut hair and without consulting any of us, she went to the salon, cut it short, and dyed it blond!She invited me over to come see her new locks and I was speechless — she looked like a completely different person! I could tell that she loved it and I could see a new sense of confidence in her face, but I absolutely hated it. In my opinion, she looked 10 times better before. When she asked my "honest opinion," I gave it to her. I told her it wasn't my favorite look on her. She got incredibly upset, told me I was an unsupportive friend, and asked me to leave her house. Now I'm feeling horrible for hurting my friend's feelings, but I didn't know what to do; she asked me to be honest! I've called her, written her emails, and sent text messages apologizing, but she won't return any of my efforts. I know I should have just lied under the circumstances, but can I be forgiven for speaking the truth?Source

Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad

Forgive?

Not forgive?

Undecided

Would You Tell a Friend If You Thought She Was Making a Bad Decision?

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 11:00:00 -0800

Audrina moved out of the house she shared with Lauren and Lo last night on The Hills, and while her move should have been an exciting moment for her, it seemed a bit tainted with the looming decision of whether or not Justin Bobby was moving in with her. She seemed to have jumped the gun a bit and while her friends were obviously worried about her intentions and expectations with the move, only one of them spoke up! Sure, it's her life and the decision was already made, but ladies, tell me, if you thought your friend was making a bad decision, would you tell her?

Photo courtesy of MTV

DearSugar Needs Your Help: How Can I Move on From This Betrayal?

DearSugar — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0700

DearSugar and Betrayed Becky need your help. She was hurt by her ex and her best friend and she doesn't know what to do. She misses them both but is still devastated by their actions. Do you have any advice for her?

Dear Sugar,

I broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago, but we have been in contact ever since. I ended things with him because I never really trusted him. He's disappointed me multiple times throughout our one-and-a-half year relationship, and I just knew he wasn't the one for me in the long run.

I couldn't bear to break up with him so I lied and said I didn't believe in marriage (it's his dream to get married), and that prompted him to break up with me. Despite all that, I still miss him and love him.

However, recently I heard that my ex got together with my best friend the very day after we broke up! I was shocked — I felt betrayed, angry and used. When I confronted my ex about this, he denied it. But when I confronted my "best friend," she confirmed it. I sent various angry emails to my ex, one moment forgiving him, another scolding him. Now all we have is sourness and bitterness, but at times, I still think of him and sometimes I still miss her.

How do I get over this betrayal and anger I feel? Is there any way I could rectify my friendship with my ex, or with my friend? And should I? — Betrayed Becky

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You Asked: My Friends Are Being Mean Girls

DearSugar — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I am 21 years old and have had the same "best friends" for eight years. Since we started university, things have changed, though. I've made new friends and my old friends have not. I feel like I'm living my life at a different pace than them because they're hesitant to break away and meet new people.

I've recently noticed that my old friends have been making plans on nights that they know I can't go out due to family obligations. I've also learned that on those nights out without me, they make other plans, again without telling me. To make things worse, one of the girls accidentally forwarded an email chain to me in which they were all talking about how much fun they had the night before, and I felt horrible that I wasn't even invited.

Just last week one of my uncles passed away. I know for a fact that they heard the news, yet I did not receive a single phone call, text message, or email from any of them. This has been a really hard time for me and my family and it would have been nice to have my friends' support, yet no one was there for me. What should I do? Have our friendships simply run their course? Were they ignoring me out of spite? — Left Out Laurie

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