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You Asked: Was Moving In a Bad Idea?

DearSugar — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 12:30:00 -0800

Dear Sugar,

I'm 25 years old and currently living with my boyfriend of four months. He recently moved to Ohio from California, which is why we co-habitated so quickly. Things are great, we are very happy and I believe he is the one. This is my first time living with a boyfriend, so I have a lot of questions. First off, is it normal for us to not have sex as often as we did before I moved in? I also seem to be getting uptight about the smallest things. I often find myself doubting our relationship if he forgets to kiss me before he leaves the house or if he doesn't seem excited to see me when he gets home.
My friends have been telling me it's because we now live together and that drastically changes a relationship but I just need some help and advice on how to ease into this change. How do I stay sane and in love all while living together and adjusting? — Acclimating Annie

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Relationship Protocol: Are You Always in Touch?

DearSugar — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:13:40 -0800

Even if they're living under the same roof or have plans to meet up after work, I know many couples that still touch base multiple times throughout the day. I think it's really sweet, but communication overload can be irritating for friends and co-workers when the incessant phone calls become disruptive. When I'm in a relationship, I like to share all the excitement of my day with him in person, but what about you? Are you and your significant other in touch throughout the day? And if so, how often do you typically talk?

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You Asked: He Constantly Tells Me I Can Do Better

DearSugar — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. It's a long distance relationship and it's not always easy, but he makes me happy. There have been times, though, when he tells me that I could "do better" than him. I'll admit, he's not the greatest boyfriend sometimes, but who's perfect? The distance (2,200 miles) and the time difference (three hours) doesn't help either, and with such factors, it's sometimes hard to make time for each other. Even if he thinks I deserve better, shouldn't I get to choose to be with him for as long as he wants to be with me? I hate it when he tells me that and I hate it even more when he does things to push me away. I'm really happy, but I don't know if this relationship can work if he keeps thinking like this. How do I get him to stop? Can I get him to stop? What should I do? — Settling Sally

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Do Tell: What's the Best Piece of Advice a Parent's Given You?

DearSugar — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 10:00:00 -0700

Getting unsolicited advice, especially from our parents, can be more frustrating and intrusive than helpful. With more years and life experience under their belts, some of what they say must be true, which is why it’s always good to at least hear them out even if you find their know-it-all sentiment irritating.

My mom always told me to beware of charming men, and to this day I'm not convinced by a charmer until I see his genuine side — I think it's saved me a few heartaches! I’ve shared mine, now what’s yours? Do tell: What’s the best piece of advice you got from your parents?

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Relationship Protocol: Do You Effectively Communicate Together?

DearSugar — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:00:00 -0700

One of the hardest, but most important parts of a relationship is learning how to communicate effectively when the going gets tough. It’s easy to talk when it’s all sunshine and rainbows, but communicating your feelings to someone else when you’re not even sure what you’re feeling can seem impossible. Ideally, once you're settled into a relationship, you’ve figured out the best way to talk to one another, but the truth is, even people who’ve been happily married for decades can be terrible at effective communication. So how does your own relationship fair the rough and volatile communication seas? What are you working on as an individual and as a couple to make your communication stronger?

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You Asked: We Have Different Dreams

DearSugar — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 06:00:00 -0700

Dear Sugar,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for six months and things are starting to get serious. We've moved in together and are happy that we did. She's finishing her degree in a month and is thinking of joining the armed forces so she can travel around the world — she wants me to go with her. It's always been her dream to go abroad and try out new places but I, on the other hand, am content with my life here and moving to a new place is the furthest thing from my mind at the moment. I don't want her to give up her dream for me, but she doesn't want to leave without me. What should I do? — Rock and a Hard Place Richard

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Where Do You Stand? Traveling Together

DearSugar — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 10:00:00 -0700

We all know that living with someone brings a completely new level of understanding to the relationship. You learn how the other person lived when you weren't around, and it becomes as clear as day whether or not you're a compatible couple. There are other circumstances that conquer the same goal though, and one that I find very telling is vacationing together, from conception to completion. Being able to communicate and plan, cope with small spaces, handle jet lag, and deal with any blunders along the way can be incredibly significant in a relationship — I'm sure you've all heard a horror story or two about a couple going on a dream vacay, only to return broken up! Perhaps I put too much emphasis on travel compatibility, so tell me where you stand on this matter. Is it as telling for you as it is for me?

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Relationship Protocol: Do You Discuss Your Sex Life?

DearSugar — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 16:00:00 -0700

If you’re in a relationship, you’re probably having sex, but are you talking about it? Serious relationships require communication in response to the small things, like what the plans are for the weekend, and the bigger things, like what you've been arguing about lately. But while sex is certainly an important issue in a relationship, we correlate it more with action than talk. So do you and your significant other seriously discuss your sex life? Or when it comes to sex, is talking the last thing on your mind?

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A Do or a Don't: Going Into Detail

DearSugar — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 14:00:00 -0700

When I’m being told one of my friend’s dating escapades, I like all the details. Maybe I’m just nosy, but I'd want to make an informed opinion if I’m asked for it. Likewise, I’m apt to walk my friends step-by-step through a situation I've been through. That’s me — I’m all about the details. But not all my friends share my enthusiasm for sharing the specifics.

Recently when I asked a friend to tell me all the juicy details about her date, she reproached me and said, “I want to keep some things to myself.” Immediately, I apologized, because I knew exactly what she meant — butt out. Are there things you’d rather just gloss over when dishing to your friends? Or when it comes to reliving your personal drama, are you a detail-oriented woman like myself?

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Where Do You Stand? Confrontation

DearSugar — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700

In the world of friendships, it's impossible to get along all the time. When conflict inevitably arises, it can sometimes be easier to run the other direction than deal with it head on. Of course, we all know that communicating is the better option, but when you're afraid of confrontation that can be easier said than done. I hate fighting with someone I care about just like anyone else, but I'm of the mindset that it's better to talk it out — no matter what the circumstances are — than to let an argument fester, possibly to the point of no return. Are you the same way? If not, tell me, where you stand when it comes to confrontation.

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