I feel this is forgivable, which is a rare thing, especially when it comes to hitting a woman. She was a real b*tch to make a statement like that, the gay comment, I mean. She should have laid off and understood you were having a stressful day.

She doesn't really seem like she's worth your time.

I just find it funny that after she said "Are you gay" you slapped her and ran off and cried, like a girl. You have to try and find humor in everything or else it'll get to you. The statement she made was really mean though and uncalled for...As long as you make sure never to do it again and possibly seek therapy?

She abused you emotionally and you physically onto her, and in my eyes, abuse is abuse.

I am still unsure on this. Had this been reversed and she slapped you, I am sure most would not have a problem with it. Its also not like you punched her, but still...I am undecided. You seem like a pretty emotional guy and that comment she made was beyond sh*tty. I am actually confused why you want to be with a woman who would say that too you.

It is not wrong to be gay, but in this context it was meant as an insult.

That was completely uncalled for on her part and you reacted without thinking. I don't think you should beat yourself up over it. It was a crappy thing to do and it's caused some problems, but SHE is not blameless either.

If she's trying to hold this over your head than you may have some problems. She seems to have this idea that she can say and do whatever she wants without consequence. Don't put up with it. She should never have said such a thing to you - ESPECIALLY in the middle of lovemaking.

PLEASE do not let her walk all over you. Don't go to great lengths to keep her. If she's not willing to talk about the mistakes that SHE made that LED to your mistakes, then she is not worth fighting for. This is a situation where you BOTH need to apologize and move forward.

I rarely say this - but I think she deserved it.
I would have hit her too if it had been said to me. Putting me under pressure for sex, then asking if I'm gay when I can't perform?

Dude, it's called a vibrator. BUY ONE. Don't pressure your guy into sleeping with you when he doesn't have the time or energy.

She sounds like a lost cause with a bag of issues.

I agree with femmekid. If she didn't understand & recognize that you were tired & weren't in the mood for sex, what other things about you is she not getting? To me it seems like there might be other problems in your relationship that you haven't mentioned. Is she always this demanding about things? Does she normally put you down like that?

I think this is forgivable, although under other circumstances I would never forgive a man hitting a woman. But in this certain situation, even though it was still uncalled for, her behavior was over the top. She was not listening to you & forced you to do something you didn't want, and when you couldn't, she questioned your sexuality! What kind of woman would do that to someone she loves?

Of course, you could have handled it in a much better way. Violence is never the right answer, so you should also evaluate what made you react that way. I believe that you did not mean to hurt her, so hopefully you can work this out.

Like others have said I think you both did wrong and thus it should not be so difficult to make up since both of you have something to feel sorry about. Do try to be understanding with each other.

I also think you two need to stop focusing on what happened that day and honestly forgive each other and forget about the whole thing.

I suppose you can feel the urge to convince her you are very sorry. From my experience sometimes when you say things too many times, the message fades and others understand less instead of understanding more. The fact that you made a mistake does not mean you cannot be a good boyfriend. Despite this, you cannot force her to forgive you if she is not willing to. Feel better soon! Good luck!

I think it was very uncalled for on her part! She never should have said that to you. What I am wondering, thought, is why your reaction to it was so strong? It makes me think you might be gay or struggling with it.
I did click on unforgivable because you hit her without thinking . That means you'll do it again without thinking. And if all it took was for her to ask if you're gay then neither of you should be in this relationship.

I said forgive...she said a pretty rotten thing to you..and for her no to understand that your just tired from work is pretty selfish on her part...I am not saying she deserved to get slapped because she didnt...but since this is the first time you hit her or anybody I think its ok...but for her to totally forgive you..you need to sit her down and say that you were sorry that it was the heat of the moment and you dont want to do it again..if she cant forgive you..find you someone else...I know that sounds bad but if she cant forgive you totally your relationship will never work out...

I think that your relationship sounds - on paper and have only heard your side of things, not hers - pretty dysfunctional. I think that since it was a heat of the moment thing, you truly felt bad about it and asked for forgiveness, it is forgiveable, but overall the situation just sounds unhealthy to me. If you're committed to trying to make it work above all odds, I think counseling would be a good idea - both individually and as a couple. But it sounds like an uphill battle to me.

Wow, I don't know who these 55 people are that voted to "Not Forgive" - what's not to forgive here? I sound exactly like that woman you're writing about - loud mouthed and stubborn. I think she's acting like a b*tch, and she clearly doesn't care enough for you to let you relax when you're freaking out about your day. When a woman like me, or her, says something like that, we're LOOKING for a reaction.

I've actually been slapped once by a boyfriend. I broke two of his fingers right after - when I drove him to the hospital, we just burst out laughing. Maybe it's because I grew up with brothers, but I knew I wasn't being physically abused because I taunted the crap out of my man when he was being nothing but sweet about his terrible week... and because I gave him a message when I broke his fingers - "Touch me again, and you're going to get the sh** kicked out of you."

Luckily, we were a lot more understanding of how stress and my big mouth can cause a lot of trouble - now we respect each other's moods a lot more. I think this chick is someone who feels like she can deal out whatever she wants and expect you to sit there and take it. I'm not saying you should hit her again (or any woman, obviously), but you can't let one mistake that you were clearly upset over and apologized for dictate how you let her walk all over you. I think if she's a strong woman who actually cares about you, she'll respect you more for not being a doormat. If she doesn't care, then she's not worth your trouble.

Horrible, but you'll have to forgive yourself. What she said was uncalled for, and your reaction was uncalled for. You could just say it was a bad day, but really, it sounds like it runs deeper than that. It's hard to say this because know neither of you, but from what you've said, it sounds like you two are bad for each other. There's a reason things didn't work out. Good luck.

Is NEVER a good thing to hit a woman..but...yours sounds like a reaction...not an action...you know what i mean??? I think there is a difference.

you don't have to continue the relationship cause you feel guilty...she will ALWAYS hang this over your head...trust me!

I forgive.

Forgive; what she did/said was horrible and even though it's wrong to hit anyone, you had been under plenty of stress and acted w/o thinking. You should be forgiven. I'm going off-topic here however I've always wondered why is it when a woman hits a man, people don't view it the same way - Women aren't as fragile as they act/appear. I'm against abuse in any possible way however a man hits a woman and he's arrested; a woman hits a man and nothing is done. I find that completely unfair.

It is NEVER, NEVER, NEVER okay to hit a woman. I couldn't stay with a man who did, whatever the circumstances. But if it makes you feel better, she had it coming, too bad one of her girlfriends didn't do it for you.

Move on, it is ruined, she will never feel the same again and you will continuously beat yourself up. Such a silly question turned so violent, why? There is no excuse for your behavior and I see more of it in the future. Your having a bad day at work and come home, someone says something you dont like and your reaction is violent. ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES QUICK, QUICK, QUICK!!! By the way, most abusers feel real bad afterwards.

odd this was up before

Well I am usually one of the people on here to say forgive however, being provoked does not give you the right to do what you did. I think that you need some serious conciling and just because you plan on never doing this again, I'm sure you never planned on doing it the first time. You do need help however to me this does mean you are dispensible based on this one act but it means that you need to do some serious soul searching.

as a social worker, i believe that people can change. In this story, the man really sounds ready to make sure this is never going to happen again.

your girlfriend has her fault and so do you. She should've realised that you're not in the mood and she shouldnt have insulted you. However, you're at fault too for slapping her. Talked to her and pointed out that she had her mistakes and you had yours too, if she wants the 2 of you can try to work it out. If not, find another 1 and try to control your anger when someone insulted you. Violence does not resolve anything.

I chose not to forgive because as sorry as you say you are, you crossed the line. Hitting a women is unforgivable, and if you were my boyfriend I wouldn't be able to trust you either. Learn from you mistake.

Slapping anyone is not the right response in any circumstances, but in this case, you shouldn't be the only one looking for forgiveness. Her behavior was immature and appalling and frankly, you could do better.

DROP HER. she is incapable of seeing anyone's view or caring about anyones feelings but hers. she is selfish, not to mention insecure and cruel. barjar i completely disagree with you. what she did was set up a sequence of events- pressure you to have sex and then react insensitively when you could not perform- which im SURE you were already incredibly sensitive about- and then to react with a comment like that? she has some HUGE BALLS boys and girls. a comment like that would never ever be able to cross my lips, and at a time like that? oh lord. what exactly was she trying to achieve? shes lucky you didnt react stronger. reading that made me want to slap her. what? its so wrong because you're the boy and shes the girl, so she can degrade you and verbally abuse you.. girls can slap and hit boys all the time-- even strangers-- but thats perfectly ok. that's them "standing up" for themselves. its bullsh*t. the way you described was almost like slapping a a child when they disrespect you-- more of an impulse reaction that you feel guilty about later, rather than a deliberate form of handling an issue. it even irks me terribly to hear she is rubbing this in your face and saying "she cant forget" um hello what about her questioning your sexuality-- esp. during SEX? not to mention using your bad day and not wanting to have sex as an insult. low blow. yes you made a mistake. no, you can never ever do it again. but chances are, her mistake wasnt an "impulse" and she doesnt feel like its worth saying sorry about. shes the one in the wrong, in my opinion. pack your bags and go, and the next time i hope she minds her manners.

I said forgive. Of course, she will never forgive you, no matter what you do. She feels like hanging this over your head gives her power and control, which is exactly what this girl wants. That is clearly evidenced by her actions on that day. Give up on her. I believe that you are sorry, that you reacted without thinking. While I am not saying that is okay, she apparently thinks she can act like a wretched b***h and you are supposed to swallow it by the spoonful. She is completely selfish and always will be.

Forgive. The famous misconception is that when guys do it it's unforgivable no matter what the circumstances, but she provoked you. Don't beat yourself up for it; she was totally inconsiderate.

I think it is unforgivable, but what she did is too. I mean she was being incosiderate. I will tell you if it had been me i'd have left you too, then again I wouldn't have called you gay. I think you should probably find someone else. I know its easier said than done, but whats the point of being in a relationship with someone like that especially if she can't trust you to not beat her and you cant't trust HER to not walk out on you.
Sure what you did was wrong, but what she did was too. Women have to sometimes realize that we are not trophies and if we offend we are in our right to get beat the sh*t out of, its just common courtesy that saves a lot of our necks. I still think you were wrong to slap her, but she provoked you and you can't trust that she won't do it again which I think could lead to another moment like this if neither of you are careful.
Find someone else.

She was out of line saying that, but you were WAAAAAAY further- hundreds of miles past the line- by slapping her. You need a SERIOUS lesson in patience.

I don't blame her for not trusting you. I think you guys should go to counseling.

I forgive you for the hitting but not for the 3 time break up. Obviously there was something wrong before the break up if she could say something like that to you. She sounds cold and flakey, I forgive you for hitting her but I think the relationship is dead.

Forgivable, but for once.

When your gf abused you one more time (verbally like the last time, or physically), just call it off.

Look. We are all human. Emotions can flare and rage can erupt, but the fact that it was tied to your feelings as a man worry me a bit. I mean - you were probably feeling less like a man and then she asked you that question - frankly - I think you should talk to a professional about that being the trigger.

I don't know if your relationship is salvageable or not, but it isn't a question of "forgive' or not forgive, but rather "Can you two work through this?"

I've been rip-slapping furious at my kids and my spouse and there are times when I would gleefully have slammed any of the 3 into a wall in my rage and I do - in my MIND - on occasion, but NEVER in reality. We can hurt others, so we should always always always be mindful not to.

In her case she looks at you and wonders - you snapped once, you could again - is it reckless to proceed with you since you are bigger/strong, this could get worse, and if you had kids - what then?

It's possible it might never happen again, but she's wondering if she should take that chance and it can only come from her. Ultimately it doesn't matter what we all think here, it matters whether she feels she can move forward. Insisting you wouldn't do it again is meaningless. You wouldn't have done it that last time - it was something that you did do regardless.

Oh, and... I question her maturity as a human being. Her question may have come from frustration, but if a man asked me if I was f*@#ing frigid, I'd be done with him.

it's really not okay to hit anyone, but i can't say i'd do any different in that situation. it seems like you two are just really bad for each other if she's being that much of a b*tch and you react with violence.

There's no excuse ever for hitting a woman. That said, she does sound kinda like a b!tch, so maybe it is time to move on.

I picked forgive. I would never approve of a man hitting a woman, but she sounds like a real b*tch. She should have been more understanding of you having a really stressful day and i think it was just a reaction to her saying that. I don't think you would ever purposely hit her. I think you should let her go and move on with a girl that is actually considerate.

The hitting was out of line, but you already know that. SHE, however, sounds like someone you're better off without. Talk about self-absorbed and selfish. When she doesn't get her way she insults and goes right below the belt?? This is NOT someone you want to form a longterm relationship with. So while the hitting isn't forgivable, the feelings she provoked - which she did deliberately - are completely forgivable.

Wow, she sounds like she has major control issues...pressuring you for sex & then spitting out that nasty remark when she realized she wasn't going to get her way after all. She doesn't sound like a very healthy or nice person.

I'm sure you don't trust her to never be so nasty to you again.

Having said that, that is no excuse for slapping her. It's no excuse for slapping ANYBODY. You should have just walked away & left her for good.

She probably will not trust you again. I don't blame her. Who is to say that you wouldn't react that way again, while under stress? I'm sure you never thought you would, in the first place.

You need to worry less about staying with her & more about why you would allow yourself to react that way. Maybe you should look into some counseling, to help you find ways to react differently to such a stressful situation.

Good luck with yourself.

While it's not OK to hit her, I still forgive given the circumstances. I don't, however, think this is a good relationship for either of you.

she sounds like a piece of work - the are you f**king gay is such an emasculating abusive stab, especially if Mr. Happy wasn't fired up for the show. On top of you having the stress, the issues with your manhood, she throws out the "gay" thing. eesh. I certainly would have lashed out at her with a brutal comment about her weight or smell. But slapping her and running out isn't the answer. Dude, right now you are probably bearing the brunt of this entire situation, but I'll put this out there; if she has not apologized or recognized that she was abusing you verbally - then I think you have an even worse situation on your hands. I've been with abusive women and the manipulative controlling behavior that she expressed is something to be very concerned about. You've already crossed the line with the slap, are you sure you want to fight to get back in the game with this woman? Think about how she pushes your buttons? Is she that freaking inconsiderate? perhaps you are a bad mix of personalities and you should take this one as a lesson to move forward to something better.

I would have smacked her too.

I don't think the slap was appropriate, but it was certainly understandable. You sound like an emotional person- and to be with someone capable of such coldness (not to mention the needy "have have sex with me now, I don't care that you just said no" crap) is probably not what's best for you. So I put forgive, but let it be a lesson to you- and look for someone who will treat you with more respect, so you can treat them with respect in turn.

You do sound emotional, and it sounds like she takes advantage of that fact by whining until she gets her way, because you don't want to make her upset. pushing down your feelings will only make you lash out in a horrible way like this. I put 'forgive' because I think that once you learn to stand up for yourself and take things less seriously (oh and maybe get a nicer girlfriend), you'll never do it again.