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You Asked: Everyone Around Me Is Getting Engaged but Me!

Thu, 06/21/2007 - 6:11am by DearSugar
17,371 Views - 34 comments


Dear Sugar—

It's definitely that time of year -- suddenly all the long-term couples I know are getting engaged. I've heard story after story about the oh so romantic proposals. I really am happy for them, but it does sting. One couple is on the younger side (23) and that stung even more because my boyfriend and I are a few years older and have been dating for years. I really feel ready for us to take that step, and it's frustrating to hear these stories when it is something that I really want for us.

I've talked to my boyfriend about our future very recently, and we both agreed we do want to get married, and he reassured me that he loves me and it will happen, but he takes this very seriously and wants to feel 100% ready for that step; so for now, I just have to wait it out. But it doesn't make it any easier on me when I hear about all these these other men getting down on one knee while my guy isn't quite there yet. It feels impossible to ignore! Any advice to get my mind off of it and relax? --Perturbed Penelope

To see DearSugar's answer read more

Dear Perturbed Penelope--

You're absolutely not alone here Penelope. It can be extremely disheartening when all your friends are getting engaged but you, but it sounds as though you are in a great relationship of your own! Getting engaged is a huge step, so although it seems to be happening to everyone around you, be patient, your time will come too.

I can't express enough to you how important being "ready" is. Pressuring your boyfriend into marriage is just going to cause resentment and or fighting in your relationship so I think your boyfriend's right, you're just going to have to wait it out until the time is right.

One thing I have learned is that elaborate engagement stories and romantic wedding weekends might not be all they're cracked up to be after all. Sometimes, a bunch of fluff is just a cover up on a not so perfect partnership, so if I were you, I would focus on enjoying your boyfriend and the connection you have now as boyfriend and girlfriend, and eventually, if it's right and meant to be, everything will fall into place.

In the meantime, since it is summer time, enjoy the sunshine!! Get outside, go to the beach, take a trip with your boyfriend or your girl friends, read a great book, or do whatever makes you happy. I am sure your looming engagement will remain in the back of your mind, that is only natural, but try to just enjoy yourself this summer and keep faith that when the time is right, it will happen for you. Good luck.

Source


34 Comments Add a Comment

  • controlledspin's picture
    controlledspin
    1

    Don't let it get you down. I used to feel that way. My one friend that I was very envious of when she got married, has since gotten divorced, twice. Your time will come. Just think of all the headache's you are avoiding right now - planning a wedding can be very expensive and overwhelming. You have to go through life at your own pace. Good luck!

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • fab4's picture
    fab4
    2

    I'm kinda in the same situation. It sucks and its really hard to be patient! But I try...

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • popgoestheworld's picture
    popgoestheworld
    3

    I think the important thing is that you are both on the same page in terms of your future plans -- which is to eventually marry.

    Everyone is on a different life schedule, and comparing yourself to other people will only make you feel down (unless you start comparing yourself to couples like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell Smiling

    Keep your chin up and just try to enjoy your relationship!

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • ash_marisa's picture
    ash_marisa
    4

    This happened to me last summer. Its like right when you hit 23-24 everyone starts getting engaged (especially all the couples that started dating in college). It was pretty interesting, all of a sudden swarms of my friends were getting engaged, even a few who had only been dating a very short time. I kind of felt left behind, and just wanted my boyfriend to do it all ready since we talked about it all the time. Eventually when the mad-engagement-dash wore down, I relaxed a bit and now this spring it was my turn!
    I also think if you have been a long-term couple and marriage has been discussed as a strong future possibility, once everyone starts getting engaged around you it kind of gives the guy an extra push to get things started (if the cards are already laid out in that direction mind you)

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • BELLA20's picture
    BELLA20
    5

    I AM FEELING THE SAME WAY RIGHT NOW!! THE ONLY THING I CAN DO IS JUST WAIT! Sad

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • Msmarissa006's picture
    Msmarissa006
    7

    EVERYTHING WILL HAPPEN WITH TIME..JUST BE PATIENT..AND MAKE SURE THATS WHAT HE WANTS AND ALSO WHAT YOU WANT..

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • MrsSchmitt's picture
    MrsSchmitt
    8

    We're always going to be jealous of something. I'm married and it seems like everyone around me is getting pregnant but me!

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • DCStar's picture
    DCStar
    9

    Your relationship needs to move at its own speed. It can be difficult not to feel competitive with friend's relationships, but trust me, it'll work out in the long run if you just communicate and are on the same page.

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • txhottie's picture
    txhottie
    10

    Just wait till you are thirty and all those couples start having babies! I am still waiting for the ring, but damn if my clock didn't start ticking louder, Louder and LOUDER!!

    Hang in there! Better to be safe and secure than to be divorced and alone!

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • cravinsugar's picture
    cravinsugar
    11

    I am in the same situation, and thought I was the only one...seems that most of us are! Not only are all of my friends wither getting engaged or getting married, but they are also having babies!n I am trying to be okay with my situation because i have a realtionship with my boyf that all of my single friends (and some of the married ones) envy, but it is hard, esp when everyone you went to highschool with, and those younger than you are carrying on, and then on top of it your paretns are telling you that you are wasting the best years of your life waiting for someone that may never marry you....(i am 99.9% sure we will get married as he have talked about tstuff and i feel comforatble with our coversations, but still)

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • pinknfluffy's picture
    pinknfluffy
    12

    Last year a whole bunch of my friends got engaged, and their weddings were all in the space of a few weeks of each other. This year I'm the only one getting married, and it's much better this way, cos all the excitement is all about me Smiling So in a year or so, when you and your lovey are REALLY ready, all of your friend's weddings will be a distant memory, and you'll be centre of attention Smiling

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • lickety split's picture
    lickety split
    13

    there's no "right" time to get engaged. having said that, i don't think it's fair for your bf to talk out of both sides of his mouth "it will happen"/not ready to take that step.

    since you feel ready to be married you might consider telling him that. and also saying that while you honor his feelings you feel differently. this will open the discussion a bit. he might not be the one for you and it's better to find out now than down the road when you friends all have children and you feel doubly left out.

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • Masqueraded_Angel's picture
    Masqueraded_Angel
    14

    I agree with Lickety. I know how frustrated and disappointed you must feel right now, almost to the point of tears about all this. You said that you and your bf have already been together for years, and that you two are older than everyone else, so what else could he be waiting for? If he's not 100% sure by now, then you need to talk to him and find out just WHAT would make him 100% sure. Don't let him dance around the subject or start talking finances and all that nonsense. If he can't give you a straight answer, then leave.

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • nycgirl's picture
    nycgirl
    15

    What if the reason is financial and he can't afford a ring? I know a couple of guys in this situation, prolonging the inevitable just because they want to blow her out of the water with a really nice rock. You might think you know his motivations for stalling, but then again you might not!

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • PrissyLilBadAss's picture
    PrissyLilBadAss
    16

    Cry me a river! Try when all of your friends are getting married and you're not even dating anyone. Then you can complain.

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • cravinsugar's picture
    cravinsugar
    17

    Prissy...although not having someone when all your friends are getting married you know that you could meet that someone and then get married...when you have been with someone for more than say, 5 years and they don't want to commit to marriage you start feeling like there is a problem with you, or that you have wasted your time when the right person could have come and gone...I think both situations are equally as bad to the person exerpiencing them, so try not to be so one-sided on your thinking.

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • egmorin's picture
    egmorin
    18

    Being married is no picnic and divorcing is easier than getting out of an apartment lease, so I can assure you that it isn't much security. Every time I feel bad about being single or not married, I rent the movie "Closer." If that doesn't cure you of your rush to the altar, go to a divorce support group meeting. If anything, your boyfriend will have to convince you, not the other way around!

    27, single, and wouldn't have it any other way.

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • Lindsb's picture
    Lindsb
    19

    I am one of those that are in the .. try not having someone at all club. I'm just bitter that all my friends have found the 'one' and I can't seem to find one that I can stand. It's incredibly daunting, frustrating, and terrifying to think that I may never find him. At least you've found someone that you love and loves you back.. marriage isn't the most important thing.

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • rainonme224's picture
    rainonme224
    20

    All of my friends were getting engaged a few months back and I felt left out too. I absolutely agree that you cannot rush him into proposing. As hard as it is you just have to let him do it when he feels ready. If you pressure him he's going to do it because you forced him, and he won't feel comfortable. It will be ok you just have to give it time. Guys like to take their sweet time with these things lol

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • pinupsweetheart's picture
    pinupsweetheart
    21

    Look at it this way, all your friends are getting married around the same time. Many people get sick of going to wedding after wedding. When it comes time for your turn, you can stand out and have a great one!

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • moemarsita's picture
    moemarsita
    22

    Stay strong! In a year, I had 15 friends get engaged. It was ridiculous. During that time it was easy to want to do all the fun stuff that comes along with being engaged, but we weren't in the right place to take that step. A year and half later, he got out of debt and saved to buy me a ring. The engagement was simple and no pressure and I, like I imagine you, wouldn't have it any other way. Comparison is the death of, well, most things. This is your time, your relationship. Enjoy the time together and find ways to have a fun and exciting dating life--something that married couples are quick to lose.

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • smzadai's picture
    smzadai
    23

    Yeah, it sucks waiting for him to propose... but it's important to be emotionally and financially secure in your relationship so you can start out on the right foot! Hang in there! Smiling

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • melda's picture
    melda
    24

    most of my friends are married and some even have children! and I have to wait even more maybe when I'm married I'll be 28 yo virgin!!

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • kayden's picture
    kayden
    25

    Be happy for your friends in relationships but, enjoy your life.
    As women we need to make ourselves happy.
    Your life should not revolve around getting married and having children.
    That's a piece of the pie. When your confident, happy, active and enjoying
    life that's when everything starts to improve.
    I was in a relationship for 2 years waiting around. He keep saying let's take our time.
    One excuse after another. I joined a kickboxing class and just got into the gym thing and I met a way better guy. Personality wise and he had a better job. I learned from the past and I fit him into my world" put him on the calander"..He is lucky to have you. I pump myself up with that confident attitude. I did not let the new guy see me get all emotional about a permanant commitment
    This new way of thinking worked and I keep my options open until the new guy actually said I want to only be with you. No more dating others. I keep my time for myself a few days a week so he would not get to comfortable like the last guy and it worked.
    Guys like women they feel they have to grab because, your so busy living, they are afraid you could find someone else
    He has told me that he liked me because I had my own interset and was not like the nagging women always asking about a commitment.24/7 and moving in without being asked.
    We did stuff together and I did my own stuff..
    I won my guy!!

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • starla619619's picture
    starla619619
    26

    i tend to bring up marriage often with my bf but he does too so at least we're on equal ground he does want to get married by the end of the year but he just bought a new car and he cant afford a rin'g at this time.

    1 year 21 weeks ago Report Comment
  • Daddisgrl's picture
    Daddisgrl
    27

    I'm with lickety split & Masqueraded Angel & feel that with a guy like that, he will always find a reason why "now is not good".

    There are jewelry sales all of the time, he can buy you a nice ring for under $1,000 - heck, he can get you a "pre-engagement" ring for under $500. Go to ebay, there's tons of beautiful rings cheap.

    Ever hear of long engagements? Why do people feel the need to be married within a year of the engagement? What's wrong with 2 years? This would satisfy you, since you would have the ring, you both talk of marriage any way. He should put his money where his mouth is. If he can't commit to a longish engagement, time to hit the road.

    You don't say if you live together, but I would assume you don't - he probably isn't ready for that either, right? Life is too short to wait for the "right time", some times you have to live in the here & now.

    If it was me, I would start finding other things to do like one poster said. Start having interests that don't include him. Start blowing him off. He should want you more. If he doesn't and it puts you apart, then you know this wasn't meant to be.

    The real Mr right may very well be around the corner.

    1 year 20 weeks ago Report Comment
  • meganekko's picture
    meganekko
    29

    i'd rather wait until the time is right rather than jump on the bandwagon of proposals. your time will come, trust me.
    i became engaged and was engaged for 5 years. during that time my sister, brother and mother all married and i felt like crap. now i'm just dating someone and i feel fine.

    1 year 20 weeks ago Report Comment
  • pily's picture
    pily
    30

    Cheer up... who isn't waiting for the dreamy ring?

    1 year 19 weeks ago Report Comment
  • jewelsugar's picture
    jewelsugar
    31

    don't stress too much. at least you aren't about to dish out 10K or 20K or more. i know that's why i'm still waiting. we have no money! best wishes girlie!

    1 year 19 weeks ago Report Comment
  • kppontrucking's picture
    kppontrucking
    32

    Don't even get me started on this one. I'm 19 years old, a college junior, and two people from my high school graduating class are already engaged. One of them got engaged about two years ago at the beginning of senior year but they have the sense to wait until after college graduation to marry and the other got engaged to her boyfriend a week ago and she's marrying him in a few months! He's going to be a sophomore in college. She actually moved across the country! Heck, I even think she dropped out of college to get married! Why are people my age in such a hurry to marry? I thought it was supposed to be the time for our generation to gain their independence from their parents and explore different job opportunities! Why be in such a hurry to get married? My dad married my mom while they were in their mid thirties. All I'm going to say is, if you've married before you're ready, you're going to miss the freedom you had as a single woman. Don't get married just because your friends are.

    1 year 18 weeks ago Report Comment
  • deedee0782's picture
    deedee0782
    33

    i agree with Kayden. women can be so needy, it sometimes comes off as sounding pathetic. a few of my friends from high school/college have gotten married recently (im 25). i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and never once did i pressure him about getting married. i know how that deters guys and i didnt want to be 'that girl.' now, he talks about it WAY more than i ever would have because i let him come to that conclusion on his own w.o every making him feel like he had to or that i was vying for a ring like some girls. my father just recently told me that my boyfriend came and asked for my hand. i am more than ready to be engaged, but by giving my boyfriend his space and never houding him about it, things are going along perfectly.
    be your own person, be strong, be confident and things will go your way. potential husbands, and people alike, will be drawn to that.

    1 year 11 weeks ago Report Comment

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