I must say, don't ever send out an invitation to someone you've only met once. I got one a few weeks ago from some chick I've met once and who I only know her fiance and not even that well, it was just screaming, "I'm using you to get more gifts!" I wasn't even invited to reception! Needless to say, I did not RSVP. I hate to sound bitter, but Im just saying... that's what it looks like from my end of the rope.

My advice for people planning showers is to make sure you check with the bride about dates and start planning ahead of time. I had too many showers (lots of family who didn't want to combine!) and two of them happened way too close to the wedding. Being an appreciative bride I didn't complain. It was definitely a challenge to fit them in my schedule since I was taking care of the stuff you can only do at the last minute, preparing to move, and trying to find time not to be a soon to be bride. I would suggest having a shower 8 weeks out. It gives the bride and groom time to do what needs to be done, send thank you cards, and relax a little.

I would agree with the time line of 6-8 weeks out. This also gives you time to adjust your gift registries before the wedding.

Lemuse, I think your feelings are justified. I think its very rude of the bridesmaid to invite you to the shower when you're not invited to the wedding. That's just weird!

Most etiquette guides (emily post, amy vanderbilt, miss manners, etc.) advise that you not put where you are registered on your invitations, wedding shower or otherwise. It creates the appearance that you expect a gift, or that a gift that somebody was going to buy for you isn't good enough if it isn't on your list. Generally, registry information is supposed to be spread through word-of-mouth (like your great aunt Mildred will call your mom to find out where you're registered) or on the internet (for the tech savvy).

Some people feels that "everybody does it," so it must have become ok, but there are many, many people who feel put off by this kind of behavior. Just read Dear Abby or Miss Manners for proof.

facin8me, you are correct that registry info shouldn't be printed on the invite for the wedding and that it should be spread via word of mouth. However, etiquette is different for showers. Showers themselves are to "shower" the bride with gifts and it is considered acceptable to include the information with shower invites. It is best to add it as a seperate insert or to hand write it on a pre-made invite, but the person giving the shower can put the registry details directly on the invite.

I'm going to defer to an expert here, who advises a separate insert for registry information but never putting this information directly on the invitation as has been mentioned here. From emilypost.com:

Do include registry information on a separate sheet in the envelope with the shower invitation, but not on the invitation itself. The theme of the shower (Kitchen, bath, lingerie) may be noted on the invitation, but color preferences or sizes should be noted on a separate insert.

As a wedding coordinator I would advise anyone throwing a shower not to put the registry info on the invite itself unless it was part of the theme. I feel it is acceptable in that case, as do most wedding experts.

You are right about people going with the "everyone else does it" mentality, fasin8me. I have been to a few showers and received a few wedding invitations that had me dropping my jaw due to the lack of tact & etiquette.

I hate the games people play at showers. I think they are so dumb. Fortunately most of my friends feel the same way and have banned them. When and if I get married there will be NO games. Yuck! I am shocked by the number of people that include the registy written on the invite tacky!

I second everything cubadog said.