i wouldn't handle it at all - you can't accuse her of being cheap and rich...you also can't admit to having seen her account...so you need to stop paying for stuff and if she refuses to do fun things that require more funds, then you need to stop hanging out with her so much!

Well I definately wouldnt say anything about it!

Maybe I'd try to learn from her example? That's now the rich stay rich right?

No, but seriously, I do have 2 friends that are like this (altho they never pay my way or mooch or anything) and all I can say is that being cheap has enabled them to save a lot of money.

Which is what you're supposed to do.

So, there you have it.

She may have 3 times as much as you in her checking account, but how do you know that money isn't already spent and the checks just haven't cleared? If she is constantly complaining that she is broke and doesn't pay you back for the $$ you fork out, you could start looking for cheaper or no-cost things to do together. Instead of going out to a movie, rent one and watch it at her house or instead of going out to dinner, invite her and some other friends over to your place for a potluck and board game night or something. And, if you are in a situation where it looks like you will be stuck paying for her, say as sweetly as possible, "gee, I really wish I had the money to lend you for this, but I am really strapped this month" and leave it at that.

really...i'm with martini. like if someone saw my bank statement at one glimpse, they'd think that i was "rich" but then the next day it was all pulled out b/c I cut a check to pay off my car. it could be all saving up for a payment, rent, loans, or any multitude of things. just stop paying for things but don't assume it's b/c she's lying to you. after all, she could be saving for medical reasons as well!

I'm with MartinLush. Even though her bank balance is higher than yours, it doesn't automatically mean she is fiscally healthier than you. As said, those funds may have already been committed. You don't know what her debt and expenses are. Those are important factors. Let's give her the benefit of the doubt.

HOWEVER, if you suspect you're being taken advantage of, stop giving so much. You've been given some excellent advice on how to do that. It's okay to look after yourself, and be fair to yourself (especially if your friend seems like an excessive taker).

Also, I find it questionable that your friend is okay with you treating her half the time, and not reciprocating in any way. She sounds somewhat immature, or may have some warped sense of entitlement. I've dealt with people like this, and I found them toxic. I've put down some boundaries, and created distance between us.

i'd def not say anything. i just wouldnt feel bad for her anymore and stop paying for her so often. but in general, i cant stand going out with cheap ppl. its one thing to not be able to afford stuff, i've skipped out on a few outings due to my lack of money, but when i do go out, its rude and annoying to be cheap. tsk tsk.

Not only is it totally inappropriate to look at her statement and to say anything, you never know why she's got so much money. Maybe she's got a lot more expenses than you've got. Maybe she's recently written a lot of checks and that money is as good as gone. So I wouldn't assume that she's been lying to me.

If she WAS lying to me, well, I'd just stop paying for her. I guess that's how she got rich in the first place.

Whether she's rich or not, just don't pay for everything.

If the person in question is TRULY a friend - of course you'd talk to her. I would have spoken to my true friends about the fact that I'm always paying a long time before seeing her bank statement. Also, my friends would never accept me paying for anything. Maybe I'm just really lucky and have really close relationships with a few people and can be totally honest with them.

I'd just stop footing the bill. It's her choice how to spend her money and if she doesn't want to spend money like you do that's fine. I could see how you'd be upset because you've paid for her in the past but it's over now, just don't do it again. This could be "broke" to her.

I find most of the time, the richer someone is, the cheaper they are. I work with someone who makes a lot of money, he's not married, doesn't have kids, and owns property. Yet he is by far, the stingiest person I know. I shared with him that I'd spent over $75 on dinner for my aunt and he nearly had a heart attack. Some people look down on him for being that cheap but I figure hey, it's his money, he worked for it, let him spend it or not how he sees fit. But we do laugh about him a lot behind his back. Anyway, I do think it was wrong of you to look at her bank statement - what an invasion of privacy. But if it bugs you so much, don't invite her anymore. Period. If she asks, tell her you know she can't afford it and you and the rest of the friends can't afford to be floating her all the time. I'm broke most of the time, and when I can't afford to go out to lunch or dinner/drinks with my friends, I just say not this time. If they ask, I tell them why. They totally understand.

i've actually had a roommate like that, except she had like 10 times more money than i did. but, i ended up not becoming good friends with her, not b/c she was cheap, but more because she was constantly lying about it and trying to take advantage by pretending to be broke. after awhile it got to a point, where she was expecting me to pay for a lot of stuff without even asking. it wasn't being cheap that bothered me, but rather her entire personality

I have a friend who mooches a TON from me and our friends. Because she goes to school in another state and we don't get to see her much it's usually not too big of a deal for her to mooch when she gets home. But it is frustrating to think that from over the years of knowing her, she ends up mooching tons of money. So I either make sure we do something that doesn't require money or I make sure that she's going to pitch in before we do anything. Since we're all college students it helps that we're all trying to stay pretty thrifty. I think this would/will be a more difficult situation down the road once we all have salaries and such.

There really isn't anything you can say. It could be she just hasn't paid her bills. Only you can allow yourself to be taken advantage of so unless you put stop to the dinners out and movies you have no one to blame but yourself. It would appear I have a lot of money since I only get paid once a month so the 15th of every month my checking account always has a lot of money but within 24 hours it is gone.

Sometimes people with a lot of money tend to be cheap most of the time when no one is looking. And remember that you cause your own self to be *taken for*. You could always say no or cut back on helping her out.

And besides, you may have just seen her paycheck or tax check in her account. And who knows, those funds may already be spoken for when it comes to her past debts. If you want to know then just ask her. But if you're scared then just cut back on helping her from now on.

I do know someone who is always crying broke! She currently drives a 7 series BMW. In the past, she has driven a host of other luxury vehicles---Mercedes, LandRover, Infiniti---to name a few. She has always been more interested in keeping up "appearances" than managing her money. She is the type who is quick to borrow LARGE sums, yet slow as snail sh*t when it comes to the BIG payback! Because she is a hair stylist, often times in her mind (and no one else's), she will excuse her debt to others if she performs "complimentary" salon services for you . You unknowingly, however will still be on the hook for any previous outstanding balance. Although this experience has NOT affected me personally, I do know an individual for whom the celebrity stylist has "stiffed", for close to $2000. If "you’re always more than happy to oblige (friends) by grabbing deli sandwiches over a dinner out, or a long walk instead of a trip to the movie theater" then your friend should share that same philosophy. Anything outside of that is considered a LOAN and you are well within your rights to GET THE TERMS IN WRITING. That way, you don't continue to go broke while your so-called friend is Blingin' on your dime! Cheap and rich will NEVER be synonomous with Happy and free!

agree with martini also.

i have a friend who is mad at another friend for not wanting to spend her money on going out for drinks, but spent money on a nice pair of shoes to wear to her new (first) post-grad job, and really yelled at her about it. i thought it was uncalled for, and said so because what people spend their money on is really no one else's business - especially another friend.

if the friend is taking advantage of your generosity, stop treating her all the time. but remember, it was your choice to be generous and unless there was an agreement that she would reciprocate or pay you back, she technically doesn't owe you anything - though it is always nice for someone to treat back. but also, if you are the one offering to treat her when she says "i can't afford it" then it is that - a treat.

my grandfather (who is 95) taught me to be generous with time, money, and love, but not always to expect something in return - that is the nature of being generous. while it is wonderful when someone reciprocates, it should never be expected.

I wouldn't say anything, but I'd stop treating her and paying for her dinners/drinks and such, that's for sure.

If I didn't know about it in the past, I would feel crappy about it but I wouldn't pick a fight over it. I'd just consider it a nice favor I did and let that be.

I'd say you stop paying for her in the future. Don't tell her you checked her account, but let it be known that you're struggling to keep your finances in order and you can only afford to pay for yourself. If she's too stingy to pay for things herself, don't invite her out and let her play you for the money anymore.

Maybe she has debt she has to take care of and really is broke.. or needs to save her money for a big purchase that is important.. either way.. you can't bring it up cuz it's none of your business

i completely agree with what most people said here: the richer the person usually the stingier they are. (horrible grammar there >.

Shouldn't have looked, but it was there, and most humans have a hard time resisting a temptation like that.

Is her job higher paying?
Does she have a lot of bills?
Some checks might not have cleared?
Was it her tax return and/or economic stimulus check in that bunch of money?

Those are all things to take into consideration. But I would really now stop paying her way, and maybe cut down on the amount of time spent together, if you really want to do something with her that costs more money than she has been willing to spend, maybe don't see her for a while, and then make plans in a week advance, and she will probably come around.

Also, if she has a lot of money just sitting in checking, it should be in savings or a money market account for better interest.

I have a nice savings account and some mutual funds, 401Ks, Roth IRA's with a little money in them. But I still say I'm broke.

All the money in the savings is in case something should happen (like car dies, if I get fired, etc) and the rest is for retirement. I don't touch that stuff. My wealth at the moment goes by how much I have in my checking account. That's my expendable income.

It's not my fault if someone else lives more freely and spends all that they make. Trying to save and live at the same time is hard to do. It's only going to get worse when there are kids in the picture.

How much money you have and how rich you feel is all relative & everyone has their own budget, not always is a bunch of lunches out with your friends in your budget.

At the same time, I don't mooch off anyone either. I'll turn down an invite if I don't have the funds before expecting someone else to pay.

People, I dont think this is a "true story" I think the idea of having three times as much in her account is just a way for the author to tell a story about how she really does have a lot of money... All these assumptions that her checks might not have cleared yet is irrelevant!
If this is the case, like it is with so many of us and our one or two pennie pinching friends- I'd say don't be an accomplice to their habits of miserly-hood. In other words stop offering to pay! If they agree to go out with you then they should agreee to footing their portion of the bill.

Well I have a fair wad of cash in the bank atm but its coz I'm saving for an o/s trip so I don't count it as actual "money". I basically think you can't say anything and should just stop paying her way so you don't feel taken advantage of, its her money and her business and you have to be REALLY carefull mixing with friendships and $$'s issues!

Well if I had been paying for a lot of her meals or drinks and she didn't pay me back, I'd be kind of pissed!! I understand that the rich don't spend their money all crazy because that's how they stay rich, but come on..using your friends' money for things whether you're rich or just 'comfortable' isn't 'friendly' at all!!!

When I get my student loan I often have three times as much money as anybody else, but that's because it is my living expenses for three months!

I wouldn't do anything other than cut back on how much I was paying for things. I don't pay for things for other people often anyway.

i dunno, money is not a thing with me and my friends.

we have dinner, lunch, drinks, whatever. no one keeps track of who paid what. regardless if they can afford it or not.

That doesn't mean she was lying!! It says it right there in black and white 'notoriously stingy'. Stingy is NOT synonymous with poor. Was Ebenezer Scrooger poor? No, he was just stingy.

She really is stingy if she makes you pay for her all the time though. And people consider 'broke' differently. Someone might feel broke when they can't afford two Hermes Birkin bags a year. Another person might consider broke not being able to buy groceries.

Just don't offer to pay for her anymore and if she tries to put it all on you, ask for separate checks in the beginning of the meal. If you don't want to confront her about this (and you shouldn't, as you had no business snooping in her personal affairs), then just say that you want to keep better track of your spending, and it's easier if you have a separate check, and a separate receipt.