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You Asked: Are My Sexual Habits Normal?

Tue, 06/24/2008 - 5:00pm by DearSugar
1,916 Views - 17 comments

Dear Sugar,

I was in a long-term relationship for nearly five years. Things were very tumultuous and we finally called it quits just over a year ago. It was a bad end, and I've had a challenging time getting over it. In fact, I still don't feel like I can even really process it and have yet to open up to my friends. I haven't dated in a year or had sex since we broke up. Instead, I've been masturbating once almost every day. I don't think my friends masturbate that much, and it's not like me too either. I'm concerned that my behavior isn't healthy. Is there something wrong with me?

— Concerned Crissy

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Concerned Crissy,

There is no limit on what constitutes a normal frequency of masturbation as it can greatly vary from person to person. A far greater concern than the number of times you masturbate per week is whether or not your level of masturbation or need for self-pleasure is affecting your daily life. In your case, it doesn't sound like your sexual habits are necessarily impeding your ability to remain functional; however, I'm concerned that self-pleasuring might be taking the place of dealing with the pain you have yet to process from your relationship.

I think it's time to reveal your feelings about your past to your friends and yourself. Look into talking with a therapist who can work closely with you to delve into some of those darker places. And don't be shy about bringing up your masturbation practices either. A therapist can help you figure out if this new habit is OK for you or if it's a manifestation of some of the issues you have yet to grapple. Most importantly, recognize that the sooner you can begin working through the past, the sooner you can start feeling better.

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17 Comments Add a Comment

  • sarahPUFFY's picture
    sarahPUFFY
    1

    There's nothing wrong at all about masturbating on a daily basis. What's bad is that you're still grieving over the spoilt relationship with your ex. Talk to someone - a counselor, therapist, family member, or friend - and ask for help. They'll help you heal the wounds.

    9 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • TheMissus's picture
    TheMissus
    2

    There's nothing wrong with it! Good for you for doing it!

    But I agree with SarahPUFFY... You need help in figuring out how to heal and get over your ex.

    9 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • Berlin's picture
    Berlin
    3

    As long as you are doing it because you want to orgasm, there is nothing wrong with it! Mighty healthy indeed:)

    If you are doing it as a way to not think about other issues or are using it as an escape or emotional substitution (like when people are depressed and eat away their emotions or drink) then that is when it becomes a problem.

    So just make sure you are doing it b/c you are all sorts of turned on and want some explosive ends:)

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • Meike's picture
    Meike
    4

    'Normal' differs from person to person. Nothing is wrong with you doing it daily. Nothing is wrong with your girl friends doing it less frequently.

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • K is For Kait's picture
    K is For Kait
    5

    Well, unless you've asked your friends, you can't really assume they're not doing so just as frequently. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if they did. It's just one of those conversations that never happens, so don't fret over what others may or may not be doing. If they act differently, it doesn't mean what you're doing is bad.

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • GlowingMoon's picture
    GlowingMoon
    6

    I think your behavior is healthy. Physically, it's good exercise. Also, I think it's okay to enjoy your sexuality, and to have a relationship with your body in that way. Your sexuality is YOURS. Enjoy it.

    When you're physically intimate with someone else, you happen to be sharing your sexuality with another partner (likewise your partner with you), but bottom line, your sexuality is YOURS.

    Furthermore, if I were you, I wouldn't compare your sexual appetite with anybody else's. Everybody has a different sexual appetite. What's normal for them, may not be normal for you, and vice versa. It's inaccurate to compare.

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • JaimeLeah526's picture
    JaimeLeah526
    7

    I think Dear is right. There is nothing wrong with actually masturbating unless you're using it to cope or to make yourself feel better. There is definitely nothing wrong with masturbating every day, I'm sure a lot of people do.

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • Janine22's picture
    Janine22
    8

    I say enjoy your self-love, buy some toys and just have fun! As for whether your friends do it that much, who cares? It's really no one's business, and even if they did do it frequently, as if they would admit it to you anyway. I think what you are doing is much better than sleeping with random guys-oftentimes this isn't even sexually fufilling for a girl anyway.
    I think that being unable to get over your breakup is a separate issue, but it might really help you to open up to your friends or someone you feel comfortable about it, just to deal with your sadness and then move on. Good luck to you.

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • ninjastarlett's picture
    ninjastarlett
    9

    Well, you do it because it feels good right? It's not actually a problem until it bothers you or disrupts your life, but Dear might be right in that it sounds like you're using it as a coping mechanism. Whether or not it is can't be answered by us.

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • Lovely_1's picture
    Lovely_1
    10

    Let me tell you something:

    When I go ONE day without sex, I masturbate.

    And, if I dont' have a boyfriend to keep me satified, I Masturbate roughly once (sometimes on a rare occurance) twice a day!

    PM me if you want Smiling

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • Blackwood's picture
    Blackwood
    11

    As long as you enjoy it, why should there be anything wrong with it?

    And as far as your friends concern...

    you don't have to be like them to be normal or feel good.

    Plus, unfortunately, there's still a lot of women who think female masturbation is something no normal or something to be ashamed of, so most of them will not admit to do it even when they do.

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • kia's picture
    kia
    12

    If you aren't ready to come to terms with your break-up and issues of intimacy with another person then you are right to get your luvin' elsewhere. Handle your business and deal with finding satisfaction from someone else when you have healed enough to cope with another relationship. There is nothing wrong with pleasuring yourself... we are taught to be super taboo about it. As long as it is not disrupting your life it is all good.

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • designerel's picture
    designerel
    13

    who's to say how much is too much? unless you're obsessed with masturbating and do it every minute of everyday, i don't see the problem. you're completely normal.

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • snowbunny11's picture
    snowbunny11
    14

    Why would it be bad to masturbate to make yourself feel better? Isn't that the point?

    9 weeks 2 days ago Report Comment
  • plasticapple's picture
    plasticapple
    17

    "Better then doing it with random guys."

    Hey, there's nothing wrong with that...as long as you're safe!

    I think it's completely okay to masturbate every day.

    9 weeks 1 day ago Report Comment

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