I'd tell her to handle it herself next time and not come crying to you over her jealous boyfriend.

Forgive! How can she not see you are trying to be a good friend. Their fights are not only their problem if its affecting you. You had a right to say something. I hope things work out soon.

Forgive. You're actually friends with both of them and a very involved friend, from the sounds of this pattern they're into. You weren't out of line at all in talking to him, he listened and hopefully even heard everything you said. I'm not sure what your friend's reaction is, but you didn't do anything wrong. In fact, you did something very right; you pointed out a bad behavior pattern going on with them. Maybe it will make a difference. And I agree with gooniette that if your friend doesn't want you involved, then she shouldn't get you involved, which is what she's been doing.

Forgive, and I agree with everyone so far. You approached the situation like an adult, and it sounds like even the rageaholic boyfriend handled it fairly well. Your roommate is being a baby about this, and it will probably be several years (if ever) before she realizes she was in the wrong. From now on, just tell her that you're choosing to remain neutral on this topic. If she keeps bringing it up, ignore her or change the subject.

I'm in the minority here -- not forgive. Bottom line, stay out of their relationship. Their (tumultuous) relationship is their business, not yours.

In my opinion, and expressed by your friend, she did not need you to stand up for her. She was handling her boyfriend her way. You may not have approved of her way, but that truly does not matter, as this is HER relationship, not yours.

However, I understand that their fighting around you makes you uncomfortable. You have the right to avoid them in the likelihood they would fight. Also, consider telling them to stop fighting when they are at your friend and your home. It's YOUR residence, too, and you have the right to enjoy your residence in peace. (Also, thank goodness she plans on moving out, and in with him. There should be less fighting at your residence. LOL)

how can you stay out of a war in your living room? as soon as someone comes crying to you you're involved. if this girl is mad because you repeated something she said then next time she should keep her outh shut. it's called a personal life for a reason; don't bring others into it if you don't want them there

wow, be glad she's moving out. you're a friend to them but are either of them a friend to you? i forgive you but not either of them.

Forgive. She is bringing the drama to you, in your own house. You did the right thing. She is just being a pushover by letting it go on without standing up for herself.

Mm, I say forgive because you meant well, but you shouldn't have butted in.

Don't get in the middle of couples' fights, it will always somehow be your fault in the end.
If you wanted to talk to her boyfriend about this, you should have asked her first. And if you truly couldn't deal with all the drama anymore, you should have told her that, even though you'll always be there for her, it's becoming really hard for you to stay impartial or not to say anything to him, so if she wants to keep you out of it, she shouldn't come crying to you anymore.

At the end of the day though, your friend should be thankful she has someone who cares enoug about her to actually stand up for her. I hope she comes to realise that.

forgive.
you're assed out either way.
you told her bf how much of a jerk he is and your friend got mad

take it to the extreme
where he' beating her ass
and you say nothing...and she'll get mad at you for not saying something earlier.

if someone doesnt want you butting into their business, don't make a 3rd party part of it by crying to them about it.

I say encourage her to move out sooner so she'll continue to pay for her sins: Being a jacka$$. She's asking for it, she deserves it.

GlowingMoon - The OP indicated that her friend and her boyfriend fight in front of her and she is the "one trying to calm them both down or comfort my friend at the end of the night". By extension her friend has directly involved the OP in her personal life. If she doesn't want the OP to be involved she and her boyfriend should learn to cope with their relationship in a more mature way.

I don't know. I understand that you had good intentions. But, what are you going to do next...march down to her office if you think her boss isn't being fair? Confront her teachers if they don't give her a good grade? I would be livid if a friend butted in to my life that way.

And, the fact that you say she and you have discussed the problem and she has chosen not to act should be a huge red flag to you that she wouldn't want you to charge in there and take care of business. Right or wrong, she's decided she's going to tolerate this ridiculous behavior. Why would you override that?

Forgive. I would've done the same thing. Because they're fighting, they drag you into it. You have to calm you friend down, you have to hear them fight. Well then you should also have the right to try to solve the problem. And why can't you talk to her boyfriend? Just because he's her boyfriend doesn't mean you're not allowed to talk to him!
Tell her you were trying to help. What else were you supposed to do? And if she still doesn't forgive you then she should either move out, get a new boyfriend or stop fighting with him.

I fogive but next time...MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS...it's a couple not a threesome. Your friend is in full "in lust" mode she won't listen to reason...let her learn from her mistakes. They will break-up...whether it takes them a few days...or a few years.

When you get to be 50 you've learned to stay the hell out of other people's business. I learned the hard way also. I agree with others - tell her to go crying to someone else next time.

Lildorothyparker, I noticed her friend and boyfriend argued in front of the OP, too, but in reality, the friend did NOT want the OP involved. When the OP got involved, she received a lot of criticism and opposition from her friend. The boyfriend didn't appreciate it either.

And yes, this is why I think the couple is being immature. They openly display their problems in the front of the OP, and attack her when she tries to help. They have blurred the boundary of their relationship, and blamed her.

However, I think the OP directly got herself into this mess. SHE stuck her nose into their relationship. And now, sadly, she found out the hard way there IS boundary. The friend and boyfriend has made it clear.

The next time that immature couple argues in front of her (and blurs the boundary, sending a mixed message to her), the OP should excuse herself, and leave the room. She could say something like,"I'm going to let you two have your words in private. I'm uncomfortable being a spectator." Reinforce that couple's intended boundary, as that immature couple doesn't always do it.

Honestly...they got you involved in their relationship from the get-go. She's no right to be mad at you when every other night she's in your arms bawling away over him. Next time she wants to cry to you, just tell her she's being selfish by making you feel uncomfortable.

If you always have to fix their problems or deal with the consequences then you have every right to get involved. If you're always hanging out with them and are close to both of them than it becomes your problem.

I say forgive, you were just frustrated and concerned.

But now you've also learned why you should really stay out of other people's problems. Yes, it sucks that she comes crying to you and you feel powerless to do anything about it, but the solution would be to point this out to her, say, "I really want to be here for you and console you, but it is sad to me that nothing changes and tomorrow you will forget how upset you are now. I can't really be a part of this anymore."

I would advise anyone to stay out of their friends' relationships unless they believe the friend is in direct danger. If you believe the friend is being emotionally abused (not in this case) I think you should "get involved" only to the extent that you bring this up to your friend. Once. Politely. I had to tell my friend that her boyfriend was repeatedly cheating on her, and it was the hardest thing ever. And of course she stayed with him. And for a while I was the bad guy. Sometimes, yes, you can get involved, you need to, but very rarely, and only with your friend, not the boyfriend.

GlowingMoon - I do agree with you on most of your points. The OP did stick her nose in their business and yes it did backfire.

I contend that it backfired only because the OP's friend didn't like what she had to say. I have found based on my experience, and the experience of many of my friends, that we only want to hear advice that coincides with what we already believe - we're only willing to listen to our friends when they reinforce our feelings. So long as the friend is upset with her boyfriend, she will listen to her non-partisan advice.

Bottom line: Yes, she should have stayed out of it and yes she needs to create boundaries, but her friend needs to grow up.

Just another thought: We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions.

"I contend that it backfired only because the OP's friend didn't like what she had to say."

Interesting point. Perhaps you're right.

"Just another thought: We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions."

LOL. So true, so true.

I think you did the right thing. You were just looking out for her best interests by talking to him. And obviously you talked to her about it first, so she can't say you didn't. She can't see the situation how you see it, so that's why she's blaming you for 'making it worse than it really is' (probably what she's thinking in her head). But anyway, just take a step back now and know you were only trying to help, whether it worked or not!

She's just pissed because she knows you're right.

Their relationship sounds really dysfunctional, and while I am sure your intentions were good, I would just stay out of it if I were you. Nothing will change with them until they decide to change. If they ask why you will not go out with them anymore, be honest and say you can't stand the drunken drama anymore. But that's about it, don't get involved, I don't think it will be worth it for you. If you can't stand the drama, start looking for a new roomate. If she asks why you want to do this, tell her.

Forgive; you were just looking out for your friend, plus their behaviour made you feel uncomfortable in your own home and they never seem to have considered how you felt. I think it's good that this happened, because at least you know exactly where you stand and what her feelings are. But next time stay out of it, and if she needs you she can come to you.

This is an awful situation for you, but I agree that you need to try to stay out of their relationship. It's unfair to you because they have brought their drama into your living space, but it's still not your place to get in the middle of their fights. (Unless, of course, he starts hitting her or something.)

ps: great comments lildorothyparker!

Undecided because I don't think what you did was such a terrible thing that you need to ask for forgiveness. But it wasn't exactly a smart move either.

The world has a shortage of people who are willing to stick their neck out and take a stand for someone else, and this is exactly why. You get involved in other people's troubles, you get trouble. People will not thank you for it. In many cases, getting involved will turn you into a convenient scapegoat for their various problems. Don't take on this thankless insanity unless it's something so extremely serious or so heinous that no decent person should turn a blind eye to it. This jealous boyfriend issue is not it.

I say forgive...I can only assume that you approached him trying to help.

Me on the other hand would have told BOTH of them I'm SICK of it. My choice of words would have not been so nice.

I know you love your friend but it's time to take a step back from her. Right now she is caught up in a whirlwind unhealthy mess! The only thing you can do is decided whether or not to allow her to move back in once things completely blow up in her face. Like someone said encourage her to move out sooner...

...Their drama WILL NOT stop and you will constantly be sucked in to this drunken vortex. Next time either excuse yourself or tall her to take it to her room. Me...I'd call the cops but you do you sweetie

IMO friends should never butt into their friends relationships. Unless you see him acting out in a violent way or influencing illegal behavior.

You should've just said something about the noise, not about his behavior. That is your friends job to comment on if any comment is needed.

Butting in just makes your friends resent you and the guy not like you.

I say forgive- in my friendships I would have done the same thing (though you seem to have been involved repeatedly). I agree that you should have stayed out of it IF it didnt concern you but it does -if they did it in front of you and in your home you have every right to speak up. Perhaps I have would talked to your friend first before talking to her boyfriend and tell her if she and her BF can't behave like adults, you will take matters into your own hands. That way she can deal with it. Sorry you got stuck in this situation - I feel for you. And I dont think you did anything wrong - I definitely can see myself doing the same.

I don't forgive you!

You shoulda got a bowl of water, put it in the microwave. warmed it up for about 5 minutes while the fought. then YAAAA! throw it on them! SHUT all that f*ckin' noise up!

okay, i forgive you.

i say this; i feel where you are coming from, but anytime there is a situation like this, you have to step back and let them be. because it always ends like this.

you're roommie/bff is a donkey. she dates a guy who will probably beat her a*s when they move in together. she takes his crap. and YOU are suppose to be the mediator. That takes a toll on you and your sanity.

This is the same girl who will get her a*s kicked up and down the stairs by a guy, run to you, and then expect you not to have a reaction.

friends are suppose to support each other, but never should it be at the expense of your happiness. They have repeatedly ruined your nights out, or your nights in when they come home with their bull-drama.

if she gets as*y about it, tell her maybe she should move out sooner than later. I don't know your financial situation, but if you have to get some cash from your parents, drunk uncle, married boyfriend, whomever . . .get it to make up her half of the rent. she is not worth the headache. she's probably causing your hair to fall out.

THIS is why i don't have roommates!

P.S

when she moves out, she's probably still gonna come to you with this drama. this is how you need to handle her from now on:

Her:Hey Sarah. I need to talk.

You:Oh hey. what's up?

Her: Jake is such a jerk, he got us put out of the Roxy again. I just hate how he gets all jealous . . .

You: umm. . . .are you going to Samantha's birthday party? I have to find a dress for it. it's suppose to be really nice.

leave that h* hangin' with her drama.

LMAO Asia- yes changing the subject works wonders!

LOL Asia. That made my day. XD

i think that you were taking care of yourself by not being in a sucky situation and having yet another night ruined.. i think that it's pretty disrespectful of your friend to fight and make scenes, and bring that to your mutual home, and then leave you to pick up the pieces.. If you talked to him calmly and reasonably, then you did the RIGHT thing! You love them both, and you want it to be harmonious, and your feelings heard.. I'm sorry she wasn't receptive, or at the very least, understanding. She needs to cool down and get some perspective.. anyone else would completely understand your position, and hopefully she will too, especially when she moves out and you're not there to console her anymore! It will hopefully help improve your relationship if you aren't there to witness her relationship problems regularly.