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Where Do You Stand? Changing Your Name When You Get Married

Thu, 07/17/2008 - 6:00am by DearSugar
1,630 Views - 101 comments

I have a close friend who's getting married and she has an amazing last name. It's so awesome, in fact, that everyone refers to her by it. Her dilemma then is, should she change her last name and take on her husband's after saying I do? It's a tough decision for any woman: giving up your identity to take on your man's is not a decision that should be taken lightly. Some women may find comfort in the idea of becoming a family and both having the same last name whereas others prefer to hold on to her own family roots; and then there are those who stay safe somewhere in the middle. It's totally a personal preference, so where do you stand on this issue? After getting married, will you take on your partner's last name?

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101 Comments Add a Comment

  • Le Luxe's picture
    Le Luxe
    1

    I like it because I think its traditional. Plus, I can't wait to get rid of my last name- it stinks. haha

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • imLissy's picture
    imLissy
    3

    I think it's kinda neat. I really like his family and look forward to sharing my last name with them. I'm still going to keep my last name as a middle name though. Our last name dies with me unfortunately.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • sportsaholic21's picture
    sportsaholic21
    4

    I think it will be fun to have the same last night and I am with Le Luxe, I HATE my last name so am definitely ready to trade it in at the first opportunity!

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • javsmav's picture
    javsmav
    5

    It's a totally sexist practice & there is no way I would take my husband's name. I hate my last name, but I'd rather have a name I hate than participate in this ridiculous practice. I like to pretend like women are equal even if we aren't.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • TheMissus's picture
    TheMissus
    7

    I kept my name...

    The Husband has a great last name... But I have always had my name, and I intend to keep it as it is.

    PLUS... God forbid we should ever get divorced... If I had changed it, and we did get un-hitched, I would have to SUE for the right to use my maiden name.

    I don't think a lot of woman realize that when they go and change the name. Should you ever get divorced (and 50% of us do), you have to fill out a ton of paperwork to change your name back.

    So not worth it, in my opinion.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • gabiushka's picture
    gabiushka
    8

    Im married, kept my last name and he did not mind. I would feel so weird, specially since I come from a completely different place where this is not practiced. It would not feel like it is me when I would introduce myself...

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • skigurl's picture
    skigurl
    9

    i'm going to add his name after mine, without a hyphenate
    that's what my aunt did and it's perfect. it unites the family but allows you to retain your own name.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • kiwitwist's picture
    kiwitwist
    10

    I think two people that are married should have the same last name for the children's sake (if they are having any). Makes things easier. You can keep your last name for business and have his last name for personal. OR he can change his name to yours. I think we should all be able to find some kind of compromise. But to each their own.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • skigurl's picture
    skigurl
    11

    TheMissus, how realistic and unidealistic of you

    i hope this isn't something you're anticipating in the future, however

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • ElizabethRae's picture
    ElizabethRae
    12

    I love that it symbolizes us joined as one. We are making a home together. And I LOVE being referred to as The 'Smiths.' We're a unit. It wasn't easy to give up my last name, but I love the unified household. And that we'll both share our name with our children.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • CHUBSTAAA's picture
    CHUBSTAAA
    14

    I am keeping my last name, hands down.
    Nguyen (mine) vs Slusarczyk (his) ? Please... LOL

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • Lovely_1's picture
    Lovely_1
    15

    I am going to take my hubby's name. It's tradition and I am a traditionist.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • geebers's picture
    geebers
    16

    Chubstaa- HA that made me laugh. I would keep mine in some way - whether I keep it as a middle name or not take his. It is part of me and I couldnt bear to lose it. Plus my first name is unique so it would be hard to find a last name that goes.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • geebers's picture
    geebers
    17

    Chubstaa- HA that made me laugh. I would keep mine in some way - whether I keep it as a middle name or not take his. It is part of me and I couldnt bear to lose it. Plus my first name is unique so it would be hard to find a last name that goes.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • gab6784's picture
    gab6784
    18

    I think a woman should take her husbands name since its tradition, however, in my case I chose to hyphenate my name. I did it because my father passed when I was young and we have no males to continue the name I didn't want it to die so I kept it.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • pinkprincess1101's picture
    pinkprincess1101
    19

    umm just a side note if there is a divorce there is not a lot of paper work, all you need to do to change your name is ask the judge to grant a name change in the petition of divorce and it will be granted, then present your divorce decree to whatever places like the SS and DMV and that is it not that hard, i did this a almost two years ago in my decree i asked for my name to be changed to my uncles name who raised me

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • annalizer's picture
    annalizer
    20

    I have a unique last name right now and I don't really want it to be changed to Cox....

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • cjmara805's picture
    cjmara805
    21

    I think when I get married, I'll take his last name, but keep my maiden name as a middle name (and I won't use a hyphen, it drives men mad!). Professionally however, I think I want to keep my maiden name.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • fweetieb's picture
    fweetieb
    23

    I wish I would have stuck with my maiden name for my first marriage - such a hassle to get it changed after the divorce, I just stuck with it until I met Mr. Right. Then I had no choice but to take Mr. Right's last name, just to get rid of the ex's. Fortunately, I love my new last name and it fits me well.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • Sweet as Sugar's picture
    Sweet as Sugar
    24

    For sure for sure keeping my own last name. I don't like the sexism behind the tradition. Also would never have my dad walk me down the aisle as I'm not property to be handed off from one man to another...just my own personal beliefs!

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • bbkf's picture
    bbkf
    25

    It was very important to both of us that we have the same last name. We discussed us both changing our last names to something completely new, but he has a nice, easy last name so we just kept it. I think it shows a unity of the family. Doesn't matter whether you take his, he takes yours, or you take a new one together.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • Fallen85's picture
    Fallen85
    26

    I've been pondering this decision for the last while... I have a really long name already, 1 first name, 2 middle names and a nice long last name. I love my current last name (O'Connor) because as soon as people meet me they go "Oh, you're irish! What part of Ireland is your family from?" etc etc so if I add my boyfriends last name (Small) I'll have the longest name ever... Also, I use one of my middle names as my first name and it rhymes with Small so that sounds kind of weird... on the other hand I'm 5'1 so it would actually be kind of cute.

    Ugh I dont knoooow. I want to take his last name but I dont want to lose mine completely. This it would be alright for me to lose one of my middle names? Argh.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • SusanTeufel's picture
    SusanTeufel
    27

    My last name, Teufel, is difficult to say, spell, and means "devil" or the like in German, my German teacher kicked me out of class because she was extremely superstitious. On the other hand, my fiance's last name is Fox. How cute, right? Short, sweet, a fuzzy adorable animal? Easy to spell, who misspells fox? All for changing my name in 29 days myself.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • Whiplash's picture
    Whiplash
    29

    I'm going to keep my last name, mostly because I don't like his. And also, because I think it's an outdated and sexist tradition. To each their own, though - I've got no problem with anyone else wanting to change their name.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • SusanTeufel's picture
    SusanTeufel
    30

    I'm personally one of those girls who has doodled "Mrs. Susan ______" forever, myself. I don't think Susan Fox sounds weird, really...But Susan Teufel has a flow to it. Oh well. I still rather have his.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • sjtoliver's picture
    sjtoliver
    31

    if you really identify with your maiden name, then there's no reason you should give that up! as for me, it's just not a big deal. who I am is a lot more than just a last name.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • aeschere's picture
    aeschere
    32

    i hate my last name and the association i get to other family members. if i had my mom's last name, i would keep it in my name when i get married.. but i get my dad's name, which i reaaaaaaaaaaally don't like and carries a reputation. no thank you. besides, i really adore Lao last names!

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • lms's picture
    lms
    33

    I hyphenated my name and I also did the same thing with our daughter.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • zabrow's picture
    zabrow
    34

    my last name is long & hard for other people to pronounce, so i'll get rid of it. i don't feel that attached to my last name, so i wouldn't feel like i was giving up my identity at all.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • snowbunny11's picture
    snowbunny11
    35

    I think my comment got eaten! Sorry if this posts a million times!

    I'll definitely be keeping my last name. I know a lot of people have said that they are traditional and that's why they would change it, but I think it's kind of a sexist tradition! I do want to honor my fiance's family in some kind of way, but I don't think I should change my name to do so!

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • Da Ly's picture
    Da Ly
    36

    My last name is moving to be my middle name (since my family never bothers with middle names) and I will be taking on my fiance's name. Plus, I love the idea of taking a super german name instead of my vietnamese name.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • Renees3's picture
    Renees3
    37

    My last name has been changed twice already. I was born Ribardiere (my mom got married 9 months pregnant and I was born with his name) then she re-married to whom I consider my dad and he adopted me as Stromberg. I love my dad VERY much, but there's nothing special to me about the name. I plan on taking my bf name when we get married. It just seems simpler and I like the idea of us being Mr and Mrs. you know? Also we plan on owning a jewelry store and naming it his last name so it'll be neat for it to be my last name too Smiling

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • ValenCina's picture
    ValenCina
    38

    It is a completely sexist tradition and I would never give up my last name. However here in Italy nobody does it any longer, I was quite shocked when I learned that the majority of women in USA do it (as far as I know).

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • Neekoh's picture
    Neekoh
    40

    For the past 5 years or so, I've had my mind set on hyphenating mine. My name now is so unique to my family and my culture, that I would hate giving it up; but I also want to show my future husband that I am completely committed to him, so I'd also want to take his. If he doesn't respect that, maybe he's not the name for me.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • RubberDogTurds's picture
    RubberDogTurds
    42

    I am going to take my last name and make it my middle name so I can still take on my husband's last name like I want, but keep that special part of me. I understand that may not be for everyone because I'm in a special circumstance where I've never gone by my first name, always my middle, so dropping one of my names and changing everything around is something I actually want.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • lawchick's picture
    lawchick
    43

    "I kept my maiden name with my husband's blessing." -- GlowingMoon, me too. Also I don't think this poses ANY problems with children, as one poster said. I went to school with a girl whose parents had different last names. Her middle name was her mom's last name and her last name was her dad's last name. Sometimes she would use her full name, sometimes just her first and last. Everyone knew whose child she was. It was a non-issue.

    I don't care what anyone else does. I just care if they are critical about my decision.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • hoolywood's picture
    hoolywood
    44

    i would never change my last name. i've been that person behind that name my whole life- how could i want to change that?!

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • Rozenaut's picture
    Rozenaut
    45

    I was more than happy to change my name when I got married. Aside from just being a sucker for traditions and really wanting to share a name with him... I had grown up with a last name that nobody could pronounce and was happy to ditch it.

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • girlnone's picture
    girlnone
    46

    Can we talk about the fact that we have to choose between our father's name or our husband's name? I don't find the maiden name to be that much less sexist. Darn stupid patriarchal societies....

    17 weeks 6 days ago Report Comment
  • valancyjane's picture
    valancyjane
    47

    For those of you who say you want to have the same name as your husband ... would he ta