Dear Sugar,
I met this guy over a year and a half ago. We fell for each other instantly, intensely, and passionately. However three or four months in, it was clear (from our constant clashing) that we differed in personalities, likes and dislikes, opinions, communication styles, you name it. His inability at controlling his temper created a lot of problems for us. When we argue, it's common for him to call me names, swear at me, and make low blows. I know I don't deserve this, I've been treated far better by men in my life, yet I can't seem to leave this guy. I'm in love with him, and it breaks my heart to give up and walk away. What should I do? How can I gather courage, face the facts, and do what I need to do? — I Deserve Better Barb
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Dear I Deserve Better Barb,
I'm glad to hear that you're aware that you don't deserve to be talked down to like that by anyone, let alone your boyfriend, but I also understand the fear of walking away from the man you love. It sounds as though you fell for each other pretty quickly before you really had a chance to get to know each other, which is why you are just now realizing how different you are.
Since I don't know anything about the good parts of your relationship, I can only talk to what you've told me. Of course people get fiery when they fight, and it's not uncommon to say things you don't mean in the heat of the moment, but it sounds like his behavior is borderline abusive. Since you two are so different, in what sounds like every part of your personalities, I think it would behoove you to cut your losses now before you get even more emotionally involved. Walking away from someone you care deeply about is scary, yes, but staying with someone that has the ability to belittle you the way he does is even worse.
It is time to face the facts Barb. When you love someone, you don't intentionally hurt them. Sure, all relationships have their problems, but having an uncontrollable temper is a huge red flag. Urging him to see a therapist is a great first step. At the end of the day, though, you're going to have to follow your gut and I think it's telling you the right thing — to leave him. I wish you luck, and continue to stay strong.
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Insane head over heels passion doesnt always equal a long lasting loving relationship.
I have been with my husband for over 3 years and never once has he EVER called me a name or sweared at me and same goes for me. When you love and respect someone you dont do that. I think if you stay with this guy you would have a lifetime of hurt to look forward to