I think it depends on the people. I see no reason NOT to live together before marriage and I think it's probably for the best in most cases. BUT there are some people who chose not to based on religious beliefs and I would guess, what their family(s) think.

From what I understand back in the day it was a combination of all of the above plus you weren't supposed to be intimate with one another until you were married. And lets face it, things just don't work that way now days. SO really, unless it's some serious religious belief I don't know what is stopping people.

I think until you live with someone, you don't really know them. For me living with my future husband was an almost bigger step then actually getting married, because I had never lived with a bf before. I think if you marry someone you haven't lived with, you might be in for a surprise.

I am guilty of moving in too quickly with one of my exes. And it was a bad idea! We were not ready and I ended up getting walked all over and taken advantage of. It's a lot harder to break up with someone you live with, I ended up staying a lot longer in the relationship then I should have, because staying together was easier than breaking up, splitting all of our stuff and moving out (and back in with my parents, talk about embarrassing).
It's a huge commitment and people take it way too lightly. It's hard when you're young though, because you both will benefit economically, but it's definitely worth it to wait as long as you can.
I don't know about waiting till marriage though, because I think you don't really know someone until you've lived together. So I won't move in with my boyfriend until we're at least engaged. Then you have a little time to figure out if you can live together before making that big step.

This should be a heated one, but I really feel you shouldn't live together until marriage. But it really does depend on the person.

I wonder what the divorce statistics are of people who lived together vs waited!

Good Idea: Living together is more serious than people tend to treat it.

The divorce rate for those who cohabitate before marriage is MUCH higher than for those who do not. Also, cohabitating gives the guy all the benefits of marriage without the committment! The girl defiantely suffers in that situation.

Definitely a bad idea. You don't know the ins and outs of someone until you live with them. Getting into a commitment as big as marriage without living together is just ridiculous. Being a newlywed is about enjoying eat other not obsessing about how big of a slop your new husband is. Why not get that out of the way early?

I think it really depends on the couple. I lived with one of my ex-boyfriends. I don't regret it, but I won't do it again. I'm also almost 30 years old, so at my age I think you need to either commit all the way or break-up. No playing house at 29 years old. If I'm serious enough to live with someone, I'm serious enough to marry him.

Oh crap'ola.. I didn't read it all the way thru and answered with the wrong thing.. ugh.

I live with my BF right now, so clearly we know where I stand. I don't know if that move prolonged our "courting period" but that would probably be the only negative I can think of.

We knew it was a big move when we did it. We knew it was serious, and we plan to spend the rest of our lifes together. We'd been together almost a year an a half when we made the big move. There is a lot of stuff that you don't know about a person if you don't have the chance to live with them first.. habits, hygene, things that could bother you if you got married first. Luckily none of our quirks have been deal breakers.. now if I could just get him to quit biting his nails...

I heard someone make a really good point on this question. She said that if you're married first before living together, you are more likely to try to work out your problems. If you're not married first, it's easier to walk out on someone then to try to work things out.

I personally wouldn't do it b/c of the way I was raised and my parents wouldn't agree with it.

I agree with nutmeg84 and millarci. My ex moved in with me immediately after dating me and he'd break up with me, leave and move back in at the drop of a hat. My current boyfriend and I have our own places, but we spend enough time at each other's places to know each other's habits, etc, and how each of us live. I'd never move in with another boyfriend again until I'm engaged or whatever.

I agree with millarci and everyone with the same sentiment. // UGH. I am so guilty with the cohabitation issue. BUT it won't be a mistake I make again!

I think if you plan on getting married, it's a very good idea to live together first. Really, marriage only makes things official. I like to think that my bf and I are practically married, just not legally married.

My cousin didn't live with her husband before they got married and she found out, when they did move in together, that he was a drunk. She knew him for a while and they spent a lot of time together in Iraq, but she never knew he had a drinking problem. They're no longer together.

And the divorce rate is only higher for people who lived together because a: if you include the time they lived together as time they were married, the statistic almost evens out
b: people who live together before they're married are more liberal about relationships and tend not to have issues with divorce

Really, you think it makes any difference if you live together and then get married? What, because marriage changes you? It only makes a difference if you live together and you don't end up getting married.

I wish I knew the answer.

I don't think it's a good idea to move in together right away, but I don't think living together before marriage is a bad idea in theory. I think in the cases where it doesn't work out, it's probably because you aren't meant to be a couple, as opposed to because you don't "live together well."

I live with my bf of a year and a half right now...and it's AWESOME! It's been about 9 months since we both moved in together and really, it hasn't been that ahrd at all.
It all came very naturally to us!

My fiance and I are getting married in December with no plans of moving in together until immediately before the wedding. I want our wedding and marriage to be more than than making it official. Sure, he sends a lot of time at my place, and I know that he likes to leave out the OJ, is elitist about HDTV and likes to vacuum at inopportune times. But I also know who I am - which I think I only achieved by living by myself.

I want to know that my guy is in for the long haul ... and building a home together. I don't want him bailing from the lease because he can.

I think it's a good idea, but only if you are engaged/certain you are going to be married. If it's just out of convenience, it's too risky.

I don't think it's a good idea or a bad idea. It's just personal preference. Whatever works for you and your mate. My fiance and I live together and it's working out great for us! I lived on my own for awhile before dating him and then moving in with him, so I pretty much got that out of system. We talked it over between us and our parents just so everybody knew we were taking it seriously and not just doing it to do it. When I moved in with him, we knew we'd be getting engaged and then married and had been talking about it for quite some time, so our commitment to one another was and is pretty solid.

The whole argument about divorce rates and whatnot really depends on numerous factors and not just "They moved in together before marriage." Age, race, education, etc. all play a role in it. Those who moved in together before the age of 25 had a higher divorce rate than those who did not, for example. The study is somewhere on the CDC website (at least I think it still is) if anyone's interested.

I've done some research on this and I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather wait to move in until marriage. I've read that the divorce rate is significantly higher for those who co-habitate before marriage. One theory is that when you movie in with some one before marriage, subconsciously you think "Well, if this doesn't work out, I can always move out."

Whereas if you wait until marriage you have it in the back of your head that some things about living with that person might get on your nerves, but you are mentally prepared to deal with it.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for over three years, and while I would like to live with him, I think we'd be better off in the long run if we waited until marriage. (We have our whole lives to live together- why rush it?)

I also think if you live together before marriage it takes some of the "specialness" out of getting married.

It depends on the couple. I personally would NEVER marry someone without living with him first. But it's not my place to tell anyone else how to live.

I was with my boyfriend for two years before we moved in together, and we've been living together for two years. And I love it!

I think it definately depends on the couple and their situation, factoring in finances, backgrounds, jobs, morals, families, etc. It is a big step for anyone and a tough situation to deal with should it not work out.

Personally, I do not want to live with anyone before I get married. I am 28 and have never lived with anyone I've dated and I think I have made the right choice for myself.

I'd like to know where everyone is getting these statistics saying that people who live together first have a higher chance of divorce. Can anyone send me a link to a source?

I doubt that the living together is the sole factor in the divorce. I would think that a lot of people who wouldn't move in together due to religious reasons probably wouldn't divorce due to religious reasons either. I am just hypothesizing, so please don't anyone be offended - that's not my intention.

If that's the case, I'd rather get divorced than stay in a bad marriage.

I think it depends on the couple as well. I don't believe in moving in together before marriage, but that's just me. Regardless of that, I lived with my boyfriend last summer for a few months while I interned in the city he lived in. I didn't really consider it moving in because I still had my own apartment in a different city. It was good practice; I learned a lot about him that I wouldn't know other wise, but it was still nice to be able to go back to my own place once the semester started. To live with someone permanently, I'd like to at least be engaged.

it still baffles me as to why, but there are many statistics out there showing that couples who have cohabitated before getting married have a much higher risk of divorce, therefore i think it's a bad idea even though all other reasons point to yes.

I think you should wait until you are engaged then move in together.

I think it's absolutely necessary to live with someone before you marry them.

Personally I think you should absolutely live with someone before you marry them. I think that living with someone else really is the ultimate relationship test because it will reveal things you may not have known about your future spouse, I always say you never know someone until you see them every morning with their stinky morning breath and eye boogers lol.

I mean, everyone is at risk for divorce, 50%, and I honestly think in the divorce situation, they try to find any sign that maybe, possibly there are things that divorced people have in common. I can see why the statistic is so high - there are a lot of people who choose to bypass the whole "wait until marriage" thing, which kind of makes no sense.

Anyway, I moved in with my fiance 4 months ago, and yeah, it is definitely something that was a huge step, and you learn SO much more about a person. Waiting until marriage in my opinion can turn out to be more of a detriment. A lot of people romanticize marriage, and the moment they finally move in together...but it's nothing spectacular at all. I think the people who wait until after they are married have a prolonged honeymoon period, where everything is all new and all wonderful, which can take a while to get over. People who move in together before marriage seem to be a little more realistic, and especially since they aren't on a wedding high or something. EVERY couple I know who has lived together before marriage are still together (and I know A LOT of people - a ton of friends, and a huge, huge, huge family) A lot of couples I know who lived together after marriageare now divorced, my parents included. It is different for everyone.

I would not marry my fiance if we didn't live together first, and it was a requirement of his as well. I think there is no problem if you are engaged. Maybe dating is a different story..

Okay, I've been searching online for this statistic everyone is talking about, and every time I see it, it's published by a conservative religious organization.

The only "neutral" place I saw it was on CNN, who posted results from a study done by the CDC. And the CDC rep came out and said

It may not be the experience of cohabiting but the people who cohabit. What we're saying about that is that we think that couples who cohabit before marriage may have different values than couples who do not."

So, yeah, like I said before, I think it's just that people who live together first may be more likely to divorce, but that it's not the cohabitation that CAUSES them to divorce.

I think I'm going to wait until marriage. One problem I see with it is that you may just get stuck in a rut living together and never progress and make the step to marriage, which is something I really want. If you're engaged, I think there's more of a commitment and it's a little better. About the connection between cohabitation and divorce. There definitely is data that cohabitators have higher divorce rates, but the problem is this is all CORRELATIONAL (not causal) data. It could just be that people who cohabitate are also the same people more likely to get divorced, probably due to a more liberal stance on marriage and relationships.

Oops, was writing at the same time Whiplash was posting, didn't realize you already made my point

Whiplash... I think you made a very good point....

My (now) fiancée and I moved into together after a year of dating and we're getting married later this year.

I think it's been great living together and its really taught us a lot about one another. Not only that, but its good practice for when you eventually need to worry about bills, money matters, etc.

I can definitely see why people would wait, especially for religious reasons, but if you legitimately feel like the boyfriend/girlfriend that you're moving in with is "the one" then take the plunge!

i don't know. now that i have daughters i think i'd actually encourage them to live with someone before marriage (shocking, huh?). there are so many options for women now. i want my girls to make sure they have done all the things they want to do and finish their education and travel before they settle down. if they were engaged i think it would probably be a good idea. if you have kids however i think that you shouldn't do it. (kids from other relationships). kids need stability and moving someone in and then maybe out isn't right with kids in the picture.

I completely agree with the poster who said, "But I also know who I am - which I think I only achieved by living by myself."

It's really important to me to not live together until marriage. However, I think it is equally important to not go into things blindly. My boyfriend and I are going through a book called "The Hard Questions" by Susan Piver which goes over so many different topics that you just wouldn't think of or would just assumer you knew the answer. You seriously read the book and start to realize why so many people get divorced. I feel like getting married has lost some of it's specialness due to the fact that people have been living together for years. It works for them, but not for me. I'd rather be as prepared as possible, then enjoy the excitement of a new life and home together.

Interestingly, my boyfriend did live with a former fiancee and now will never do it again. He's not religious at all in that sense, but after going through the experience feels that it's not a good idea. He agrees with several posters that it somehow made it easier to leave (though horrible to leave after the final breakup).

I don't think there's any "better" time...it's whenever the two of you are ready and want to take that next step. Some people prefer to wait until they're married, but I don't think that's necessary for everyone.

We took the middle option -- moved in together 6 months after we were engaged. I think it was the right option for me. We'll be living apart after marriage when he moves away for residency, and I didn't wait to wait until or 3rd or 4th married anniversary to reside under the same roof. On the other hand, I know so many people who moved in together and then broke up with their boyfriends and suddenly found themselves homeless, and I would NOT want to be in that situation, so we didn't want to move in together when we were just dating. After we were engaged was perfect -- there's an extra level of commitment there as opposed to just dating, even though we weren't legally bound.
I really don't understand people who feel the need to RUSH into moving in together, though. So many people are moving in with someone after dating only a few months! Why the need to move so quickly? At least keep your own places and just stay with each other for the first year or so!

First, I wouldn't live with someone if I didn't think he was "the one".

I lived with my hubby for five years before I was ready to get married. After, the first year of living together he said...anytime you want to get married just say the word. (He didn't push me at all...which was a very good thing.) Four years later...I said I was ready. So, we have been married for 12 years this June...but it feels more like 17 years since, we lived with each other for five. And, even if you live together first..things do change a bit after you get married...at least that's how it was in my case.

Basically, what I'm trying to say is...I was very afraid of marriage because, I didn't want it to end in a divorce. When my Dad told me nothing is guaranteed...that's when I realized I was ready. Otherwise, I would have been a happy girl living together till the day one of us died. (I didn't want to screw up a great thing.)

I'll tell you all the difference I noticed....When you live together both people are on their toes and giving 120% all the time. Because, both parties realize the other person can pick up and walk out the door at any minute. Then, you get married...and in my experience it felt just a little bit better than living together. Then, after about 3 years of marriage...both of us kind of relaxed (not giving the 100% we should have been doing...because marriage takes a little work every day. Plus, when your married you can't just walk out the door. Anyway, we got back on track.

In summary, I think it's good a thing to do. But, everyone is different. And, I can totally see the other perspective, too. So just do what is best for you. (Personally, I like to know what I'm getting into...I don't take marriage lightly.) But to each his own.

Oh, and I never heard the stats of people living together having a higher divorce rate than, the couples who don't. I think it depends on what happens in the marriage, and how hard both people work on the marriage.