No way! That will cause all this drama! If they get on my nerves I just deal with it and keep it to myself.

This all depends.

Complaining about a work friend to your best friend - I think totally okay.

Complaining about a close friend to your best friend once in a while - I think totally okay.

Complaining about your best friend to every person that ever talked to you - NOT okay.

umm, I've been out of highschool for way too long to go back to that behavior.

I think everyone has complained about one friend to another, maybe not on a daily basis but on occasion.

I've done it and been on the receiving end. Sometimes our friends behavior just drives us a little more over the edge than normal and need to vent. (it's not meant to be malicious.)

I don't (or try VERY HARD) not to complain to other friends (expeically if they know the person I am havign issues with!). I usually tell me boyfriend haha. He knows everything I feel about them and usually offers some insightful solutions because he's a guy and looks at the scenarios differently

It is a royal don't.

i'm definitely the bad seed of the group on this one - i cannot help it. i'm a b*tcher when it comes to people pissing me off...and i have totally done this on many occasions! of course i'm careful who i talk to about who, but still, i do it
oftentimes, though, the sounding board is my sister or mom who are some of my closest friends

I use my mom or my sister as a sounding board a lot of the time.

I have a few different groups of friends that rarely, if ever, cross paths, so there are a few people I can turn to if I needed to discuss something, without worry I'd impact other relationships.

You should be able to vent to someone ... why not another friend? As long as that friend understands that you need an ear to listen and get it off your chest before you can go face the problem head-on.

Don't do it. That just makes it okay for your friends to talk about you. Don't you think that the friend you're talking to is going to tell the friend you're talking about? This is not acceptable behavior as an adult. Go to that friend and tell them what is bothering you.

to qualify, i have different groups of friends (childhood friends, highschool friends, work friends, family member friends, and university1 friends, and university2 friends) and because i'm close with all, they all know about each other and have met, but don't live geographically close, and would never hang out unless at an event orchestrated by me, so when i vent, i don't go to someone who is close to the offender, i go to someone who knows OF them but isn't friends with them per se

i feel like it makes it better somehow

I HATE talking about someone behind their back. BUT sometimes there are situations and certain types of people where complaining about them a little to vent is the ONLY way to deal. I admit I complain about my bestfriend to my mother and my BF. Now my Mom I consider one of my bestfriends and my BF just lives with me so he's there and I tell him everything anyway.

BUT honestly, the people I complain about if they ever over heard or found out somehow, it would be one of those "yes I said that" kind of things and we would talk about it and then leave it alone.

Me and my BFF try to have a once a year (maybe twice) kind of fight where we let out all our frustration and tell it like it is. It does a body, mind and friendship good.

There's a difference between talking about someone behind their back in a catty way and venting a frustration. Generally, I just vent to my husband. But, if I'm going to say something about one friend to another, I won't say anything that would make me feel bad if it got back to them.

definite dont

sorry but I do it sometimes only because i know my other friend is feeling the same way! then we confront the friend we've been talking about, Id feel bad if I didnt tell her what was said.

I keep my mouth shut about a friend to my other friends. I don't want to cause any drama or make them perceive wrongly about one person.

it all depends. see when i was in hs my friends always came to me when they wud get annoyed or each other, but see im the type of person who kept my mouth shut and i also never talked bad about any of them. besides, i never really cared too if they said anything bout me.. . =)

Hmmm...we've all been best friends for years and years, so yeah, it's happened, but more in a way to seek advice or to vent than to be mean or gossipy. That's not like us at all.

I'm sad to admit I'm guilty of this. There is one friend in particular who I'm doing this to a lot recently. It's not her I'm talking about though - it's her husband. But, I still feel guilty.

A major don't; save it for a therapy session; it's unfair to put that type of complaining on your other friends shoulders.

I've been in this kind of situation. Last Wed, me and my "ex friend" hang out and the next day, I found out that he was talking smack about me behind my back. I tried to confront him and he denies it. He apologized...etc and everything was ok. About two days later, I had an argument with my mum over him and she brings up about the last wed. She side him & blamed me for everything. I was like the bad guy here. The thing is, my “ex friend” shouldn’t say anything to my mum in the first place. I was so pissed. And yes, I agree with JaimeLeah526 & jennifer76.

Don't. If you have any issues with your friends, should try and resolve them directly with the person because these problems only concern the people involved. Besides, if you complain to another friend/listener (assuming this friend also knows the person you are having issues with) then it makes it hard and unfair on the listener, as he/she maybe forced to take sides.

There is a difference in seeking advice from someone who knows both of you and able to help and just wanting to b!tch about your friend (in frustration, anger, sadness, or whatever reason) and want someone to take your side, instead of solving the issue on hand.

I've been in all sitations: listener, the b!tch and the person whom the b!tch talked to other people about. It's a no-win situation. Surely, the need to blow some steam off is understsandable and we all want to be right and have the 'support of friends. Most likely, things will work themselves out, however I find that the betrayal of a friend talking behind my back rather than coming to me and try to solve the issue hurts worse.

I think standing up to your enemy is hard, but standing up to your friends could be harder - learnt that the hard way. So now, I approach the person in question directly and say, "Hey, that wasn't cool when you/I/we did this..."

I guess if you can't be honest with your friends, that's pretty sad...

No way. Gossipers SUCK!

If I need a second opinion on a situation I get advise from my mom, boyfriend or best friend. I don't feel like i am gossiping.... its not gossiping.

I have a very interesting, close group of friends. There are four girls, and we all hang out together when possible. However if we find ourselves in a group of two or three, it happens that we talk about the one[s] not around. Usually nothing bad, because we would never downright badmouth our best friends, but a bit of "I wouldn't have done that if I were her".

I don't think it's wrong as long as you wouldn't necessarily mind it getting back to the one you were talking about. Especially if it's bouncing ideas off the one friend before confronting the friend that you were complaining about.

Since high school ended, the only consistent and real friend I've had is my boyfriend. Obviously, if I need to complain about him, I'll go to him directly to get it off my chest. I try not to let friends or acquaintances get to me too much anymore, though. I don't want to go back to high school tactics.

I do this allllllll the time! I'm not going to make excuses for it either because I think it's perfectly fine. Sometimes person A is really annoying me so I'll talk about it with person B. If everyone was best friends with each other then I probably wouldn't but... meh I don't see the problem with it. It's not like I'm cutting another person down for fun with a friend.

A total don't. Humanity being what it is people just repeat what someone tells them. I try to avoid the drama.

If you're having problems and they're bad problems with one friend and then you're just asking for advice from another friend then I guess its all right.

As long as you don't constantly complain about your friends behind their backs all the time then its cool. For the most part, I don't do it just because what if they ever meet, life is funny that way, you wouldn't ever want your friends to find out you talk about them all the time behind their backs.

I TRY to live on the mentality of:
"If you can't say it to their face, don't say it at all."
Flip it around, would you want your friend talking to another friend about you?
"If you can't say it to MY face, don't say it at all."
And, I also agree with controlledspin. It depends who you're talking about, and to whom.

If its important enough to HAVE to mention to someone else-its important enough to directly tell the person. Period. Either get over it yourself or resolve it. You can't complain (or "vent" or whatever other euphemism you want to use) to someone else without complicating the situation more. Trust me, it will come back to you. This is the beginning of the erosion of the trust, respect, and honesty that constitutes your friendship and/or your collective friendship with a group.
Also
I've made the conscious decision after consciously "venting" about friends to other friends to never do it again. Not only did it erode the group dynamics-it changed me into a person I didn't recognize or like. I had never before gossiped/vented and I thought it wouldn't be a big deal, but it ended up destroying everything we had. Granted, they all gossiped before I came along.
But I've learned that it is more important to be true to who you are than anything else in this life. And if you are the type of person who is naturally two-faced, who doesn't see the real value in people, feel free to alienate everyone around you. I'm going to enjoy my happy now drama-free life.