Yes, I do have friends that do this, but it doesn't really irritate me or anything. I just try to remember that people need to learn and realize things for themselves. You can give helpful advice and be there for support, but that's about it.

I agree w/ emalove. All I can do is be there for them when they make the wrong decisions [yet again] and hope that they will change and learn their lesson.

Had friends, Had, If you complain, but dont change after say, years than call me when you have...sorry thats tough but i cant be around negative people who wont change thier behavior or surroundings for the better.

(and it was about abusive relationships)

I have a friend who is like this. She complains about how she doesn't have a good job/bf/too fat/not smart enough. It's not hard. Find another job; stop believing that you need a man to make you happy and you'll meet the one who'll make you happy; eat healthier or hit the gym; and pick up a book or take a class. I had to slowly distance myself from her. I was getting frustrated and there's nothing I can do. If she needs help to change, I'm there for her.

My best, well, used to be best friend is like this. We have grown apart because I just couldn't stand it anymore. She would complain non stop and I would give her literally a list of things she could do along with resources for her to check out. I would listen to her night after night about what was bothering her and I eventually told her that if she is not willing to try to change anything then I don't want to hear about it anymore.

That was that. Nothing more I could do but listen and try to help. I've given up though lately because she has shown that she doesn't care to do anything about it.

Good points, mn48225... I'm in the same boat. My roomate CONSTANTLY complains about not having enough time to do things. She is a school teacher, and is applying for & visiting grad schools also. She is an artist, so she also has to continue to make work this whole time. But...when I get home from work, she is either on Facebook or Myspace and will sit there until 9 or 10 at night. Then....the next morning....all I hear is how stressed she is. Um... get off the &*$% computer and do something.....

Yes. If I've had my fill, I ignore their calls or texts for awhile. I just need to cut them off for awhile.

I get random emails all the time about relationships, and how the participants won't change even when everyone they speak to gives them the same advice. It always the same complaint, and everyone keeps doling out the same advice that it's gotten to the point where I just leave it at "you're nuts/deaf, and I can't do your dirty work for you!"

after a few times through the SAME OLD THING i usually say something like "i think we talked about this, but remember you kept thinking he was going to leave his wife. that was..what was it february? or was it december LAST TIME?????" repeat as necessary.

yes...one of my good friends complains ALL the time about her weight and how much she hates her body, BUTTTTT the next time i'm talking to her she's eating a 10 piece nugget meal from mcdonalds! it drives me absolutely crazy, because she has a gym membership but never goes, and she eats terribly, but still complains about her weight!

I have a friend like this...every day its the same story. I am there for her and give her advice...but she just doesn't change, and its getting old!

I just started being brutally honest with her and I think she realized she sounded like a broken record player.

Well, I don't have friends that know they need a change. I've had ones that thought they were perfectly fine...lol The arrogance, entitlement and aloofness, they could of done without!

Luckily, I don't really have this problem. But if I did I'd have to say something to the person. Sometimes people just need a wake up call.

I'm similar to some posters -- I had a friend like that. The operative word is "had."

With my former friend, she simply wanted to complain and monger imagined fear. She dismissed and ignored any advice. She was both neurotic and psychotic about it (she drove herself and others around her crazy). She was actually quite toxic and high-maintenance. I'm glad I extracted her out of my life.

I had a friend like this who didn't necessarily complain about the SAME thing, she just complained incessently about every little detail of their existence. They spent all their time complaining about issues and stressors they everyone deals with as if nobody else deals with them and they deserve praise for doing so. It drives me crazy!

Of course, I have a friend in college who cries about failing a test, when deep down she knows its because she has a bit of a drug problem.

I just don't feel right telling her what to do with her life, so I just listen to her complain all the time about how horribles she's doing on tests. And then listen to her talk about her "blackout weekends".

I've had people in my life like this, but i just cut them out of it. I can't handle someone like this anymore.

YES. I have a friend who is very overweight and wallows in misery over it, putting herself down in public, etc. but will NOT do anything to change it. That, and she tries to make other people feel bad about themselves (e.g. telling me I'll get fat when I don't choose to eat a salad at dinner, even though I'm at an ideal weight and work my ass off at the gym). Sometimes I just don't answer her calls because it sucks talking to a Debbie Downer all the time.

Yeah, my husband and I had friends like this and left them in the dust. Sorry, to say this, but we can't stand people who complain and take no initiative to move forward or make a positive change. We've tried to advise them about applying for jobs, finishing their schooling, getting into shape, becoming independent etc. However, they would never act on any of it, remained unhappy, and constantly complaining. Well, that negative attitude tends to bring everyone else down including us.

Eventually, we just thought, 'forget it' and distanced ourselves from friends who have too much of a negative outlook on life. It's better to be realist with optimistic tendencies. At least, having a neutral to positive attitude has worked incredibly for us and we're enjoying successes we never had a couple of years ago.

OMG YES. It's so annoying.

"I cant help you if you wont help yourself."

These are called energy suckers. Just generally people who enjoy the sound of their own voices, among other issues.

Yes, I've had friends like this.. it's very draining.
I try to be as supportive as I can, but I reach a limit at some point (and that point varies from person to person).

I have a friend like this...it drives me crazy because I offer advice and support but, just like pretty much everyone who has posted has said, she just keeps doing the same thing over and over again. I actually think she knows more than she lets on though...I think she just doesn't admit what she really wants sometimes....who knows... lol.

I unfortunately have a friend who is like this. She is always complaining about her job. ALWAYS. But if you suggest she get another one, she finds all these reasons to stay there. She admitted that her husband refuses to listen to her about it anymore, and I told her I'm well on my way to taking the same stance.

My brother in laws girlfriend is the prime example. I the 6+ years my hubby and I have been together she has been laying down the woe-is-me card everytime we see each other (not an exageration.. funerals, Christmas, birtday gatherings.. nothing is sacred). Her primary complaint being that she is unhappy in their relationship. Finally about a month ago I had to give her the poo or get off the pot speach... Basically that I love her dearly and want the best for her and their little one but that if she wasn't going to to do anything to better the situation that I no longer would listen to her lamenting unless she had plans for progress.

I have one friend in particular who constantly complains that she wants to lose weight and get a guy in her life. I offered to help her lose weight and work out with her and offered her solutions to her no guy problem...I have offered MANY times. She continues to overeat and hang out with her ex of almost 3 years and hasn't dated since him!!! It's so frustrating!!

It irritates me when my friends do this because when they ask for my advice they always say yeah, I'll do that or tell me that it's great advice yet they never follow it. I try to help. I know people need to make their own mistakes but it's so hard to let them when you clearly see what they should be doing and know that they know too and instead they do the exact wrong thing. Most of the time women in relationships do what they think is going to win them the man and usually when I see them do it I just think that they've been watching to much TV and have no experience in the real world. Relationships aren't about games they are about honesty and communication, try it, it works people!

yep, I have one of those "oh poor me" friends and one of those "why me" friends so its a struggle for me to hold my tongue sometimes.

I do have a friend sort of like this. But it's not just Poor Her, her life sucks, it's just things always happen to her. Sometimes I 'm jsut amazed by the losers and lames she attracts. I try to help her through everything, sometimes I think she holds herself back a little, but that won't EVER stop me from loving or helping her.

A lot of people are guilty to some extent.

I used to ... unfortunately, I couldn't be around her anymore. It was so negative and absolutely sapping to be near her. Even after trying and trying to talk to her about it - I just started staying away.

As someone guilty of this, sometimes you need to learn things on your own time in your own way.

I am guilty of this.

Here is the thing: My guess is that most folks who keep talking about issues they have have deeper issues. I can guarantee I do. You shouldn't run away from these folks, and you shouldn't think they are horrible because they aren't changing their life. You should ask them how they feel about it and WHY they aren't changing their life. After a while of talking, you will probably see that they have confidence issues. Referral to a therapist (and NOT knocking therapy) is a good idea as well.

I have a good friend like this. She is exhausting, and I usually feel very frustrated after I get done talking to her. Mostly because its all about her. I am starting to realize that venting on a friend is ok when done in small doses, but when 1) you are not trying at all to resolve the problem and 2) you offer no reciprocity...you should not be surprised if they stop calling you. I am an inch away from that measure with this girl.

YES! especially this one friend I have who always cries over her BOyfriend. for 2 yrs they have been on one month, broken up for the next month and it is a cycle that just keeps going up to now! she sometimes comes crying to my house crying over him saying how they are broken up for good, but this "for good" line seems last only a month or two then they are back together. sometimes i just dont know why she would want to keep coming back to the same guy who is addicted to smoking pot and doesnt really act like a boyfriend. doesnt do anything for her. i guess thats love huh?.. .